Explanted after nearly 3 yrs and SO GLAD!!

Sort by:
*Treatment results may vary

I got a breast augmentation on May 16 2015. Before...

I got a breast augmentation on May 16 2015. Before the implants, I was a size 30C. I had a decent amount of breast tissue and never really considered myself to have "small" boobs...although people would sometimes tell me they were small I always viewed them as the medium/small side. I had always wanted bigger boobs, while also being somewhat happy with the size I was at. I had considered doing a breast aug some day, but didn't think I'd ever actually do it since I was pretty happy with how I was and was terrified of surgery. I got a job at a new salon, where there were lots of beautiful women with perfect bodies and huge fake breasts. Some of my coworkers had them too. I had never felt completely happy with my body, and I felt that this was a good time to change it. I got into bodybuilding and lost a lot of weight, my cup size didn't decrease significantly but they did get a bit smaller and they still stayed perky and firm. I feared that if I got my body fat as low as I wanted to that I would have an A cup or a B cup and I didn't want that. I was terrified of being any less than I was. I started dating a guy who was into big boobs and fake boobs, and we hung around people with big boobs and fake boobs and I just felt completely inferior. I never felt that I was as sexy as they were. I felt that if I got huge fake boobs that everyone would think I am sexy and that my boyfriend would be more attracted to me and I wanted to be his perfect trophy girlfriend. He never pressured me into the implants, I just always noticed him staring at big breasts and it made me feel insecure and I wanted to be the best and I wanted to be exactly what he wanted. So fast forward a few months into our relationship, I could not take having a C cup anymore. I was convinced that I would love myself more and feel so much more sexy with bigger boobs. I thought lingerie would fit better, clothing, etc. I had gone in for several consultations, saying that I wanted my boobs to look exactly the same as before, just bigger. And I also said I wanted them to look 100% as real as possible. I only talked to the doctor a couple of times but the nurse assured me that they would look completely real to people who didn't know me before the surgery, and that I would not be able to see the implants at all. She also convinced me to go quite a bit bigger than I had originally planned. The surgery went well, it wasn't extremely painful although the healing did somewhat suck. I was back to the salon doing hair after a couple of weeks. I was very excited about them but also nervous because they looked quite a bit more fake than I was expecting, but it was very early in the surgery so I thought maybe they'd look more real a few months down the line. I took the month off of working out, but once I tried to go back it just wasn't the same. I was extremely depressed, felt insecure that everyone knew I had gotten the surgery, and obviously wasn't as strong as I was before the surgery. As months went on, I began to become more depressed and unsure of my decision. I began addressing my self esteem issues and realized that the entire bodybuilding journey I had been on was fueled by self hatred, and it had caused me to be even more unhappy with myself even though I looked better. I felt as if I hadn't really made the choice of getting the implants for me, and realized that it wasn't what I really wanted. It was just as hard if not harder to find lingerie, because now I was a size 30E. I was still too petite for most lingerie, and my boobs just looked stupid and fake in all of the stuff that it did fit in. I feel like they make my butt look smaller and make me look like I'm going to tip over. Certain lighting they look amazing, and most people who like implants would probably think I have a fantastic result. In some lighting and most pictures they look extremely fake and high profile, they are very perky for how large they are, and I really just do not like them. I go back and forth between liking them because of all of the attention I get, because guys do stare a lot and my boyfriend likes them a lot. But I've also learned to appreciate real boobs and medium sized boobs more than I did before. I want to be me and be natural and not have to worry about future problems with the implants. I'm worried that if I do not take them out now or at least as soon as possible, that I'll want them out down the road when I'm 30 or 40 or older, and they won't be able to return to normal and will be deflated. I am hoping that if I do it soon enough, I'll be able to return to my old boobs or at least something very close to them. I've seen some stories on here from women in similar situations who have had their boobs return to beautiful normal real boobies, and I am hoping mine will do the same. I want to be me again, and be able to do yoga and be more active and just not worry about my stupid chest muscles. It feels weird to use them and I worry about tearing them. I have also had some random issues with cysts on my ovaries that happened a couple months after the surgery. I had a cyst the size of a baby's head, and it will randomly swell and shrink. it is extremely painful and makes it hard to walk. The doctor wanted me to get it removed, but I have been going a more holistic route since the implants I want to be all natural, do all of my own research, and am very weary of trusting doctors. I have gotten the cyst under control but when the cyst does swell up, sometimes when I poke the scar tissue in my right boob I feel an instant stabbing pain in the cyst as if it is connected. After reading a bunch of stories on here, I wouldn't be surprised if it is connected. I wish that I never got these implants, even though I have learned some things along the way, they are so depressing and a huge problem in my life right now. I am hoping that after I get them removed I can begin to love me for the real me and start to feel as if this was all a positive learning experience. As of right now, I feel mixed emotions of being glad that I am on the way to learning to love myself and also feeling extreme regret for putting myself into this crappy situation. My boobs were beautiful before, I don't know how I was unable to see it. I hope that one day I can have my old boobs back to how they were and that I will be able to hold them and feel the sheets on my naked skin again. I can feel it now, but it just isn't the same. Hopefully this is all for the best. I will be going in for a consultation with my surgeon today to talk about explant, and I will post another thingy afterwards with pre/post implant pics and what not. Hopefully I can help someone else out there.

Here's an update. Not happy with these boobs but still scared and on the fence

I've been so torn about what to do. On one hand, my breasts look beautiful with the implants in. I do enjoy having huge boobs in some outfits, and I do enjoy the attention men give me for having a large chest. I feel that they look very flattering and I fit society's/porn's version of "beauty"/"sexiness". On the other hand, they are extremely uncomfortable, especially when I am PMSing and they are swollen. I can't sleep without a bra because they are too heavy. Before I slept with a bra all the time, but since my boobs were a small C/large B, it was still comfortable. With the implants however, the bra digs in all over and is extremely uncomfortable. It has been a year and a half, probably longer, and I still have not found a bra that fits correctly. A size 30DDD or E is very hard to find and when I do find it, there isn't much selection and the bras are generally granny-ish or just flat out uncomfortable. The one bra I do have that has good support digs in to my ribs and I hate wearing it. Sleeping on my side is the only thing comfortable especially when my boobs are sore, but my back has been hurting so bad lately that it hurts really bad to sleep on my sides. My right shoulder will randomly freeze up and I can barely rotate it. Before it would get better after a few weeks, but it is now going on a month and a half that I have had this pain. It hurts to sit or stand or do anything in any position other than laying on my back for extended periods of time. I have to hold my boobs whenever I run or go down the stairs. It hurts to lift weights, which was one of my passions before the surgery. I have tried to pick up yoga, but I am limited with that too because it just feels so icky and uncomfortable. I feel like I'm going to rip my chest in half. I know it is unlikely but I just feel this gross sjflksdjfkl feeling when I do certain things.. even when I spread my arms like a giant hug sometimes it just makes this awful creaking noise in my chest...kind of like when you put on clothing that is too small and you hear a ripping noise but you don't find a definite hole anywhere....yeah that's how my chest muscles feel when I try to use them. I know it could be from just not really using them for a year and a half...but honestly I should not be this uncomfortable. It feels gross when my boyfriend grabs them during sex. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable and sometimes painful. I have feeling in them, but not nearly as much as before. Before I could probably reach orgasm just from having my breasts played with. Now I just want to punch my boyfriend in the face when he grabs them. That's how uncomfortable it feels. I love him by the way...haha. Although I do feel slightly more confident, I still feel "less than" other women with natural big breasts. I know I have a lot of self esteem stuff to work on.

