24 Years Old, 3 Year Old Implants, Journey of Self Acceptance - Buckinghamshire, GB

I was young (21), impulsive, insecure and got the notion into my head that having bigger breasts would make me complete and feel more feminine. I don’t even recall having an issue about my breasts until I reached this age but I have a terrible tendency of getting an idea in to my head and obsessing about it until I do it, there was no talking me out of it. I started researching in June 2011, had the surgery in September. I had some money I had inherited and I used this to pay for the surgery, I have no doubt that if I hadn’t has this money ready and waiting I wouldn’t have taken the decision so lightly as I would have had to wait longer before being able to do it.
I suppose in some ways it did help me feel more feminine, I feel better balanced when I’m naked as I have a larger lower half of my body than upper and the implants helped to balance that out. If I’m totally honest to myself, I have never truly felt comfortable with the connotation that goes with ‘fake’ breasts and feel unhappy with the fact that I have them. For the first year, I wore tight tops and tried to make the most of having them and to feel proud. I secretly found them a little too big and knew they didn’t quite look in keeping with my small frame but couldn’t admit that to myself or regret might sink in which I wasn’t ready for. The second year, the novelty had worn off and I found myself subconsciously buying looser tops, larger cardigans and definitely no push up bras anymore. I have always been proud of my flat stomach and it’s probably the part of my body I feel best about but haven’t worn anything that shows its ‘flatness’ off for the last three years because there’s basically no such top that’s hugs your tummy but not your boobs. I also noticed my envy of women with smaller breasts and how elegant they look, how ironic is that, I spent thousands of pounds getting these implants, and I was jealous of women who looked as I did before implants. Then with the third year end looming I finally said it out loud, which wasn’t an easy stage to get to, “I regret having this done and if I could get a do-over I would never do it again”. I said this to a friend who didn’t really think too much of it and reassured me they look really good, but for me having admitted it to myself and to another human being was a massive step. About 6 months ago I found this website and realised I could actually go back to me, and that hopefully I won’t look horrendous. I fished out my before pictures and felt so saddened by how warped my opinion of my pre implant breasts was. They were fine! A tiny bit asymmetrical which had always been the case and still is but nowhere near as flat as I remembered and generally quite pretty, even more regret! The implants have become a constant reminder of my inability to accept myself the way I am, always striving to fix my imperfections. So I’m going for it (screams of nerves and excitement ringing through my brain at that statement) my surgery is booked for the 29th December (happy new year to me!) and now it’s the waiting game. My implants will have been in three years and three months at this time and the procedure is going to cost me £2160 GBP (the review requires it to be shown in USD so for all GB readers I wanted to pop the sterling.

A saving grace was my surgeon, Mr John Dickinson of Unique Cosmetic Surgery. He really did do a brilliant job (in my opinion). When I’m naked you can probably tell they aren’t real just because they don’t have the natural sag and crease, but they do have a natural slope and look nice in clothes. I had 335cc anatomical (tear drop shaped) implants placed under the muscle and have been very lucky to develop no aesthetic problems such as CC or bottoming out. My breasts are quire firm but this is a compromise you make when choosing the shaped implants, to achieve the natural slope the silicone gel is firmer to hold this shape. I have lost all sensation in both nipples and certain areas of my breast. I can’t go braless without them going tingly and generally becoming very achy, and I can’t sleep without a sports bra on without needing to shove a pillow in between them for support. They have never felt like part of my body, I’m not sure what I expected seeing as they are an alien object, but I suppose I had hoped they would settle in and feel like mine. For removal, my surgeon will be excising the initial scar and reconnecting fresh tissue to hopefully avoid any lumpy scaring, the capsule will not be removed as he says it will be very thin and we could cause unnecessary aggravation to the area and slight loss of breast tissue removing this. He does not put sutures in to the pocket as he believes your body knows what to do and doesn’t like to create any more areas for your body to have to heal other than the absolute necessary ones. When I asked regarding compression he believes this can cause odd adhering of the breast tissue so just advised a small supportive bra be worn post op.
I want to thank everyone on here for having created reviews of your experiences. It’s scary now beginning my own knowing that as much as I look at all of your pictures and read your reviews for reassurance, the truth is my body will heal however the heck it wants to and there’s always a risk it’s not going to look how I want it to, all of you must have felt this concern too so thank you for being brave and letting all of us be included in your journeys. I can’t wait to have little boobies again but am very anxious about the whole experience. As you can see from my before pictures I didn’t have a lot of breast tissue but hopefully enough to leave me with nice little breasts once my body has gone through the initial emptiness and sag stage (I hope) :) I will upload photos this evening as am having some difficulty now

Just some before pictures and some of me with the implants still in

I'm very much looking forward to getting this whole procedure behind me. I keep picturing the worst possible outcome which I know is a very negative view to take and I'm aware that I should be visualising the best outcome but am finding it very hard at the moment. I had a dream the other night that I woke up and had nipples the size of burgers and boobs the size of penny's! lol, clearly its on my mind at the moment.
The other subject worrying me at the moment is my amazing fiancé. I didn't mention him in my last post mostly for wanting to introduce my story solo to begin with. We have been together 6 years so he has known me pre BA and post. He wasn't in support of my BA and has since admitted that his reasons for this were that he didnt really like fake breasts and would never choose to watch [RS bleep] which had women with breast implants in it because he doesnt like the way they look (we are very open with eachother!). I do rather wish he had told me this before hand but understand that I was very set on the idea at the time and there would have been little point trying to talk me out of it. Despite his initial concerns, he now very much likes my implants and is worried about them going and how they will look like after. I should mention, he hates change, in any aspect of his life. I cant wait to have them out, and be confident without them, every outfit I put ont at the moment all I see is them, but simply hate to think that he will not like them as much :( has anyone esle had this issue?I know he'll be fine and he's in total support of doing anything that helps to improve my comfort, but just feel sad I'm putting him through the whole ordeal of getting used to his partners body changing again. Most men just have to deal with a little weight gain/loss [RS bleep]