*deep breath* I debated for quite a while if I'd...
*deep breath* I debated for quite a while if I'd start writing about my journey. I've read countless stories from all of you and scoured countless pictures. But I think it's time!
So I'm a mom of 3 kidlets: 8, 5, and 2. I breasted them all for a year. I've always been tiny, though I got some decent boobs while pregnant/nursing. It was really depressing seeing them disappear after I was done each time. A few months ago I realized that it was time to do something for myself. I have been teased since a teenager. It was a brutal time. I still feel incredibly uncomfortable at the beach and every top and bra are MAJOR padded. I hate it. It's gotten so bad that I can no longer take off my top for my hubby. We are coming up to our 10th anniversary and I just want things to change. I know he's excited too!! My first consult is coming up on Tues and I'm pretty nervous but VERY excited!! I'm not looking to be huge, I just want to look like a regular woman!! :)
Not sure what to expect!
(That would be breastFED...thanks auto correct. :p)
TOMORROW is my first consultation!! I'm freaking out!
Well the consult went great!! It was a little rushed, there's just so much to cover!! But the PS and I are definitely on the same page and he knows his stuff!! Very happy! So we went ahead and decided to go with him and he had an opening on March 3rd! FREAKING OUT!! I have so much to do!! First, I really need to choose a size...debating between 350cc and 375cc right now. I just don't want to end up too big!
I am 5'8"ish, 120lbs and 32AA (seriously, they could be in the negative! Haha) I'd like to end up in the C cup range!
Ok ladies, about 3 weeks away and I need to get some bras for afterwards! They said they'd be sending me home with one for a few days then I needed to have my own. I heard rave reviews about the Coobie bras AND they ship to Canada! I'm thinking about getting a few of those! Any others I should consider? Keep in mind, I'm in Canada! :)
I feel like I should be way more excited...I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do this!! But the closer I get (10 days!!), the more I feel stressed! I haven't decided on a size, I'm stressed about having surgery and being under anesthetic, recovering and not being able to be a good mom to my kids, and all this money spent on just ME! Ugh. I want to feel better about this!! :(
One week...countdown begins!
Holy moly!! 7 days! After a weekend of high anxiety and major stress, I feel like I'm starting this week fresh. I'm getting the house organized, checking things off my list and letting myself get a little excited! I keep thinking that next week I'll be watching the Bachelor...with BOOBS!! LOL! That is, if I'm not too doped up! Totally surreal! I've booked a hot stone massage for this Saturday coming up, can't wait! I know it'll be a while before I can do anything like that again. It was actually a baby shower gift from 2 YEARS ago! Wowsa :p I'm so excited to finish work this week! :)
A few days...
Cannot believe tomorrow is Friday already...
When we booked, it was 4 weeks away. I've read so many women saying the time just crawled for them! But I think it was the perfect amount of time! I gave sufficient notice for my time off and have had time to get everything in order that I can think of. But it didn't feel like too long at all! All I've got is this weekend!! When is this going to feel real?!? Eeeekkkk!!
I still feel so hesitant to tell people. Only a handful of people know what's going on. Everyone has been pretty supportive. Some were shocked, but not knowing exactly what my body looked like underneath all that padding definitely added to that. I know once some people find out, that there'll be talk. There'll be some gossip and judgement. But I wouldn't ever change my decision because of how they feel. There will always be those people who have something to say about EVERYTHING. And one day, even this will be old news. Pushing out the negative.
Had an awesome day with the kiddos today! Took them to an indoor fun centre with large bouncy structures and play areas. Wow, we were seriously wiped tonight!! I swear I pulled a few muscles! Haha, what a workout! I feel like I need to do all these things that I won't be able to do for a little while...eases the mommy guilt a tad. Looking forward to getting my last few things taken care of this weekend, getting some good time with my kiddos, and relaxing with my hot stone massage. Hope all you lovely ladies have a great weekend!! :)
One day at a time...