I want to learn to love myself for who and what I am naturally. I want to wear my natural cup size with confidence. Looking back at my pre surgery pics....my boobs were BEAUTIFUL. I cry looking back at the pics. Today, I tried to be perfectly honest with myself about how I feel. I had a flash back of when I had my natural breasts, was happy and fit, looking in the mirror, arching my back, and just feeling beautiful. My body felt great and at ease. I was so happy. I took the comfort of not having any implants in for granted. I THOUGHT I'd be happier if they were just a few cup sizes bigger.....boy was I wrong. Today, as I laid in bed flashing back on that moment, then recognized where I am right now. My breasts are swollen, heavy, and extremely uncomfortable. I am out of shape and I do not eat as healthy because I have been so depressed that I could not bring myself to exercise and did not care what I ate. I let go of two years of hard work and weight loss because of this. I cried harder than I have cried in years. I am so unhappy with these implants. I feel like I am trapped in a cage. A cage of fake safety. A cage where I tell myself that I am safe because my breasts are big and beautiful. But the cage is not comfortable. It is painful and sad. The cage pleases others but it does not please me. But it is just comfortable enough emotionally to keep me afraid of the unknown. Afraid that if I remove the implants I'll be unhappy with my body. That even if they do go back to normal, I'll miss the attention and "pride" of having a huge chest. I fear that I will never be happy. But I know that I am not happy now. So I need to either learn to love these implants even though they hurt me physically, or learn to let go of them and become open to the possibility of my old chest being me again. My absolute worst case scenario is if I HATE them after a year of having them removed, I will just put in the smallest implant you can get. Even that scares me though. I hate going through surgery. I don't want to do it ever again. I wish I could push a magic button and have my chest back as it was. I feel like a part of me knows that this is best and what I have to do, but I still have doubt. The question now is do I wait for all doubts to be resolved or do I just go for it?

A good friend of mine gave me some great advice the other day. She said: mentally trick yourself into believing you have your old small boobs. See how it makes you feel. Wear baggy clothing, things that conceal your chest, tell your boyfriend they are off limits to touch, pretend that you have your old boobs again. Feel the emotions and insecurities you felt when they were natural.

So I am trying to do just that. Lately I have actually been a bit embarrassed of the size of them. Especially when I'm around people I haven't seen for a while or that I have known most of my life. I never thought that day would come. Sometimes I really do miss how they looked in clothes being smaller. I miss being able to squeeze and hold them. and being able to push them up without it looking extremely fake and creepy. I bought a sports bra in my old size for after the surgery and also a really cute betsy johnson underwire bra. You know....to help psych myself out ;). We'll see how they make me feel once they come in the mail. It will be weird to look at a bra with my old cup size again. Sigh. ok so my REAL true wish is that I could go from having healed fake boobs to having healed natural boobs every other day whenever I want so I never have to choose. I want the best of both worlds lol. Too bad that isn't possible.

I have been researching a lot of stuff on holistic healing for recovery from the surgery. I will be posting the stuff I'm doing eventually. For now, I am just trying to get back into eating as healthy as I can. I'm drinking teas with antioxidants, eating as many fruits and veggies as possible, eating lots of healthy fats like avocado and eggs (I read those can both help breast tissue), drinking lots of water, and applying coconut oil every day to my breasts. I have the tiniest itty bitty barely there stretch marks, and I'd like to keep it that way. I will take further efforts to reduce the stretch marks once I get the implants removed (if I decide to do it ...which I think I will but I'm still scared. We'll see..) I also have been massaging them a bit (when they're not extremely swollen from PMS which lasts 2 weeks each month) I read that regular breast massage can keep breast tissue healthy and perky and full and sometimes even make your cup size a little bigger. So I'm just trying to keep my breast tissue healthy until the explant. Once I explant, I'm going to be making special teas to drink and to apply and different oil mixtures as well. I'm also going to try out castor oil packs, as I have read that they are good for shrinking saggy skin. I'll go more in depth with them later as I use them. You can always google them if you want. Castor oil is good for skin AND good for breast tissue ;) so...yippee!! I'm hoping that my holistic remedies will return my body to 100% normal or better after the surgery.

Anyways...thanks to whoever just took the time to read my long ass novel. I really needed to vent and it always helps to vent to people who can truly understand you.

I plan on posting pics eventually; I know everyone probably wants to see so they can start really tracking my journey and comparing my results to see if it all works...but for right now I am too emotional about it to post any before/after pics. I might post them soon and I might wait till after the surgery to post it all...we'll see...

Thank you for reading and I hope I made someone feel less alone. Although this regret can really wound the heart, something that I keep in mind that may help others is that there is no reason to regret. At the time of getting the implants, we all thought it was the best idea for us and that it would make us happy. Never regret doing something that you once thought would make you happy. At least through finding the grief of this experience we can all turn it around and find our true happiness and joy and hopefully learn to love ourselves as we are. At least there's that fashion going around of those cute little lacy "bralettes" everywhere. They look best on small chested women in my opinion. I love that small chests are becoming more "mainstream" although that shouldn't be what gives us confidence. It does help, though.

ONE DAY....I hope that we all find confidence within ourselves that has nothing to do with comparison to any other human being on this planet....and feel the worth and beauty that each one of us has.

