Ok, I was approached to start a blog or my story,...
Ok, I was approached to start a blog or my story, I think because I have taken up too much room in the forum. I have read many of your reviews so I will try and follow somewhat of a format. First, I am 37 years old and have had implants for five years. I will start with the fact that I have silicone gels under the muscle, I believe 325cc and 300cc because my breast were asymmetrical. I totally got them for the WRONG reasons, I always liked to think I was a "nature girl" and always made fun of those people (I was young,now no longer so judgmental). I was recently married and knew that is what my husband liked and was desperate to make him want me. (I know sick, he wasn't even pushing for it). Needless to say he liked them but didn't fix our marriage AT ALL. I had serious doubts up until the day before surgery. But like someone on another forum said "I was like a dog with a bone" and made my decision and went along.
My initial intention was to get really small ones to end up as a large b or c, and lifted from breast-feeding. I was a small sagging c (doc said if I only got a lift they would look like little boys, the tissue was really mushy so I could see what she was saying) Of course like many of you I was talked into larger ones by the dr, (who by the way had huge ones) and the nurses. So I agreed (My fault, I know). They ended up a 34DD!!!! I wanted no more than a C. and the areola were misshaped (which were perfect before) and NUMB! Never the same. I hope to God I've grown in the years where I could stand up for myself if put in the same situation.
I never liked them, was ashamed, wore clothes to make them look smaller, felt they made me smaller, felt like they were holding me back from jogging and exercising comfortably, sleeping, moving my arms and bumping into my boobs and just being heavy and not feeling me, and having to buy large and extra large shirts and granny bras! And It's odd that I don't feel weird when others touch them because they just don't seem like a real part of my body. I would NEVER have less anyone touch them if they were real.
I am trying to work on myself, get closer to God. Start a new life. Become ME again, after being in a very controlling relationship. Go back to work, yoga...without having to by an xl scrub top (I'm a nurse or was a nurse in my past life)!
Also, I am having all of the symptoms you are all having, fogginess, FATIGUE, sleep apnea, neck pain, memory issues, depression. I really hope this is what is causing these issues or at least partly. It's worth a shot because it is pretty miserable. My doc said 85% some will go away but I'm not banking on it. Just hopeful. As least rule it out.
I'll stop here but boy do I have more to say! and hope someone is reading it and feeling like me and responds. Despite this seemingly sureness that I want them gone, I'm starting to get cold feet...as the date approaches.
Oh, Dr. Melmeds plans are to remove through areola, and do an internal lift and periolar lift (spelling wrong). He keeps emphasizing how much smaller they will be ( I guess so I know what I'm getting into) but they will look good.
I really hope some of you read and comment. I'll reread and edit in case it is too much.
Real personal but who cares I need HELP, 12 Days!! Wait??? What to tell teen son???
Oh God. Getting really freaked out now. I called my dr. office to ask about compression bra's because many of you were talking about them. When I asked about it the nurse said, "Oh NO!!! That I need to go to wal-mart and get a cheap, soft, snap front bra that is one size up than current band size because they don't want them flattened out at all" and I'll be "living in them for three weeks". hhhhmmm.
Anyone elses Dr. say that? I'm really glad I called because I was about to drop a lot of money on a compression bra or two.
Whoa getting freaked out. I have to spend three nights in a hotel because Dallas is about 4 hours away from where I live. I'm not sure what to tell my 15 year old son, who will be staying home with his step-father. I don't think he knows about the implants, who knows? He was too young when I got them. We haven't been getting along too well (this is probably where the nerves and doubts are stemming from, the stress related to him if I really think about it). I guess I wonder if I just think everything in my life should be peaches and cream when I do something like this (Things weren't this bad when I scheduled the surgery). Will it ever be peaches and cream?
I feel i should tell him the truth in case anything were to happen and all that but I am so embarrassed and don't want him thinking less of me. I'm also worried about leaving him for three days with his step-father, my husband (none of us are getting along at the moment). But maybe it would be good for them to be away from me for a while. They seemed to be getting along better than me and any of them. Uuuuggggh I don't know. The dr. office said I could cancel up until a few days before which is nice but I don't know when I'll have everything set up: my husband off work, my mom off work to come with me, and I'm not working at the moment and Dr. Melmed isn't getting any younger. Any opinions ladies??? wait until things are all right in my world or just go for it? And any advice on how to phrase it with my son so he still respects me.
