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I CANCELLED ...surgery was on monday, it's friday
I CAN'T DO IT
After years of hating how I looked, an ED and body dysmorphia, there was something magical about turning 23. I am finally confident in everything about myself these past 2 years! My fiance doesn't care at ALL what I do/look like so he had no opinions about my BA besides "let the record show, I like your boobs as they are, but you do you".
I kept looking at reviews and thinking just how FAKE they looked. Even the end results people swooned over, just didnt look appealing and I couldnt picture myself with them. I spend hours looking at celebrities I look up to and gauging their breast sizes and I kept being drawn to those who were flat chested, like myself.
I also know how sensitive my body is to the slightest changes. Too much sugar, a slightly different birth control or medication, and my brain goes haywire. I am terrified of what having a foreign object inside of me will do to me. I finally feel healthy after so many years, why gamble with it?
I don't wear bras, I am extremely fit, and I like the look of being skinny and flat-chested in clothes. I never admire women with breasts and wish I had them (or at least not since high school) so why am I bolting some on my own chest? I realized I was only doing this as an experiment, not because I actually wanted them. I guess curiosity killed the tits?
That, partnered with a family friend (with implants) being diagnosed with cancer and having a double mastectomy today just reminds me that anything can change my body's natural balance and it simply terrified me. (not suggesting the implants caused it, it was more of the idea of anything wrong happening that i would have done to myself).
After years of hating how I looked, an ED and body dysmorphia, there was something magical about turning 23. I am finally confident in everything about myself these past 2 years! My fiance doesn't care at ALL what I do/look like so he had no opinions about my BA besides "let the record show, I like your boobs as they are, but you do you".
I kept looking at reviews and thinking just how FAKE they looked. Even the end results people swooned over, just didnt look appealing and I couldnt picture myself with them. I spend hours looking at celebrities I look up to and gauging their breast sizes and I kept being drawn to those who were flat chested, like myself.
I also know how sensitive my body is to the slightest changes. Too much sugar, a slightly different birth control or medication, and my brain goes haywire. I am terrified of what having a foreign object inside of me will do to me. I finally feel healthy after so many years, why gamble with it?
I don't wear bras, I am extremely fit, and I like the look of being skinny and flat-chested in clothes. I never admire women with breasts and wish I had them (or at least not since high school) so why am I bolting some on my own chest? I realized I was only doing this as an experiment, not because I actually wanted them. I guess curiosity killed the tits?
That, partnered with a family friend (with implants) being diagnosed with cancer and having a double mastectomy today just reminds me that anything can change my body's natural balance and it simply terrified me. (not suggesting the implants caused it, it was more of the idea of anything wrong happening that i would have done to myself).
More before pics
Realizing I look like so many other before pics is calming my nerves that this is okay and normal for someone of my size.
Still sweating anytime I think about the operation and the permanence of it.
Still sweating anytime I think about the operation and the permanence of it.
Before Video
5 days to go!
I really like the movement in my breasts and I’m scared that will go away. But the profile is just so flat nowadays that I’d like a little projection and maybe to be able to fill out some old bras.
I’m so so nervous and second guessing myself but it’s too late now!
I really just don’t want it to be noticeable. I want an elevated version of myself. I like having small boobs! So I’m going with 195cc.
Fingers crossed.
I really like the movement in my breasts and I’m scared that will go away. But the profile is just so flat nowadays that I’d like a little projection and maybe to be able to fill out some old bras.
I’m so so nervous and second guessing myself but it’s too late now!
I really just don’t want it to be noticeable. I want an elevated version of myself. I like having small boobs! So I’m going with 195cc.
Fingers crossed.