POSTED UNDER Facelift REVIEWS
50yo, Starting to Hate the Old Lady in the Mirror - Bangkok, Thailand
ORIGINAL POST
I'm so grateful to all the ladies who have shared...
Aus50August 8, 2015
WORTH IT$9,900
I'm so grateful to all the ladies who have shared their experiences here. It helps so much to see what it's really like from the point of decision through to healing and final results.
So, I want to add to the collective experience, and given I've only told one person about this (a male friend who is supportive but doesn't really understand), I'm hoping for some support as well. I'm still trying to figure out how willing I am to share my photos on the internet. I do know how valuable they are.
Backstory:
I started going to the gym a few years ago after a lifetime of trusting good Dutch genes to take care of me. I'm 5'10 and was always slim (mostly of the skinny-fat just-because variety), and I'm probably stronger and fitter now than I've ever been. But as I got fitter and lost fat, my face started to drop in a way that I hadn't seen before. So then I had the combination of wrinkles, sun-damaged skin texture PLUS jowls and hooded eyes and loss of volume and sagginess: all those signs of aging. Ugh.
So: I've been researching facelifts for some 8 months. I saw two local surgeons on the Gold Coast, one of whom suggested lower face/neck lift and endoscopic brow lift along with fat transfer to cheeks & lips, and laser around the mouth. The other said I didn't need a facelift (yet), but would do well with botox and fillers: I asked him for his recommendations for a facelift anyway. He recommended pretty much the same procedures. Their prices: AUD$30,000 & AUD$35,000 respectively (USD $22,100 & USD $25,800). I'm actually astounded that the prices shown for similar in the US is SO low by comparison!
After those shockingly expensive quotes, I went the interim route.
I had a combination Erbium ablative/CO2 fractional laser in February, which was amazing in improving skin texture, wrinkles (esp around my eyes) and under eye circles (AUD$3600).
Then I went for Botox and cheek fillers, to see what sort of difference that made. The Botox was quite astounding (88 units!) in how it smoothed out lines and made me look much fresher and younger (AUD$888). The Voluma (1ml each cheek) that I thought might lift my face & make it less 'jowly bottom heavy' made hardly any difference: it's most noticeable as (unneeded) chubby cheeks when I smile (AUD$1100). Both are obviously temporary and pricey given they need to be repeated.
So, more research on facelifts.
I was terrified of overseas surgery, but started looking at Thailand for the obvious cost savings. My priority was to find an International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS) certified surgeon to be sure they were qualified to international standards.
I found Dr Nond, ISAPS member, and craniofacial (reconstructive) surgery specialist. He operates out of Bumrumgrad and St Louis hospitals, both JCI accredited (i.e. certified to US standards) facilities.
After consultation emails with photos, he recommended lower face/neck lift, lower bleph and endoscopic brow lift also. He does do fat transfer, but we haven't discussed that yet. I don't think he does laser, so that wasn't part of his recommendation. Cost: AUD$13, 500 (about USD$9,900).
By the time I add in flights from Australia, 3 weeks accommodation (I want to go home looking 'normal' so staying a week longer than the recommended 2 weeks), local nursing care and food, I'm thinking it will be about AUD$15,000 (about USD$11,000).
So, I'm booked in for 31 August 2015. Consultation in the morning, surgery in the evening if there are no problems.
I have some days where I look in the mirror and think 'You're crazy, you look AMAZING!' and days where I look in the mirror and think 'Holy hell, who IS that old woman'. The mind is a funny thing. The only way to remove any and all doubt that this is the right thing to do is to sell myself on the idea that my face is decrepit and unacceptable, and I'm not willing to do that. So the little bit of doubt remains.
I'm not telling anyone about it because even well-meaning people can be really judgemental about it. I’m hoping that my 3 weeks away will let me get away with it.
I am also having Dr Nond do an assessment for a possible breast implant revision (20-ish year old implants) on the same trip. If I go ahead with that, I will post about it separately and will happily share those photos.
Phew long.
So, I want to add to the collective experience, and given I've only told one person about this (a male friend who is supportive but doesn't really understand), I'm hoping for some support as well. I'm still trying to figure out how willing I am to share my photos on the internet. I do know how valuable they are.
Backstory:
I started going to the gym a few years ago after a lifetime of trusting good Dutch genes to take care of me. I'm 5'10 and was always slim (mostly of the skinny-fat just-because variety), and I'm probably stronger and fitter now than I've ever been. But as I got fitter and lost fat, my face started to drop in a way that I hadn't seen before. So then I had the combination of wrinkles, sun-damaged skin texture PLUS jowls and hooded eyes and loss of volume and sagginess: all those signs of aging. Ugh.
