I got a breast augmentation on May 16 2015. Before the implants, I was a size 30C. I had a decent amount of breast tissue and never really considered myself to have "small" boobs...although people would sometimes tell me they were small I always viewed them as the medium/small side. I had always wanted bigger boobs, while also being somewhat happy with the size I was at. I had considered doing a breast aug some day, but didn't think I'd ever actually do it since I was pretty happy with how I was and was terrified of surgery. I got a job at a new salon, where there were lots of beautiful women with perfect bodies and huge fake breasts. Some of my coworkers had them too. I had never felt completely happy with my body, and I felt that this was a good time to change it. I got into bodybuilding and lost a lot of weight, my cup size didn't decrease significantly but they did get a bit smaller and they still stayed perky and firm. I feared that if I got my body fat as low as I wanted to that I would have an A cup or a B cup and I didn't want that. I was terrified of being any less than I was.
I started dating a guy who was into big boobs and fake boobs, and we hung around people with big boobs and fake boobs and I just felt completely inferior. I never felt that I was as sexy as they were. I felt that if I got huge fake boobs that everyone would think I am sexy and that my boyfriend would be more attracted to me and I wanted to be his perfect trophy girlfriend. He never pressured me into the implants, I just always noticed him staring at big breasts and it made me feel insecure and I wanted to be the best and I wanted to be exactly what he wanted. So fast forward a few months into our relationship, I could not take having a C cup anymore. I was convinced that I would love myself more and feel so much more sexy with bigger boobs. I thought lingerie would fit better, clothing, etc. I had gone in for several consultations, saying that I wanted my boobs to look exactly the same as before, just bigger. And I also said I wanted them to look 100% as real as possible. I only talked to the doctor a couple of times but the nurse assured me that they would look completely real to people who didn't know me before the surgery, and that I would not be able to see the implants at all. She also convinced me to go quite a bit bigger than I had originally planned.
The surgery went well, it wasn't extremely painful although the healing did somewhat suck. I was back to the salon doing hair after a couple of weeks. I was very excited about them but also nervous because they looked quite a bit more fake than I was expecting, but it was very early in the surgery so I thought maybe they'd look more real a few months down the line. I took the month off of working out, but once I tried to go back it just wasn't the same. I was extremely depressed, felt insecure that everyone knew I had gotten the surgery, and obviously wasn't as strong as I was before the surgery. As months went on, I began to become more depressed and unsure of my decision. I began addressing my self esteem issues and realized that the entire bodybuilding journey I had been on was fueled by self hatred, and it had caused me to be even more unhappy with myself even though I looked better. I felt as if I hadn't really made the choice of getting the implants for me, and realized that it wasn't what I really wanted. It was just as hard if not harder to find lingerie, because now I was a size 30E. I was still too petite for most lingerie, and my boobs just looked stupid and fake in all of the stuff that it did fit in. I feel like they make my butt look smaller and make me look like I'm going to tip over. Certain lighting they look amazing, and most people who like implants would probably think I have a fantastic result. In some lighting and most pictures they look extremely fake and high profile, they are very perky for how large they are, and I really just do not like them.
I go back and forth between liking them because of all of the attention I get, because guys do stare a lot and my boyfriend likes them a lot. But I've also learned to appreciate real boobs and medium sized boobs more than I did before. I want to be me and be natural and not have to worry about future problems with the implants. I'm worried that if I do not take them out now or at least as soon as possible, that I'll want them out down the road when I'm 30 or 40 or older, and they won't be able to return to normal and will be deflated. I am hoping that if I do it soon enough, I'll be able to return to my old boobs or at least something very close to them. I've seen some stories on here from women in similar situations who have had their boobs return to beautiful normal real boobies, and I am hoping mine will do the same. I want to be me again, and be able to do yoga and be more active and just not worry about my stupid chest muscles. It feels weird to use them and I worry about tearing them. I have also had some random issues with cysts on my ovaries that happened a couple months after the surgery. I had a cyst the size of a baby's head, and it will randomly swell and shrink. it is extremely painful and makes it hard to walk.
The doctor wanted me to get it removed, but I have been going a more holistic route since the implants I want to be all natural, do all of my own research, and am very weary of trusting doctors. I have gotten the cyst under control but when the cyst does swell up, sometimes when I poke the scar tissue in my right boob I feel an instant stabbing pain in the cyst as if it is connected. After reading a bunch of stories on here, I wouldn't be surprised if it is connected. I wish that I never got these implants, even though I have learned some things along the way, they are so depressing and a huge problem in my life right now. I am hoping that after I get them removed I can begin to love me for the real me and start to feel as if this was all a positive learning experience. As of right now, I feel mixed emotions of being glad that I am on the way to learning to love myself and also feeling extreme regret for putting myself into this crappy situation. My boobs were beautiful before, I don't know how I was unable to see it. I hope that one day I can have my old boobs back to how they were and that I will be able to hold them and feel the sheets on my naked skin again. I can feel it now, but it just isn't the same. Hopefully this is all for the best. I will be going in for a consultation with my surgeon today to talk about explant, and I will post another thingy afterwards with pre/post implant pics and what not. Hopefully I can help someone else out there.