22 Yo, 225cc subfascial, Want an Explant NOW - Brazil

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So about 4 weeks ago I was really still in doubt...

So about 4 weeks ago I was really still in doubt if I would go for a BA or not. I talked to my surgeon and he said that its an elective surgery so I could do it at any moment in my life. Recently I lost 10Kg, wich made me feel almost with no boobs and very self concious about it, so thats why 3 months ago I sarted looking for a Plastic Surgeon. The day before implant I was so in doubt I started crying and coudnt sleep that night. Told my doctor and he said its common cause I'm nervous about the surgery and from his experience, the girls that postponed operation, still did it anyways months from then, but I would have to do all exams again. I don't know why I tought no, I don't want to loose all this time again and if I don't do it now I dunno when I'm gonna do it. So I went to get it done and as soon as I woke up without anesthetics effect, I was in panic and wanted it to be a nightmare I would
wake up from at anytime. I got deeply depressed the next days and all I could think of was how stupid I was and what have I done to my body and want my little ones back. I was also thinking that I don't really like the way most of silicone brests look and feel but I still went to do it. And I can remember me saying a few years ago that I wouldn't do it because of the loss of sensibility and here I am loosing all of it and having pain in the nipples and not feeling my breasts properly. I am sure I made a terrible mistake, I don't know if I will feel better or even worse with explant.. I want my breast to be as before but I'm also very self conscious about that scar. I have been seeing a psychologist since When I got it done and I tought I'd appreciete the support of this group as well. I wanna stop hurting myself.

Type of implants

Just to update about the implants they are silicone gel 225cc placed subfascial.. I was thinking that maybe the shape will not be as good when I explant because it's not under muscle.. I wish I could get to know more exemples in this app of people with subfascial implants that have explanted.. Also my surgery was very expensive and I know many people will judge me and its gonna be worse if I don't like the results after explant.. but well, I don't like how they look and feel now either...


Today I have another appointment with the doctor I saw 2 weeks pos BA and I have do call him to confirm.. but I'm actually panicking and thinking if I should really go ahead with this, I'm already feeling bad about having cut my body and gone to this stupid surgery that left me crease scars and I'm feeling exhausted to go through this all over again in such a short amount of time. I feel tired and sad. I wish this was just a terrible dream I'd wake up from. I need to feel confident enough about how I'm gonna feel about myself to go trough this again. I'm single and young and I was a bit shy last time I was with a boy with my small breasts wich I think is sad. But how am I gonna feel with small and scared breasts?


So I didn't update you but I decided to not go to that doctor last thursday... I feel exhausted to go through another surgery so soon, I'm also very upset about my surgeon cause one of the scars opened and it looks terrible.. its not the silicone ones, its one he used to take out a nodule (wich I insisted to be removed in the same cut as the protesis, but he insisted would be better to do it this way). Anyway, I was feeling too sad and vulnerable to even talk about it, although I felt really angry with all this. I went to see him on saturday and he asked me "So have you got used to your implants yet??" and he was there with the expectation to listen to a 'yes' And mum was there too, so I just didn't say what I was feeling, and cried about it when I got home :(((.. Now I'm thinking about waiting myself to feel more confident about my decision so I can be honest to everyone. I decided to put a 2 months from the surgery mark to make that decision. I really appreciate you girls support cause here I get to be honest.

Miss my old boobs

So today I painted this and for the first time it didn't feel terrible to think of me without big boobs and with big scars under them. I think thats good. But still not a real plan to get them out this first months of the year.. Time keep going and my skin keeps stretching..
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