So: I've been researching facelifts for some 8 months. I saw two local surgeons on the Gold Coast, one of whom suggested lower face/neck lift and endoscopic brow lift along with fat transfer to cheeks & lips, and laser around the mouth. The other said I didn't need a facelift (yet), but would do well with botox and fillers: I asked him for his recommendations for a facelift anyway. He recommended pretty much the same procedures. Their prices: AUD$30,000 & AUD$35,000 respectively (USD $22,100 & USD $25,800). I'm actually astounded that the prices shown for similar in the US is SO low by comparison!
After those shockingly expensive quotes, I went the interim route.
I had a combination Erbium ablative/CO2 fractional laser in February, which was amazing in improving skin texture, wrinkles (esp around my eyes) and under eye circles (AUD$3600).
Then I went for Botox and cheek fillers, to see what sort of difference that made. The Botox was quite astounding (88 units!) in how it smoothed out lines and made me look much fresher and younger (AUD$888). The Voluma (1ml each cheek) that I thought might lift my face & make it less 'jowly bottom heavy' made hardly any difference: it's most noticeable as (unneeded) chubby cheeks when I smile (AUD$1100). Both are obviously temporary and pricey given they need to be repeated.
So, more research on facelifts.
I was terrified of overseas surgery, but started looking at Thailand for the obvious cost savings. My priority was to find an International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS) certified surgeon to be sure they were qualified to international standards.
I found Dr Nond, ISAPS member, and craniofacial (reconstructive) surgery specialist. He operates out of Bumrumgrad and St Louis hospitals, both JCI accredited (i.e. certified to US standards) facilities.
After consultation emails with photos, he recommended lower face/neck lift, lower bleph and endoscopic brow lift also. He does do fat transfer, but we haven't discussed that yet. I don't think he does laser, so that wasn't part of his recommendation. Cost: AUD$13, 500 (about USD$9,900).
By the time I add in flights from Australia, 3 weeks accommodation (I want to go home looking 'normal' so staying a week longer than the recommended 2 weeks), local nursing care and food, I'm thinking it will be about AUD$15,000 (about USD$11,000).
So, I'm booked in for 31 August 2015. Consultation in the morning, surgery in the evening if there are no problems.
I have some days where I look in the mirror and think 'You're crazy, you look AMAZING!' and days where I look in the mirror and think 'Holy hell, who IS that old woman'. The mind is a funny thing. The only way to remove any and all doubt that this is the right thing to do is to sell myself on the idea that my face is decrepit and unacceptable, and I'm not willing to do that. So the little bit of doubt remains.
I'm not telling anyone about it because even well-meaning people can be really judgemental about it. I’m hoping that my 3 weeks away will let me get away with it.
I am also having Dr Nond do an assessment for a possible breast implant revision (20-ish year old implants) on the same trip. If I go ahead with that, I will post about it separately and will happily share those photos.
Phew long.
Replies (70)
August 12, 2015
Wow. I send well wishes to you. I would love to be refreshed and look youthful again, but other than the boobs, I will let nature take its course. It is hard aging and not being able to do a little more at the gym or change the make up to fix it. I am 54 and for the first time don't know how to handle the changing looks in the mirror. I have always been told I look younger than I am, but it seems like time is catching up with me. I am afraid that if I do more to fight it, it will just take more down the road. I hope to keep doing the gym, eating right, and getting plenty of sleep for as long as I can before I don't have it in me anymore. I have started to see grey hair in some spots, and now the hair color is a necessity rather than just wanted lighter color hair in the past. Lots of moisturizer too!
Looking forward to your journey. Wish I was on it with you. Keep us updated. Pictures would be nice, but even without, I want to hear how you are getting along. Not many of us 50+ are on here
Looking forward to your journey. Wish I was on it with you. Keep us updated. Pictures would be nice, but even without, I want to hear how you are getting along. Not many of us 50+ are on here
August 12, 2015
Thanks so much for the kind thoughts.
"It is hard aging and not being able to do a little more at the gym or change the make up to fix it."
Exactly this! Ugh.
I fear the cycle of 'never good enough' (I'm a bit like that with the gym, which at least leads to *healthy* practices even if the mindset isn't so great), so I'm determined that after setting the clock back some with this, I will slide into 'old lady-ness' with grace and lots of alcohol :P.
"It is hard aging and not being able to do a little more at the gym or change the make up to fix it."
Exactly this! Ugh.
I fear the cycle of 'never good enough' (I'm a bit like that with the gym, which at least leads to *healthy* practices even if the mindset isn't so great), so I'm determined that after setting the clock back some with this, I will slide into 'old lady-ness' with grace and lots of alcohol :P.
August 17, 2015
I am having revision rhinoplasty in 2 months. Then I will decide if I want a full facelift and lip lift later on. The quote is pricey. I keep asking myself do I do this or do I want to save the money and take vacations to Europe? Then I look at photos of myself and I am mortified. I have the old lady scowl look. People ask me if I am mad and no I am not. The skin under my chin had dropped and my neck skin has draped...thank you menopause. So I sit and contemplate is it worth the cost.