Feeling scared and confused

It has been a little over 16 months since my breast augmentation surgery. It is seriuosly freaking me out how long it has been, and what freaks me out more is how my breasts are feeling from both the outside perspective and the internal perspective. Outside, they are looking more real than ever. You can tell the tiniest bit on the sides and the tiniest bit because of the high-ish profile being somewhat unnatural, but they look almost completely real. I have gained some weight since the surgery, so they are a bit bigger and have become really jiggly and real feeling. They are very soft and when I run or jump they look pretty much 98% real except that they do look a bit heavier than natural breasts. You would think that I would be happy about this...it is what I have been wanting since I first got the surgery and they felt totally fake...but it actually makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know if it's because mentally I know what's going on, the skin and tissues are stretching to give the illusion of them being real, or if it's because it just feels so strange and heavy and just..."icky"...but the combonation of both my mental views and physical bodily feelings of them is just overwhelming. It feels so gross to not wear a bra, they are so heavy and blah feeling. I hate being in the shower and shaving my legs because I feel them hanging there, stretching more and more....its so gross feeling. and I fear that they are gone beyond repair...that they will be unable to return to their same beautiful stage as before...I feel so stuck. I don't want the implants anymore but I fear being deformed or saggy once I remove them so much that I am not sure which choice to make. I don't mean to sound shallow....but my internal value system is just all fucked up and is pretty much plotted against me. I blame the media of course, but it is my own fault for agreeing to these unrealiztic ideals of beauty and applying them to myself. Anyways, I hope that no one takes offense to my own self hatered and self judgements that I make...know that anything rude I say about myself is not meant to bash anyone out there. I simply and miserbly live by these dumb guidelines. I believe that it is a part of my journey to overcome these ideals of beauty and learn to love myself as I am without all of the judgements. It is hard, but I hope that one day I can do that. But I also want to be beautiful. So....GAH!!! I just wish I never did this to myself. But I did, so I need to stop dwelling in the past and take some action. I decided to try to mentally prepair myself for the explant by telling myself to pretend that I am getting it January. I am going to pretend and actually plan to get it in January so that I can begin to feel more real about it. I assume that eventually my intuition will pop in, just as it did before the implants. I knew in my heart that I was making the wrong decision. I just need to listen to the inner voice and trust that things will be okay. Hopefully my wholstic remedies and healthy diet will return my body to normal. I suppose I should stop expecting the worst and deal with what may come as it comes. I will post a before pic and a pic from today in a post after this with my phone. If anyone is in my position and would like to talk or anything pm me or comment below. Thank you all for your support, we are all in this together

Before and after "selfies"

Here is a picture from before the implants and a picture from today. I miss the old me but am torn and also enjoy the looks (but not feels) of the current me. Later I will post more befores and afters and also the official pics the doc took.

boobie pain report

Hello all! I figured I'd update today since it is one of the more painful days of the month for my boobs. Two weeks before my period my boobs swell up a half a cup size. That was awesome pre implant, but post....ouchie 5000. When they told me that I may have more breast pain after the implants, I thought to myself "My boobs already hurt for half the month, I'm sure a little pain here and there won't bother me since I will have giant boobs" hm. ya. no. it SUCKS. They are 500x more tender than before, probably because they already weigh so damn much even without the swelling!! They are sooooo fucking heavy right now. I want to wear support so that they will be squished up and not hurt me, but they are so swollen that it hurts to be compressed. So the swelling feels best without any bra, and the weight feels best with an extremely tight fitting bra. So it's pretty frustrating and I am uncomfortable 100% of the time for two weeks out of every month. I can't even bear for my bf to grab them because of the pain. They feel like they will burst. It started with just that, but over the past year and a half it has increased to my actual chest muscles hurting during this swelling time. Probably because my tits are 10lbs each and gravity is trying to sneak them out of my chest. Also, I'm sure there's some fluids swishing around in my chest wall or something. Who knows what's really going on in there. I also have back, shoulder, and now even bicep pain during this period of time. I woke up this morning and bent my arm in a completely normal way and got a charlie horse all up my bicep and shoulder. Before it was only my right shoulder that had this problem but now my left is having trouble as well. I am constantly slouching and my back is yelling at me as i type this lol. Ugh. I am still aesthetically attached to these implants. But it is starting to really sink in that I will need to get them removed. Which a part of me still doesn't want to admit to myself. The reality of it all is seriously freaking me out. I don't want to go through another surgery and healing process again! ugh!! complain complain. oh well. In the end, all that really matters is my health. When I first got the implants, I was more for the whole "beauty is pain" lifestyle...I wore heels and tight corsets and banged myself up a bunch to look cute for a few hours or a day. But with those things, you can take them off and take a break. I can't just take these implants off and breathe. It's a harsh realization. I am not really into wearing heels at all anymore and haven't worn a corset since before the surgery either. I'm all about comfort now. It's pretty crazy how much I've changed throughout this boobie journey. Its fucked how I used to view myself. Now I'd give anything (anything but my cat.. :3

Connective tissue recovery diet

Hi! I came across this article on foods to eat to help heal connective tissue. http://barefootandsoul.com/2013/02/21/healthy-connective-tissue/ The article is about a torn ligament in someone's ankle, but the breast's shape is held and supported/shaped by connective tissue so I plan to try out eating most of these foods and avoiding unhealthy foods while in recovery. Right now I am working on eating healthy as a lifestyle and form of self love and not just to maintain a certain physique. I plan to slowly add these foods into my regular diet. I feel that right now is practice for when I get the implants removed so that it will not be a hard thing to eat extremely healthy for a year or so. Hopefully the habit will stick and I will end up keeping many if not all of those foods in my diet if I still crave them. I have witnessed first hand with bodybuilding how much the food you eat effects the way your body looks... I am going to do much more research and look up foods and teas specifically for breast tissue and skin elasticity too but this is what I have done so far. Maybe it'll help someone else out there too! I guess I'm gonna be a Guinea pig and see how all of my ideas of trying to get back to normal work out haha. I still feel as though I am in prep/research mode and I'm not sure when I will be emotionally ready to explant. Maybe in a few months. Maybe in a year. I'm trying to learn to be patient with myself and listen to my body and emotions. So for now...dreaming of self love and trying my best to put it into action!! One baby step at a time, I am becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin.

Please read if you have joint pain

So I hear lots of ladies on here talking about pain in their joints etc. starting after implants. So yeah mine has been a bit excessive lately and it's freaking me out...I've never had this kind of pain in my back and shoulders before and now it's in my neck and one of my knees and I've been stretching more to make it better but it almost seems like it's making it worse and I don't really know what to do....I wanna know how many of you that explanted have had the pain go away? Will it be like this forever? It seems to get worse when I work out too ugh I just want to be back to normal I wish I never got these implants. I'm not sure when I'll be able to remove. I'm hoping next year but I'm waiting to see what happens with some financial stuff and I want to be emotionally ready too but idk. Just freaked out right now. Depressed. It's hard to not think about. Sometimes I do really enjoy the size still. Ugh :( comment if you can relate or have any advice please thanks ladies xo

Thank you to all who have supported me!!

I hope all is going well for everyone supporting me and everyone on here in general!! I apologize for my late responses I tend to get upset about the whole thing and stay away from this website for days at a time so that's why....i hope you all had a great New Years!!

Considering explant with fat transfer....

I have considered this before, but decided against it because it seemed like too many people ended up with fat necrosis. But lately I've been reading a lot of stories and seen that some people do get good results. I am a bit scared of getting lipo though, for a few reasons.