Feeling the frantic need to lose 5 or 10 lbs before explant?!
Hhhhmmmm 12 days left. Ok. just realized I've got to be PMS'ing. All of these emotions! I'm feeling a serious need to lose 5 or 10 pounds before the explant! If I'm gonna have tiny ones I don't want them smaller than my belly?? Especially cause no exercise for a while after. Ok. Exercise now for all of these emotions, may help!
Now feeling the need to wear tight low cut shirts just to make sure???
So I had another thought last night. (Surprise, Surprise). I thought I'm gonna wear some shirts and an actual bra (not a sports bra like I normally wear) to show these big knockers off just to make sure I don't like it. I looked through my closet and realized I have NO shirts that aren't baggy and not low cut...I guess I've always been self conscious. Then I thought, "Good, cause I would have been embarrassed anyway"! So I might go out and purchase one for the next ten days and force myself to wear it and just see....Anyone else have these thoughts???
Time I should be cleaning, reading other's blogs, getting ready....
Oh boy. I am really obsessing on my new blog here now because I'm obsessing over this. Oh, things are still going rough with my teen son (having to go to office), problems with my husband (should I separate?). Trying to make a lot of decisions here. Thank you ladies for all of your support, advice etc...uuuuuggghhh wish things wouldn't be blowing up ten days before my surgery! As I said in previous posts, all my people got off of work...everything set to go. Am I being selfing for leaving for three days amidst this? Or am I causing more chaos. And they would be good for a break from me? Or am I just trying to justify. Also, I could have a job that took me out of town for a couple of days with no choice but to go? Again, another justification??? Aaaarrrgghhh my mind might just very well explode right now!!!!
7 days till consult, 8 until surgery!!! FLIPPING OUT!
OMG! In response to my indecisiveness all of you ladies have GREAT POINTS! Uuuuuggg... Each day I change my mind about ten times. Thank you all for posting your thoughts. They help. I really need to make the final decision tomorrow. I should at least give them 7 days to cancel if that is what I choose! Things are calming down at home but eeeeeeekkkk. I don't know. Ok that's it for now. I'm gonna go stare at my boobs some more and think! Although thinking is probably my main problem! Talked to my mom today and she said if only I would dress younger and "show them off" and my body more I may like them better. She is 68, the generation where curvy was the sexiest! I'm pretty sure she doesn't think I should do it but wouldn't say that...Whaaaahhhh!
Insanity work out dvd!
Ok. One of a million thoughts going around in my brain!!! I've been doing the Insanity work-out dvd (obviously not regularly as I should...) Now these women are gorgeous to me, perfect bodies in my opinion. They all have smallish breasts!!! I find that much more attractive! Why am I having doubts??????????
Well, today I want to go through with it?! Pros and Cons..
I'll be repeating myself a lot in this post so...Today so far I am wanting to go through with it...We will see how I feel tonight...It just seems like a good time in a way. I am not working now (as I'm sure you can all tell if you are following my obsessive posts), I have the money, I have my mommy coming down who took off of work, I still have my husband to help when she leaves (who despite everything is being supportive and will help while I recover). As someone on this site said, they have to come out eventually better to do it while nothing is wrong (that I know of) and be able to choose the surgeon than it be an emergency and have to do it quickly and younger in order to heal. I'm 38 so not THAT young but maybe quicker to heal than later...COULD (not for sure) be the cause of my physical symptoms, I have to buy large and extra large shirts and I'm 5'5", 133 pounds, I should at least be in a md, I'm ashamed (not in keeping with who I want to be), natural, Physically uncomfortable, I INITIALLY went in for only a lift and NO IMPLANT 5 years ago and allowed myself to be talked into it by Dr (she with how soft that it would look like a little boys chest with no implant (I was in a small C)....What is the problem here??? Also I don't know that I have EVER been SURE of a decision IN MY LIFE so.... I'm just thinking aloud here....
Let me think what are the cons: that I may not be as physically attractive to some people (or myself, it's possible)???!!!!!!!!! A rocky time in my life (though that could also be a pro..). Wish I didn't have to leave my 15 year old for three days (Oh gosh, he is 15 I know). Dreading telling him, not sure what to tell him.