August 18, 2015
I can completely understand your conflict.
I have deliberately NOT done the 'what else could I do with this money' thing because that way lies madness.
I've also concluded that there is no way to be 100% sure it's the right thing to do unless you really hate yourself. I don't, and I'm not going to talk myself into some kind of self loathing to justify the surgery.
I concentrated on 'how I feel about myself' and every time I looked in the mirror or (worse) saw a photo and felt depressed about what I saw, I added it to the 'this is worth the money' bucket. When the bucket got full enough that it felt like I was carrying this heavy weight around, I pulled the trigger on doing it.
Best of luck with your revision rhinoplasty. Who knows: perhaps that will make all the difference in your decision making process.
I have deliberately NOT done the 'what else could I do with this money' thing because that way lies madness.
I've also concluded that there is no way to be 100% sure it's the right thing to do unless you really hate yourself. I don't, and I'm not going to talk myself into some kind of self loathing to justify the surgery.
I concentrated on 'how I feel about myself' and every time I looked in the mirror or (worse) saw a photo and felt depressed about what I saw, I added it to the 'this is worth the money' bucket. When the bucket got full enough that it felt like I was carrying this heavy weight around, I pulled the trigger on doing it.
Best of luck with your revision rhinoplasty. Who knows: perhaps that will make all the difference in your decision making process.
August 18, 2015
Thank you for your thoughts. I will apply them to myself as well, because my bucket is almost full too.
My photobombs (fails) are adding up and my photoshopping skills are becoming labor intensive.
In the end you need to do what is best for you.
Good luck on your surgery and I will check back from time to time to see how you are doing.
My photobombs (fails) are adding up and my photoshopping skills are becoming labor intensive.
In the end you need to do what is best for you.
Good luck on your surgery and I will check back from time to time to see how you are doing.
August 12, 2015
Thanks for your great review. I'm thinking of doing the sane in February with Dr Komwit. He is part of the Bumingrad team. Can you share with me where you are staying for tour 3 weeks and are you getting medical insurance. If so who with and how much? I will be looking out for your updates. Best wishes.
August 12, 2015
Most welcome, and thanks for the good wishes :).
Bumrungrad hospital is deluxe :). I've gone with St Louis, though: less luxury = lower price. I expect the care difference to be negligible.
I'm staying at Citadines Sukhumvit 11 (if you want post-op nursing care with Thai Nurses or Health Care Hands, you have to stay at one of the places that they have approved and will visit). Citadines have 'apartment' style accommodation with a little sitting room and kitchen, which I know will feel better than a hotel room: small things like being able to just cook eggs or make toast if I want are a big deal to me.
I'm not getting medical insurance: from what I've found, cover for overseas elective surgery is super expensive (in the thousands). I know it's a risk, but I consider it a small one (I just touched wood after writing that).
Bumrungrad hospital is deluxe :). I've gone with St Louis, though: less luxury = lower price. I expect the care difference to be negligible.
I'm staying at Citadines Sukhumvit 11 (if you want post-op nursing care with Thai Nurses or Health Care Hands, you have to stay at one of the places that they have approved and will visit). Citadines have 'apartment' style accommodation with a little sitting room and kitchen, which I know will feel better than a hotel room: small things like being able to just cook eggs or make toast if I want are a big deal to me.
I'm not getting medical insurance: from what I've found, cover for overseas elective surgery is super expensive (in the thousands). I know it's a risk, but I consider it a small one (I just touched wood after writing that).
September 5, 2015
Hi - I recommend Dr Komwit - he did my surgery in March 2015 and was fantastic. I stayed in Bangkok for 1 week after and then went to Hua Hin. See my review for more info. Good luck!
September 5, 2015
(oops, I meant for me obviously, I didn't read up-comments to see what you were responding too :)).
Your results look great btw! Glad you're still happy after a year.
Your results look great btw! Glad you're still happy after a year.
October 12, 2015
Google "Komwit Bangkok" - the first result is his web page where you'll find a 'Contact us' page.
Best of luck :).
Best of luck :).
August 14, 2015
Good luck with the procedure. Please keep us updated. Not long to go now ☺
August 15, 2015
Thanks for the good luck wishes!
I saw in one of your comments that you are booked in with Dr Nond at St Louis in October: exciting! I'll be sure to post all all the details for you.
I saw in one of your comments that you are booked in with Dr Nond at St Louis in October: exciting! I'll be sure to post all all the details for you.
UPDATED FROM Aus50
18 days pre
To tell or not to tell
Aus50August 13, 2015
As I mentioned, I've only told one person about my facelift: a friend who lives in another country. I had to tell *someone*. He's been okay about it (I had to 'convince' him, but he came around to understanding), but he doesn't really get it.
