Breasts ruined by implants 1.5 Yrs Ago, Early 30s

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I wrote a review on my breast implants and the...

I wrote a review on my breast implants and the reasons I wanted them removed, but I would also like to start a review here as well because I'm looking for support and advice about explant.

Long story short, I had BA after stopping birth control pills because of melasma. My breasts lost several sizes and looked deflated with extra skin. I was happy with my breasts before although I had always been somewhat large and wore a 32DD before the birth control was stopped and much larger in pregnancy and with nursing. I am 110 lbs and 5'4. I've had nothing but problems with the implants, I wanted to be a D-DD at very largest and ended up an 34H cup. The donut lift looks terrible, breasts are shaped very strange, covered in broken capillaries, 2 hard red nodules now, I have lateral displacement deformities that are very uncomfortable and so embarrassing. Permanent sutures very painful and one spot irritated and getting larger and thicker still even after 1.5 yrs... Breast implants were a huge mistake. For more details and photos, please see my review on implants.

I would like to help someone who may be looking into implants and inform others of the things that can go wrong. I was not aware of many of these complications and my surgeon did not foresee any problems at all- insane I have had so many! I wish I had found this site before surgery. I'm also looking for support from other people going through the same thing and looking for information. No one in my life/family can relate to what I'm going through and I only told a few close friends about my surgery-so I'm constantly trying to hide these giant ugly boobs. I'm so afraid of trusting another doctor and going through surgery again, but I know it's just a matter of time and choosing the right surgeon. I can't afford physically, financially, or emotionally to have another mistake. I welcome any thoughts or suggestions.

Wondering...

Would really like some opinions on a couple of things, ladies out there w some experience on this:

Lift at same time of explant? I see breasts change so much in the many months after explant on this forum. I would really like to get both over with at once and be done with it- but I'm wondering if it's better to let them "settle" into their after implant position before having them lifted? Or if it makes any difference at all for the final outcome lol!

Also it seems like adhesions are a big problem after explant. I have animation deformity with my implants now when I flex, does that mean it will remain the same after explant? Do you think the longer implants are in, the more of a chance of this happening?

Does anyone else have hard red nodules?

Wondering if anyone else has had this issue w their implants- I'm having tiny hard red lumps appear under skin. If I try to squeeze it's painful and nothing comes out. I saw my OB a couple months ago and she said it wasn't something I should worry about (like cancer) but she couldn't really tell me what it actually was. I've had one for at least 6 months, now another one has appeared. Hard to see in photo, but it's more something that can be felt under skin. Ah- the joy of breast implants... NEVER had anything like this before.

Shortly before my BA 1.5 yrs ago

Makes me so sad to see these... I thought I had it so bad and I needed to "fix" my boobs. It's crazy how our views on ourselves can get so distorted. I understand myself now and the need to improve things, and feel more confident. The extra skin I had after losing a couple cup sizes bothered me the most. I didn't care really that I was a little saggy, etc. But the wrinkly skin I could look down in my bra or pinch on my breast bothered me. I never thought I would want that back so badly- what I had before BA was soooooo much better and more natural. I'm working on forgiving myself. I had normal boob problems. I traded them for a strange set of deformities and a lot of pain and discomfort. Yuck. As women, it's still crazy to me that we gamble w our lives and our bodies this way, with only the hope of looking prettier, thinner, perkier, whatever. When did I stop looking inside for self-worth? Maybe I never really started... Now that I'm beginning my journey into my 30s, I hope I can learn fr my mistakes and go forward being true to myself and proud to be me. The things that are important to me, my family, my values and taking care of myself by exercising and eating right are what need to come first. Confidence I'm sure will follow that.

Wish pics

What I hope for here... Some beautiful lifts. I only hope I can be this lucky. Such a gamble and so scary! I just want to be small and able to exercise and move around with ease, do all the athletic things that have become so difficult and painful w implants. I want to be able to fit into cloths again, swim suits, bras. It's impossible to find 34H bras! Never did I want to be huge like this... Nightmare. I can special order bras, but they never fit correctly. Im so uncomfortable all the time now. I want to be able to live a full and normal life again. Feel like myself and free of this prison that has made me absolutely miserable and stolen so much of my life for over a year and caused me so much physical pain.

