Yikes! Almost 40-Reality Check! - Bellingham, WA

It's true, I am about to turn 40 and my mortality is crashing in on me. Up until now, I have just blown off my health issues. I have high blood pressure in which I have been taking meds for a while now and high cholesterol as well as migranes. I am scheduled for a sleep study to maybe throw sleep apnea on top of it all, why not LOL? I had started researching the Lap Band about a year ago and was convince that it was rediculous to go to those extremes, I was just being lazy and not really trying. The fact is, like many of you on here I have done Weight Watchers (like 5 times), HCG (omg I was so starving), various diet pills, Paleo, tracking calories hard core; I even really gave it a try to train for some sprint trialthlons and half marathons. Why is it nothing sticks, all that effort over and over and over and over again. I have been feeling like giving up and just resolve that I will be fat. I look at plus sized models on line trying to connect with their confidence being big and beautiful. I have read books and read things on line about fat-shaming and body acceptance. I feel like I have done it all and here I am about to turn 40 at my heaviest weight ever. Although people say my body is beautiful, it doesn't feel that way at 220 lbs and being 5'6. Sure it could be worse, but this is the "worse" for me. I am even on depression medication and I am sure my weight is a big part of the reason why.
I haven't felt like I can talk to anyone about it except my boyfriend who is more or less supportive, but scared. He keeps coming up with ideas on how we can "become skinny" without surgery. But really it just ends up being talk. I feel like not only do I lack the motivation to start anything I have already tried but I definately do not trust that the outcome will be any different than it has before.
After my research, I have landed on the Sleeve as the best option for me. Seems like there are too many complications with the Lap Band. Any feedback on that?
I finally went to my PCP and got a referral to a bariatric surgeon. That solidified things. I called my boyfriend and said "well I guess I am officially fat, I got the referral". Maybe somewhere in my mind I was hoping it wouldn't be true.
I am still waiting for my referral to go through to start the process. My insurance will require me to do 6 months of meeting with a nutritionist. But why so long is what I want to know. What happens during those 6 months? It feels discouraging that the process will have to be so long. In the meantime, I feel like my life is on hold. I don't want to post pics on Facebook, I don't want to go back and visit friends in my hometown until I can get the surgery, I don't really feel like going out on the town. It is a miserable limbo. I haven't even been approved for the surgery although with my health conditions and my BMI is ALMOST 35 I am hoping there won't be an issue.

Just need some support and I like this place site.....

How do you conjure up patience during this waiting process? Is anybody out there?

I have barely started my process to make this happen. What were other people's doubts and/or apprehensions so early in? Things I am thinking about is the acceptance or judgement from my family and friends, what would I tell people, should I tell people, am I ready to break up with food as I know it, what will my boyfriend and I do that is "bad" like having late night snacks in bed, the every day management of the new lifestyle (when it happens), what if it doesn't work and I did it all for nothing? I am sure these are all normal and I do feel ready for this new chapter, but can't help to worry about the unknowns....thoughts? But what if I don't get approved, then what????!!!!!!