My Benelli Journey - Cleveland, OH

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I am 35 year old mother of one child that I breast...

I am 35 year old mother of one child that I breast fed (mostly pumped). I am 5-7" and weigh around 130 lbs. I have tubular breasts and had asymetric breasts (right smaller than left). I got silicone implants- 450 in left and 495 in right. I went on 4 consults with 4 board certified plastic surgeons in my area. I trusted the advice to have the benelli lift but should not have! I am writing this blog to help other girls- don't have that type of lift!! I have spread aerolas (but permanent sutures were placed), I have dull pain 6. Mos later, still spitting stitches etc. I also have herniated aerolas, can feel the permanent suture, and have sunburst ing (vein growth) on one side, I hope this can be fixed one day. I paid $10k for this bad outcome. Before I had small decent looking small breasts, now I have big ugly naked breasts. If you are borderline for needing a lift then don't get one or get a vertical lift. If they tell you that you need an anchor lift (no one told me that) then get that, look on here and see beautiful results of girls with that lift- the scars fade and results look beautiful!! Please don't get the benelli, I will keep you updated on my progress (I am 6 mos. post op now). I am too shy to post pictures, but trust me they are not pretty

Pain, pain, pain

6 mos. post op and still have pain- no way this is normal and now I am fearful I will live with it forever- could my doc have given me permanent nerve damage- what could this pain be? Pain in left breast oh and did I mention my open wound on that side? Yep still spitting stitches?! What can I do, this is affecting my quality of life and I feel like there's no hope - cant afford a revision (plus even if I could, I worry about more complications and how selfish I feel) and worried a revision could cause more damage- research your doc!! Don't get benelli!!!

8 mos. now

I am 8 mos. now, not much has changed unfortunately. I still have intermitent pain. I still get an occassional popped stitch. My aerolas are stretched and ugly and I have widened scars. My hope is for my results to stabilize. I hope that pain subsides completely. I will save money for a redo but hoping I can live with this for now. I have resorted to avoiding mirrors while naked. I look at my boobs in the shower to check for any popped stitches. This is beyond my worst nightmare. Please be careful. This lift is not your best bet. Wait til you have a consensus from doctors on what procedures you need (I had 4 differing opinions), you will end up spending twice the money you thought, have more surgery than you bargained for and may never get an aesthetically pleasing result- please don't get benelli!!! I will keep you updated

Frustration- grr!!!

Ok I need to vent: we are so lucky to have docs on here to ask questions of free of charge BUT some of these docs are downright rude with their answers. No don't get me wrong, some are just stating their honest opinion BUT they act like "I" should have avoided the mistakes I made during my first surgery. I'm sorry but I trusted a board certified plastic surgeon- I did not operate on myself!!! I realize that my nipple height issue is problematic. But again the doc created this problem not me! I wish I could undo my surgery but unfortunately I don't have a time machine!!!!! Ugh just had to get that out there. See my problem is, unfortunately I started a tuberous a cup. I had like no lower pole to my breast. My nipple didn't need to be moved up much, somehow this guy managed to move it up quite a bit. My aerolas and scar then spread (above incision line), plus scars are widened. Obviously if I go for a redo, I don't want nipples too high poking out of bras and bikinis. What if next doc places nipple too high since there is not much wiggle room. Sounds like there is not much solution to my problems, so I may be stuck with these ugly uncomfortable boobs forever sigh.. Ok rant over, any encouragement appreciated and sorry but screw these docs who act like this is our own fault !!

Plastic surgery regrets...

I wonder how many of us "not worth it" girls wish we never had plastic surgery at all?? I have always wanted larger breasts, I have larger breasts but they have cost me over $10k basically my life savings less a few thousand for the rainy day fund, I am more embarassed naked now thanks to scars and widened aerolas, ugh frustrating and the only fix is more surgery and more money and no guarantee of better results, sigh.....

Can't sleep

Laying awake.. Thinking about my options. Lately I go on explant site a lot. Wish I knew best thing to do for safety and confidence.. Ugh

Stumbling blocks and FEAR

Ugh wish I knew what to do.. I don't like the cosemetic result of my 1st surgery, my aerolas are too big and they are a little high, my permanent sutures are uncomfortable BUT I can't afford to fix these issues. Also I am petrified of more surgery- what if 2nd surgery looks worse not better, what if I died from this vanity or had a serious complication like nipple necrosis (my number one fear other than nipples too high), ugh what to do? Any advice appreciated! I feel like there is no solution to these problems...

