I went to see Mr Dickinson at Spire, Reading for a consultation on a lower face and neck lift. Having paid for a consultation I felt pretty certain I wanted to proceed but had a couple more questions and concerns. I contacted the hospital many times but his secretary was either not available or didn't return my calls. As I had seen only one image of Mr Dickinson's work in this area, I had asked his secretary to provide me with a couple more images and/or references that I might contact. My request was completely ignored. As a result, I wasted money having a consultation because I was unable to have my concerns dealt with and unable to book the operation.
In 1995 I was 19 years old. I had wanted a rhinoplasty for years. Unfortunately, I was naive and went to my local plastic surgeon without researching it. The consultation was perfunctory and condescending. He performed a closed operation botch that left me devastated. He wiped out the bone between my eyes - which looked good and shouldn't have been touched - and completely failed to achieve any definition in the tip area, which became scarred and deformed. Follow up care was non existent. This guy ruined my start in life as a young man. He absolutely didn't have the skill to operate on my nose and should have referred me to an expert in London. But no, he wanted the money. As far as I'm concerned, his conduct was despicable.
I was young (21), impulsive, insecure and got the notion into my head that having bigger breasts would make me complete and feel more feminine. I don’t even recall having an issue about my breasts until I reached this age but I have a terrible tendency of getting an idea in to my head and obsessing about it until I do it, there was no talking me out of it. I started researching in June 2011, had the surgery in September. I had some money I had inherited and I used this to pay for the surgery, I have no doubt that if I hadn’t has this money ready and waiting I wouldn’t have taken the decision so lightly as I would have had to wait longer before being able to do it. I suppose in some ways it did help me feel more feminine, I feel better balanced when I’m naked as I have a larger lower half of my body than upper and the implants helped to balance that out. If I’m totally honest to myself, I have never truly felt comfortable with the connotation that goes with ‘fake’ breasts and feel unhappy with the fact that I have them. For the first year, I wore tight tops and tried to make the most of having them and to feel proud. I secretly found them a little too big and knew they didn’t quite look in keeping with my small frame but couldn’t admit that to myself or regret might sink in which I wasn’t ready for. The second year, the novelty had worn off and I found myself subconsciously buying looser tops, larger cardigans and definitely no push up bras anymore. I have always been proud of my flat stomach and it’s probably the part of my body I feel best about but haven’t worn anything that shows its ‘flatness’ off for the last three years because there’s basically no such top that’s hugs your tummy but not your boobs. I also noticed my envy of women with smaller breasts and how elegant they look, how ironic is that, I spent thousands of pounds getting these implants, and I was jealous of women who looked as I did before implants. Then with the third year end looming I finally said it out loud, which wasn’t an easy stage to get to, “I regret having this done and if I could get a do-over I would never do it again”. I said this to a friend who didn’t really think too much of it and reassured me they look really good, but for me having admitted it to myself and to another human being was a massive step. About 6 months ago I found this website and realised I could actually go back to me, and that hopefully I won’t look horrendous. I fished out my before pictures and felt so saddened by how warped my opinion of my pre implant breasts was. They were fine! A tiny bit asymmetrical which had always been the case and still is but nowhere near as flat as I remembered and generally quite pretty, even more regret! The implants have become a constant reminder of my inability to accept myself the way I am, always striving to fix my imperfections. So I’m going for it (screams of nerves and excitement ringing through my brain at that statement) my surgery is booked for the 29th December (happy new year to me!) and now it’s the waiting game. My implants will have been in three years and three months at this time and the procedure is going to cost me £2160 GBP (the review requires it to be shown in USD so for all GB readers I wanted to pop the sterling. A saving grace was my surgeon, Mr John Dickinson of Unique Cosmetic Surgery. He really did do a brilliant job (in my opinion). When I’m naked you can probably tell they aren’t real just because they don’t have the natural sag and crease, but they do have a natural slope and look nice in clothes. I had 335cc anatomical (tear drop shaped) implants placed under the muscle and have been very lucky to develop no aesthetic problems such as CC or bottoming out. My breasts are quire firm but this is a compromise you make when choosing the shaped implants, to achieve the natural slope the silicone gel is firmer to hold this shape. I have lost all sensation in both nipples and certain areas of my breast. I can’t go braless without them going tingly and generally becoming very achy, and I can’t sleep without a sports bra on without needing to shove a pillow in between them for support. They have never felt like part of my body, I’m not sure what I expected seeing