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POSTED UNDER Tattoo Removal REVIEWS

Getting Consult, Any Advice? - Baltimore, MD

ORIGINAL POST

I started my tattoo on dec 14th which was my 25th...

mikef87February 19, 2013
$3,500

i started my tattoo on dec 14th which was my 25th birthday.. this had to be the coolest idea and executed tattoo ever.. but i just wanted to add onto it.. it was an angel on my outside forarm.. everyone and i loved it.. but i felt like it just needed a little more.. then i went back and got a banner on the inside of my arm, needed more.. i had an idea then when it came down to it, i just impulsively went.. just fill up my inside arm and make it look cool!.. which was filled with dark mountains and crappy looking clouds.. so there i went.. fully wrapping wrist to elbow with black ink!!!... i knew halfway in i so hated it, i didnt want it so dark then i started thinking of my two little girls.. 2 years old and 1 years old..


so after i got home from the tattoo guy, i was so displeased trying to keep it together..everyone loves it besides me, because i know it isnt me.. i cant even pick up my kids and look at them without regretting my inner impulsed arm tattoo.. i just want to turn back the hands of time and go back to the happy family man i was 2 weeks ago.. i have nothing but regret.. i finally started being able to eat again.. not being able to sleep much, and when i wake up i have so much anxiety and angst about my tattoo, its unreal..



ive been called a crack baby all of my life due to my drug addicted parents, and worked very hard my whole life.. bought my own house, i have a great job, a loving fiancee and two wonderful little girls.. i just want my old life back, ive never felt this way despite all the negativity in my life, nothing has bothered me so much.

Replies (15)