Well that helps, It seems the pros win out (FOR NOW!)
Going to put on a tight tank top and start prepping, cleaning, list making as if I'm going to do it. Thanks anyone for listening/reading/commenting.
Worked out the math....
I sat down and worked out about how much these implants weigh. About 1.5 pounds!
Uuuugggghhhh. I feel like I can physically feel them in me, like this yucky energy...Fully realizing I may be paranoid at this moment though...
Not very long before implants..Will they be a lot smaller than this? Opinions?
Ok. Hard to believe this was only five years ago. On my honeymoon (so of course I was in pretty good shape cause I worked out obsessively for my wedding) but still couldn't have been more than 10 pounds less??? What was wrong with those??? Nothing.
So as I mentioned before I went in initially for a lift, no implant. The Dr. said they would look horrible like a little boys because so little mushy tissue. So I'm wondering if they will look smaller than even this? If she was right? Or since he is doing an internal lift will they be a little bigger???? Think I'll post this on the forums to get more opinions. Thanks ya'll!
6 days pre...getting up the nerve to tell 15 yr old son...
Well despite my nerves and doubts, I'm doing it. Things are more calm at home now... I booked the hotel room, haven't cancelled sx and am taking my supplements for surgery, confirmed with my mom who is coming with me and am planning on calling ps today to make sure I've got all last minute instruction. Eeeeeeeeek!
Now I need to tell my son. I am just so ashamed. I feel like I need to be honest because he lost his father (who didn't tell anyone he was dying even though he knew it and it was a huge shock for him and me and no closure! He would have liked to see him "one last time", gggrrrr, selfish till the end but anyway that's another story..). I don't want to take any chances since it is surgery. Though he is pretty smart he probably knows anyway. Please pray for me that the right words come out and he doesn't think less of me! Thank you everyone for being here for me...I really need to limit myself here and get things done! It just helps so much and helps from not talking others heads off who don't understand or want to hear about it!
Well, I may have been scammed but I bought some pre-surgery supplements that I read about on a plastic surgery forum (they got good reviews). Hey, scammed or not I'm willing to take the chance. They are vita-medica and supposed to help you heal quicker with less scarring. So I stopped all of my other supplements. Has anyone else done this. You start some two weeks before then Bromelain w/Queritin 3 days before (three times a day on an empty stomach (uuuugggghhh my stomach is never empty three times a day!!!!!) and the arnica I think that day (got to find out for sure).
Last minute questions to nurse?? No pain meds after???
Well, 5 days until my surgery and 4 days until my consult. I still have doubts but less and am moving forward. Oh gosh. This anxiety! I called the office just to ask last minute questions. I asked about the supplements. She said NOTHING herbal, just because they don't know about it...It's a little frustrating because I know these herbs are specifically for pre-surgery (and I spent money on them) but I'll obey and do what they say. I want to be honest and I am sort of trusting this man with my life and all. I want him to know what I am taking. I'll just start taking the herbs immediately after and hopefully they will help.
I also asked how long typically do pts take pain meds after surgery. She said they don't usually take any AT ALL. Huh? With an internal and peri-areolar lift? I just remember it hurting so bad post implant???!!! And I don't see myself with a low tolerance for pain. I had my son with no drugs after all. I plan on asking for some to take home just in case, but I HATE doing that cause I don't want to seem like a drug seeker or anything.
Also, I told my son that I was having a lady type surgery that will make me feel better, and he acted like he wanted me to shut up and I asked if he wanted details and he kept saying no no and kept his head down and looked embarrassed. He just asked if it was safe and he is just glad I will feel better (aaawwww)? I bet he knows and knew already, and I'm sure he will figure it out quick if he doesn't when I come back with way smaller chest! I think he snoops and listens more than I think...so I'm glad I told him. And I pray nothing goes wrong but IF it does then at least he won't be like "OMG, she didn't even tell me she was having surgery!". So that's a relief and a big cross of my to do list.
Limiting time on this site!
I feel like I need to read everyone's review and comment but aaarrrggghhh it's overwhelming, oh and to learn EVERYTHING I can. I don't want to miss out on something important and life changing you all have to say cause my surgery day is so soon but I have to much to do so, I am limiting myself to this site for 30min-1hr a day! Oh and when I called the dr. office she said, "Stay off of the internet!!!" haha. But I do think it's been more helpful than harmful so I'll just limit the time and won't heed that advice completely. Have a good day anyone still reading my review!