1. I am prone to cellulite so I am afraid it would increase cellulite or give it in places that I don't have it yet

2. I'm afraid of ending up with a lumpy stomach/arms (that's where I'd get the lipo, definitely nothing in my legs as they are already skinny/cellulite enough lol)

3. I might not have enough fat to donate and I'm afraid of gaining weight and then having to worry about losing it or looking weird

4. Mostly I'm scared of deformity lol

5. And I'm scared of fat necrosis

I found a doctor near me who seems to have experience in fat transfer. I am going to keep researching and make an appt with him for consultation and see what his opinion is. I plan on going to an expert fat grafter, bc it seems that those people give the best results. So I will probably visit many doctors before I pick the right one. If I can find a good doctor I am thinking of doing the surgery in mid April. I guess I could wait another year until winter but I would like to do this as soon as possible. But I do not want to force things as I believe that everything will fall into place if it is the right time for the surgery. Please comment with insight if you have had lipo or fat transfer to your breasts! I want as much good and bad info as possible. Thanks guys!!

I am 100% decided on explant

I will get it done sometime towards the end of this year, hopefully early November. I'm considering but not 100% sure on getting a fat transfer too. It kind of depends on the price. I'm so excited to finally be taking action towards getting this crap out of me and getting better!!! Also, I will be going to Dr. Feng in Cleveland or Dr. Florence Mussat in Chicago. Still deciding on a dr, but definitely leaning towards Feng. If I decide to fat transfer I will for sure be going to Feng. Wish me luck!!!


I'm so excited!!!! I am booked for January 12 with Dr.Feng!!!!!!! I was feeling scared and I know I will have ups and downs, but now that it's official it feels GOOD!! scary, but GOOD!!! I can't wait to feel the wind on my teet again lol

Prices in case anyone is wondering

It was $1,500 to book with Dr. Feng, and the explant will be $8,300 total. I will not be needing an ultrasound, and hotels are about $100 per night, and I should be there for about 5 days, hopefully only 4 nights.

I can't wait to be me again

I just want to get a new wardrobe and new bras already!!!!! And be all healed up from surgery and back to normal lol. I wish I could push a button and be there now. So here's a few more before implants pic, because I am now so obsessed with my old boobs. I don't know what the hell I was thinking getting a breast augmentation. I really wish I never did this, I hope I can have my old boobies back once they heal. They were so beautiful. 30C to me now is better (on me) than 30E. I talk to my real boobies about how we're going back to normal and we're gonna be comfortable again lol. I'm weird. Can't wait to hold them in my hands and tell them it's gonna be alright again.

Question for ladies who have explanted

So I have little tiny stretch marks all over my boobs. They don't look like normal stretch marks though, kind of like wrinkles almost. They're only noticeable up close I think....no one has mentioned anything to me about it at least. Have any of you had those before and do they get worse after explanting or do they tend to stay the same? I know they probably won't go away completely, I'm just worried about them getting worse or more noticeable after explant. This isn't the best picture of it. In some lighting it's more noticeable plus I just put on oil so you can't see them as well

I deleted all of my photos

Because it was making me uncomfortable that you could see my tattoos and if someone knew me they would know this is my account. I would like to remain anonymous so I will repost before implant, during implant, and after explant photos with my tattoos scribbled out. Sorry for any inconvenience :)

Before implants photos

Here are photos of me before implants, size 30C

Me now with implants

300cc in both breasts, bra size 30E or 28F. 28F is most supportive but is almost impossible to find. My one bra in that size was custom made on etsy. My implants are so heavy and no bras give me the support I need. So uncomfortable. I can't wait to get them out. I don't care about looking like a porn star anymore I want to be sexy because I'm 100% me. Im tired of feeling like the most desirable part about me isn't even real. I'm nervous about the outcome still I'm hoping they'll return to being firm and beautiful. My diet right now consists mostly of legumes, grains, seeds, nuts, veggies, and fruits with the occasional fish here or there. I rarely eat meat anymore but if I do it's fried chicken (lol) I drink a half gallon of water daily or more, drink only water or tea 99% of the time. Hardly any alcohol. I do usually have 1 or 2 crappy food days on the weekend though. I rotate putting vitamin E oil, castor oil, and a natural lotion with shea butter and coco butter in it on my breasts once a day. I'll probably start oiling twice a day once I explant. As for exercise, I hula hoop (I do tricks and such so it ends up being an arm workout and cardio more so than core) and I lift weights for legs 1-2x per week. I plan to get back into lifting upper body after explanting but for now it's too painful. I contemplate starting up again with really light upper body weights but I just hate the way my chest feels for days afterward and it often causes shoulder pain too and just an all over "blah" discomfort while sleeping. I worry about stretch marks so I really really hope all my oils and natural remedies help. Can't wait to amp up the holistic treatments after explanting and really give everything a try. Stuck in wardrobe purgatory lol wishing I could buy more stuff but knowing it's not worth it until January.


Last night I watched a movie with my boyfriend where there were all these nude strippers with huge boobs (some fake some natural) were sexualized and it just made me feel so awful. I hate how women are sexualized, it makes me feel like a damaged off brand product that can never measure up to what men really want. I feel such a mixture of emotions from feeling that my breasts now are exactly as they "should" be in order to be a more attractive "product" that is worthy of love and affection and also feeling a complete hatred for the implants and how they physically feel inside of me. They are so painful, they feel like they're trying to fall out of my body but they're trapped and they can't. When I focus on how my body and my chest feel I feel an overwhelming ball of anxiety in my heart that radiates through my breasts. I want them out, I want to be me. I know that it is not true, that I am not a product and that I am a human being that is naturally beautiful and deserving and worthy of love and affection. But sometimes it is not how I feel. And I have a hard time truly believing that a man can see me as a beautiful goddess and not compare me to another woman and wish I looked differently. I know that I am with the wrong person but I also feel stuck. I'm not going to get into my relationship problems though I do believe (or at least have undying hope) that there is someone out there for me who can truly and effortlessly see and admire both my inner and outer beauty, someone who will look at my small scarred breasts and be turned on by them and my whole body. I just do not have that right now. I guess the most important and primary step I need to achieve in order to find someone like that is for me to look in the mirror and see myself in the way I want to be seen. I guess I've got a lot of work to do healing myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Life just seems so dark and hopeless sometimes when I see how hurt I really am and how much healing I need. It's scary and overwhelming. I'm trying to balance the positive in and not let myself get stuck in depression though it is very easy for me to be consumed by the darkness. I really hope that explanting will help with my depression. I know that I romanticize explanting and hope it to be this magical thing that takes me exponentially in the direction of mental and emotional healing, but I also know that the explant alone won't solve my problems. Anyway, I was feeling upset and wanted to express it to people who may read it and understand. Thank you to all who read this; and to all who feel the way I do - I wish I could give you a big hug right now and that we could all move to an island somewhere that only people who love small boobs are allowed haha. Seriously I wanna vacation there sometime. If it existed. Anyway, love to all of you ladies! We are not alone!

