So i had my BA 7 weeks ago and I'm already pretty...
So i had my BA 7 weeks ago and I'm already pretty sure I want to explant very soon. The reasons for this is many but the main reason is that I hate my results. My PS lowered my folds about 4 cm (i think), and it was way too much! I look really bad right now. Other reasons are: implants are too big and wide, hate the feeling of having them inside me, they feel so firm, awkward feeling when using my pecs, uncomfortable to sleep on mu tummy, scared of having many surgeries in the future.
I'm really depressed and scared right now. I feel like I have ruined my body and I will never be happy again. I'm so angry at my self for getting implants. Why could't I just love my body? There was nothing wrong with my boobs. They where just small..
I feel helpless and don't know what to do. Because my fold was lowered so much, I will have scars that will be visible at all times and I will probably look deformed too.. If you are reading this and thinking about getting a BA, please think twice! I know most girls are happy and pleased with their results but there is no guarantee. How will you feel if you don't like the results? Don't try to fix something that's not broken. You are BEAUTIFUL the way you are!
I have scheduled a consultation with another surgeon on April 7th. I have lost a little faith in my original surgeon because he's not really admitting that there is any problem with the position of the implants. He have said that we will figure this out, and that he wants me to be happy, but that I have to be patient because what I see now is not the final result. And I get that, but the implants won't magically rise 2 cm on their own. Or shrink in size.. When I confront him with that, he doesn't really answer.. So I'm seeing this other surgeon, that I actually had a consultation with before my BA. I really liked him, and I regret so much that I din't pick him. I think I might have been happy with my BA if he had done it. However, I think I will have my implants removed by my original PS because that won't cost me anything, but I want to at least hear what this other surgeon recommends in my situation. I feel like I have 3 options:
1) Remove implants and never touch my boobs ever again.
2) Remove implants and let everything heal. Then after a year or something, if I'm still not happy with how I look, re implant with a surgeon I really trust and one that understands my goals.
3) Have a revision to elevate my folds, and put in smaller implants.
The option I like the least is number 3. I just want to have these things out NOW. They are making me so unhappy, and really impacting my life and my relationships very badly. I have not been intimate with my boyfriend since my BA. I just cant do it. I feel so ugly. Is so ironic, because a big reason I wanted implants was because of him. He never said he wanted be to do it, actually he tried to talk me out of it many times. But I knew he liked big boobs.. I didn't have that, so I felt that I wasn't good enough for him. So I got a BA, and it is now ruining our relationship..
I'm hoping they will be out the first or second week in May.
Muscle flex deformities?
I was just wondering whether those of you that had your implants placed behind the muscle still have muscle flex deformities after removal? Does it still feel weird to use the pecs, or does it go back to how it felt before BA?
100% decided on explant
Last week I met with another surgeon who works at the same place as my original surgeon to get a second opinion. I was really relived when he absolutely agreed that they didn't look right and where too low. He suggested to cut out a piece of skin under the breasts on both sides, almost like a lift but without the vertical scar. That would leave me with really long scars, and I'm not sure it would even fix the problem so I was like NO. I'm 23 years old and I don't want huge scars just to have implants. But he wanted me to go home and think about it. I was really sad when I got home, and have cried a lot since. My only option is to remove the implants. I'm so scared. I'm so angry at myself for ever getting implants. I got them for all the wrong reasons. And now, not only will I go back to having small boobs again but also scars, possibly deformities and muscle animation. I had massive insecurities about my body before my BA and I can only imagine how it will be after explant. I'm already thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend now so I won't have to show anyone how ugly I look after. He is a real boob guy and always want to touch my boobs and hate it if I wear a bra when were intimate.. I don't think that will work for either of us. But I love him more than anything in the world, and I know he feels the same, so I get really upset when I think about breaking up..
But I try to not dwell on the things I can not change. What's done is done, and I will have to try to make the best of the situation. So I have started to wear the wrap I used right after BA to push down the implants, but now I use it under the breast to push the implants upwards. Not sure if will make a difference, but it feels good to do something while I wait.