I'm now trying to decide whether to tell my best friend (he's my ex) or not. My decision is really based on the fact that lying (even by omission) makes me feel really guilty and the fact that I'm 99.9% sure he will notice and ask about it when I get back. My results will be relatively subtle, and I can easily avoid or explain it away to other people, but he's super observant (he noticed the cheek fillers, which even *I* can barely see), and he WILL ask about it.
When I see some people at 2-3 weeks, they look great: fine and normal, but of course I'm not actually familiar with their faces and photos only show so much. I'm under no illusion about how I will look at 3 weeks post: Realistically I'm thinking 'presentable to strangers, but not 'normal' to someone who knows me well'.
I expect he will be really shocked in a 'supportive' way ("Why?! You don't NEED a facelift!! You look great!" etc) with a silent side of judgemental "Wow, how vain *are* you anyway?! What a waste of money!", and for anyone who's planning a facelift, I'm sure you know full well that that kind of conversation is not at all supportive and doesn't feel good. It essentially leads to me having to specifically point out my own flaws and convince him how bad they are to 'justify' taking this course of action. Ugh. I'm mentally practising saying "I'm going to tell you this, I need you to be supportive, and I'm not going to justify my decision to you."
As an aside, the disconnect between 'walking around as a confident woman' and 'wanting a facelift' is tricky internally, but there is an external component to that also. Socially, I understand that it's hard for anyone to go from the sweet and sincere 'you look amazing' to 'yeah, I see why you'd want a facelift, good for you'. And people who love you ALWAYS think you look amazing: that's how love works :).
If anyone has any tips on having this conversation, I'd love to hear them.
I'm now trying to decide whether to tell my best friend (he's my ex) or not. My decision is really based on the fact that lying (even by omission) makes me feel really guilty and the fact that I'm 99.9% sure he will notice and ask about it when I get back. My results will be relatively subtle, and I can easily avoid or explain it away to other people, but he's super observant (he noticed the cheek fillers, which even *I* can barely see), and he WILL ask about it.
When I see some people at 2-3 weeks, they look great: fine and normal, but of course I'm not actually familiar with their faces and photos only show so much. I'm under no illusion about how I will look at 3 weeks post: Realistically I'm thinking 'presentable to strangers, but not 'normal' to someone who knows me well'.
I expect he will be really shocked in a 'supportive' way ("Why?! You don't NEED a facelift!! You look great!" etc) with a silent side of judgemental "Wow, how vain *are* you anyway?! What a waste of money!", and for anyone who's planning a facelift, I'm sure you know full well that that kind of conversation is not at all supportive and doesn't feel good. It essentially leads to me having to specifically point out my own flaws and convince him how bad they are to 'justify' taking this course of action. Ugh. I'm mentally practising saying "I'm going to tell you this, I need you to be supportive, and I'm not going to justify my decision to you."
As an aside, the disconnect between 'walking around as a confident woman' and 'wanting a facelift' is tricky internally, but there is an external component to that also. Socially, I understand that it's hard for anyone to go from the sweet and sincere 'you look amazing' to 'yeah, I see why you'd want a facelift, good for you'. And people who love you ALWAYS think you look amazing: that's how love works :).
If anyone has any tips on having this conversation, I'd love to hear them.
Replies (18)
August 13, 2015
Me personally I would not tell anyone. But that is just me. If someone were gutsy enough to ask, I would just say I am trying to take really good care of myself. May be easier said than done, but I also think people love to gossip. I just try not to put it out there. I did not tell anyone about my BA. If they do ask, I will tell them they are a bad guesser. If you tell one or two, then you loose track of who you did tell.....good luck. And let us know what you decide to do
August 14, 2015
Thanks so much for your thoughts. And I agree: my preference would be to not tell anyone also. I never told anyone about my original BA, and if I go ahead with the breast revision, I'm not telling anyone about that: but it's a lot easier to hide and people are (unsurprisingly) REALLY reluctant to say 'Hey, what's up with your boobs?!' *laugh*.
I am sure I will get away with not telling anyone ELSE (and if they suspect anything, they will be too polite to ask). But I'm a terrible liar and my ex is scarily observant so he will both notice that I've had something done AND he will ask about it AND if I lie, he will know that I'm lying about it. Lying makes me feel stupid-guilty (like stressful-can't-sleep levels of guilty), even when I know I don't owe anyone an explanation (I swear I should have been a Catholic because I am ace at guilt).
I'm having dinner with him tonight. I'm planning to tell him. I expect it will be weird with him not understanding and wanting to convince me I don't need it and me trying not to get defensive :/.
Thanks for the good luck wishes.
I am sure I will get away with not telling anyone ELSE (and if they suspect anything, they will be too polite to ask). But I'm a terrible liar and my ex is scarily observant so he will both notice that I've had something done AND he will ask about it AND if I lie, he will know that I'm lying about it. Lying makes me feel stupid-guilty (like stressful-can't-sleep levels of guilty), even when I know I don't owe anyone an explanation (I swear I should have been a Catholic because I am ace at guilt).
