Removal After 3 Months - Best Decision Ever.

I'm only 6 weeks post op, but I want to explant really really badly.

I hate these stupid boobs with all my heart. I just wish I could snap my fingers and be back to what I was before all of this. I'm such an idiot for ever getting breast augmentation. Part of me truly resents myself for getting this procedure done.

I was so caught up in so many things, and I wish I was asked more questions, I wish I was worked more about what it feels like to carry around heavy implants.

I wish I made a different decision, because now I have to go under again, regardless of if it's to explant or to downsize.

Right now I'm leaning towards explanting, because if I want to I can always "re-implant" after.

Hopefully, everything will bounce back after a few months as I have not had them that long, and I'm young still (25).

I think one of the things that might suck the most is the stupid scaring. My incision is below the crease, however my PS lowered my creases to accommodate this stupid implant, so in surgery he will have to "raise" them... meaning my scar will now be below my crease... :(.

God I wish I never did this. Looking at my before pictures of my perfectly healthy young breasts, I wish I had gotten out of my head and really talked to more people about breast implants. I wish I had spent time on Real Self. I wish I had talked more about my insecurities with other people so that they didn't become the big monster that they ended up being for me in my head.

I wish a lot of things.

If I could snap my fingers and have my old boobies back, I would.

I totally hate these stupid things on my best. I hate them.

I hate myself for putting unrealistic expectations on what I'm suppose to "look" like, be like etc. All for what? Seriously?! Like who the eff cares. I hate cute boobs before, they were not perky or perfect, but they were mine, and I enjoyed them so much. I wish I never picked them apart the way I did.

I went to my PS's office yesterday, didn't have an appointment, but just talked to the staff to ask if anyone had had an "explant" before... she said, no. Wow. Must really be something wrong with me to take these things so much lol.

I've thought about downsizing considerably. I'd still be rather large though, and I'd still have an implant in me. Which, guess what, sucks.

Hugging people sucks, forget laying on my stomach or on my side all I feel is implant. It's like I'm laying on two beach volleyballs .They look retarded when I lay down, like two mounds that separate...

When I bend over I literally look like I have utters. Gross.

It's just so stupid. I always wanted to "change" my body, strive to be something... but the truth is, I should have just accepted what I was and been happy with that and made the most of it. I shouldn't have gotten caught up in ideas that I needed to be something or someone else.

If could remove them and have them basically go back to what they were, I would be beyond trilled. I would be ecstatic. I would be, forever grateful and happy, and I would be way nicer to myself when it comes to my body and my expectations for how I am suppose to "look".

Seriously. I have no idea why I was so hard on myself. I remember just after getting my BA I went to the movies with a friend... and I saw all these couples, all these people together, and none of them looked perfect. None of them looked like they were going to win a "Spring Break" bikini contest. And yet, they looked happy, they look like they loved each other. They looked like how I used to, before I started hating myself.

I think I should get my implants out. I think I should learn to accept that I'm a little chubby, and I don't have "perfect" breasts. I think I should be okay with that. I think I should learn not to make apologies for the way I look, or don't look.

I think I need to accept my "cuteness" and not try so hard to look like something other than that.

I can't believe how much I used to like my boobs and how much I ironically started hating them as of recent. I mean really, who the eff does that?!

I should have left my breasts alone, and I now I have to deal with getting them removed, and waiting several months for them to "return" to their native state, which I'm really really hoping they will.

These boobs suck, and I don't think I will be happier if I get them smaller. I think I'll only be happy if I get them removed, which is unfortunate, because it's the hardest choice.

I just have to accept that I'm not a "big boob" girl. lol. Just going to have to find a guyy that's more into butts ahaha. I don't know. Just wishing I never did this, but I know the longer I keep them in, the more unhappy I'm just going to be.

I miss my old boobs so much :(.

Totally bums me out that even if I get them back I'm going to have stupid scars, and the scars will likely be below my boob, because my PS lowered my creases....

That's honestly the only thing I'm concerned about. Maybe that's stilly of me, for that to be my only concern, but it really is. I'm pretty sure that my boobs will bounce back, hopefully, and that's all that I really care about.

But I've been so many girls BA scars fade to nothing to the point where they can hardly see them?

And I suppose there are always scar "treatments" to encourage them to fade to nothing. But the fact that I'll aways be able to kind see them sucks.