Love the New Girls! - Cincinnati, OH

As all of my real life friends, the majority of my online friends, and my coworkers whom I bump into on the elevator know, I have big boobs. Not Pam Anderson, still perky, don't fall into your armpits when you lie down boobs. More like getting boobs in 2nd grade, DDD at the age of 18, and breastfeeding two children, resulting in H's and areolae the size of a baby's face.

When my son was born and they handed him to me for his first feeding, I was terrified that I was going to smother him. The lactation consultant rolled her eyes at me and said that babies' noses are smooshed so that they can breathe from the sides of their noses while their faces are smashed into a boob. She was the professional, so I shoved Ben's newborn face into my massive boob and he latched on like a pro. Until he couldn't BREATHE and his newborn neck muscles flung his newborn head away from my breast and gasped for air. The consultant's eye betrayed her surprise and she said, "Wow! That's a first."

So yeah, I have bigguns. I had decided a long time ago that once the baby factory is closed, I'm going to get the girls lopped off. And so in January 2012, my friends, Sara and Kat went to the plastic surgeon with me. Ordinarily, I wear two or three bras to squish the girls down to a size E or so. So while everyone knows my boobs are big, they don't really know just HOW big.

In order to get insurance to cover the procedure, I had to remove my top completely, stand in front of a blue screen and have photos taken at different angles. The gasps in the room were hilarious and helped me to relax a bit. Plus, my nervousness with showing my imperfect, stretchmarked body was lessened when Sara and Kat shared their boobs with me. Sorry guys, it wasn't a porno fantasy moment. Instead, it was a shocking moment. Like, wow. We were all incredibly real, no airbrushing, and just good friends. My friends are beautiful, inside and out.

At one point during the consultation, I started getting misty eyed at the thought of standing up straight, not hunching my shoulders from the weight and from shame, the thought of being able to wear a summer top without wearing a bra like my granny. To my surprise, Kat looked at me at the same time and looked like she was going to cry.

This post took a different tone than I expected. I had intended to share the part where my surgeon said that nipples tend to drop due to gravity and I requested that my new nipples be moved to my shoulder. And how when the good doctor asked me to lift up my boobs, I grabbed my nips and just yanked upward because they're so big I HAVE NO FEELING in them. I didn't understand the gasps of pain throughout the room when I did that.

June 14, 2012 (1st day post op)
I’m feeling super owie since the good meds have worn off. I thought I was going to pass out for a minute when I stood up, but am ok as long as I’m sitting/reclining. The vast amount of bruising has taken my by surprise.

June 19, 2012 (6 days post op)
The drains came out yesterday and I felt freeeeee. The bruising has gone down & is mostly yellow. I’m super happy that I’ve retained feeling in my nipples. The sorest part is below the breasts where my bra meets my skin & rubs against the stitches. The difference in the weight on my back is amazing and I might have overdone it a bit yesterday since I felt so good. On the down side, I have a large strip of tape down my back and am afraid of removing it since the last time they removed tape, I passed out. I guess it’s just going to stay there until it decides it wants to divorce me.

June 27, 2012 (2 weeks post op)
I am sooo in love with my new breasts and everything has gone wonderfully. I went back to work on Monday and made the mistake of wearing an underwire. By the end of the day, I was so sore and swollen. Now I'm worried that the "T junction" incision below both of my breasts might be infected as it looks white/yellow and am having discharge and bleeding from the sites. :( I’m pretty sure it’s gangrene or some flesh eating disease, so I’m going to see the doc today at 4:00.