Is this all worth it?

I'm finally getting my nose done in exactly 3 weeks. I'm so excited yet nervous at the same time. This has been a serious journey. The reason for my censored pictures is that I literally have told NO ONE I'm getting this done.

I have wanted to get my nose done since I was about 16. I always thought I was pretty, but when I would see pictures of myself, I felt like my nose was so ugly and huge. I started to feel less confident and developed the habit of putting my hand in front of my nose when I laughed. In addition, I now hate taking pictures! Throughout college I started making really weird faces in pictures (thinking it was funny), but really knowing it was because I didn't want to smile normally and then feel ugly. My grandpa has a very bulbous nose and my mom has a wide bridge. I think I got a combination of the two and hate it especially because my mom has such a cute nose despite her wide bridge. She is almost 60 and looks better than me in pictures.

Towards the end of last year, I booked my rhinoplasty with Dr. Bustillo without telling my parents or any of my friends. I felt like a terrible person for wanting to get plastic surgery. My family is very contradicting in their messages. I feel like we really value intelligence and natural things. However, my family is also constantly talking about looks! My mom is always looking in the mirror, getting mad if someone comes over and she doesn't have makeup on, and telling me that I need to dress better etc. My dad is always commenting on how good looking people are and how beauty is powerful. He also teases me all of the time about how my legs are thicker than my mother's and how I'm hairier than my mom. He knows it bothers me, but continues to do it. My brother teases me about how ugly I look in pictures and my sister has commented on how I'm pretty, but so unphotogenic. I couldn't take it anymore!

Finally, one day my mom looked at my bank statement (we were still linked) and she saw the surgery charges and FREAKED OUT. All of a sudden they were telling me how beautiful I was and how I didn't need it. I felt like they were right and cancelled the appointment. However, 2 weeks later I was back to wishing I could get my nose fixed.

After much scheming and finishing college, I developed a plan to reschedule with Dr. Bustillo. I start working full time in September and realized that I would not be able to do it for a long time once I started working. It's happening this August.

I like my profile and just want very subtle changes (mostly decrease the bulbous-ness). Dr. Bustillo's signature look is natural and very subtle so I feel 100% comfortable with him. I read a lot of comments in which people only noticed the patient looking better and didn't know the patient got rhinoplasty. Hopefully, the same will happen with me. I feel like my parents are bound to notice, but I'm not really worried about them finding out afterwards. I just can't have them find out beforehand. I'm so excited!

I cannot believe it's here already! I was surprised at how calm I was being, but then I started looking at people's recovery photos and now I am nervous. I am just dreading the boredom, bruising and swelling. My doctor gave me a medication specifically for swelling. Do most doctors give that? Anyways, I'm still excited... just definitely getting more nervous.

I got my surgery done yesterday morning! I was nervous before (especially because I'm not good with needles/tubes being put in my skin), but the nurses were so nice and talkative so I didn't even have a chance to think about it. Then the next thing I knew I was woken up and it was all finished! It happened so fast. I felt unbelievably drunk but I didn't have any pain. About an hour later I was back at the apartment where I'm staying (walking was pretty difficult). After that day became progressively miserable. I started getting more and more swollen and by the nighttime my nose was completely stuffed up. This really bothered me because I guess when you swallow it creates pressure that needs to be released through the nose, but now the pressure was just building in my head. It felt like I was on an airplane. I started questioning why I ever did this to myself and worrying that the pressure would do something to the shape of the new bridge. I'm sure I was just overreacting (hopefully)! My eyes also started to really swell. I was expecting this to happen 2 days post op, not the night of. Anyways, that was really uncomfortable as well. I basically sat all day with frozen peas on my eyes. Sleeping was extremely difficult. I was tired but so uncomfortable. Finally I laid on my side and tilted my head at an angle so that a tiny bit of air could pass through my nose and swallowing was no longer uncomfortable. I still woke up every 1-2 hours because of the dryness in my mouth but it wasn't that bad.

Today, I'm feeling so much better. I also started taking the medication to reduce swelling (which I think I actually was supposed to take yesterday and just didn't read the directions carefully enough... I thought day 1 meant the day after surgery but they meant the day of). Oh well! I've also just been taking Tylenol (no Percoset). I have absolutely no pain! I also think the swelling in my eyes is going down a bit and I can swallow freely. :D See pic for my disturbing face!