as they are an alien object, but I suppose I had hoped they would settle in and feel like mine. For removal, my surgeon will be excising the initial scar and reconnecting fresh tissue to hopefully avoid any lumpy scaring, the capsule will not be removed as he says it will be very thin and we could cause unnecessary aggravation to the area and slight loss of breast tissue removing this. He does not put sutures in to the pocket as he believes your body knows what to do and doesn’t like to create any more areas for your body to have to heal other than the absolute necessary ones. When I asked regarding compression he believes this can cause odd adhering of the breast tissue so just advised a small supportive bra be worn post op. I want to thank everyone on here for having created reviews of your experiences. It’s scary now beginning my own knowing that as much as I look at all of your pictures and read your reviews for reassurance, the truth is my body will heal however the heck it wants to and there’s always a risk it’s not going to look how I want it to, all of you must have felt this concern too so thank you for being brave and letting all of us be included in your journeys. I can’t wait to have little boobies again but am very anxious about the whole experience. As you can see from my before pictures I didn’t have a lot of breast tissue but hopefully enough to leave me with nice little breasts once my body has gone through the initial emptiness and sag stage (I hope) :) I will upload photos this evening as am having some difficulty now Updated on 3 Nov 2014: Just some before pictures and some of me with the implants still in Updated on 29 Nov 2014: I'm very much looking forward to getting this whole procedure behind me. I keep picturing the worst possible outcome which I know is a very negative view to take and I'm aware that I should be visualising the best outcome but am finding it very hard at the moment. I had a dream the other night that I woke up and had nipples the size of burgers and boobs the size of penny's! lol, clearly its on my mind at the moment. The other subject worrying me at the moment is my amazing fiancé. I didn't mention him in my last post mostly for wanting to introduce my story solo to begin with. We have been together 6 years so he has known me pre BA and post. He wasn't in support of my BA and has since admitted that his reasons for this were that he didnt really like fake breasts and would never choose to watch [RS bleep] which had women with breast implants in it because he doesnt like the way they look (we are very open with eachother!). I do rather wish he had told me this before hand but understand that I was very set on the idea at the time and there would have been little point trying to talk me out of it. Despite his initial concerns, he now very much likes my implants and is worried about them going and how they will look like after. I should mention, he hates change, in any aspect of his life. I cant wait to have them out, and be confident without them, every outfit I put ont at the moment all I see is them, but simply hate to think that he will not like them as much :( has anyone esle had this issue?I know he'll be fine and he's in total support of doing anything that helps to improve my comfort, but just feel sad I'm putting him through the whole ordeal of getting used to his partners body changing again. Most men just have to deal with a little weight gain/loss [RS bleep] Updated on 22 Dec 2014: So, only one week to go now until the big day and Christmas to look forward to before that! Definitely glad I chose this time of year because I've been so busy trying to get everything organised it hasn't left much time for me to feel nervous. Although I don't seem to have any doubts anyway which has surprised me. I'm nervous about how they'll recover and really hope that I won't end up with the breasts of a sixty year old at 24, but I won't know until it's done so what's the point in panicking. I cannot wait to hug someone and really feel them, without worrying that they notice how hard chest is. My new little bra is in my underwear drawer waiting and I literally get butterfly's when the realisation sets in that I'll be able to wear it in a week. Happy holidays everyone, I'll update with pics next week :) Updated on 29 Dec 2014: So, its done! For anyone considering explant by local anaesthetic I thought I'd try to do a step by step of my day. Arrived at the hospital at 11.30, didn't go down to theatre until 4.00 which was a bit of a long wait and didn't exactly help my nerves but as I clearly had nothing else planned for the day it didn't really matter. Once they were ready for me I walked with a nurse downstairs and into the theatre room and that's where it all got a bit real and scary, lol. I laid down on the bed and they were very kind and explained everything they were doing every step of the way. My legs were wrapped up in a hot air blanket as the theatre was very cold and I had blankets placed over me too. Then my upper body was rinsed with antiseptic wash, dried, and blue sheets were stuck on all sides so only my breasts were showing, with a sheet stuck on and pulled upwards to shield my view from anything that was going on. The local antiseptic was the most painful part of the whole thing, in no way unbearable, but did sting quite a lot. There were a few times during the whole procedure we had to stop and put some more in because I could feel a sharp sensation but it wasn't agony or anything, just felt like a tiny needle prick and then nothing after they popped in a little more anaesthetic. The most