Ok. Getting nervous, thinking I will only have large breast for three more days! It is like mourning a loss in a way like someone else said...a loss you know is gonna happen. (sounds silly but..). I am trying to clean like a maniac cause it is gonna be so frustrating to look at dirt or something heavy misplaced and KNOW there is nothing I can do about it...I just need to know it will happen and deal with it. Gonna give myself and pedicure and trim some shrubs, mop, sweep, start packing....try and think of anything I WONT be able to do and do it today. Work out maybe??? Ok. Getting off of this internet. Thank you everyone again for comments and reviews etc...My family would be thanking you too if they knew how much this site is keeping them from hearing about it!!!!! So thanks from them too even if they don't know about it. haha!
1.5 days left with these DD's
Oh gosh I'm getting really nervous again. Please God let me be making the right decision!!!!!!!! I had an unexpected visit from my two nieces, and twin sister, which was great in that it distracted me but also kept me from getting things done! Well, would rather have family than a clean house. Well, leaving bright and early for my consultation in Dallas (Its about 4 hours away), then spending the night and then Tuesday A.M. they are gone!!!! A new phase of my life is beginning!!! Please God give me the confidence and security to get through this happily and healthily! Thanks everyone for your encouragement and support!!!
5 Nov 2013
Day of treatment
Will update more later with pics. Bored, trying to distract my self. It hurts!!! Dr. Said it's mostly the right bandage. Still drugged and nausea better. But I wasn't expecting it to hurt this bad. Surprisingly I'm not having a feeling of "what have I done". Feel I made the right decision!
Pics in bandage...
Well. Today I am going to get this tight thing removed. He said underneath the ace bandage is a sort of gauze that the nurse wets and wraps it really tight and it squeezed you (sort of like a cast). He said that it would be uncomfortable and boy is it! Hopefully that is what the pain is mostly from...We will see in a few hours.
A bit about Dr. Melmed
I didn't get the chance to write about my consult. Dr. Melmed is so great. He is very funny and charismatic and you can tell he is REALLY passionate about his work. He spent over an hour with us. His office workers were very nice and funny too. My mom and I were joking that we just want to stay there and hang out! Other than that He was very informative and I didn't even have to use my list of questions (that I always bring with me to dr.s). I felt so much better after leaving the consult. Also when I got to Medical City Surgical Center everyone was so nice there too. The nurses were also gushing about Dr. Melmed and his team and how great he was as a dr. and person.. The anesthesiologist was great too. He called me the night before and I made sure he knew that I am VERY prone to nausea, so I was dosed up with nausea pills before, which was good...Everyone was just so caring...I'm only worried cause Dr. Melmed said I was talking towards the end. I hope he was joking cause God know what I would have said. He showed me the capsules, which looked like just a glop of blood clot and the implants, which were fine too. So maybe my original ps did a good job in that respect. I'm glad there were no problems but now I'm just hoping my symptoms go away even though they weren't ruptured or anything. I guess time will tell.
I will post more pics of the after. I am pretty scared of what they look like under here but I know that is what helped me the most, you ladies who took after pictures so I will try to pay it forward...Wish me luck and good luck to all of you. I have no regrets so far!!!!!
post op day 2
well, this is the first morning without the wrap, wow it felt great getting it off, oh and removing the drains hurt. He just did it and didn't tell me so I was like, "whaaat's going on here". I guess that was the best way but it was weird.
Still haven't showered so still have markings...hhhhmmm...well these boobs, they are mine. It's weird, it's like I never had the implants. I'm glad but I think I'm at the point where I'm processing.
I didn't take the pain med Dr. ordered till last night. I'm still in pain, not excruciating but I took two pain pills yesterday and decided eff it...I'm taking them till the pain goes away. I'm not gonna want to deal with pain and processing if I don't have to. Also I feel like they slow me down a bit so I don't do as much. After I got the bandage off we went walking around HomeGoods and Nordstrom rack, because we don't have these stores where I live so.....couldnt help it!!! Though it was torture cause I couldn't try anything on! Day 1 post op!!!!