To fix or not to fix?

I have heard other not worth it stories on here that are way worse than mine (people with necrosis, nipples placed too high, capsular contracture, stymastia, double bubble, bottoming out, stretch marks), so I wonder will I ever revise? Or learn to live with my "ok" results, I get so pissed that i didn't get a lollipop lift to begin with and I wonder if its worth converting to that now.. Sigh.. I wish knew the "right thing" to do! And i wish I liked the look of my breasts naked, I feel so bad for my poor boyfriend, he listens to my bitching patiently and I practically hide my boobs from him (same as when they were small), he says the scars don't bother him but they bother me ugh!!!!!

Feeling stupid and down :(

Beating myself up today! Feel like I brought this on myself- its so annoying! Wish I could take it back, feel like my panic and depression is worsening. Can't look at my breasts in the mirror. I am even scared to go on consults for fear that the docs may not be able to fix me. Even if I do how will I look after? Ugh living a secret life from family and friends- no one knows I am unhappy with my surgery- hope a solution comes to me!!

Working out

I used to love to work out but since my surgery I am so down on my body I have given up that love. It's very depressing cause I am ruining the good parts of my body (toned abs and tush) along with bad part of my body right now (boobs), I don't feel like I have a full range of motion since implants. I guess I baby them cause I don't want to do further damage- ugh what's a girl to do?!

Aqua phor?

So it's been a while since I have done any scar management, figured that was a lost cause but I have decided to massage with aqua phor so we will see. Any other girls with scar tips? I tried the gel sheets for a while, not sure that it helped. Any other scar advice girls? Thanks!

Additional consultations

I have decided that I need to go on additional consultations. I am sure many of you wonder why that is such a scary step for me. The truth is that this surgery was very expensive and it was also risky (any surgery is), I felt selfish for allowing myself to do this but I hated my body before. I hate it worse now. Nothing about my boobs look "real" and yes I know some women prefer the fake look but my boobs don't move like real boobs, the implants are palpable, I have animation deformity on my right more constricted side, my left side has intermitent pain or uncomfortability, my aerolas are widened with a palpable ring (permanent suture), I have thickened white scars (obvious scars) and my aerolas are fairly high on my breast mounds, my inplants are larger but cup size isn't. Basically I am a mess but I no longer wish to live unhappy. Any advice on how to find cleveland area doc, what questions to ask or how to find realistic goal pics. Any advice appreciated especially from re-lift girls!

Boob greed and confusion?

So I am rather down but hanging in there trying to think about things other than my disappointing boobs. I am researching revision just a little. I got my or report and got a referral from my doc for a 2nd opinion doc. Here are my gripes- 2nd doc had absolutely no pics of his work online?! So then I tried to google for reviews and 2 of the 3 were poor reviews so why I would be referred to him is beyond me. Also or report refers to my insistence on large breasts. I will say I did get a little boob greed before my surgery. All I ever heard about were girls who regretted not going bigger so I did show pics of women who were fairly busty but I think what bothers me is the fact that the surgeon says in report that he used largest size possible on me cause I wouldn't be happy with anything else?! Not sure where that miscommunication came from, if anything I do think my boobs are slightly too big (tho that's not really my "issue" when it comes to disappointment)- ugh talk about missing the mark when picking a surgeon! I hope his communication skills improve and he communicates more clearly with next girl what he is capable of achieving! Ok gripe over!

The future...

My fears worsen as time goes by, my thinking is so screwed up! I fear that revision may not be cosemetic fix to my issues so have decided to leave my mess alone. However, the thing that bothers me is constant pain in my left breast (the larger breast with smaller implant), it baffles me! I am 10 mos. post op and pain is still there. I have inflammation on that side too and vein growth. It looked like I popped a stitch a few days ago and that side has small rash now too

Wish someone understood..