DavidCH
February 21, 2013
Hi Mike, I just saw your post and i found your story quite similar to mine. Few mouths ago i had the great idea to tattoo an angel on my forearm which I was very proud of and couldn't stop myself from showing it off. A bit after i felt the need to adding up and impulsively when back to the tattoo shop to get some black clouds around the angel. So here I am with half of my forearm, beginning from the wrist wrapped up with ink. It felt right, like it was the beginning of a whole sleeve. About a mouth after, something started to not feel wrong. Too dark, almost impossible to hide due to the location. And what was at the time the best idea I ever had to affirm "myself" and be cool is just... not me. Like you, I couldn't eat or sleep, barely talk, could not listen to anything people where saying but the regret in my head in continuous loop. I cut myself of any social life, felling really ashamed and really upset with myself for what i did. My confidence gone, my creativity slept away as well as my huge joy of life. I was prisoner of this ink and couldn't see the end of it. Like you said I just wanted my successful and happy life back. At this point you can call depression or even melancholia, let's call a cat a "cat". Never had anything like this happening to me and never would see it coming. It was so sudden. It took me into deep deep sadness and even drove me a bit crazy. Well, I had to seek the help of my family who are the only person i can honestly talk to and tell the all truth about what I'm going through. Even if my life life is turning into something i always dreamt about, well something took me to me the situation I am in now. After lots of talking, I came down to the conclusion that I have some issues deep down myself that i have to deal with and working to solve. I am reading a lot such as Paulo Coelho, I recommend a book named Aleph, reading the news also somehow make me feel better, eating healthy, doing more exercise than before, even stopped smoking! I also took the decision to go trough laser removal. I know what we see on internet is not really comforting. It is a long process of at least two years but in a life it is nothing. It felt like something inside me was dying and probably needed to. Furthermore, I never had such a taste of life since I went trough this. It doesn't mean that i will change my whole persona but will work to be a much a better man, a better me :) Like you I am 25, and I see this experience as very positive now, an electroshock that most people have in their life but often triggered in their late life. So I am even seeing it as a chance! But to be effective a change need to be slow and patience, a lots a patience. So as I am working on my inner self i will my tattoo fade little by little. And being in the fashion industry i can predict a lots of young people that will eventually go trough the same thing. A lots of male models covering hands, arms and even neck. So who knows I might get trendy haha ! Like I said Mike, if you consider removing your ink you need to also find and work what as to be improved inside you, so the inside will reflect the outside. I hope this can alight you a bit. Also I am French so please excuse all the mistakes I could have written. Good luck :) Sincerly, David.
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Blackberry11
February 21, 2013
Dear David, what you have written is amazing...I also have very deep regret that took me into a depression like nothing I could have imagined. I like your perspective on this, it's powerful and very true. I got my tattoo cover up (should have left the 1st tattoo, small and cute) and it ended up being a disaster...so ugly. Being female, and attractive, caring  alot about how I look, I lost all confidence. I went from being super happy, and full of endless energy (i'm 40) to feelilng like crap. I am heavliy into yoga, fitness and healthy eating (vegan) and I just thought, how could I have been so careless about what I did to my body. I love tattoos, and I have one other, so it is not having a tattoo that bothers me at all, it's just what I settled on, and how it turned out. I trusted an artist I hardly knew so much with my skin, and he ruined it. How could I allow that! I also am a mother of 2 teenage kids, they are so accepting, and don't think any different of me, in fact they even like the tattoo (no idea why!) my husband also didn't care and fully supports me, but I couldn't, and still struggle with letting go of this issue. I am on my 5th laser treatment (the 23rd will be my 5th session ) and its faded but not drastic. I decided that I will not plan for a full removal, and will be prepared for a well thought out cover up. I like you do see the positives of this mess, we have to, and I like how you convey that in your message. I find watching movies, and reading helps me too. In the movie Eat Love Pray - Julia Roberts says: "Ruin is a gift, Ruin is the road to transformation" This situation also allowed me to dig deeper into the meaning of life, and has turned this into a a lesson and opportunity to improve. "When you loose  balance you loose power"  I have moments almost everyday still where I find myself wishing I could go back in time, and thinking about the tattoo, but I have learned to refocus my thoughts. I have come a long way...for weeks, in fact the entire summer I hardly ate, slept or did much of anything...I was so thin and unhealthy looking. I had to get myself out of the depression as my family life was starting to be affected by my negative mood. My husband even had to reach out for help, he went and saw a military doctor for suggestions on how to help me he was so worried. This is a struggle that I thought I was alone in, and then when I made my review, I was shocked at how many others were going through the same thing. It made me realize that we are just human, and we do, and will continue to make mistakes. I have met some terrific people through this situation, and it has inspiried me to be even a better person. I will use this experience to help people. This truly changed me. I study the practice of buddhism, but honestly I never really understood the true meaning behind it till now...I really understand how we must suffer to be enlighted ones. This all makes so much sense now! I am understanding the true essense of the mind. I have become stronger, more compassionate, and overall understanding. Thank you for taking the time to offer support, it's appreciated and I wish you success with your removal. Blackberry11 (Eva)
DavidCH
February 22, 2013
Dear Eva, Thank your for your message. I also very like the way your approach the inconvenience. I also was very attached to my physical appearance..certainly too much and took advantage of it. I have also been quite judging on the one of others, what a shame. Well, going through laser removal, now my freelance model carrier will have an undetermined break haha. But on the other side I feel some kind of liberation. Surrounded by so much superficiality I could not see the beauty of simple things and simple people. How blind. To me it seems like the tattoo just pulled all the bad I have inside me out on the surface. And like I said I feel glad and very lucky it came out, probably even saved me from a life I would have despite later on. Even I am not considering myself as such a bad person, the first step was to accept their were problems deeper than the ink under my skin and deeply i was in conflict with the road I was taking. Then I had to forgive myself in order to move on and be willing to work on rebuilding someone greater. I know it is what is irritating about it but in my case I'm kind of glad that the ink removal will not be easy otherwise it would have been "too easy" and I would probably miss the great opportunity behind it. So I embrace this unwanted tattoo. And if scares their is i will wear them proudly reminding me of a fight I have came through. After all this ink doesn't stop our bodies to function perfectly well and that is most important :) Eva, It seems like your are really gifted and blessed with a priceless family that you and your husband built. I'm sure that with their understanding and support you will see the end of it. I am curious how did you start learning of Buddhism? And how much it is helping you? I also have a couple other tattoos that i love and suit me perfectly. But same here, the one bothering me is originally a cover up and the meaning and design of it is not who I am or who i want to be. Are you sure about an other cover up ? after all isn't it what took you in this "mess" in the first place ? Even if every case in different I can understand your struggle. But don't get discourage at the beginning of the road. It might take up to 20 sessions to get a complete removal but it will be worth it..what do you think? "Suffering, when it can't be avoid, is here to bring me toward glory" :) Sincerly, David.
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Blackberry11
February 22, 2013
Hi David, thank you for your kind words :)  You have such great insight into this situation, it's refreshing! I am not sure about a cover up, in fact it's interesting you mentioned about the suffering, as last night while I was reading my book on the teachings of Buddha, I was reading the section on Human Defilements, things that lead to suffering, foolishness was one of them  Getting another cover up may be foolish which in turn would lead to more suffering. I don't know what to do, I just want to mentally prepare myself for the "what if" I don't have a successful removal  after 15 sessions, to I keep going, or do I plan for a beautiful tattoo, that would be easy to cover as the tattoo would be much lighter..so much time to think about it, and I will not rush the process...I have years to decide. You asked how I started learning of Buddhism, to be honest, as tacky as this may sound, it found me. I was attracted to the culture, as I practice yoga/meditation, and I am very in touch with nature, as well as my husband and I are very philosophical - so it all seemed to just connect. I would read and study the fundamentals of it casually, but it wasn't  until last summer that the teachings really impacted me, so strong that it was powerful. It started with a book called "An Open Heart" Practicing compassion in Everyday Life ~The Dalai Lama. I was in search of something meaningful to read when this tattoo journey started last summer, and was at a used book store, and the book was right there -coincidence, maybe, but I don't believe in coincidences, and yet I started to doubt things happen for a reason, as I could not see the reason behind this situation. I was in search of something to help me through this, and that book was the start. I then started on line study and more  reading. I really began to focus on meditation.  I really find comfort in his teachings, and can relate on a much higher level then I could/would have before.  I now see the reason behind this tattoo, as crazy as this sounds, like you, I really needed to detach myself from being obsessed with my physical  form and focus on my mental - my mind. The teaching of the Buddha certainly focus on that, it focuses on teaching you to work towards having a pure mind. I don't think I could truly have done that, and feel the compassion I know feel towards all beings, as I do know. So I found my meaning, as harsh as it seems, it really woke me up and sent me on the path I so desperately needed to follow. Sorry for going on so much about that, I don't mean to preach it, I have just become so passionate about it, as it has helped me through this, as well as helped me help others. Best Wishes to you David, Eva  
DavidCH
February 23, 2013
Dear Eva, Thank you for your message And for the time you took to describe me your introduction into Buddhism. I have though about it since I have visited countries such as Thailand and Cambodia. Now I live in China which is a bit different. Your development on it makes me want to make now a step towards it. I have seen your post and I am very happy about you and your brother getting back in touch. helping you in this difficult moment of yours will also help himself. I have too an older brother about your age than is been going through issues for quite a time now, leading him into depression that somehow took us apart since I couldn't understand him. Now I realize how he could have feel and we are getting closer. Also after seeing your tattoo i wouldn't get so discourage after only 4 sessions. Following is the links of a French blog dedicated to tattoo removal. I choose to send you this one because it is similar to yours. She started the removal 1 mouth after getting the tattoo (immediate regret), and has you can see some part are totally gone without marks. where you see the complete removal it has been 16th session, and where it is less removed it has been 9 sessions. She precise that for this kind of tattoo the amount of ink was quit heavy: (http://adieutatoo.canalblog.com/archives/p10-10.html) (http://adieutatoo.canalblog.com/archives/2012/05/31/24382107.html) In your case, I know colors can be harder to remove but it will just take a few more sessions and that will be it. So soon you will be back to a empty back, felling good inside and out with a fresh mind :) How did it go for your 5th session? Sincerly,David.
Megan P
February 21, 2013

