5 weeks PO Flying out for revisions Saturday!! New Pics

I was the fat kid. You know the one that everyone called shamu in the pool and tripped down the hallway just to see how loud it is when I hit the floor. I was that girl in high school that never had any issues dating, not because I was good looking or popular but because I dated the guys that no one else wanted. I was a beautiful, talented, responsible, and goal oriented girl trapped in a body that made me invisible and miserable. I didn't know any better, I had been "chubby"for as long as I could remember and I suppose I just thought I was doomed to stay that way. I tried various things at different times but it didn't seem to make much difference. I don't know about you but when I look at the TV stereotypes of fat people I feel cheated because I for one never sat around eating buckets of chicken or hoards of candy bars. I was a lifeguard,I played soccer, I swam on the swim team,and worked almost full-time through high school. What I didn't do was eat or sleep and I was under a lot of stress 100% of the time because of my family life. When I did eat it wasn't whole foods and it was at all the wrong times. My life was a recipe for physical disaster.

Now that I am 30 years old and a mom of four kids I look back and wish I could go and hug that sweet, desperate little girl and tell her that she was worth it, she was special, and that she deserved to be healthy and happy. If you had asked me even a year ago if I would ever be getting cosmetic and corrective surgery I would have probably laughed in your face. Two years ago last September I woke up one day and made a small change, I continued to make that small change and a few more in the following months and before I knew it I had lost 30 pounds. I didn't tell anyone or shout it high from the mountaintops of Facebook. I kept it to myself. There was no major turning point or goal I just wanted to become a person who had control over my body, my relationship with God, and how I felt about myself.

Now two years and a few months later, 90 lbs lighter, and roughly 6 sizes smaller I am a new woman! I am trying to figure out who I am and who I always have been under a blanket of insecurity, ridicule, and self-loathing. My decision to seek surgery was not a light one. I have gone through the whole range of emotions from "what will people think", to "how could I be so selfish even thinking about spending the money", to "what if something goes wrong or it cant fix what is wrong with me". Yep I have thought it all.

What it comes down to is that I have a significant amount of excess sagging skin that has begun causing me lower back pain, female problems, infection at my c-section, scar, and complications with my umbilical hernia. That being said, even if none of that were true I would probably still have eventually made the same choice. It is difficult psychologically and emotionally to work so hard and to transform your body only to find that you will never know what it is like to have a normal tummy. I have had an apron belly since I was about 9 years old. Ironically, my belly looked better before weight loss than it does now because of how floppy and wrinkly it is. Running is basically not happening because my belly thinks it is an opportunity to fly!

I work out 5 to 6 days a week and have completely transformed my life and in order to continue with my fitness goals my tummy needs to go! In order for me to move past the trauma of obesity and embrace how far I have come my tummy needs to go. My husband is exceptionally supportive as are most of my friends. Some people I thought would be supportive are the total opposite and others in church et. cetera also have their own judgments. However, I have decided that anyone who really loves me and remotely tries to understand what I've accomplished is completely supportive. Even if they weren't / aren't it's my body, my money, and my decision.

The girls are purely a gift to me (well, or my husband if you ask him haha) for coming this far and making a LIFE change not a temporary change. I never EVER thought I would have implants but you know what I seriously can't wait!

I am flying about 800 miles away for my surgery and am extremely nervous about even doing it much less being so far from home. I will stay 8 days and then fly home to finish my recovery. I came here because I need support, advice, and a place to share this experience with people who understand. If you have done a long distance surgery please share any tips or advice that will ease my mind. I have 4 children who are 2, 5, 7, and 8. I have arranged for full-time help for the first 3 weeks and am promising myself that I can stop being super mom so I can heal. I have a very hard time not being in control or when things aren't being done but I know this is a test in patience and faith.

The surgeon doing my work is a vascular and reconstructive surgeon, he had a plastic surgery practice for 17 years but moved into reconstructive to help people who have been disfigured get their identity back. Because we don't have insurance, we have 4 children, and my husband and I are both full-time students he blessed our family by taking off 60% off of his fee. He is a long time family friend of my best friend's and I am so fortunate to have him as my surgeon! He currently teaches plastic surgery in California and serves on numerous boards in the field.

I look forward to being part of this community, I know it has and will continue to be an encouragement and help to me.
-T