I'm having dinner with him tonight. I'm planning to tell him. I expect it will be weird with him not understanding and wanting to convince me I don't need it and me trying not to get defensive :/.
Thanks for the good luck wishes.
August 15, 2015
For the record, he's sick and cancelled dinner, so I didn't get the chance to talk to him :(.
August 17, 2015
Here is an experience I had yesterday that had never crossed my mind....
There is a gas station/convenience store near my house that I stop in a few times a month. An older woman works during the day. Well, yesterday I stopped in to get something to drink and the look on the woman's face was priceless. She kept staring at me with a look of shock on her face. She never said anything but she knew.
So it looks like it is just not friends and family we have to worry about.
On the other hand, my mother is the most negative person on the planet and I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving.
There is a gas station/convenience store near my house that I stop in a few times a month. An older woman works during the day. Well, yesterday I stopped in to get something to drink and the look on the woman's face was priceless. She kept staring at me with a look of shock on her face. She never said anything but she knew.
So it looks like it is just not friends and family we have to worry about.
On the other hand, my mother is the most negative person on the planet and I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving.
August 17, 2015
*laugh* At least strangers will be too polite to SAY anything. They'll just gossip behind your back... :P.
I'm not sure how far out you are from surgery, but you have a point. I can't call it a downside, but really amazing results will never be able to reasonably explained away. It sounds like you had that, so congratulations :) !
And good luck with your mother when you see her :/.
I'm not expecting huge 'woah!' improvements (because my starting point isn't all that 'bad'), so while I expect the result will be amazing to me, I expect it will be quite subtle to anyone else (well, after it heals anyway). More a 'you look well' than a 'holy hell lookit your face!!' :).
I'm not sure how far out you are from surgery, but you have a point. I can't call it a downside, but really amazing results will never be able to reasonably explained away. It sounds like you had that, so congratulations :) !
And good luck with your mother when you see her :/.
I'm not expecting huge 'woah!' improvements (because my starting point isn't all that 'bad'), so while I expect the result will be amazing to me, I expect it will be quite subtle to anyone else (well, after it heals anyway). More a 'you look well' than a 'holy hell lookit your face!!' :).
August 17, 2015
I'm so glad you brought this topic up! This is a very interesting aspect of the journey, isn't it? To "tell" or "not to tell"....personally, I've decided "NOT to tell." I have struggled with this issue too. In fact, I'm wondering what excuse I'll come up with when my FL date arrives (Nov. 18, 2015). I have decided to plan a scheduled vacation from work (luckily I work from home) and then get "the flu" for social commitments during the recovery period. I agree, it is dishonest and sneaky, but it's better than having to share my personal choice with people who are not close to me emotionally...they just happen to share my social circle and they'll notice my absence. I've decided that it's no one's business other than my own! This conviction stems from the past where I told people that I had a BA...and really, I did NOT expect the strange responses I got. Many did not approve. Here's what some said, "WHY would you do that? You looked fine before!" etc. Who knows why people say what they do, but I'm a very private person; I'm keeping it all under wraps. Also, I am still undecided if I will share my before/after pics on my surgeon's website AND here on RS. I appreciate all of you who had the courage to share your pics/stories because it really helps ME know what to expect. On the other hand, I am concerned that people in my small town will recognize me on the site. If they do, I won't be able to deny it, right? I didn't think that I ever really cared about anyone's opinion of me, but I guess...I do! My sense is that I just don't want to have to explain why I decided to have a facelift, it's my face and my body and I'll do what I want! Let's continue this discussion...I'd love to hear what others think about this and how you handle this issue. Just my unsolicited opinion, but I vote that you DO NOT tell your EX. Let this person wistfully admire you and wonder what's up...but please do what you feel is right. All my best, Lemonpuff
August 18, 2015
Thank you so much for your thoughts. They are very much along the same lines as mine.
"This conviction stems from the past where I told people that I had a BA...and really, I did NOT expect the strange responses I got. Many did not approve."
Yep, exactly! Completely understandable. People WILL disapprove in a faux supportive 'but you look great!' kind of way that implies there is something wrong with me for doing it. I also think some people will respect me less for falling prey to the social beauty norms and see it as some kind of moral or political failing ('but it's so *superficial* darling!').
When I explained my facelift to the one friend I told (he did the 'baffled and concerned-disapproving' thing), I put it this way: "I've been working out to make my body into what I want (to hold off ageing, to look better naked etc: it's pure vanity) and everyone cheers about it ('good for you!', 'nice work!'), but I can't do anything about my face myself, so I'm taking another route. But the reasoning behind both my body and face work is *exactly the same*: They are BOTH pure vanity for me. But one is still lauded as admirable and the other is decried as some kind of extreme narcissism."
He's a gym rat who gets depressed if his six pack disappears, so that explanation got me further understanding than any other.