I will meet with the surgeon next week, and I hope he don't try to talk me out of it, and that I can remove the implants soon. I wan't to thank everyone for all the support, I don't know what I would do if this site didn't exist!
Surgery postponed, really upset
So I was supposed to have my surgery to remove the implants yesterday, but it got cancelled because several nurses where sick so they didn't have enough people. I was so ready to get rid of the implants and be done with all this mess, and now I have to wait longer.. If I'm lucky the new surgery date will be May 30th. But because I had a weird reaction to the anesthesia the last time with fever and high heart rate after I woke up, they want to be sure it's safe for me to have GA again so they might have to run some tests or something... That may postpone the surgery even more. I think the wort part is the not knowing when. It gives me so much anxiety. I cant wait for this to be over so I can get back to my life again. I have been living in this state of limbo just waiting and waiting. I hate myself so much for putting me and my body trough this.
30 May 2016
Day of treatment
Just a quick update: The implants are out and I feel free:) Thank you for all the kind words that have helped me so much getting trough this difficult time! Will post a new update when the bandage comes off on Wednesday.
I'm so happy!
Had a sneak peek under the bandage and I'm positively surprised. I was expecting to look deformed, but I look pretty normal from what I can see. I'm not really having much pain, just a little burning sensation on the incisions.. I was super nervous before the surgery, especially about getting GA because I had a bad reaction the first time with GA, but everyone was really sweet to me and it went fine. My only complaint is that I was very nauseous when I got home after the surgery, but that passed quickly. So I'm so relived that I'm feeling good and happy!
Trying to stay positive
The relief of having the implants taken out made me so happy the first two weeks that I didn't dwell or think about the things that weren't so good. Now that over 3 weeks has passed since my explant, I'm still happy and relived but also sad and worried about some things. The absolute worst is that my breasts look deformed when I flex. I wanted to take a picture and share with you, but after I took it I could't look at it without getting really sad so I just deleted it... The thought of living with this for the rest of my life scares me.
The scars also makes me sad. They are about 2-3 cm under my breast, so they are very visible. But I think the surgeon did a good job with them, so I hope they will get as invisible as a scar can get.
The third thing is my right breast. It has not gone back to normal as much as the left one. I don't know if there are some adhesion going on, loose skin or swelling, but it looks smaller because the fold is gone. I have a lot more asymmetry now than before my BA because of this. The good thing is that i didn't see this before I looked at some photos I took, so I don't think it's very noticeable in person.
Despite all this I'm still happy I removed my implants! I remind myself of this every time I get sad.
Lastly I just want to add some information that I was interested in when I looked at reviews before explanting:
- My implants where 255cc anatomicals under the muscle.
- I had them in for almost 4 months.
- My fold was lowered a lot during my BA
- Nothing was done to raise/restore my fold during removal of implants.
- I didn't have any kind of muscle repair.
17 Jul 2016
2 months post
First: I apologize for not updating more and not responding to comments. Many things have happened in my life since my last update. I've lost two people, a friend and a family member. I'm grieving and thinking a lot about life, death and the meaning of everything. Maybe I'm having a existential crisis, I don't know, but I feel empty and my thoughts are somewhat disturbing. I hope this will pass with time.
The surgery, my boobs, the scars and the muscle deformity feel much less important now. But still, I want to make an update. I think everything is healing well. My boobs look almost the same as they did before implants (I'm in such awe of how amazing the body is at healing!), but not as firm. For example when I lie on my back they fall towards the armpits and they did not do that before implants. I don't know if they will get any firmer? The scars are looking good, but of course very visible. I don't think I've seen anyone here at RS that has scars as low as me. I don't understand what my PS was thinking.. The muscle deformity has not changed since my last update. This is what bothers me most. I remind myself that I'm lucky that I'm not deformed all the time and look much better than what I feared. I've learned a lot and grown as a person trough this experience, and I'm thankful for that.
Hope everyone that has explanted is healing well!