Bye Bye Thunder Thighs! - Bryn Mawr, PA

Well well well. Here I am, back for more. Abdomen, check. Arms, check. Thighs, now it's your turn.

It's been almost two years since my first plastic surgery. What have I been up to? Lots, which is pretty typical for me. I try to have a normal, boring life and it never works out. Most recently I spent the weekend helping my best friend brush old cigarette butts off all the piles of clothes and bottles of anal eaze in her old bedroom and help her move into a new apartment. Meanwhile my other best friend is telling me all about how her second husband Mr. "He only does coke OCCASIONALLY" that she had to IMMEDIATELY marry has a mysterious Kik account. When asked when I plan on getting married to my boyfriend of now a year and a half, I responded that we're still waiting to gain approval from his accountant.

But I digress.

Body wise I have gained some weight back, which is typical this far out from bariatric surgery. The bad news is I have a little belly. The good news is my breasts filled out at they look fantastic. How the hell I managed to loose so much weight and breastfeed and have my boyfriend claim I have "[RS bleep] star boobs" may just be the upcoming topic of a new episode of Unsolved Mysteries. And while I'm speaking crudely, let me just say my sex life has become completely opulent since my panniculectomy. Having to put it on pause to heal from a thigh lift is going to be the real torture. Oh, and FYI to any fellow FitBit users, if you're on top it counts for your steps for the day.

So very much looking forward to not looking like an elephant from the waist down. Those legs. Ugh. It's like I'm melting. The weird thing about me, though is that I have no qualms at all about being naked, but I won't go out in public wearing shorts because of the excess skin hanging out. Body image is a funny thing.

I'm returning to the man, the myth, the legend Dr. Christian Subbio for further plastic surgery. Really, why would I want to go to anyone else? His work is divine. I have more faith in him than any other doctor I've been to. I trust him.

A few more weeks til surgery! Hoping it goes fast and smoothly.

I woke up at 3am this morning with acid reflux thinking about all the work I have to cram into the next month. I supervise a pretty sizable group of medical coders that support over 500 physicians, and although I love it, it can be very demanding. So I was up at 3am digging out my laptop and checking my emails before giving up and grabbing another hour of sleep.

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago (rear-ended by a car going around 50MPH) and my body is still a little stressed. My period came 5 days late and then seemingly reappeared today after only a 2 day lapse. Ugh. So between that, lack of sleep, and stress, I had twitchy eyes for a good chunk of the day. But one of my employees is creating a listing for me of things I need to watch while I'm laid up. Daredevil is at the top of it.

Anyway, I was looking at old photos of myself the other day and noticing how much cellulite I've always had. I have no illusions that I am going to come out of this with a dimple-free booty, because I have NEVER had a dimple-free booty. But if I could have a few less lumps and just a nice curved hip, that would be ideal. The picture I took doesn't even do justice, but what bothers me next after the inner bags is the excess of curves on the hips. It's like big rolling hills instead of a nice, smooth transition. I'm pretty sure I'll always have to buy curvy fit pants, though, because if my ass gets any bigger I'll need a zoning permit. I've recently learned what a "banana roll" is and now I can't stop checking out to see if I have one, or wondering if I'll GET one. Ugh. One more thing to get stressed about. I may need some Ativan to get me through this next month.

My day of surgery went very smoothly! I I arrived at Bryn Mawr hospital at 6:15 and things moved pretty fast. Dr. Subbio came in to mark me, and he was as personable and considerate as ever. I told him I want a thigh gap big enough to throw a football through, and he laughed and apparently shared my joke with the nurses, who got a kick out of it. The nurses and staff were all great. I got a really cool inflatable heated gown that made me look like a lavender Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, but it was sooo toasty and cozy. I had a medial thigh lift, revision of my vertical tummy tuck scar, and liposuction on the thighs/hips/love handles. I was pleased to wake up without drains! I stayed in recovery for a little while, very highly medicated. I had a little ginger ale, a graham cracker, and quick texted my friends and co-workers to let them know I was okay. They gave me good anti-nausea medication, but I put on my sea-bands for the ride home brought a plastic bag along juuuuust in case. I kept my sea bands on for two days. Day one I mostly slept on and off. I had a heated blanket over my legs, which felt great. My first big barrier was going to the bathroom. I had a very tight compression garment on with a slit in the crotch and was having the worst time peeing in it without getting [RS bleep] all over myself. Eventually I figured out the trick was to just unhook one side of the hip and slide them down and back up. My other big barrier was lifting my legs up into bed. It took til the end of post-op day two until I could manage it myself. I turned a corner after meeting with my doctor on day 2. I felt more mobile, and switched over from prescription pain meds to plain ibuprofen. I was even able to cook dinner. So far I'm very pleased with my results! The saggy skin is gone and although I'm still very swollen, my legs look much more normal.