3 year Update! Post-explant of 12yr old saline overs and Capsular Contracture

I haven't been on Real Self much since my 1 year update, but I have been reading some of the new reviews lately as my 3 year anniversary has been approaching. It reminded me of the fear and uncertainty that I survived in the beginning of the explant journey, so I want to do an update of how things have been going over time.

First, I want to share about my continued healing. My breasts themselves took one full year to completely heal and recover from the implants. Around the 1 year mark, I feel the breasts reached their new "normal" and since then have just been behaving like regular breasts. They feel normal again, and I have had no issues with the scar capsules (which I feel pretty much "dissolved" themselves) nor any recurrence of the fibroadenoma breast tumor. They still look the same as my 1 year pics, and I'm not expecting anymore "improvement" in my breast appearance, after all I am fast approaching 40, and plan to keep on living to 90 yrs+! In aspiring to live a long life, I also have realistic expectations that the trade-off means getting older. The only way to stay young forever is to die young, so I am extremely grateful for each day, month and year that passes even though this brings with it aging. I literally just got my first 2 gray hairs (I'm almost 39), but I'm happy to have made it to this point - I have 2 good friends who died too young to ever go gray (one in a teenage car crash, and one a crime victim at age 23). I'm so blessed to have experienced this many years of life. For the boobs, it is the same thing. I aspire to someday in the future have "old lady boobs" (not too soon or rapidly of course!) because I really, truly, sincerely love life and want to live a very long one so I can squeeze as much joy and experiences out of it as possible! Part of doing that is gracefully accepting the process as it unfolds, now and in the future. My only desires for body modifications now are NOT surgeries at all, more like avoiding surgeries, and maintaining my health through exercise and nutrition, avoiding cancer, trying to keep my teeth in good shape for the long term (I understand dental problems are one of the worst parts of long term aging), avoiding sun damage to my skin, etc. I am enjoying the present moment SO much, and looking forward to as much future as possible. Someday, God willing, I will be a very wrinkly, droopy-boobed, but jolly, loved, and fulfilled 100 year old lady enjoying these beautiful children I'm raising right now, and hopefully future grandchildren... far, far away from the shallow youthful obsession I had with body image when I got the implants. I'm enjoying every step of the journey between where I am now and that future point!

Some unexpected health improvements have come slowly over the past 3 years. Immediately post-op my neck and upper back pain and tension was relieved. I never connected this to implants, but I now think the heavy implants were effecting my posture and center of gravity in a bad way. Also, I used to have to get a chiropractic a few times a year, I had ribs that would painfully slip out of place. I used to also have to get massages a few times a year - my rib cage (front and back) was never quite right. Sometimes my sternum would even spontaneously crack on its own when I was stretching (super gross!). Getting the chiropractic or massage, anything involving laying face down on the therapy table, was extremely uncomfortable and less effective with implants because I couldn't really lie flat. Well, after explant I had one adjustment, and not another one in the years since - my ribs don't slip out of place anymore, my back doesn't hurt. I never connected it before explant, but I believe now that the implants pushing against my rib cage was causing those ribs to slip out of joint. Irony is, now that I can finally lie face down comfortably, I'm not seeing the chiropractor anymore. Lol.

Also, starting in my mid-30s my hair thinned a ALOT and my periods became irregular and heavy and I'd get occasional night sweats. I was told this was in the range of normal, and that I was probably entering an early perimenopause (some women can be in perimenopause for a decade or more before they finally hit menopause when their periods cease completely). I never expected my explant to have any effect on this, but my hair has grown back a lot and my periods are once again regular and not as heavy, and I don't get night sweats. I now believe the implants were somehow effecting my endocrine system and hormone levels. Another physical change is I used to get an eczema rash behind my knees, sometimes other places. Again, I never attributed this to implants at all, just thought it was my allergy-prone immune system. Rashes have also gone away completely. Also I had gut issues (IBS-like) and food sensitivities (such as egg) that had developed during my implanted years. Again before explant I did not think this was related to implants at all, but since explant my digestive system has improved, and can even tolerate eating some baked products containing small amount of eggs without reacting. I also feel much more calm, less sadness and anxiety, and more joy. I wasn't at a clinical level of depression and anxiety before explant, but was emotionally suffering in a way that I am not now. My energy level is much improved as well, I used to be tired all the time which I thought was just from motherhood - I have much more steady, all day energy now. All of these non-boob health issues that cropped up during my implanted years were just at a "nagging" level and not yet a full health crisis, and since they were in the range of "normal" it never occurred to me explant could improve my life in these ways. Now that I feel so much better, in so many ways, I can only imagine the levels my health could have declined into if I had replaced my implants and went another decade with them - without realizing implants were effecting me. Implants do something to the body, besides just make the breast seem bigger... I think it just saps a lot of energy as your body is battling these foreign objects with no resolution for so many years - and it somehow triggers other things going haywire as your immune system stays focused on the implants. IDK. I feel so blessed and happy about my unexpected health improvement.

In personal stuff, my father did not survive leukemia. His wish was to die at home, so my mom, aunt & I were his hospice caretakers for the last 6 months. My dad had such dignity, and grace in the face of death. He was only 59 years old. He accepted his fate with courage, I learned so much through the heartbreak of watching my father suffer and die. I realized there are so many imperfect things in life that I CAN face, accept, survive, or change. It was a very hard year, in many ways. Life always has heartache and challenges. But there is a certain type of freedom that I have gained in letting go of discontent over material and superficial things. Things that used to bother me or make me disappointed, I guess you could really call it a type of greed or envy - being stressed about the amount of money I make (comparing myself to wealthier people), being stressed about how I look (both body-hatred and wishing I had nicer/more expensive clothing), wanting better things, bigger boobs, a better house, better phone, a better car, more leisure, less work. I think there is nothing wrong with ambition and wanting to better your life, but comparing myself to fantasies and coming up short was ruining my happiness about the life I have - which is a really good life! I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for.

In the end, it is simple, and all that has happened is that I have rediscovered the things I knew and felt to be true as a child. Mr. Rogers (my favorite show as a kid) and I had it all figured out, and if I would have just retained the simple, joyful, non-judgmental love and wonder of childhood it would have saved me some years of unhappiness - but I temporarily got off track into some terrible young adult Baywatch, 90210, MTV, Kardashian zone of human confusion. I feel like I have rediscovered a sort of simple childhood wonder at life, an uncomplicated happiness for little things, and unconditional love, and my wish is that everyone else can find that again too.