"Let this person wistfully admire you and wonder what's up"
*laugh* I WISH he would 'wistfully admire me and wonder what's up', but he won't (for the record, he's my best friend, and not a recent ex). He will outright ask 'Did you have something done?' if he suspects it.
I'm not really worried about anyone else noticing (or if they notice, they will be too polite to ask outright, which is fine by me).
I was determined to tell him the other night, but he cancelled dinner and I'm wavering again now. If I hide it (and I will do it badly), I will carry that (dumb and illogical) guilt around and then feel all shifty-liar around him and I'm not sure I want to put that stress on me or on our relationship. So in the end, this is about measuring up whether handling my own guilt & stress about hiding stuff will be more horrible than handling his reaction.
I really appreciate your comment: thank you for it.
"This conviction stems from the past where I told people that I had a BA...and really, I did NOT expect the strange responses I got. Many did not approve."
Yep, exactly! Completely understandable. People WILL disapprove in a faux supportive 'but you look great!' kind of way that implies there is something wrong with me for doing it. I also think some people will respect me less for falling prey to the social beauty norms and see it as some kind of moral or political failing ('but it's so *superficial* darling!').
When I explained my facelift to the one friend I told (he did the 'baffled and concerned-disapproving' thing), I put it this way: "I've been working out to make my body into what I want (to hold off ageing, to look better naked etc: it's pure vanity) and everyone cheers about it ('good for you!', 'nice work!'), but I can't do anything about my face myself, so I'm taking another route. But the reasoning behind both my body and face work is *exactly the same*: They are BOTH pure vanity for me. But one is still lauded as admirable and the other is decried as some kind of extreme narcissism."
He's a gym rat who gets depressed if his six pack disappears, so that explanation got me further understanding than any other.
"Let this person wistfully admire you and wonder what's up"
*laugh* I WISH he would 'wistfully admire me and wonder what's up', but he won't (for the record, he's my best friend, and not a recent ex). He will outright ask 'Did you have something done?' if he suspects it.
I'm not really worried about anyone else noticing (or if they notice, they will be too polite to ask outright, which is fine by me).
I was determined to tell him the other night, but he cancelled dinner and I'm wavering again now. If I hide it (and I will do it badly), I will carry that (dumb and illogical) guilt around and then feel all shifty-liar around him and I'm not sure I want to put that stress on me or on our relationship. So in the end, this is about measuring up whether handling my own guilt & stress about hiding stuff will be more horrible than handling his reaction.
I really appreciate your comment: thank you for it.
September 30, 2015
I am two weeks out and have only told my husband, two daughters and one best friend who happened to travel with me and took great care of me. (I had lunch 10 days out with a friend I hadn't seen in 5 months and she didn't say anything but how great I looked). I chose to do the procedure away from home and have told people I was going on a spa vacation! I just returned home late last night and my husband is thrilled! I also would love to show pics because they are pretty dramatic and I had very little bruising etc. But I would rather remain anonymous in my area.
September 30, 2015
You must have healed so well to be going out for lunch at 10 days :). Congratulations on your dramatic results!
October 20, 2015
This gal's view. I have no problem telling someone who asks so they don't feel bad why they may not look as young at 57. However, I also don't mind saying, I eat healthy foods everyday, I use sun screen everyday, I go to the gym almost every day, I have never abused my body with crap, my family looks young, I am basically happy, lucky and work really hard to stay that way! If others judge me, they will anyway. It was a difficult choice & one I don't regret but can't imagine doing more of. I don't judge others (or try not to) so if they judge me, it's their problem, not me.
October 20, 2015
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I did tell him soon after I got home from Bangkok because I'm not good with secrets and I would have been just waiting for him to ask about it and would have been all self conscious around him until it happened. I found it quite stressful, which is weird in and of itself.
He's supportive in a 'glad you're happy' kind of way, not in a 'you look great' kind of way. He really doesn't see 'why' (bless 'im).
I applaud your attitude. Apart from him (and my sister who I haven't seen yet), I really don't think anyone else will notice a thing (or if they do, they will be too polite to say anything) so I don't expect it to come up, but I have seen some women here be really hurt by people's responses, so I'm wary about it.
He's supportive in a 'glad you're happy' kind of way, not in a 'you look great' kind of way. He really doesn't see 'why' (bless 'im).
I applaud your attitude. Apart from him (and my sister who I haven't seen yet), I really don't think anyone else will notice a thing (or if they do, they will be too polite to say anything) so I don't expect it to come up, but I have seen some women here be really hurt by people's responses, so I'm wary about it.
October 20, 2015
A lot of time people think you've lost weight or changed your hair. Most people are so busy worrying about themselves..they don't have time to focus on you!
UPDATED FROM Aus50
16 days pre
Before photos
Aus50August 15, 2015
Uploading some photos makes me realise I really should have done a review of the CO2-erbium laser and botox. Both photos taken first thing in the morning, no make-up.