uncomfortable/weird part was when I could feel his finger eeking the implant away from my chest wall, I think because they were textured and under the muscle they 'stick' rather well and it took quite a lot of tugging and pulling to get them out. Once that was all over with, the stitching me up took quite a while (they do three layers of stitches, two internal layers, one external) but I couldn't feel anything other than a little gentle pulling. Aesthetically I'm pleased with how they look considering its just the first day. I probably expected them to look a little bigger as I've gained 14 lbs. over the last three years but as my luck has always been, extra weight goes on my bum and thighs, not my boobs. I tried to mentally prepare myself for what a difference it would be going from implants to nothing, but even with that I'm still amazed at quite how flat I look in my jumper or dressing gown. I don't regret my decision to explant at all, I felt very happy and proud of myself for having made it through the explant wide awake and for having been able to let go of the younger version of myself who thought she needed them to make her attractive. I don't doubt that I will have up and down days with my whole healing process, but for today, its a good one :) P.S: not sure why I look so bloated in the pictures, I don't think I look it in person, or at least I hope not! Updated on 2 Jan 2015: Well, surgery day and POD1 we're pretty tough. No where near as bad as when the implants went in, but still pretty bad. I couldn't sleep comfortably and was trying to sleep elevated to help reduce any swelling which didn't help. POD2 I went for a walk around the shops and out for brunch, it was just so nice to get out of the house but I felt very aware of how flat all my clothes looked on me. I bought a new compression bra which just makes me look flat as a pancake but is much more supportive than the one I originally bought so it's worth looking flat for :) I'm really looking forward to going out and buying some little T-Shirt bras that can just give a better shape, not necessarily loads of padding but just a structured cup. Yesterday was POD3 and I could really feel a difference, we popped out to see both sets of parents as it was New Year's Day and I pretty much felt normal, just a little sore around the incisions. His parents didn't know about my BA in the first place so I wore a loose top and chunky scarf, I'm hoping to lose some weight for our wedding which is in June so they'll probably just think, "how unlucky, she's lost it all off her boobs!" ???? Today is now POD4 and I slept well, lay on my front for a little earlier which felt amazing, but not for too long because I don't want to cause any damage this early on. Not much difference since day 3 in terms of appearance but I think it's good to keep a log so have uploaded some pics anyway. I'm curious, has anyone else who's had sub muscular implants removed, still felt their muscles sort of jump about a bit? It doesn't hurt at all, but I can feel them twitch when I pick some things up or open car doors etc... Will this settle down or is it just something I'll need to get accustomed to? Xx Updated on 4 Jan 2015: Before I go into how the healing is going, I just want to say such a huge thank you to all the ladies on this forum who are so good at being a support to each other. I have no speck of doubt in my mind that I wouldn't have found the courage without every one of your reviews to proceed with my explant. Just feeling very grateful for the whole community :) I'm now POD6 and am so ecstatic that I did it. I cant believe how brilliant our bodies are at recovering from the traumas we've put them through. I couldn't be happier with my results. There is a tiny bit of asymmetry but that was the true before implants and with implants so I fully expected that to still be the case. I feel so much more confident and sexy than I ever did with implants. Its a shame that it took me getting implants, and then getting rid of them for me to love my little boobies but I feel very lucky that I seem to have gotten off lightly in terms of side effects 'touch wood'. Just as an added bonus, the fiancé officially likes them :)! I was so nervous about how he would feel, its not so much that he loved the implants, more the fact he didn't want me to have them in the first place, but I did it anyway, then they turned out okay and he liked them and got used to the size, and then I decided to change everything again. I think the lack of control over two things he's rather fond of was a bit scary. Comments so far have been how soft they are, that they feel so much nicer than implants to touch and play with and that he prefers them being natural, good review in my opinion! The dressings came off today along with the steri-strips underneath. Scars look exactly as they did one week out when the implants went in so I'm not concerned that they look red and bumpy, I seem to go quite dark red and then purple before my scars go white so I expect that to take a good 6-8 months. You can see some bruising around the scars which I'm sure will fade over the next few days. Also had my first shower which felt amazing. Healing wise, I get the odd shooting pain through both breasts, not agony, just hurts a little but I know that's just nerves reconnecting. I feel basically back to normal although am taking it very easy. I wont start any exercise until two weeks post op and will probably leave it a month until I do any running or upper body resistance exercise. I'll post some more pictures at the two week post op stage. Happy healing to all x
