I wrote a review on my breast implants and the...
I wrote a review on my breast implants and the reasons I wanted them removed, but I would also like to start a review here as well because I'm looking for support and advice about explant.
Long story short, I had BA after stopping birth control pills because of melasma. My breasts lost several sizes and looked deflated with extra skin. I was happy with my breasts before although I had always been somewhat large and wore a 32DD before the birth control was stopped and much larger in pregnancy and with nursing. I am 110 lbs and 5'4. I've had nothing but problems with the implants, I wanted to be a D-DD at very largest and ended up an 34H cup. The donut lift looks terrible, breasts are shaped very strange, covered in broken capillaries, 2 hard red nodules now, I have lateral displacement deformities that are very uncomfortable and so embarrassing. Permanent sutures very painful and one spot irritated and getting larger and thicker still even after 1.5 yrs... Breast implants were a huge mistake. For more details and photos, please see my review on implants.
I would like to help someone who may be looking into implants and inform others of the things that can go wrong. I was not aware of many of these complications and my surgeon did not foresee any problems at all- insane I have had so many! I wish I had found this site before surgery. I'm also looking for support from other people going through the same thing and looking for information. No one in my life/family can relate to what I'm going through and I only told a few close friends about my surgery-so I'm constantly trying to hide these giant ugly boobs. I'm so afraid of trusting another doctor and going through surgery again, but I know it's just a matter of time and choosing the right surgeon. I can't afford physically, financially, or emotionally to have another mistake. I welcome any thoughts or suggestions.
Would really like some opinions on a couple of things, ladies out there w some experience on this:
Lift at same time of explant? I see breasts change so much in the many months after explant on this forum. I would really like to get both over with at once and be done with it- but I'm wondering if it's better to let them "settle" into their after implant position before having them lifted? Or if it makes any difference at all for the final outcome lol!
Also it seems like adhesions are a big problem after explant. I have animation deformity with my implants now when I flex, does that mean it will remain the same after explant? Do you think the longer implants are in, the more of a chance of this happening?
Does anyone else have hard red nodules?
Wondering if anyone else has had this issue w their implants- I'm having tiny hard red lumps appear under skin. If I try to squeeze it's painful and nothing comes out. I saw my OB a couple months ago and she said it wasn't something I should worry about (like cancer) but she couldn't really tell me what it actually was. I've had one for at least 6 months, now another one has appeared. Hard to see in photo, but it's more something that can be felt under skin. Ah- the joy of breast implants... NEVER had anything like this before.
Shortly before my BA 1.5 yrs ago
Makes me so sad to see these... I thought I had it so bad and I needed to "fix" my boobs. It's crazy how our views on ourselves can get so distorted. I understand myself now and the need to improve things, and feel more confident. The extra skin I had after losing a couple cup sizes bothered me the most. I didn't care really that I was a little saggy, etc. But the wrinkly skin I could look down in my bra or pinch on my breast bothered me. I never thought I would want that back so badly- what I had before BA was soooooo much better and more natural. I'm working on forgiving myself. I had normal boob problems. I traded them for a strange set of deformities and a lot of pain and discomfort. Yuck. As women, it's still crazy to me that we gamble w our lives and our bodies this way, with only the hope of looking prettier, thinner, perkier, whatever. When did I stop looking inside for self-worth? Maybe I never really started... Now that I'm beginning my journey into my 30s, I hope I can learn fr my mistakes and go forward being true to myself and proud to be me. The things that are important to me, my family, my values and taking care of myself by exercising and eating right are what need to come first. Confidence I'm sure will follow that.
What I hope for here... Some beautiful lifts. I only hope I can be this lucky. Such a gamble and so scary! I just want to be small and able to exercise and move around with ease, do all the athletic things that have become so difficult and painful w implants. I want to be able to fit into cloths again, swim suits, bras. It's impossible to find 34H bras! Never did I want to be huge like this... Nightmare. I can special order bras, but they never fit correctly. Im so uncomfortable all the time now. I want to be able to live a full and normal life again. Feel like myself and free of this prison that has made me absolutely miserable and stolen so much of my life for over a year and caused me so much physical pain.