The photo on the left is from Oct 2014 (before I did anything) with the most unflattering lighting ever. On my bad days, this is exactly how I look.
The photo on the right was taken April 2015. I had CO2-erbium laser in February (lots of improvement), then botox (smoothed out a bunch of lines further (helped with 'resting [RS bleep] face') but was mostly about minimising dynamic wrinkles) and cheek filler (can't see any difference) in March. The botox was great (has worn off now), but the majority of the improvement is from the laser.
I will try to take some that show more clearly where I'm wanting to see improvements from this facelift (jowls, neck, hooded eyes, general 'droopy face') so that after photos are more useful.
The photo on the left is from Oct 2014 (before I did anything) with the most unflattering lighting ever. On my bad days, this is exactly how I look.
The photo on the right was taken April 2015. I had CO2-erbium laser in February (lots of improvement), then botox (smoothed out a bunch of lines further (helped with 'resting [RS bleep] face') but was mostly about minimising dynamic wrinkles) and cheek filler (can't see any difference) in March. The botox was great (has worn off now), but the majority of the improvement is from the laser.
I will try to take some that show more clearly where I'm wanting to see improvements from this facelift (jowls, neck, hooded eyes, general 'droopy face') so that after photos are more useful.
Replies (13)
August 15, 2015
Your laser results are fantastic. You look beautiful. It's not obvious to me what you want to change but I do understand you because I am doing the same research myself and having the same thoughts and conflicts. So far, like you, I've decided to stay away for 3 weeks. And so far, I have told no one. I probably seen like the last person who would have a face lift: I'm casual, natural, outdoorsy, don't even wear make-up of any kind. I so far have not been able to think of one person who would be supportive or even neutral.
August 15, 2015
Thanks so much for the comment and the compliment.
The 'first thing in the morning' photos are interesting: I think because gravity hasn't had a go at me yet, the things that I want to address with a lift are much less obvious. As the day goes on, I get much more jowly and cranky-[RS bleep]-face looking and I'm considering that a nasty little preview of the years to come. I *could* just leave it until I wake up looking like that, but I'm finding my own cranky-[RS bleep]-face depressing and I really want to nip it in the bud (the fact that I'm single and dating might have something to do with that, as much as I hate to admit it).
I will try and upload photos that show the problem/s more clearly.
I hear you on the lack of support :(. I think it's a reason why places like realself are so valuable. Good luck with your decision making: feel free to send me a message if you want to have a chat about anything.
The 'first thing in the morning' photos are interesting: I think because gravity hasn't had a go at me yet, the things that I want to address with a lift are much less obvious. As the day goes on, I get much more jowly and cranky-[RS bleep]-face looking and I'm considering that a nasty little preview of the years to come. I *could* just leave it until I wake up looking like that, but I'm finding my own cranky-[RS bleep]-face depressing and I really want to nip it in the bud (the fact that I'm single and dating might have something to do with that, as much as I hate to admit it).
I will try and upload photos that show the problem/s more clearly.
I hear you on the lack of support :(. I think it's a reason why places like realself are so valuable. Good luck with your decision making: feel free to send me a message if you want to have a chat about anything.
August 18, 2015
You are right - you look beautiful with what you've done, but I do understand that FL compared to the Botox and fillers is a little more long term. I'm in the states and I'm scheduled 8/28/15. Terribly nervous and trying not to think about it too much.
August 18, 2015
"you look beautiful with what you've done, but I do understand that FL compared to the Botox and fillers is a little more long term"
Thanks, and yes: I did love the way the botox smoothed out lines, but the biggest thing I am unhappy with (and which will get worse) is 'droopy-cranky' old lady face. I'm hoping that after I've addressed that, I'll be happy enough that the lines will be fine (i.e. I'm not planning to keep having botox after the FL).
"I'm in the states and I'm scheduled 8/28/15. Terribly nervous and trying not to think about it too much."
Isn't it hard (impossible!) not to think about it? I have to work hard to resist bombarding the one friend I have told with incessant obsessive thoughts about it.
I'm not nervous yet (13 days out), but I'm dealing by concentrating on practical things because 'doing stuff' makes me feel more in control (making lists, buying prep stuff, researching questions I have etc).
I do hope you find a way to manage those nerves. Sending a bunch of positive thoughts your way.
Thanks, and yes: I did love the way the botox smoothed out lines, but the biggest thing I am unhappy with (and which will get worse) is 'droopy-cranky' old lady face. I'm hoping that after I've addressed that, I'll be happy enough that the lines will be fine (i.e. I'm not planning to keep having botox after the FL).
"I'm in the states and I'm scheduled 8/28/15. Terribly nervous and trying not to think about it too much."
Isn't it hard (impossible!) not to think about it? I have to work hard to resist bombarding the one friend I have told with incessant obsessive thoughts about it.
I'm not nervous yet (13 days out), but I'm dealing by concentrating on practical things because 'doing stuff' makes me feel more in control (making lists, buying prep stuff, researching questions I have etc).