Appointment with my PS

I have an appointment with my PS who performed my BA to talk about all the problems I've had and refund options 10/18. I have no idea where it will go and if my surgeon will take any responsibility, but it's my first step towards fixing the mess that is now my breasts... I asked in my letter because of the fact I need to explant due to all of the problems with my first surgery to refund my money so I can see a specialist for explant and lift. I expressed how profoundly this has changed my life and what a nightmare it has been and my financial situation being a huge barrier. Any advice or thoughts on the appointment? I'm really nervous about it, but I know this is a necessary avenue I need to try to justify another surgery.

One month after BA and now.

I just wanted to include this photo just so you ladies can see just how much they do change over the course.

If my doc offers revision...

I would really like to know what all you kind and intelligent ladies think out there. You know I'm miserable after BA and the issues I've had, many which are surgeon error, and my question is when I see him this month if he offers me revision but will not give me a refund or compensate me in anyway to choose another surgeon would you do it? It's so hard to trust after what I have been through... but I want them out so badly and financially I don't know how I can accomplish that right now unless my surgeon admits to wrong doing. A lot of things are a no brainer as fr as the constant neck and back pain- I'm a 34H instead of the 34D-DD I asked for and even put in writing for day of surgery. That obviously was his mistake. I really don't want to use him again, but I think my desperation and depression about what is happening is getting to be too much. I really want this chapter of my life to be over so I can attempt to heal and move forward.

I don't get it. Ridiculous boobs getting me down today!

BTW I just figured out, I am literally 5-6 bra sizes from what I asked to be NO LARGER THAN! Literally that's what I wrote to him, that I was so afraid of ending up too big, and NOTHING LARGER THAN A D-DD cup. How the hell do you end up an H when making that so crystal clear. And he even said afterwards I would be a D. Mmmmkay....

What a donut lift can look like

Not pretty! No matter what I will always be scarred and be embarrassed about how my areolas look. It's such a crapshoot to have a lift and have this redone. A lot of docs seem to do their closures differently, which produces different healing in different patients. I wish I could find someone for lifts with consistently good results and nice looking scarring. Haven't found that doc yet!

He offered revision, not refund

Well. I was afraid of this, my ps offered revision with me paying anesthesia costs although he was not extremely clear that that would be my only cost. He also said he would want to do explant and lift seperate, months apart. And I would have to go under general anesthesia both times.

I absolutely hated being there, and after waiting an hour to be called back and about 30 more minutes before he came into the exam room I was feeling so anxious. He asked me what he could do for me and I said I'm here to allow you to respond to my letter. I felt as though I had said everything I needed to there and addressed all problems and my feelings about surgery. He asked me to tell him again what complaints were and then he argued with me on being too large and even said all bras fit differently and he thought he was giving me what I wanted. I brought up the note I wrote before surgery saying "PLEASE D-DD at the very largest. Please do not make me a DDD." He acted like he didn't remember that or discussing it with me. I said, are you kidding me?! There was a lot of making me feel like it was my fault. I commented in the follow up rt after surgery that I wondered if I had gone big enough- long before bra fittings or wearing a normal bra- and they looked so so much diff right after surgery all tight and right on my chest. I had no idea! He remembered that and brought that up of course. That I had somehow asked for these H sized breasts even though I had the foresight to write the note reminding him not to make me too large even and I do have the proof that I sent that and my wish pics by email to his office manager. He tried to convince me that my scars and breasts were perfectly acceptable and any surgeon would agree. I tried to impress upon him how much this has impacted my life and how miserable I am.

He offered to remove them (and do a small implant to which I said no way, I'm done with implants!) and "wait and see" if I needed a lift. I am very adamant that I do. The extra skin was the whole reason I had BA. Now I have scars around my areolas that I really dislike and to have even more extra skin than I began with- I feel like I'm not going to be happy with that. Since I already have half the scars, I want to get rid of the extra skin and have improved shape.