Adding a collagen supplement to my diet

I bought the Great Lakes Gelatin brand Collagen Hydrolysate the other day. Apparently this stuff is supposed to be more easily digested than regular gelatin. Anyway, I figured I may as well start preparing my body for my explant in January. The box suggests taking it 2x a day but I'm going to start with just 1 for a month and see how I goes. I'll probably take extra when I explant so my body can be happy lol. It tastes like flavorless jello, kinda gross honestly. I tried it for the first time today and mixed it with just water and lemon juice. I have a feeling it will be hard to mask the jello flavor. At least the flavor is mild. Maybe I'll get used to it. Does anyone have any suggestions for masking the flavor of this stuff?

I also started taking a hair, skin, and nails supplement about a month and a half ago to help with hair loss and hopefully it will also help keep my boob skin nice too lol. So far my hair and nails are growing faster. Haven't noticed a change in my skin really.

Got my Feng package!!

Got my package of info and vitamins from dr Feng today in the mail. I'm so excited!! Terrified, yes, but excited!! Parts of me do still have doubt. But not the kind of doubt that is intuitive, more the kind that sinks in when you're doing what you know is right but it's terrifying and hard to do. I know this is what I want, I know this is right. I still have my demons and fears and insecurities....BUT I JUST CANT WAIT TO BE ALL NATURAL AGAIN!! If not for looks, for the physical feeling alone. Although I do love my implants sometimes, I feel way too top heavy most of the time. I really hope my shoulder pain subsides after explant. I'm sick of not being able to be active because of it. I love exercising and dancing!!! And being able to sleep on my right shoulder without immense pain lol. That's always a plus haha. Gosh. I can't believe this is all happening. I begin taking the supplements 2 weeks prior to surgery, which happens to be my 24th birthday!!! What beautiful symbolism, the healthy birth of a new beginning. Thank you to whoever reads this, it means so much to me to be heard and related to in this life changing experience. Love to all of you!!! Xoxo

Got a new sports bra

Got a sports bra for explant today! Only $19 at Victoria's Secret :) It's super soft and has light padding and a tiny bit of push up but no underwire. Idk if I will be able to wear it within the first two weeks or not because of the push-up padding, but I'm going to bring it with me and ask dr Feng just in case. It'll make me feel better to be able to wear a sports bra that doesn't make me look totally flat, because I remember feeling that way in sports bras pre implant. It still doesn't feel completely real yet. Kind of real, but still distant. I can't believe I'm going to be all natural in only two months!! I'm so sick of these boobs! Although I do enjoy the attention and validation they bring sometimes I know it will be worth it to be just me again. Squishy, warm, and capable of using my arms lol. I feel like the brain fog has been getting worse, so I can't wait to have a clear mind again too. So many awesome benefits of being me. Woot!!

I am so ready to explant!!!

I'm so sick of the pain....sick of the size...I've gained maybe 3-5lbs and my boobs are just out of control. They are so heavy and painful and I can't stand them. I just want to be me. Looking back idk what the hell I was thinking!!!! I can't wait!! Only a month and a few weeks until my explant.....YES 2017....the year of new beginnings and end of illusion. Ironically the girl who suggested my original ps to me is getting hers explanted in December. Kinda funny. I'm happy for her! Yey!!! I can't wait!!!!

Explant less than two weeks away

I'm feeling nervous now....I know I'm making the right choice but I'm still scared. Scared that my real boobs won't look as good in clothes or that I'll regret it. But my health comes first...and I don't like the way that these implants make me feel. I'm not really sure what to do with my mixed emotions. I lost track of time and was supposed to begin the pre op supplements this past Friday but I will begin them tomorrow. I'm hoping being three days off won't make too big of a difference. I've bought some small boob flattering tops...haven't gotten regular bras yet because I don't really know what size I'll be. I've gained some weight over the holidays so hopefully that will work in my favor with my cup size. I feel like my areolas have gotten bigger in the past few months or so...hopefully they will shrink down a bit when I explant. I can't believe that I'm actually doing this...when I got the implants initially I didn't consider the future realistically at all. I just assumed I'd take them to my grave. I've changed so much since getting them...it's so strange to think about. My friend who's driving to Ohio with me is awesome and very positive and is also a reiki energy healer. So hopefully that will speed up my recovery. I got a juicer for Xmas and have been juicing daily and it feels great. I want to bring it with, but it's huge and I also don't want to have to ask my friend to chop veggies for me along with everything else she'll need to do for me. I hope I feel good enough post op to visit ohio's botanical garden. Being around nature always helps me get to a good place mentally and emotionally.

Pre Op appointment

my pre op appointment went really well today. Dr Feng and her staff are fantastic. They're so caring and kind it's really mind blowing. I'm feeling very exhausted now so i will keep this update short and sweet. Everything went well with my blood work except that my potassium levels were low so i was advised to eat lots of dried apricots and potassium rich foods. I had sushi for dinner (which had salmon, rich in potassium) and I juiced some mixed greens, and also ate a ton of dried apricots (all of those things were recommended by Dr Feng to increase my potassium levels). I ate apricots until i couldn't eat them anymore...i probably had 10 to 15 or so. They're just so sweet and rich tasting....and the texture kind of grosses me out. I'm hoping that was enough potassium lol. I am a bit nervous about emptying/tending to the drains myself, but we'll see how it goes. I'm hoping to get them removed by Monday morning so that we can leave by monday afternoon. I plan to eat mainly Dr Feng's salads and soups while i recover, as their low sodium content should help me drain faster. I'm both nervous and excited. I want to praise Dr Feng and her office some more, but i am seriously exhausted. I woke up at 3am and left my house at 5am to drive 6.5 hours and have been going and going ever since. time to get some rest....my surgery is at 10:30am tomorrow. Wish me Luck!!

oh and one more thing i thought i'd add.... dr feng found a cyst in my breast and she plans to drain it during the explant. i thought that was pretty cool...i'd been stressing out about the cyst for a couple of months now because i was afraid to get a mammogram for risk of rupturing my implants...so I'm glad to hear that it can just be easily drained with a needle while I'm out cold lol...\

wish me luck and send me your love tomorrow ..... only a few short hours and I will be all natural again!!

Explant in a few hours

I'm more nervous than excited now. Don't get me wrong, I really want this still but it's just scary. I know I'm in great hands and that all will go well. I hope to have a quick recovery. I slept pretty well last night...surgery is at 10:30am and I arrive at the place at 10 to begin prep. My friend/caretaker had the stomach flu last night so I'm going over to the clinic to shower before my surgery because I'm afraid of the germs in this bathroom. I washed my breasts with antimicrobial soap last night and I was instructed to do so again this morning prior to my operation. My stomach feels a little sick but I think it's just because I'm hungry and because the last thing I ate was way too many apricots lol. Hoping to stay healthy throughout this healing process. I miss my little kitty back at home. She and I always cuddle at night and it was hard to fall asleep without her there to comfort me. I wish I could call her and talk to her haha I sound like a crazy cat lady. Anyway I can't wait to just have the scary part over with and begin healing. Woot!

I did it!!

Just got out of surgery about 45 min ago. I feel great!!! Will write a longer update later when I get to hotel room. Haven't seen my boobs yet but dr Feng says they look beautiful already.