I do hope you find a way to manage those nerves. Sending a bunch of positive thoughts your way.
August 18, 2015
Hi..i to am in Oz..i think we have twin lives, your feelings are exactly what i am feeling. The being scared of going overseas. .the telling people, all of it. You are very brave. I am in the same position. .only i have a husband who said to me that he will not come near me just for getting my eyes done. Its inside you. I knew i would need my eyes done..it runs in my family, my nana had big eggs under her eyes and so did my mother, who had her eyes done about 20 years ago. So i knew that it was inevitable. My father to recently had eye surgery..it wasn't meant for cosmetic use he needed it for vision and ended up having a bleph ( upper lids.) He is so funny and brags about having plastic surgery. I am constantly researching. I am going to be persistent with the eyes..but i really want lower face and neck. Mine to would be mild. But better to nip in the bud! . So I've been telling him how expensive it is here. I'm going overseas. Maybe ill leave a note and run!. And hope that with no knowledge of cosmetic procedure i could get away with..'its just swelling' I will be following your progress with great excitement and interest! Wishing you all the best.
The co2 laser did do a great job. How long was your recovery?..
The co2 laser did do a great job. How long was your recovery?..
August 18, 2015
Hi there :)
Wow, that's tough having a husband who isn't supportive. You should totally leave a note and run (that made me laugh) :D. I agree with you about nipping it in the bud: I see a lot of women here saying that they wish they'd done it 10 years ago.
For the laser recovery, it took ages. At day 10, my skin was healed and I was okay to go out with make up on (I never usually wear makeup). But my skin was still blotchy and had uneven pigmentation, and that took forever to settle down. I gradually reduced the makeup, but wasn't fit to go out without makeup until day 30. And I'd say I wasn't *happy* about how my skin looked until about day 45. So yeah, forever.
Wow, that's tough having a husband who isn't supportive. You should totally leave a note and run (that made me laugh) :D. I agree with you about nipping it in the bud: I see a lot of women here saying that they wish they'd done it 10 years ago.
For the laser recovery, it took ages. At day 10, my skin was healed and I was okay to go out with make up on (I never usually wear makeup). But my skin was still blotchy and had uneven pigmentation, and that took forever to settle down. I gradually reduced the makeup, but wasn't fit to go out without makeup until day 30. And I'd say I wasn't *happy* about how my skin looked until about day 45. So yeah, forever.
August 18, 2015
Thank you. About 3 years ago i had ipl laser to my chest neck area. I was going to do my face but thought i would try the latter first. I recieved 3rd degree burns to the whole area. The doctor is still to this day paying for me to see one if the best medical laser treatment centers / doctors in australia to fix it. Lucky i didn't do my face! I am now left with bad scars. So i am a bit hesitant of co2. After reading your blog. I went straight to dr nond web site and have emailed him. Thankyou very much for your post. It makes me realise there are lots of us out there feeling the same way.
Gabrielle
Gabrielle
August 18, 2015
Holy hell! I'm so sorry for your bad IPL experience. That's terrifying. Especially because you obviously went to a doctor and not a 'beauty clinic', so you'd expect that they would know what they were doing :(. I'm so glad to hear that you at least had some recourse. I hope the treatments are showing some improvement for you.
"After reading your blog. I went straight to dr nond web site and have emailed him."
Exciting :)! Just to warn you: Dr Nond is slow at replying to emails and his manner is quite abrupt (in his first email back to me after I sent photos, he said something like 'yes classic signs of ageing: very obvious' and I thought 'gee thanks!' :)). Sometimes he's quick to reply (I think it's only if he happens to be online when I email), but often I have had to wait a week or more and sometimes I have had to follow up to get a reply. Going by the reviews and having spoken to a couple of his patients, he is very patient and attentive in person and responds asap to phone calls, so it's not a concern for me, but it can be frustrating if you are eagerly awaiting a reply.
"After reading your blog. I went straight to dr nond web site and have emailed him."
Exciting :)! Just to warn you: Dr Nond is slow at replying to emails and his manner is quite abrupt (in his first email back to me after I sent photos, he said something like 'yes classic signs of ageing: very obvious' and I thought 'gee thanks!' :)). Sometimes he's quick to reply (I think it's only if he happens to be online when I email), but often I have had to wait a week or more and sometimes I have had to follow up to get a reply. Going by the reviews and having spoken to a couple of his patients, he is very patient and attentive in person and responds asap to phone calls, so it's not a concern for me, but it can be frustrating if you are eagerly awaiting a reply.
August 27, 2015
Thank you...well good luck..i wish you the very best! Very excited for you. .and your right dr nonds reply was the same... :-)
If I don't end up sharing pics in the thread here (still thinking about it), I will be more than happy to share them privately: I know how much that helps both in making a decision and in feeling comfortable about it.