26, 5'3, 150lbs, Deflated/Ptotic/Postpartum 36B || 13.5cm BWD || 23cm sternal notch to nipple

I have been following this site since I was 19, daydreaming and fantasizing about having boobs of my own. 7.5 years and 2 breastfed kids later...I'm taking the plunge! My breastfeeding 40D/38DDs gave me a false sense of big-breasted womanliness I had always longed for. Well, unfortunately for me and my boobs, that was very short lived.
My biggest issue I've always had with my breasts, aside from the tiny size, is the SHAPE! WHERE is my distance from the areola to the crease and WHY are my nipples positioned so low?! I felt my breasts were masculine and appeared saggy even when the skin was still tight with pubescence, just because of how low the nipple placement was. I have ZERO lower pole fullness/underboob. It's almost impossible to find pictures of people with breasts like mine, too. Which was slightly discouraging. Only when my nipples are erected do my breasts look -within a variation of- "normal". Why am I so different? I was so sure that I had some kind of congenital deformity like tuberous breasts, but for some reason, surgeons disagree with that notion in my case. I just have a high and tight moderately constricted fold. It loosened up a bit after the pregnancy/breastfeeding expanded my breasts. But now I'm left with TINY, DEFLATED weird-looking boobs. I can't even enjoy intimacy if my shirt is off because I'm so embarrassed. Something has got to give! So after extensive researching and reading reviews, I scheduled a consultation with one of THE top cosmetic surgeons in Atlanta: Dr. Nelson Castillo. My visit with him felt less like a scary doctor's office visit and more like just hanging out with someone incredibly talented, intelligent, and passionate about his profession. He informed me that I fall into a grey area, to lift or not to lift! It all comes down to my preference of appearance. At first, I was obsessed with wanting high-round boobs with nipples smack dead in the center. GIVE ME ALL THE UNDERBOOB IN THE WORLD. He did not sugarcoat in telling me that look is more artificial and would definitely require a lift. I love the look, and of course, I was just wanting what I've never had, but I started questioning if that was actually realistic for my anatomy. He said I'd be OK with implants alone, but I wouldn't achieve THAT specific result. So I started reconsidering my goals/expectations and searched for before/after photos with breasts positioned lower on the chest wall, nipples slightly lower than centered, breasts with similar starting points to myself (which is still hard to find btw), and asked myself if those results are a look I'd be satisfied with. I started sending a new variety of inspiration photos to my surgeon who is no longer mentioning the need for a lift to achieve the goal in the photos. So that's a relief! If I decide I'm unhappy with the nipple position then I'll just get a lift a year later. No big deal. But it's worth it to see if I can get away with implants alone first to avoid the cost/scars of a lift if it's truly unnecessary at this point. Now the REAL hard part is deciding on size and profile! Whew. I tried on moderate profile sizers ranging from 405-485ccs. I liked the 405 and 445 on my body frame. But now I'm worried moderate profile won't give me the cleavage I'm after so I've become interested in Full/High profile. I'll be going back to his office this week to try on the 500-550cc High profile sizers!! Thus, begins the documentation of my journey!

Since I've made a hobby out of looking at boobs for hours on end, figured I'd share some of the results I plan to achieve with my starting position and anatomy irrespective of requiring a lift. With implants alone, my nipples will never be perfectly centered. But I'm starting to see that's OK and still aesthetically pleasing. My main concern is to fill out the lower pole as much as possible, while still achieving significant fluffiness on top and noticeable cleavage. I'd be over the moon if I could achieve any of these results in the photos.

My surgery date is scheduled for April 5th 2021. I’m so nervous I could vomit right now! I’m afraid of not being fully prepared for what’s about to happen. My support system is practically non existent so finding help with the kids is going to be a tedious effort. My partner is not my children’s father so I’m reluctant to ask or expect help from him in regards to caring for the kids. He’s adamant that he’ll be able to assist and he’s taking off of work from the 5th-9th to care for me, which is so sweet but I still feel burdensome in a sense. I hate the feeling of being dependent - for any reason!
A nurse from the operating facility called me today and went over some precautionary surgery guidelines/rules. Apparently you’re not allowed to wear deodorant the day of surgery!! Yikes and yuck!! Also no lotion, no perfume, no makeup (I’m not at all enthused about the thought of being in public without my mascara on lol), no nail polish, no jewelry, no hairspray or hair products (not enthused about this one either since I have naturally fluffy unruly curly hair). I’ll have to ask my surgeon if leave-in conditioner is at least acceptable because whew child I really don’t want to be mentally uncomfortable on top of the physical discomfort from surgery! But I also definitely don’t want to run the risk of bacterial contamination during surgery (just for the sake of vanity) since that’s the main reason these precautions are set in place. I started researching general anesthesia and the process of it. The thought of being intubated is making me squeamish. The risk of waking up too soon or not at all is off putting as well. Ugh, my nerves are in a frenzy now!!
I’m going to see my surgeon on Wednesday this week for some more sizing/profile discussing and final decision making. I feel like I’m still ill-prepared and indecisive to be rushing into the operating room so soon. I hope I’m making the right choice. I’m just having so many doubts now that reality is actually settling in. Anyway, thanks for coming to read my boob diary. Lol