I haven't seen unbandaged yet but here are some pics! I think they look pretty damn good!!

Surgery Details and answering implant CC question

Hi everyone! I am currently one day post op and I figured I'd give you a detailed review of my surgery.
My friend/helper got the stomach flu the night before my surgery so I was totally freaked out because I needed her to take care of me since I can't lift anything over 5 lbs for two weeks post op. She was up puking all night and was unable to drive me to my surgery in the am. I ended up taking an Uber, and she was recovering all day. I was instructed to shower with antimicrobial soap the night before and morning of surgery. Since my friend had been puking in the bathroom all night, i was paranoid about using the shower in there. I called dr Feng's office and let them know this, and I was able to use one of their showers in the fitness center. The shower was very very clean, and super pretty and nice. I was provided with a towel and had the whole shower room to myself. After showering i went upstairs to the surgery floor and was greeted by a very nice nurse (unfortunately i forgot all of the nurse's names). She brought me into a room where she took my heart rate and blood pressure and asked me some questions about allergies and had me sign some consent forms. Later Dr Feng came in to talk to me and had me sign a few things too. I asked her some questions, then another nurse came in to talk to me. She was very nice, and said she was going to adopt me as her daughter for the day lol. Both nurses were talking to me, trying to keep me distracted while we waited for surgery. I was put under a lighter anesthesia than i was under when I got my implants put in, because the heavier one made me throw up. I was very nervous about waking up during surgery because of this, but the nurse reassured me that it was very very unlikely. When the nurses walked me into the operating room, I began to panic. Not because i didn't trust them, but because the fear of dying or waking up and just of surgery in general was freaking me out. I started crying and asked the mom nurse for a hug. She gave me a giant hug and held my hand as we walked into the room. She kept talking to me about happy things and trying to keep my mind off of what was happening. She had me lay down on the operating table and then they took my arms out of my surgery gown but kept my breasts covered. They put a warm blanket over me because it was pretty cold in the operating room. There was happy music playing in the room. The anesthesiologist asked me for my arm and she put a numbing needle in the back of my hand. it hurt a little bit, but nothing unbearable. As she was doing this, the "mom" nurse was holding my hand and talking to me about happy things. After the numbing, the anesthesiologist put an IV in my hand, which i assume was full of anesthesia. The mom nurse kept talking to me and eventually i fell asleep. The only difference i noticed between the more intense anesthesia i had when i implanted and the lighter one that i had when i explanted, is that when I implanted i was out, then i was awake. With the lighter one during explant, i dreamed happy dreams the entire time, and i woke up very gradually as it wore off. When i woke up, it was as if i had just been woken from the best, deepest sleep of my life. They were still bandaging me up as i was waking up, but i was so groggy that I hardly noticed. Then they lifted me off of the table (which i also hardly remember) and put me onto a different bed and wheeled me into the recovery room. There, the first nurse was writing some things down and talking to me and gave me some water. She asked if I needed anything and I asked for tea. She brought me some delicious coconut type tea...I'm not sure what it was. I had a bit of a sore throat because I guess I had to have a breathing tube during surgery or something. It's something they do for everyone. I spoke to Dr Feng, she told me i had beautiful breasts and a fantastic result and that they had shrunk back nicely. *300CC QUESTION FOR ALL WHO WONDERED* I asked if they were 300cc, and she said one was like 302 and one was 304. That kind of makes me angry though, because my original PS said that he was going to put the same size in both and that it was 300cc. I know 2-4cc isn't a HUGE difference, but i still don't like that I was lied to by my original PS. So anyway, they kept feeding me water and tea until i needed to go to the bathroom. Once I needed to pee, they helped me up and walked me over to the bathroom. I went in and peed, and there was a string I pulled to call the nurse back in. She helped me pump the soap (lol) and opened the door for me. I was able to wipe myself and pee on my own, so that was nice. I was worried about not being able to wipe. After that, the nurse brought me back into the original room where I had my blood pressure taken before surgery. She brought me some water and a bowl of mixed fruits which was delicious. It really hit the spot after not eating all morning or day. I believe the surgery started at around 11 and i was back in that room by around 2:30ish. Those are rough estimates on time. they said the surgery took about two hours. After eating the fruit, the nurse showed me how to empty my drains. It seems a lot more complicated when you read the instruction sheet that they give you than it really is. It's quite easy. Then I ordered some food to bring back to the hotel, and also got a complimentary salad and soup as well.*their food is low sodium and i was informed that a low sodium diet will help me to get the drains out faster* Then I just hung out there waiting for my ride to come get me (she was feeling better by then). Then we went back to the hotel! I've been feeling so energized and happy ever since!!! I know I made the right choice, and I'm so glad I did this!! it was worth the extra money to feel so pampered and taken care of before and after surgery. It was nothing like that when I got the implants put in. I can tell that Dr Feng and her staff really do care about their patients. I"ve been taking Tylenol for pain and I feel pretty great. I slept really well last night... and I have decided to take the antibiotics that Feng suggested. I usually am against them, but I figured since she is holistic but still recommends them that it is probably best for me to just take them. There aren;t that many anyway. So if any of you have been keeping up with my blog, i mentioned a few posts ago how i felt i may have a mild capsular contracture in my right breast but my original PS said that I didn't....well i was right! I actually did have a mild contracture in the right breast and that is the side of my body that i had been having shoulder, back, joint, and hip pain! Right now i have no joint or shoulder pain, but I won't be able to really tell how it is until after I'm off the tylenol if it is really better or not. I believe it will be though, and so does Dr Feng. I forgot to ask for my implants back, hopefully they kept them. They may have been sent in for pathology testing. I know my capsules were sent in; I'm hoping insurance covers that. I haven't seen my entire breasts yet, i'm not allowed to remove the bandages until the drains come out. I keep trying to peek at them, but it is hard to see them with such tight bandaging. I can only see the tops of them and can barley see the nipples. I will keep you all updated as to when I get the drains removed and will very likely take pics asap!!