There are no words for all this disappointment, it's the worst roller coaster ever, today is a bad day- I can't look at boobs in mirror without crying that I have deystroyed my body it feels like there is no hope

Animation deformity

So I feel like my right side is healing ok. But I braced myself and looked at my boobs naked- ugly as always- then I turned to side- I have animation deformity on right side cause my breast was so constricted there. Ugh add it to the list....

Fat grafting?

I have been thinking about the alternative of fat grafting. I have enough fat for it to be done. It could maybe take care of animation on right? That could be my option if I explant? I have decided to wait til my one year mark (5/1) and then go on consults to see what can be done. Going to take my time and explore all options. I am taking a conservative approach this time- stay tuned....

Almost a year

Feeling down some more. I had started to accept my body as it is what it is but I have now backtracked on this progress. My right boob looks worse all the time. I am convinced that perm suture is ruptured. The doc says "maybe but he thinks it's intact", this side feels much different. I get small red bumps near aerola so no idea what that is about? I wish my self esteem wasn't so low. I wish I could take it all back

Photos? Bras?

I am thinking about posting pics. People may not think they look as bad as I do or maybe they will? Don't know why I am so afraid! If I do post pics does anyone know if u can take them down later? If I could eventually take them down then I would be more willing to post! On another topic, what is ur fav post op underwire bra once you are fully healed- still in search of some good ones!!

A picture

This is my right side where my scar spread up. This is all I am comfortable sharing now. Thanks for ur support ladies. As you can see the scar extends beyond incision line so no hiding my breast lift!


Went to party Saturday and few friends I haven't seen in a while noticed my bigger boobs. At first I played it off as push up bra (which I was wearing), but later admitted to implants. So my good friend I confessed to had tons of questions. She asked to see them (she's like a sister to me), so I showed her in my bra only. I then got a little sad cause I realized there was no way in hell I would show her without my bra for fear of ridicule. The show botched was a topic of conversation earlier in evening and all I could think was how if she saw me unclothed she might send in an application on my behalf. Anyway, thinking I should try again with some scar treatment sigh....

Another pic

I am getting more brave girls! Here's another pic. It's from my problem left breast. This was the bigger breast to start with (smaller implant). This pic is about 5 mos old. Breast looks same today basically. You can see hole where stitch popped (I still get red bumps 1 year post op), and this side herniates off permanent sutures. Any thoughts welcome!

Bad decision and additional consults

I plan on going on some additional consults now that I am at the year mark. I really want to take my time and find a skilled compassionate doc for my revision. I regret having this done, it's not worth bigger boobs to feel this ugly. I truly feel like there is no suitable fix to my problems, wish i was born with bigger boobs ! :(

Need some encouragement

I need some encouragement girls. I want to hold off on revision until I can handle it mentally and financially. I also don't want to waste money on consultations until I am ready for revision however this botched surgery has done a number on me! I am soo self conscious now. I feel like a scarred freak. It makes me fight with my boyfriend over nothing just cause I am insecure around other women now. Any tips for how to get thru these feelings? Anyone else felt the same?


I am working up courage to go on consult. I had made appt and cancelled it cause of $85 consultation fee. Cant afford to fix now so why pay that? But I think I am gonna try a repetuable doc with no consult fee. He is well known in cleveland for being an expert (building of a hospital named after him), gonna try for 7/20 as I am off work that day. Gonna see what he has to say. Righty is uncomfortable - I have been working out hard and that side permanent suture is broken (I can tell), and I am worried my aerola will stretch. Here's hoping that the consultation goes well and price is manageable, then I will have something to save for!

A view from the front

A couple of ladies have asked to see them from the front. This picture gives you an idea but doesn't paint the whole story, the pic is probably 5 mos. old- more to come ladies- thanks for listening xo

Another pic

This will give you a better idea of my situation. I don't mind size and shape. Just don't like: scarring and widened aerolas, left nipple "looks to side", left breast herniates off permanent suture and there is ugly varicrose vein on right breast. Thought this was better illustration of issues, doc office pic

Weight loss and breast implants?