Wow, how brave of you to share how you are feeling so openly. Thank you so much for being willing to be so real with us about this. As you can see, you aren't alone in what you are experiencing, and what you have shared will definitely help others to see they are not alone either. Please keep sharing, and letting us know how your removal is going - we're here to support you along the way!

DavidCH
February 23, 2013
What about you Mike? How are you holding on?
mikef87
March 5, 2013
I've been feeling better about dealing with the regret, and acknowledging it as a mistake.. My first session will be march 16th, kinda worried about how I'll be able to work days after with my arm being zapped.. The consult went good, the board certified dermatologist seemed to be confidant most of it will remove quickly being that it is mostly shading of grey.. I'm still wearing long sleeves, I don't like to look at it at all.. Not really going out for social anymore, just staying at home. Started finishing my basement and that makes me feel good lol.. I'm just hoping it fades quick and I can go back to how I was prior to the mistake.. I've come to realize I probably suffered from depression before all this happened.. Being that nothing really excites me.. I'll post before and after pics to track progress
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Blackberry11
February 24, 2013
Hi David, I am glad to have given you my insight into Buddhism, that is part of the teachings, to share with others. How interesting your living abroad! That is a dream of our family, in fact we were going to move last summer, but I backed out...long story, but anyways we will in the future. So you are in China, do you mind me asking what brought you out there, as that is actually my sons dream destination... He loves the Asian culture and wants to travel there and teach English, actually my husband is a TEFL certified teacher, has had many offers, but was not the right time, and I was unsure too. He is looking more into it, thought he may teach with my son ...who knows...I am open to adventure- it's part of life and what makes it interesting! Thank you for your encouragement re removal, in fact the nurse reassured me yesterday that she feels I will have a very successful removal, so I am hoping for that and will work towards it. I tried that link you gave but honestly I don't speak french and understand very little, I didn't know how to navigate the site. I posted an update about my 5th session, over all it hurt like a bugger, and blistered bad, but with pain will come pleasure I hope...I feel good that this hit will show lots of fading, my husband already see some.   Have a wonderful Sunday!  
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