Sorry for my slowness ladies! I had surgery on Monday and was pretty sleepy and sore when I got home. Honestly, this week has been a little rough. I've been extremely sore and swollen and the pain meds I'm on make me pretty loopy. So I haven't ventured too far from my bed. I could barely keep my eyes open for the first few days and I've thrown up a few times. I cut back a little on the meds since they are the main culprit. Today I feel like I have a little more energy. I tidied up a little bit and I sorted some socks, and then I had to lay down! Haha, it's hard being so useless! I'm also trying to be patient as far as these implants settling. They are still pretty goofy looking. As you can see in my before pics, I wasn't quite even. So my PS said to just be patient, they've gotta settle in, stretch out, and find their place. :) I can start massage on Monday. I've got some bruising here and there, but not too bad. I've accidentally leaned on my arm to hard or moved too fast and wowsa, paaaaainful! I guess I was hoping I'd be in a little better shape by now, but I know everyone is different!
One thing I did NOT expect was the crazy heartburn!! :O I'm guessing its because everything is so smushed in there! But man, annoying! I'm also getting used to the squishes and little gurgling feelings coming from my boobs! Lol, what a crazy roller coaster ride this has been!!
I'm throwing in this picture because I haven't put one up since surgery! It's not the greatest, but I just woke up and feel like it at this moment! So you get what you get! Haha, I'll get a better one later today. I'm still a little too nervous to post an updated nudie one. Honestly, they are still pretty goofy looking! Still quite high, squarish, Franken-boobish! haha...And I've got that awful tape with lovely bloody residue over my crease incisions still there. It's getting a little itchy and it looks terrible but they said to leave them until they fall off. And I don't want to mess up anything scar-wise by ripping them off!
My hubby left for work very early this morning, and when he did, I woke up in bad pain. I felt short of breath...it was awful. I was scrambling for pain meds and on the verge of tears. I can't wait until I'm not relying on meds! I don't take a ton but still :( And all I want to do is roll over and curl up on my side!! This side-sleeper is going through serious withdrawals! I keep telling myself that this period of time may feel long, but it's actually very short in the scheme of things. Patience. Waking up in the morning and having boobs is getting me through. ;)
So yesterday I was texting with a friend who knew I had it done (very very few people know). She only knew because we ran into her and her hubby at the PS office on our first consult! Lol, what are the chances?!? She had something else fixed and was on the end of her follow up appts. So she's been there to answer a lot of questions (same PS). While we were talking, she asked what size I went with and she said she was shocked! "Wow, you really went for it hey?!" I honestly didn't know what to say! I hadn't felt like I went a crazy size. And then she listed a few people who had gotten their boobs done and some had less cc's than me, etc. I felt like I had to justify my choice to her. But afterwards, I realized that this will just be a taste of what's to come I'm sure. I would never have not done it because of someone judging me, but it's interesting.
Ok, I've done my little rant for this morning! Hope all is well for you ladies out there in Boobieland! ;)
(PS: when can we start driving?! I want to but I'm terrified to!)
Looove this cute comfy bra!
A little bit of blues...
I'm just gonna say it. I miss my crazy life. I miss being productive. I miss scooping up my kids and dancing in the living room. I'm trying to suck it up and be a big girl but I just feel whiny today. Kids are at Grandma's, hubby is at work and I'm sitting here feeling like a sloth. I'm sitting here in a lavender bath (not a full one, don't worry), with a tall glass of fresh juice I just did up. I've got the spa music going and everything. And I still feel like poo.
Yesterday my mom took me out for a little outing. It wasn't even very long but I just couldn't wait to get back home to bed! I was getting back into the vehicle and had a big shiver and WOW. YOUCH. So yes, I'm also excited to sneeze, cough, shiver, button a button, and roll over onto my side in bed and not be cursing and swearing. Hubby is all ooh la la about these new boobies (he's been booby deprived for a long time!! Haha) and I'm just like ahhhhhh don't touch me!! Scared.
So I'm going to wash my hair, put a little makeup on and try and be more positive. This too shall pass.
2 weeks already!
I cannot believe I've hit the 2 week mark! I've gotta say, it feels so awesome to feel human again!! I think it was day 10 post op that I truly felt I turned a corner. I didn't feel the need to nap after just having a shower, and I pretty much stopped any pain medication other than a rare moment here and there. I'm still being super careful with lifting and overdoing it in general but I've resumed most of my housework. Still being super careful with driving, turning too sharp can be pretty painful!