My concerns are that I have not been happy with his work thus far or our communication. In addition to my breasts, I also had lipo of my love handle area and I'm very unhappy with that as well, 3-4 inch dent on one side and dimples where incisions were made (to which he said these were "minor defects" and not a big deal at all." He did sclera therapy on some spider veins that did not work at all. Financially I cannot afford another surgery and I will have to wait to be in a better position to incur the debt. His revision offer is very tempting in that I could do it now, and I want these out so badly. I feel like I would rather see a specialist, but I already hate myself for all the money I've wasted on this surgery only to dislike my body more than ever in my entire life. Never have I been embarrassed to wear a swimsuit before this, even during pregnancy and after. I don't want to be a glutton for punishment and have removal and lift with him only to have more mistakes made. I had a friend say, at least he knows what it looks like on the inside which is true. He said he performs 2-3 explants per month and 20-30 breast lifts this year. And that 1/3 of his practice is breast work. He was very offended when I said I would like to see a specialist because it is hard to trust after everything I've been through. I really wish after all the problems that he would have offered refund of some of my surgical fees. Wishing for my time machine even more than ever. I hate this so much. All of it. Have never been so depressed.

Has BA changed anyone's life for the worst?

I'm feeling like my life has changed so negatively in the past 1.5 yrs since my surgery. I was talking to an old friend today who says he misses the old me, and he can tell I've been down for a while but he doesn't know why. He said he misses hearing me excited about things like I used to be. I miss that too. I've read a few stories about implants, some botched some not, making a woman very depressed. The decision to have surgery has changed my life profoundly. I'm afraid to take risks, make decisions and I'm definitely depressed. I've experienced bad times in life and heartbreak, but it's never lasted the way this has. Like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I hope things change after explant and I can start to feel like me again, be able to exercise and be active. Hopefully not embarrassed to be in a swimsuit or nude one day after I heal. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm so angry at myself for wasting so much time, happiness and money on something that has made me miserable. I think a lot will depend on my surgery results of the lift and what I'm left with. So sad to have my life and future left in a surgeons hands. Some days I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but most days it's just so exhausting and I don't care about things the way I once did.

Exactly what I hope to achieve

It makes me feel a lot of hope seeing these before and afters that I would be so happy with. Not sure what I can do to be so lucky to get such a great result. I'm just hoping so much that my result will be something I'm not disappointed by. Hope I can give myself the best chance of a good result.

Things that will be so much better without implants:

Sleeping! With implants sleeping on my sides makes terrible wrinkles all over my chest since my implants come all the way up to my collarbone- HP, ugh! Not to mention extremely uncomfortable to sleep any position with these giant weights on my chest. I can never get comfortable.

Wearing a swim suit- this is straight up embarrassing and I do not like that kind of attention. I cannot fit anything and small frame w large breasts. Lateral displacement is very obvious. I can't lay out or recline without literally holding my breasts together so you don't see the deformities. Which pretty much equals wearing a t shirt to swim in for the first time in my whole life bc of embarrassment. Also, the water makes my skin wrinkly and feel almost seperate from the implant- it's so gross and unnerving!

Getting dressed- I never could have imaged how difficult it would be so find clothing. Everything is too tight on top. And I look matronly and heavy now bc of large wide breasts. Bras are next to impossible. 34H bras you can't find in any store and ordering online leaves me with many things that don't fit. I now have 2 bras I wear and both my nipples stick out of and I'm constantly adjusting. Full coverage has wires that dig into my underarms and this sides just does not fit my frame at all. I can't wait to be comfortable in my own skin.

Showing and bathing- implants and skin don't function as one when skin is in water. Hate the way this looks and feels. Also, after being in shower the broken blood vessels that appeared after surgery are the most prominent.

Being intimate- I can't wait for the day my breasts aren't hard and full of silicone. I hope I will like them being touched again and not feel like it's irritating to the scars and uncomfortable. To not worry about rupture. I hope I can just feel like me again. I used to embrace my body and I hope I can find my way back there someday.

Hugging ppl- will be so nice to give a hug without these hard balls on my chest.

I'm sure there are many other things!

Ladies with explant with or without lift?

I posted this on my old review by accident, so I'm going to try again here. I have a question for you ladies who have explanted. My breasts look absolutely terrible when I flex or lift my arms even I've discovered. As you can see both sides look completely different when flexed. My left side looks like implant is falling out?? I know I've read that at times these kinds of deformities last after explant. I'm just looking for advice fr your personal experiences.

And anyone who has had a lift after explant, did you continue to have these muscle deformities? Did anyone's resolve completely?

Happy New Year Realself friends!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all who have given me advice, information and support im 2016 and wish you a happy new year! Wishing for 2017 to be a year of explant for me and healing physically and emotionally. You have all helped me more than you know on this journey!!