Appointment with my PS
I have an appointment with my PS who performed my BA to talk about all the problems I've had and refund options 10/18. I have no idea where it will go and if my surgeon will take any responsibility, but it's my first step towards fixing the mess that is now my breasts... I asked in my letter because of the fact I need to explant due to all of the problems with my first surgery to refund my money so I can see a specialist for explant and lift. I expressed how profoundly this has changed my life and what a nightmare it has been and my financial situation being a huge barrier. Any advice or thoughts on the appointment? I'm really nervous about it, but I know this is a necessary avenue I need to try to justify another surgery.
One month after BA and now.
I just wanted to include this photo just so you ladies can see just how much they do change over the course.
If my doc offers revision...
I would really like to know what all you kind and intelligent ladies think out there. You know I'm miserable after BA and the issues I've had, many which are surgeon error, and my question is when I see him this month if he offers me revision but will not give me a refund or compensate me in anyway to choose another surgeon would you do it? It's so hard to trust after what I have been through... but I want them out so badly and financially I don't know how I can accomplish that right now unless my surgeon admits to wrong doing. A lot of things are a no brainer as fr as the constant neck and back pain- I'm a 34H instead of the 34D-DD I asked for and even put in writing for day of surgery. That obviously was his mistake. I really don't want to use him again, but I think my desperation and depression about what is happening is getting to be too much. I really want this chapter of my life to be over so I can attempt to heal and move forward.
I don't get it. Ridiculous boobs getting me down today!
BTW I just figured out, I am literally 5-6 bra sizes from what I asked to be NO LARGER THAN! Literally that's what I wrote to him, that I was so afraid of ending up too big, and NOTHING LARGER THAN A D-DD cup. How the hell do you end up an H when making that so crystal clear. And he even said afterwards I would be a D. Mmmmkay....
What a donut lift can look like
Not pretty! No matter what I will always be scarred and be embarrassed about how my areolas look. It's such a crapshoot to have a lift and have this redone. A lot of docs seem to do their closures differently, which produces different healing in different patients. I wish I could find someone for lifts with consistently good results and nice looking scarring. Haven't found that doc yet!
He offered revision, not refund
Well. I was afraid of this, my ps offered revision with me paying anesthesia costs although he was not extremely clear that that would be my only cost. He also said he would want to do explant and lift seperate, months apart. And I would have to go under general anesthesia both times.
I absolutely hated being there, and after waiting an hour to be called back and about 30 more minutes before he came into the exam room I was feeling so anxious. He asked me what he could do for me and I said I'm here to allow you to respond to my letter. I felt as though I had said everything I needed to there and addressed all problems and my feelings about surgery. He asked me to tell him again what complaints were and then he argued with me on being too large and even said all bras fit differently and he thought he was giving me what I wanted. I brought up the note I wrote before surgery saying "PLEASE D-DD at the very largest. Please do not make me a DDD." He acted like he didn't remember that or discussing it with me. I said, are you kidding me?! There was a lot of making me feel like it was my fault. I commented in the follow up rt after surgery that I wondered if I had gone big enough- long before bra fittings or wearing a normal bra- and they looked so so much diff right after surgery all tight and right on my chest. I had no idea! He remembered that and brought that up of course. That I had somehow asked for these H sized breasts even though I had the foresight to write the note reminding him not to make me too large even and I do have the proof that I sent that and my wish pics by email to his office manager. He tried to convince me that my scars and breasts were perfectly acceptable and any surgeon would agree. I tried to impress upon him how much this has impacted my life and how miserable I am.
He offered to remove them (and do a small implant to which I said no way, I'm done with implants!) and "wait and see" if I needed a lift. I am very adamant that I do. The extra skin was the whole reason I had BA. Now I have scars around my areolas that I really dislike and to have even more extra skin than I began with- I feel like I'm not going to be happy with that. Since I already have half the scars, I want to get rid of the extra skin and have improved shape.
