What a place to start...here with you. My journey I'm sure is very similar to yours which is why we have found this village for us to share our secrets, pain, and quest to reshape ourselves inside and out.
I was 300 pounds, now 165. It has been 10 years now at the new weight. I've had two children with the same man I met at 300 pounds and now its time to show on the outside how I feel inside.
I am finding it difficult to spend the money on myself...I feel like I am taking it away from my children. I do however, feel that I should have the chance to spend the remaining years of my life more happy about myself than I am now. The problem for me is I guess I feel that I am responsible for the way I look. I overate for years. Binged. I could not stop eating. I'm not sure why I found happiness in food, well at least for the second I ate it...odd isn't it. How the second we finish the binge, the guilt and ugliness we feel and self hatred is so strong. Ye, I did it to myself. I hope to understand why I did this to myself, why I hurt myself for years, and perhaps I can find some answers as I am forced to assess my naked self to men (dr.s) on this journey.
hugs and hope you are feeling happy today...k