46 Yrs Young, 5'5", 150 Lbs...So, Soooo Very Nervous - Chelmsford, MA

Ok so I am one of those gals that has been creeping on this site for weeks now, reading all of the personal stories that you have shared, looking at the before and after photos with envy....that women have gone through this and happy happy for them and their beautiful results. Me, on the other hand, I want to have a BA very badly, have wanted to for at least 20 years now, never had the financial means. After scraping and saving, I got the courage to approach the subject with my husband. I'm not going for the Pamela Anderson high profile round basketballs on my chest look, as I told him. Just over the years, my perky B/C have changed and despite working out to keep fit, they are losing their round shape and size. For once in my life, I want to be able to fill out a bra and not have that top gap, or to fill out the top if a bathing suit without padding or under wire pushup. It sucks when the bottoms fit, and the top is sadly too big. I'm 46 years old for good sake and my boobs are 14. I want to look and feel womanly and more confident. I made an initial consult appointment the end of May. All the while driving there, I was on autopilot, talking to myself like what the heck am I doing, I'm so embarrassed, why can't I be happy with what God gave me? After meeting with the Dr., She suggested 300cc, moderate profile, Mentor. I tried on sizers for 250, 300, and 350. I told the nurse I would probably go with 250 or 300, rule our 350. Ha! Now that I have spent some time gawking on this site, I am going for it. I had set my surgery as far out as possible, the end of December. Still unsure if I could go through with it, not because I don't want bigger boobies, but I am scared beyond belief, especially of being put under, and not waking up. Imagine if my husband lost his wife and my son loat his mom, because of my selfish elective surgery. Killed by vanity. I'm not kidding, I am seriously giving myself anxiety over this and close to calling it off for that reason. I was able to bump the surgery to September! Right around the corner. I spoke with the nurse who sent me a packet with all the things that need to be done in the next week's prior to surgery. It arrived yesterday, and it came with pages of a consent form that discloses all of the things that can go wrong. Now I'm not only making myself sick and getting my stomach in knots over the thought of being put under, now I'm worried about embolisms, infection, etc etc. OMG. How real are these concerns!? Am I the only one thinking about this stuff? Was anyone else as freaked out and scared as I am?