Time to Go... Breast Implant Removal and Lift

PAST

After two pregnancies and breastfeeding my perky B cup breasts were flat and saggy. I could not get a bra to fit me. After years of frustration I felt my only option was breast implants to fill out my breasts and fill a bra. In 2002 I had 425cc silicone implants put in over my muscle. I was happy with the result and enjoyed filling a bra and having 'nice' breasts.

PRESENT

My implants have (inevitably) sagged. The bras I wear to keep them up are extremely uncomfortable and I recently developed a severe Mondor's chord from the pressure of a bra. My choice of clothes is limited. I struggle to find clothes that do not make me look like a glamour model wannabe or a buxom matron. Dresses are impossible - if they fit my size 10 hips they a too tight across my chest and vice versa. As for 'fitness wear' - trying to keep my breasts decently covered and also supported is a nightmare.

I find myself making decisions based on my breasts. I avoid anything that would involve me wearing a swim wear. I practise yoga only at home so that I can go braless and be comfortable. I limit my runs so that I can get home quickly and remove my bra (the tightness of it interferes with my breathing). When planning travel I worry about how long I will have to go before I can take off my bra.

My breasts do not feel like 'me'. They are in me but not me. The implants are colder than my body temperature. I love my body and I am very health conscious about what I eat and how I live. I feel having implants in my body lacks integrity. It does not align with my approach to life or my view of the world or my perception of beauty.

I don't think my health has been compromised and my implants have not ruptured (based on an ultrasound). I do have some health issues and I guess I won't know if my implants have anything to do with it until they are out. However, there are other explanations for my symptoms though so I won't blame the implants without evidence.

FUTURE

I want to be free of my implants. I want to wear comfortable bras and clothes that allow me the freedom to move and do the things I enjoy. I want to be able to wear clothes that I love. I want to feel like me - all me - natural me.

I am planning to have an explant and mastoplexy early in 2016. I have been inspired by women's stories on this site and want to pay it forward by sharing my journey.

I have no doubt that this is the right thing for me to do. My only concern is my husband's response. He is 100% supportive of my decision but loves my breasts and is sad to see them change. But this is something I need to do for me. Wish me luck! :)

My explant and lift is booked for 24th March 2016 - 2 days before my wedding anniversary (not a great present for my husband!). Now I have a date I can start planning... and probably worrying. My main concern is that I won't have enough breast tissue left to make a breast out of once the implant is removed. However, I'm finding strength and inspiration in other women's experiences on this site. I'm sure my breasts are resilient. They nurtured two babies and carried bags of silicone around for years :)

I thought I'd capture my yoga experience this morning. I practise at yoga at home every day. I'd like to go back to yoga classes but that would mean wearing a bra which changes the whole experience for me. Yoga is about feeling free not constrained. Unfortunately my breasts feel a little too free!

I have also been thinking about breast augmentation in general. I am a feminist. However, I am not against breast augmentation, or against unobtainable beauty ideals. Such ideals are a feature of human nature/culture. Historically and globally humans have idealised particular physical forms - often unobtainable, and they have modified their bodies in an attempt to meet these cultural ideals. This will continue and I don't think it is helpful for women to judge other women (or themselves) for attempting to attain a physical ideal. The drive to meet such ideals is part of belonging to a human tribe.

I find it empowering to be able to modify my body - to have bigger breasts, and now remove them. These decisions were/are mine. I may never understand why a woman would choose enormous implants (as many do) - but I respect her right to do so without judgement. My wish is that women approach each other with acceptance and compassion regardless of our different choices. My personal ideals have changed as my life has changed. Now I am focused more on how my body functions and feels than how I look. So, I am making the decision to alter my body again - this time against the cultural norm. I feel very grateful to be in a position to make such a decision.

Thanks for all of your supportive comments - it means a lot to me. I feel like I am part of a new tribe of women :) x