Anyone with experience with weight loss after implants. I would like to lose 10-15 pounds. I currently weigh 140 pounds up from my norm of 130. I am 5'7", hoping this will not damage the appearance of my implants (rippling?), just wonder if anyone lost weight after implants? Any advice? I would love to weigh 125-130 (I am small boned)


Looking at other girls updates makes me sad. Ex: fancyniknowit, her scars are so thin and her boobs look so normal, still bothered by my spread aerolas and ugly scars :(

Feeling extremely down

Feeling really bad today. I truly miss my old boobies. I am scared to death to get another surgery and potentially make things worse. My aerolas are HUGE and look grotesque to me- sorry girls, I guess this is my diary for venting!

Why my case is harder than people realize

So bad news- the doc who I had consult with today, cancelled the appointment which was a bummer. I know a lot of girls have been giving me encouraging words, which I appreciate so much- keep em coming! (Lol), anyway, I felt like I owed an explanation of why my case is more complex than people realize. First- I have some sort of nerve damage on my left breast. I am 14 mos post op and that side is still uncomfortable therefore I worry about further nerve damage after another surgery to my breast. I worry about losing all sensation or pain getting worse there. Also, although you can't necessarily tell from pics, my aerolas are sitting high on my breast mound and a revision would require removing scars from above my aerola and thereby make my aerolas higher which can be disastrous ( wardrobe malfunctions with nipples poking out), I also worry about necrosis with secondary lift or recurrent poor scarring, I guess I just felt the need to elaborate on why this feels so dire! I really need to get in with a doc or two then figure out my options, also I need to get my mind right for surgery if I decide to have it again- thank you for all your kind words!!!!!

Wish pics?

Any good ideas on where to find wish pics for my consultations- celebrities or models perhaps or names of real self users- I would like to have someone with similar stats but less visible scarring and rounded lower pole- thanks ladies!

Still feeling a little low

Still struggling with the appearance of my breasts. I still hate the thickened white scars. I have tried to take the good with the bad but it's so hard. I also hate dent at bottom of breasts (animation deformity from construction), veins you can see on breasts, I wish I had pretty breasts like other girls on here and wish I never had a lift!

Fake round balls

Ugh I have to get updated pictures! Wish I wasn't scared to post the pics, just fearful that they live forever on the Internet even without my face showing. Time for more venting girls- I have been trying to focus on get rest of my body in shape in order not to focus on boobs so now I have lost weight but my boobs look like "bolt on boobies" just two round balls strapped to my chest ugh it's so depressing. Lose fat and 1st place I lose it - boobs! I also have to say for the amount of ccs that I got they really don't look big at all- just wish I could feel better as I am 19 mos out still feeling down and feel like they look worse not better everyday


My life feels really low. I am trying to be hopeful with the start of a new year. I hate unknowns. I am not married and so that is a big unknown especially when you don't want anyone to see your body including yourself (I avoid looking at my boobs in the mirror but peek from time to time which always causes anxiety and depression). There is the unknown of a 2nd surgery and what could happen- how will I come up with money? Would my nipples be too high and peek out? Would my implants have to be downsized? Would breast tissue have to be removed when I have so little to begin with? Will I lose sensation? Will I have nerve pain? Could scars be worse? What will my child think of my decisions one day? I guess I am really scared... I wanna go back for a consultation with a doc that I saw pre surgery but feel ashamed I didn't pick him cause I was scared of lollipop lift. What if I had chosen him- where would I be today? So many unknowns ....

Trade off- this or that?

Curious what you ladies think, would you rather have bigger boobs that look good in clothes if you hated the appearance of these larger boobs unclothed? Or would you prefer smaller prettier boobs. I struggle with this question in my mind. Still wishing for that time machine!!!