Post Op Day 2

Hey guys! So I still have my drains in...the Feng Clinic is closed today so I think that even if i was able to have them removed I'd have to wait until tomorrow. I'm really hoping to have them out by tomorrow though...I want to go home to my little kitty!! I'm feeling pretty good...last night I was a little tired physically but mentally I'm quite energized. I think I forgot to take tylenol for 12 hours so when I woke up I was pretty sore...nothing unbearable but definitely uncomfortable. Mostly my armpits hurt and the muscles close to there...so I took another tylenol. If I really wanted to I could do without the tylenol but Idk...I'm already losing my mind sitting around here so I'd rather be more comfortable. I have liver detox pills that I plan to take as soon as I'm off all of my meds. I'm on a few tissue recovery supplements, a natural anti inflammatory, antibiotics, and tylenol. There's an additional pain med Feng gave me and some Xanax but I haven't really needed either of those. The amount of fluid in my drains has been going down since surgery so that's good..it's kinda fun to empty them lol. They're not uncomfortable at all either...I Was worried I'd feel a poking in my breast or something but I really don't feel them at all. They feel like warm ball sacks on my stomach hahaha. They're kinda comfy...like little heating pads. The tops of my breasts are tender when I poke/touch them...I keep trying to peek in and see what they look like but still haven't been able to see much haha. They feel pretty firm considering the circumstances!! Could have to do with swelling but still. Oh and I'm pretty itchy!!! Which is good, itchy means healing but it's hard to itch. I can kinda itch gently through the tape on the incisions. Last night I was able to lean back a little more while sleeping instead of sitting straight up, so I felt really well rested when I woke up. I asked the Nurse and she said that I will be wearing my current dressings (gauze type padding, ace bandage, and surgical bra on top) for two weeks, then after that I will switch to regular bras. I'm not sure if that means sports bras, underwire bras, or push up bras (before implanting I always wore push ups every day because I liked how they looked and felt they were most comfortable). I've been holding off on purchasing any bras...I have one cute soft cup underwire Betsy Johnson bra that I bought over a year ago, a cute strappy bralette that probably has zero support, and a push up sports bra from victoria's secret. (before) I usually wore the calvin klein seductive comfort push ups, they have a very light push up and light padding, and I want to get one because i know it will likely fit perfectly, but I also want to try out that website Adore Me...they have SO much cute stuff!!! lots in my size too...30C...if I'm the same size that is. But I kind of have a feeling that I will be the same size still. From what I can see, it looks like I am. I'm currently waiting on the nurse to call me back for my drain updates. I'll update you guys tonight or tomorrow on my status. Woot!! Happy Healing to all who are in the same boat as me! And to all who are thinking about doing this...it's so worth it!!!


Pics from first time seeing my boobies!! I LOVE them!!! Can't wait to be fully healed and rock some sexy bras!! And maybe even go braless ;);) drain removal was scary, not painful but very very strange feeling. Certainly not pleasant but the worst is over!! Feel free to ask any questions as I am on here all the time teehe. The wrinkles are from gauze/compression. Will write a detailed post about my care instructions later. Xoxoxo!! So happy!!

Pic duplicates

Accidentally deleted a pic from my last post...I don't know how it is on your end but on my app all of my pics posted 3x in a row so I had 25 pics in that one post when there should have been less...anyway here is the pic I accidentally deleted. Lol


I'm bored out of my mind sitting around my house, so I figured I'd post an update on how I'm feeling. I feel pretty normal aside from my chest. High energy, clear mind...the rest of my body feels good. I showered today for the first time since explanting (I wasn't allowed to) and it was nice but strange. I was able to wash my hair though it was a bit awkward. My nipples are extremely sensitive to the water and my breasts feel very very fragile and sensitive. After showering and having no wraps on for probably 20-30 min I started to feel pain in my chest that made it seem hard to breathe but that went away when I put the ace bandage back on. Aside from that they're sore, kinda tingly and numb feeling like a sleeping limb. My incisions don't really hurt, I'll feel a random throbbing now and then but nothing worth taking Tylenol for. The most painful part is actually this random area in the center of my breasts level with my incisions. I feel like the tape puts pressure there or something. I kind of tried putting on an underwire bra just to see how it looked today but was too sore. I'd take pics but I don't really look any different than yesterday. I have seri strips over my incisions which will stay on for two weeks, then over that I have some gauze and some waterproof tape that covers that, which stays on for one week. I'll probably refrain from taking pics until I remove the gauze. After that, I plan on updating pics once a month. I'll let you guys know when I start using oils and natural healing skin treatments. Right now I'm not supposed to use too many oils because they can cause the tape to come off or get in the healing incisions. I don't care about incision scarring honestly, my scars faded to be almost unnoticeable with the implants, and if I decide I don't like them I'm thinking of just getting a cute tattoo over them. But really who cares...I mean they'll be purple and pink for a while but after a year or so it's just a pale white line on pale white skin. Anyway, feel free to ask any questions or chat about boobs! Lol!

Healing nicely

Hi! Yesterday was a great day, I went grocery shopping with my mom and was capable of more than I thought I'd be. She still did all of the lifting of heavy things, but I was able to bag my groceries and what not. When I woke up yesterday morning my ribs were very sore. The feeling was comparable to wearing a corset for too long. I assume it's from all the core strength I've had to use to sit up from laying on my back without my arms. I kind of have to rock myself to get momentum then sit up. After walking around a bit the rib pain subsided. I'm still taking arnica, bromelain, and AM/PM supplements (all of them natural/homeopathic) subscribed by Dr Feng. I went thrift shopping yesterday too after groceries and found a couple of cute shirts to wear back to work with my new boobs!! Only spent $5 too. So far I've purchased 4 bras in my old size (I got excited) all of them underwire push ups for when I go back to work. They're all exchangeable/refundable for 30 days in case they don't fit. I have always wanted to have a large collection of cute bras but have always only ever owned 3 bras at a time, so now I feel like my boobies deserve as many cute bras as they want after what they've been through ;). Another user on this site advised me to slow down on my
Bra purchases, as my size may fluctuate or go up over the months (she did the same thing and ended up going up a bit). Ive decided to listen to her and not buy another bra for a few months (if I can help it!! Hehe). When I showered yesterday I noticed my boobs looked a bit better than the day before; slightly perkier. It wasn't a significant enough change to take a picture over, but it was enough to excite me and give me hope that they will continue to become even more beautiful and closer to how they were before implants!! I can't wait to start with my skin tightening oils. This morning I was able to stretch my arms out above my head for the first time in a week!! It felt SO. GOOD. I stretched them one at a time and both together. My right shoulder (the one that had been giving me issues when I had implants) cracked really loud (in a glorious way) when I stretched it on its own. It's hard to tell if my right shoulder pain will be gone post explant...it's still a tiny bit tender but since I'm not healed everywhere else yet I'm not making any judgements on it just yet. I really hope it returns to normal. If it gives me issues still I will see a chiropractor maybe 6 months down the line when I'm not afraid of tearing anything. I wish I could get a massage right now! My shoulders and back are a bit tight from laying in awkward positions for so long. I may try some very light yoga today (by light yoga I mean laying on my back and stretching my arms up and across a bit, I don't know if that's even considered yoga lol). I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you all for your support and kind words!! Xoxo