My concerns are that I have not been happy with his work thus far or our communication. In addition to my breasts, I also had lipo of my love handle area and I'm very unhappy with that as well, 3-4 inch dent on one side and dimples where incisions were made (to which he said these were "minor defects" and not a big deal at all." He did sclera therapy on some spider veins that did not work at all. Financially I cannot afford another surgery and I will have to wait to be in a better position to incur the debt. His revision offer is very tempting in that I could do it now, and I want these out so badly. I feel like I would rather see a specialist, but I already hate myself for all the money I've wasted on this surgery only to dislike my body more than ever in my entire life. Never have I been embarrassed to wear a swimsuit before this, even during pregnancy and after. I don't want to be a glutton for punishment and have removal and lift with him only to have more mistakes made. I had a friend say, at least he knows what it looks like on the inside which is true. He said he performs 2-3 explants per month and 20-30 breast lifts this year. And that 1/3 of his practice is breast work. He was very offended when I said I would like to see a specialist because it is hard to trust after everything I've been through. I really wish after all the problems that he would have offered refund of some of my surgical fees. Wishing for my time machine even more than ever. I hate this so much. All of it. Have never been so depressed.
Has BA changed anyone's life for the worst?
I'm feeling like my life has changed so negatively in the past 1.5 yrs since my surgery. I was talking to an old friend today who says he misses the old me, and he can tell I've been down for a while but he doesn't know why. He said he misses hearing me excited about things like I used to be. I miss that too. I've read a few stories about implants, some botched some not, making a woman very depressed. The decision to have surgery has changed my life profoundly. I'm afraid to take risks, make decisions and I'm definitely depressed. I've experienced bad times in life and heartbreak, but it's never lasted the way this has. Like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I hope things change after explant and I can start to feel like me again, be able to exercise and be active. Hopefully not embarrassed to be in a swimsuit or nude one day after I heal. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm so angry at myself for wasting so much time, happiness and money on something that has made me miserable. I think a lot will depend on my surgery results of the lift and what I'm left with. So sad to have my life and future left in a surgeons hands. Some days I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but most days it's just so exhausting and I don't care about things the way I once did.
Exactly what I hope to achieve
It makes me feel a lot of hope seeing these before and afters that I would be so happy with. Not sure what I can do to be so lucky to get such a great result. I'm just hoping so much that my result will be something I'm not disappointed by. Hope I can give myself the best chance of a good result.
Things that will be so much better without implants:
Sleeping! With implants sleeping on my sides makes terrible wrinkles all over my chest since my implants come all the way up to my collarbone- HP, ugh! Not to mention extremely uncomfortable to sleep any position with these giant weights on my chest. I can never get comfortable.
Wearing a swim suit- this is straight up embarrassing and I do not like that kind of attention. I cannot fit anything and small frame w large breasts. Lateral displacement is very obvious. I can't lay out or recline without literally holding my breasts together so you don't see the deformities. Which pretty much equals wearing a t shirt to swim in for the first time in my whole life bc of embarrassment. Also, the water makes my skin wrinkly and feel almost seperate from the implant- it's so gross and unnerving!
Getting dressed- I never could have imaged how difficult it would be so find clothing. Everything is too tight on top. And I look matronly and heavy now bc of large wide breasts. Bras are next to impossible. 34H bras you can't find in any store and ordering online leaves me with many things that don't fit. I now have 2 bras I wear and both my nipples stick out of and I'm constantly adjusting. Full coverage has wires that dig into my underarms and this sides just does not fit my frame at all. I can't wait to be comfortable in my own skin.
Showing and bathing- implants and skin don't function as one when skin is in water. Hate the way this looks and feels. Also, after being in shower the broken blood vessels that appeared after surgery are the most prominent.
Being intimate- I can't wait for the day my breasts aren't hard and full of silicone. I hope I will like them being touched again and not feel like it's irritating to the scars and uncomfortable. To not worry about rupture. I hope I can just feel like me again. I used to embrace my body and I hope I can find my way back there someday.
Hugging ppl- will be so nice to give a hug without these hard balls on my chest.
I'm sure there are many other things!