So it took me a million tries to get any decent pics! I don't know how you ladies do it!! They look so different in pics than they do in real life! So one of the girls is still higher and more squarish. But I'm not surprised, as it was the smaller of the two and has some stretching to do! They are both definitely still high-ish, so I'm (sort of) patiently still waiting for that, I know it takes time! They do feel slightly softer and I can squish them a little closer together. I love them in bras, still getting used to them naked. I know they've still got some serious dropping and fluffing to do, but whenever I look in the mirror it's like WOAH! Torpedo boobs! Haha!
I still have this pain in righty when I bend right over or stretch too far. It feels like a ripping feeling inside and ouchiiiiieee! Not fun! My incision sites get a little sore sometimes, mainly if my bra band has dug in a little or I've overdone it a little. But I've taken the nasty tape and original steri strips that were on them and that feels so great! Still some bruising here and there, but I bruise easily so I'm not surprised!
I'm doing my massage each day like my PS said, usually with Bio Oil or coconut oil. Feeling is coming back slowly. The nipples aren't feeling like they want to be touched! And underneath is still a little "asleep" feeling.
After a week between updates, I'm trying to think of anything else I need to add! But I think that's all I can think of for now! Hope all you ladies are doing great! :)
Shopping with boobs!!
Wow, first time bathing suit shopping tonight! WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD. For the first time ever, not worrying about padding! Yessssss!!! Once again, pics are so not my forte, but I tried! I have one more I'll have to post later...yay boobs!!
Wow! Cannot believe I've already zoomed past the 1 month mark!!
I am back to almost all of my regular activities (yay for sleeping on my side again!!!), just being careful with super heavy things and not overusing my chest muscles. I am feeling GREAT! The first couple weeks were pretty awful, not gonna lie. But ladies, IT GETS BETTER! It feels like an eternity at the time, but before you know it you'll be feeling human again. Follow the instructions from your PS, take care of yourself, rest lots, and things will go well for you! :)
So I'm finally feeling like these new additions are part of me! At the beginning of this journey, I had many moments of feeling like I made this terrible drastic decision. I think that's pretty normal when you make a big change like this. At this point, I am SO happy. I feel like this burden of body shame has been lifted after all these years. Don't get me wrong, I have other things that I like about myself. But this one part that is so womanly, wasn't there. Not that all women "need" boobs to feel like a woman, but in my mind it did. It has changed so many things for me. I feel like so many people in this world have such a negative view of plastic surgery. They feel like it is vain, or that people mutilate their bodies. Sure, there are some who maybe overdo it, or do it for the wrong reasons. But I feel like most people are just regular people who want to feel GOOD in their own skin. Isn't that ok? Isn't that a good reason? I think so! Ladies-do your research, find an awesome PS, have a support system, and do it for YOU! Before you go through with such a big decision. Those are very important! :)
Ok, my little speech is over! :)
I am now collecting bras and bathing suits! Still a little early for certain styles, but I'm fitting around a 34C right now. Exactly where I wanted to be!!! THRILLED. It's so funny now, I'm avoiding padding in bras and bikini tops! That's the one thing I absolutely needed before and now I'm almost afraid of it! Lol! It's a good feeling!! Hubby and I took the kids to the pool for the first time (since the surgery) the other night and it felt so amazing to not want to hide under a rock while wearing a bathing suit! It was kind of the first public "appearance", as I'm obviously wearing clothes when I'm out usually! Haha. So I was a little shy about them, but I didn't feel like I needed to throw my hands over my chest, or cover up with a towel. It was a really great moment. :D
Forgot to include these pics with my update^^! :)
Where has the year gone?!
Last week I celebrated my one year boob-anniversary! Totally crazy. Hubby and I just got back from 10 days alone in Mexico and it was faaaaabulous!! :D We really needed the break! May I just say that I am so so happy I got boobs before we went on a trip like this?! It felt so awesome to be in a bikini and not feel like I had to hide under a towel the while time. I could walk around with confidence and that feels pretty amazing! I was lying on the beach one day and I could feel hubby staring at me, so I ask him why. He says "oh, I just wish I could give your doctor a high five right now" ;) I had a good laugh! I brought s million bathing suits and I had a couple strapless dresses too that I would have never been able to wear beforehand. Freedom. :) Boobs are doing great, I'm totally used to them and obviously loving them. I didn't regain full feeling in them, which does suck a little. But that's one of the risks you take. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat!! Hope all you ladies are doing awesome!