Yup, as the title says its always on me... Right...
Yup, as the title says its always on me... Right on my belly. Walking reminder of my great little pain in the butts (2 girls and they are my World) I just wasnt lucky to have smooth skin. I lost weight hoping to improve my appearance... Wrong. I struggle everyday to love myself. To tell myself I am beautiful. But when I actually see, this perception of who I feel I am, does not match, what I see. This isnt a body image issue but more of if I can fix it or make slightly better that slightly better that makes a big difference.
I had a consultation in Bal Harbour Miami with a doctor. I love his work. Not only that but his enthusiasm and passion for his job and making people feel better about themselves. My husband was with me for support. Thank goodness cause I cried taking of my clothes. I was embarrassed of showing my body... even to a doctor that has seen it all. He made me feel so comfortable reassuring me that he seen much worse and he can help my appearance. So Im saving. Not much but I put aside alittle here and there. It might take me 10 years lol but its better than having no light at the end of the tunnel. I might have a better chance with stratch offs. LOL.
I am grateful even to know that I am able to fix my appearance. When that day comes I feel like maybe... I could wear that white shirt I've been dying to wear for the past 5 years. Or maybe I can drop the towel and smile instead of cry.
social media has me depressed.
I feel abnormal mostly all the time. Makes me feel like something's wrong with me. Its hard to see accomplishments of losing 50 pounds. Totally discouraged. I dont want to be perfect just a better me. I want to feel like a woman. Its funny because I hide it well. I dress to accommodate myself but everytime I get dressed its a reminder of my insecurity. I follow approx., 20 surgeons on snap and Ig and all that social media hoping this motivates me to save that extra 20 dollars to work those extra hours. I think it depresses me more how in reach it can be but how far for me it truly is. Some people , I get it ...its a luxury. But for me its my everything it goes beyond being lazy...Ive excersized lost weight, had my 2 kids... Stretch marks is beyond my control. Truth is, Its nearly impossible to afford this. Guilt runs me rampage because I can put that money towards my kids college or maybe a better home or car. I dont know I feel really down in the dumps. :( I dont think Ive ever wanted something so bad. I can write about but not talk about it because I start crying. I guess I dont feel alone on here. Much love to all my readers! #venting