I decided I'm gonna really try and not do anything and just chill and take my pain meds. I was surprised at the ways he said I could move my arms...Pretty much just not over the head....but slowly...I have a feeling I will be calling the nurse a lot to be sure. I don't want to mess things up!
Still no regrets!
Weird. Today is my 5th day of being implant free. They are looking good in my opinion. Just like my boobs! MY boobs! It's really weird to me that I'm not having any regrets and I feel like I made the RIGHT decision and can start LIVING. I say that because I am a VERY indecisive person and usually ALWAYS wonder if I made the right decision blah blah (usually I don't either)...but none at all regarding this. Im a little down cause my mom/nurse left today. She lives 4 hours away and I'm here again with my husband (who hasn't even commented or barely looked at them) and teenage son. Still the same problems at home so I'm sure I would be even More elated if things at home were good. It's really weird...to not be questioning this!!! Not being able to lift my arms for 3 weeks is the worst! He showed me how to wash my hair by bending over but...I have really thick hair. I think I'm getting down from not being able to do anything or maybe it's the discomfort or pain med. I stopped taking them today just in case it was that and because I am hearing from you ladies that sometimes week three and on can be worse so I'm gonna save them...But I love seeing my profile!!!! It's just so much more me and I think I look so much thinner, even though I gained a pound or two. I using surgery as an excuse to pig out! Gotta stop that! Anyway. Luckily my husband despite our arguments is gonna stay home a little longer to help out...Anyway, glad to have some place to vent...I'll post more pics soon...
1 week post op pic and thoughts
Well one week. I think they are looking good. I think my husband was trying to give me a compliment cause he said, "I hate to tell you but they don't even look like you got your implants removed"... so that made me feel good...
It's a weird feeling because I'm not exactly in pain but A LOT of discomfort. It feels like the bras are getting tighter. Oh wait...could that be the "fluffing"...just thought of that as I type this....or it could be just getting so tired of wearing them. I usually take my bra off when I'm home cause I hate the feeling so this 24/7 thing is a pain. I realize I should be taking advantage of this "recovery" period because I have an excuse to do nothing, read and watch tv and not exercise for real! But...I guess you always want to do what you can't.
Oh I have my implants on the counter and can't believe those were in me for over four years. How ridiculous! Yuck!
12 days post op...way better...a switch turned on?? 34b???
Well, I am back among the living. Starting yesterday I feel really good. Weird it's like it was a switch turned on. Only very slight discomfort around the nipples. Feeling like brain fog is lifting, more energy. Hard to tell if its is because of the happiness that they are out (like a mental thing) or it's a true physical thing (implant toxicity). I can't imagine those things still inside of me. I can only imagine it will get even better. Don't want to get my hopes up too much though. It's unexplainable to most people but it just feels like I can start living again. I started taking a nurse refresher course online several months ago but just couldn't muster anything up to study. Well, I've been studying!!!!! Yea!!! It helps that I can't clean really (that's what i do when I procrastinate Haha!
I feel so normal that it is really hard to continue to restrict movement. It is so tempting to just go full throttle but I just keep thinking about the cost of them eeek and a set back. I bet it would be fine and that they just tell you three weeks to be doubly sure. But I'll try not to take any chances just in case.
I put on a new bra I bought last week for the first time. It's just a cheap bra. I just guessed I would be 36b and I was right. So went from d/dd to b, It fits. Wow, it looks so much better in clothes than a sports bra. And I just realized (dumbly) that I can put on non button up shirts without raising my arms (remember I am coming out of a brain fog don't judge)!
A negative though is that I feel and look more thin (isn) to myself without those big knockers that I am not watching what I eat and been indulging a lot! I haven't gained weight from not exercising but wow, am I pigging out. I keep justifying it that I need the nutrients to heal. Gotta get control!
Well, just thought I needed to post that I am coming out of the funk from last post. Stopped taking the pain meds too a few days ago maybe that is part of it too, that it is out of my system. Whatever, I don't want to keep questioning it.
My next step is to try and taper of these anti-depressants I've been on. Gonna do it very slowly but depression is one of implant toxicity symptoms so I want and need to get a baseline so gonna be a trial...or maybe not :):)...
IF YOU HATE YOUR IMPLANTS GET THEM OUT WHEN YOU CAN!!!