Finally took my gauze off

Tomorrow I am one week post drain removal. That means I get to remove my waterproof tape and gauze stuck under my boobs!!! I did it tonight though, because technically I'm only an hour away from 12am tomorrow lol. It kinda hurt a little, the tape was very sticky but it feels SOOO GOOOOD to get the tape off. I also wore a sports bra during the day today. It was a little big, but tight enough to keep me comfy for a day. I'm very disappointed in the bra that I got from Victoria's Secret. The sports bra that I wore today, that is. I bought it in an extra small, assuming that it would fit me because usually extra small clothing fits me, I'm a size 30c in regular bras so it made sense that it should fit me. Unfortunately the unadjustable racer back was too long, and the band was too loose as well. I was able to tie the straps up so that it could give me a little bit more support, but the band was close to being uncomfortably loose. Anyway, I put on some boob oil that I bought on Etsy and that stuff seems to be working pretty well. I'll post a picture of it later. It feels really good to have the ace bandage back on though, I put it back on for while I sleep. My boobs look really good... better than they did the first time that I saw them, but still not quite preop status. I'm really impressed with how my skin has retracted, and they're actually quite a bit firmer than I was expecting. In fact, they may be about 93% as firm as they were before I got implants. The bottoms are still numb, and the tops of them are very sensitive and sore. My nipples are very very very sensitive, anythingthat touches them hurts. My nipples are also kind of peeling a little bit, I assume it's just dead skin from shrinking or something. The nipples also don't really seem to want to get hard all the way unless I get really cold. They're sort of slow to react to temperature change, whereas before they would get hard a lot quicker. I'm sure that will change over time as they heal and return to normal though. I can't wait to wear push-up bras again and low-cut sexy tops! I was never really a sports bra kind a girl before all this happened. I just don't really like how they look under regular clothing. On me, I feel that an underwire bra is more flattering under clothing than a sports bra. Before implants, I used to even work out in a push-up underwire bra LOL. I have a feeling that I'll end up wearing sports bras to work out from now on though, in order to make sure I'm having proper support and also keeping my breast tissues healthy and happy :-). Friday will be the first day that I'm able to wear a push-up bra! Expect pictures :-) I will also update photos of my breasts on that day. Thanks for reading! Xoxo


I've tried on some normal bras that I bought and I'm not sure what size I am. I'm going to the store today to try on some different sizes. Surprisingly one of my old 30E bras from implants fits me...when I wore it with my implants my boobs spilled over but now my boobs fill out the cups perfectly. So strange. I used an online measuring system and it says I'm a size 26DD....so I'll probably settle for maybe a 30D bc I have no idea where to find a band size that small... sigh lol.

4 weeks post op

I'm a couple of days shy of four weeks post op. I'm not 100% normal yet but probably like 87%. My chest is still a little tight and I feel weak/slightly uncomfortable when I pick up heavy things, but for the most part I can do my daily tasks without trouble. I'm thinking of going back to the gym soon, within the next week or two. Just for lower body stuff and stretching. It's comfortable to go braless, but only for 15 min or so and then I start getting shooting pains in both breasts. I guess the tissues or something aren't healed all the way yet. Psychologically, I'm basically one step above where I was before implants. I don't necessarily wish they were bigger, I just wish that they could be recognized and appreciated by society as sexy. And I'm sure they are but idk, there's still that part of my brain that's socialized to believe that they need to be bigger to be seen as worthy. It's not as bad as before though, and they look damn good in a push up bra!!! I've been wearing lots of low cut shirts to show them off. I'm a bit insecure of them naked, though. I haven't shown my bf in person and no one has seen them in person besides me. I feel like when my nipples aren't hard my areolas are a bit large- I think they haven't quite shrunk back to normal yet. My right breast has more sensation than my left. The right feels a weird numbness in the center that stretches to the bottom but it's only noticeable when I'm braless. My right nipple is still extremely sensitive and sore. It's the quickest to respond to coldness and gets hard first, which kind of hurts. The left breast isn't necessarily numb, more so just doesn't have a lot of feeling. Kinda hard to explain. The left nipple is slower to get hard unless I'm really cold. It kinda gets hard on top first then slowly the rest of it gets hard. This can make my nipples kinda appear to point in different directions unless they're both all the way hard or both all the way soft. In those cases, they're close to symmetrical, but not quite as symmetrical as they were before implants. I'm hoping it's just because my breasts are healing at different rates and that they will become symmetrical again over time. I remember dr Feng saying that the tissues healing can change the shape at first and that you won't know your final results for many months down the line. You can see what I'm talking about in the front facing pic I'm attaching to this post. They're not necessarily saggy, but not quite as perky as they were before implants. I'm trying not to obsess over it but it does kind of upset and bother me a bit. I mostly don't think about it during the day though because I look great/perky in bras. Thanks for reading, it helps to be able to vent to people who understand.

5 months post op

I don't feel the need to post pics because my breasts really haven't changed that much aesthetically. There are tiny changes, but mostly ones that aren't very apparent on camera. My skin is tighter, but still not 100% the same as it used to be. I've gained some weight, so they're a bit bigger. Sensation is getting better...I forgot how much better sex is with real breasts!! I still have that cyst in my right breast, and I think it's a tiny bit bigger, but this could be because my breasts themselves have gotten bigger. I'm usually a 30D now, but I can still wear my C bras. I want to lose a bit of weight, so I think I'll keep buying C's to be safe. Bralettes are my BEST FRIEND!!! I highly recommend the Aerie brand...if I was rich, I'd own every style and color!! They're so sexy and comfortable. There is not a moment that I have regretted my decision to explant. I had one moment where I missed the comfort or "security blanket" of having "perfect" breasts that fit society's standards, but I do not miss actually having the implants at all. From time to time, I become very upset about having ever gotten the implants in the first place because truly, they are not 100% as perky as before implants. They're still beautiful and I try my best to accept them, but sometimes I do get very down about what I did to my body. I wouldn't go so far as to say I wish I'd never gotten the implants, because I learned a lot about myself through this process and I may never have appreciated my real breasts the way I do now if I had not gone through this. I am proud of them and their size. I just wish they would be as perky as before. But maybe they will be one day...once I'm one year or more post op...the human body does miraculous things. Either way, I'm working on loving them now, as they are, because they are a part of me and they are 100% mine. I haven't gotten much into lifting weights again yet, but I already feel SO MUCH stronger!!!!! I still struggle with body image and perfectionism, but it's a long process to learn to love yourself as you are when you've been socialized and conditioned your entire life to do the opposite. It's an interesting journey. Anyway, feel free to ask questions as I am happy to help anyone who's going through this crap!! Stay strong ladies!!

Decided to post pics

Cause why not? I feel beautiful today and so grateful that I've explanted!!! I also wanted to show that after my muscle repair explant I have NO muscle distortion at all!!! They lift up a bit, but still look great. I'm so glad I went with Dr. Feng!
Cleveland Plastic Surgeon

Dr. Lu-Jean Feng is by far the best option for explanting!! She and her staff went above and beyond to make sure my experience was as comfortable and relaxing as possible. I really felt that they cared about my emotional and physical wellbeing and it was the best surgical experience I could ever have asked for. They pampered me as if I were in a spa! Thank you to Dr Feng and all of the wonderful nurses and the anesthesiologist that helped me through this time in my life!

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
Was this review helpful? {{ voteCountOthers + ' other' + (voteCountOthers == 1 ? '' : 's') }} found this helpful