Hindsight is always 20/20

I would like to say in hindsight that my biggest regret was not trying fat transfer. Had my PS listened to me, I think he would have thought that was the best option. I went in with 2 complaints. Breasts which had deflated in last year with some extra skin- was always happy w them before this happened. And wanting to contour my "love handle" area where I carried extra fat. Seems like a perfect solution and could have avoided these nasty implants I have had nothing but trouble about. Just thought I would mention this incase that helps anyone else make a better surgery choice.

As for me now, I'm still in talks with my PS, although I think he would like if he didn't have to deal w me and the mess he created on my body. My breasts were not perfect before sure- but so much better than they are now! I have expressed my devastation and need to explant and also have a lift. He is still trying to talk me into a small implant to which I'm just not interested. After 2 yrs ( yeah it was just my boobiversary) of hell, even well placed implants do not appeal to me. It's such a personal choice, but I'm extremely uncomfortable and in pain every day and night and just didn't know how good I had it before these things came along and changed my life and self-image for the worst. I'm now sending pics of what I could be comfortable with and what I absolutely cannot be okay with as far as explant and lift and I want to know from him if this is realistic for me. I also want to look at lift before and after photos he has performed to which I will have to go in the office and I'm dreading that... Life has gotten in the way big time though and this has been on the back burner for the most part lately, although I still am bothered by the implants and not feeling like myself every day. Kind of just trying to trudge through and find a little joy here and there while focusing on other things that have taken a front seat to surgery. I still wish my PS was somewhat sympathetic and understanding. I get very short answers if at all from him. If it wasn't for the financial part of this equation I would not be putting up with this.

Anger

I just realized in answering a comment how angry I am. A lot of times I feel hopeless in my situation, although occasionally I have a good day. I think of how I will be so comfortable after explant and even all the scars, I can cover them up and be able to move freely and feel much better. That maybe a miracle will happen and I will actually have a good result after lift and explant. But then I remember it's me. And every time I doc touches me, I end up much worse off. That has been my experience my whole life. It's truly sad. Those are all the things I dislike about my body most are the things that docs have done. This is my first and only plastic surgery, I had lipo also at the same time, and I should not have assumed that would be any different!

I'm angry bc my PS left me w deformities. Nothing he did was satisfactory or improved. He did not manage expectations, only told me what I wanted to hear and that everything would turn out perfectly. I confided in him how much I didn't want to have my nipples cut- he said it was definitely necessary. I can't ever have those back. I guess I'm also angry with myself for being so stupid and trusting to end up in this terrible situation. Plastic surgeons do not put our best interests at heart. I see it time and time again on this site. I was not informed of any of the things that could go wrong and what I was risking, or even the repercussions of cutting open my peck muscles. I was told they would be just fine and I could do all my normal activities. Nope. I asked all the right questions, but was not given any honest real answers or risks and benefits.

I hope one day this anger will pass and I can forgive- but honestly I don't see how! This is my life and my body- I feel absolutely violated every time I look at myself and what has happened.

Some inspiration I came across today

Awesome these women who are models are inspiring others and educating on the dangers of implants. My worst fear- the scars- and she is bearing them for the world to see and gorgeous. Reading in the comments were many other models and public figures who are removing theirs as well.

Inspiration

"I give up freely what is no longer serving me. I release it to create space for what inspires me."

Thank you Kell329 for your mantra!

I have been following several girls on instagram who have had explant and embraced fitness and healthy living on a whole new level and I feel so inspired by them. I'm happy to share names if anyone wants, but I just searched for #explant and came up with so many gorgeous and amazing women going through the same thing as I am. I am not open about what I'm going through and many of my friends/family have no idea I had implants in the first place. I do everything I can to hide these ugly boobs! I am really encouraged by these women who are so courageous to share their story for the world and to help others. It means a lot to me being a very private person andnot a sharer myself lol!

Question fellow explanters

I'm just wondering, how long did you all stay off of work after explant? And/or lift? Mine will be capsule removal and muscle repair. Hoping not as difficult as original surgery. Even after a month post BA I couldn't lift a gallon of milk- ugh! I am a hair stylist. Trying to plan ahead and would appreciate any advice. Have learned so much from you ladies!