So I am brainstorming what to do. I read all the lovely comments and appreciate all of your input. I take them all to heart. I feel like I need to address some things here. I was mildly depressed before I started this journey. I had low self esteem, I am a somewhat pretty girl (average) but I do have high expectations. One of my insecurities was small breasts. I thought that this surgery would fix this issue for me and this was top of list of what bothered me about my appearance. I dreaded going to pools where I would have to see girls with large breasts walking around. I always feared that my boyfriends or my ex hubby wished I looked like them. Some boyfriends have made comments about my lack of breasts. It was all just humiliating and I finally had ENOUGH. After my surgery, I had pain that persisted and open wounds that persisted, my surgery was done in May and I didn't swim all summer long thanks to these open wounds. My surgery cost a staggering $10k which I saved for and paid with cash which is no easy feat as I am a single (divorced) mom of 1. What I am getting at is that is all very distressing. After all this (pain, open wounds, tons of money spent), I wasn't happy with their appearance. I actually preferred how they looked before, but I prefer their size now. I avoid mirrors and my depression went from mild to BAD due to these issues. I have large ugly spread aerolas, I hate the scarring and do fear that another operation would be just bad- worse. I avoid mirrors cause I hate their appearance - and it is now almost 2 years later. I have read mixed reviews about lasers- sometimes I worry that they could make my scars spread worse. I am scared so I do nothing. Is there any scar therapy that could work at this late stage I. The game? I have major vein issues- the whole underneath of my right breast is blue-ish/ covered in veins from the stretch of the implants. I guess I am just so overwhelmed- don't want to rush into anything. I do need counseling, but as a single mom with 2 jobs, time is an issue. I know this sounds like excuses. I guess I just welcome any brAinstorming for fixing anything for me mentally and physically. I do want peace and confidence. I thank you all for reading and offering suggestions to help. This is a wonderful support for me. I truly thank you all!! Xoxo

Don't look back

Sooo trying to stay positive and tell myself don't look back. Still dislike my breasts. Some people have questioned my don't look in the mirror at my breasts rule but I relaxed a little and let myself look and quickly remembered why I don't look. I hate my huge aerolas, I hate my huge white circles around them, hate how the permanent suture makes my aerola herniate. Sorry that this is always just a list of complaints. It's just where I like to come and write anonymously kinda like a journal. I do need to set aside time to talk to a counselor about the depression this has caused the last 2 years. I have gained 10-15 pounds in that time (yo yo style sometimes closer to happy weight of 130 and sometimes ballooning to 145), that has not helped my breasts either- my wish is for stability- with my breasts, with my weight, with myself- appreciate everyone listening and especially commenting and would love to have ur prayers!!!

Always something

Sooo I have been looking here and there at my boobs. Lately I have been working out and trying to lose some of the weight that I have gained some implants. I am down about 5 pounds. I am trying to accept my boobs for what they are- scars, large aerolas and all. I have been feeling a little better until I was looking in mirror and noticed squarish corner (just barely) on my right breast. I can really feel the implant on bottom of that side and it almost feels like a protrusion. Anyone else had this issue? So now I think great, next up, rippling and visible implant - hoping not. Worse part is I heard this gets worse with time not better

Over 2 years now

Over 2 years now. The depression and dissatisfaction comes and goes over my breasts. I still don't look in mirror naked, when I do- I get so discouraged. I want a revision eventually BUT I fear spending that much money and going under general anesthesia again. I feel selfish cause I have a child so money and health are important. I need to talk to a doc about options. I hate my white widened scars and the size of my aerolas also the bottom of my breasts are still constricted and you can feel my implant at bottom cleavage (squarish bulge). I also have unsightly veins on bottom right. Hoping to get some opinions soon. My goal is to live like this for 10 years, want my surgery to have felt somewhat financially worth it. Any fix before then makes me feel cheated based on price I paid. We will see how long I can hold out

Capsular Contracture?

Been a while since my last update. Been trying not to focus so much on my breasts. Sooo everything has been going along fine then the other night when doing chest in workout class I started having pain. I lowered the weight and just took it easy. Now a few days later, my left breast seriously hurts. At first I was baffled by pain and was checking for lumps. Then when driving I realized it was like chest pain like really hurting. It hurts when someone leans on me. I am beyond upset and of course kinda panicking. Anyone know what to do. My breast still feels fairly soft to touch. I would love any help!!!!

I am so frustrated! I just want to cry

Ugh! So I am feeling extra dramatic today. My frustration is at an all time high. Reached out to my original ps, thinking I will need to go in for him to have a look/ touch of leftie to see if it is cc. I also am thinking I may need an mri. I am frustrated this is happening to me. I am frustrated I had surgery done. I am frustrated with surgeon. I am frustrated with all the costs. I started putting money away for whatever I may need. I only have $300 so far. So I guess we will see. Hoping some contracture girls will comment will I need this fixed right away? I wonder also if it could be rupture on left. That side has never felt "right" and now this pain 3 years later- sucks! Add me to your prayers girls that it's nothing serious and that pain subsides....
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