41 Yr Old 3 Kids, Tired of Belly That Won't Go Away - Columbus, OH

I've had three kids, two c-sec, and a weight roller coaster all my life. I eat very healthy, don't eat a lot of sweets, no sodas, play tennis and lift heavy weights. But you'd never guess that by looking at me. I've been told I have everything from an insulin resistance to a wheat and/or sugar sensitivity (so I eat very little of both). Still, I have this belly and butt that will only shrink if I basically starve myself. I'm so over it!

I'm tired of hiding my body. I'm tired of feeling self conscious in the summer, especially at the pool. I'm tired of feeling self conscious even in my workout clothes, for heavens sake! I'm just not looking the way I feel I should look given how hard I work to eat right and exercise.

So, I'm doing it. In two days! Ack! Full tummy tuck and my butt and thighs.

Scared. Nervous. Excited.

This morning my 5 yr old came into my room and said, "Mom, I have really bad news. Tomorrow is your surgery."

I know, sweetie, but Mommy's going to be OK.

"But are they going to hurt you?"

It will hurt a little bit. And I will be really tired for a while. But I will be at home by the time you get home from school. I'm going to be fine.

"Are you always going to be with me?" ( her way of asking if I'm going to die)

Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere. I would not be doing this if I thought it was dangerous.

"I will take good care of you."

I know you you will. And Daddy is going to take good care of me, too. :*(

My son who's 9 on the other hand is mad at me. He wanted to know
exactly what I was doing so I showed him some before and after pictures, to which he said, "No! You can't do that! That makes you a completely different person! I don't want you to change!" I tried to tell him that I'll still be the same person, but he wasn't buying it. Lol

My 12 yr old daughter is my drama queen. She is worried I'm going to die because I'll be knocked out for so long. She also claims that school will be a waste because she'll just be so worried about me. I think she's also angling for an excuse to get out of school.

My husband and I just keep reassuring them that we have a great doctor who does this all the time, that we wouldn't be doing it if it was super unsafe, and that I'll be home the same day. We've also made sure they know, though that I will be very sore for a while and will need to sleep a lot just so they know what to expect once I'm home.

It's hard to believe that this time tomorrow I will be over two hours into my surgery. I keep looking at my body...this body of mine that I've lived with and struggled with and hated...and am feeling kinda sad? about letting it go. Is that weird? All day I've been walking around thinking, "this is the last day I will ever look like this." Or " after tomorrow these pants might not fit me anymore." That's not to say I'm not excited. Because I am!

But also mixed in there is some guilt, like I'm cheating somehow. I know there are lots and lots of women who have felt the way I have about their body but aren't able to have a surgery like this done. Am I more deserving than them? No. I just can afford it and am healthy enough to do it. I think that's why it's hard for me to come up with what I'll say if people they ask me about it. I'm sure I'll look different and wonder what I did or how it happened so quickly.

Anyway, it's happening. So hard to believe I'm actually doing this! My night stand is set with everything I might need for when I get back. All the kids are tucked in bed with extra hugs and reassurances. I'm now off to take a shower and shave my legs. Got to be at the surgical center at 6:00am. It will be here before I know it!!!!!