Saw my PS

Well I saw my PS this week to try and get explant scheduled and ask more questions. I was once again encouraged by him and his staff to get smaller textured implants- I think any kind of implants at all would be great in their eyes- and very disapproving head shakes when I very politely declined and explained once again that I am done with implants and I have no interest whatsoever in getting more. I explain to my doctor once again that there is absolutely nothing that I like about having implants, nothing I like about the way they look or the way that they feel and this is been a very negative experience for me. The doctor had left the office and I was to look at before and after photos to which it turned out that there were none, only one person they could find who had had a lift without breast implants LOL. The scarring looked good but the shape was not amazing, just a little boxy for my taste. I was also told that only a tiny bit of the pec muscle is cut which is relatively a very useless muscle anyway and only moves a small part of the shoulder so it really didn't need to be repaired. All of the office girls did not understand my desire to lose the implants, as they all have them and they are claiming that large implants are all the rage now and that's what everyone is getting so that's why it was so difficult for them to find any photos. Then, here's the kicker, when I was given my price quote instead of just being charge for anesthesia fees as I was told originally on my last office visit, the cost was $6000. The doctor was not there and we could not discuss with him so they are supposed to get back with me next week and let me know if they could find any more photos of any crazy woman like me who dares to not want implants and why he didn't inform them anything on the pricing being less. Maybe his revision offer had an expiration date? I am definitely feeling a bit discouraged and like all the experience he claims to have with breast reconstruction, etc., may not be what it's cracked up to be if there are no mon implanted breasts on his before and afters. If he doesn't have a lot of experience working with women like me, and he only seems intent on selling more implants, is this really the right place for me I wonder, if costs are very very minimal? I came across a photo today which prompted me to update, me once again shortly before BA with my healthy beautiful breasts before I decided to destroy my body with BA and lipo. I thought I was getting to a better place in my mind and learning to forgive myself, but wow, what a gigantic mistake I made. This impacts my life every single day. I absolutely hate what has happened to my body. All bc I had a little extra skin on the boobies and a little extra fat on the love handles. Deformed. And too afraid to go under the knife again and be even more disappointed or dead! Ladies, re plastic surgery- if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!!!! That's one of the many lessons that I have had to learn the hard way unfortunately. I just want my body back the way it was. And that is never ever going to happen. I can share that with you, but I really can't share that with anyone else in my life, very few people know what I'm going through and no one knows the extent of it. Most do not have any idea that I had surgery in the first place. I'm ashamed and I'm more depressed than I've ever been in my entire life. And can truthfully say that this has been the most difficult two years of my life and my self-image and my self-confidence has changed in a way that I never thought possible until it happened to me. I used to love living in my body. It now feels like a foreign thing to me which has been ruined and I'm at a loss as to how to fix it. I don't think I can ever be okay with what has happened to me. Yes, there will be days I can give to others and enjoy life, but this will always be there, the ugly scars and deformities under my cloths and the guilt for ruining the beautiful body I was trying to improve on but ruined instead.

Just get them out already!!

Forgiving myself for the giant mistake of getting implants and bad lipo in the first place is what I hope to achieve. I was so trusting and dumb and I cannot believe I allowed a doctor to do this to me and change my body and my entire life so profoundly! I thought I was getting close to that space of mind, but now I'm feeling as depressed as ever with trying to get this taken care of once and for all and having so many misgivings about using my same surgeon who made this mess in the first place. It's not right for someone to be in such a powerful place to sell a woman on improving her body and making it more beautiful and then ending up this way instead. It's just so wrong and heartbreaking! Ladies- be happy w what you have bc you never know what you may end up with!

Consult with Dr. Daniel Kim

Hi ladies! I just wanted to drop a quick note to tell all of you who have been so kind and supportive that I've definitely taken what you have said to heart- overwhelmingly that I should be talking to other doctors and not necessarily going with my original PS who made this mess on my chest to begin with. Monday, 7/10, I have a consultation with Dr. Daniel Kim in Orange County, California. I did a consultation request on real self, and he literally got back to me hours later with a personal email followed up by a text message from his assistant to schedule an appointment. I can't believe they scheduled me so fast, he said he had a last-minute cancellation and could meet with me on Monday. His reviews on real self are very good for explant, it sounds like he is very attentive and really knows his stuff. I have already sent him photos and he wants to go over what my options and goals are. I actually cried this morning reading his email, because I feel so hopeful and excited! :) it's a night and day difference from my plastic surgeon, who literally never returns my emails, and takes months to get a hold of.

A couple of other surgeons that I am considering are Dr. Feng in Ohio and Dr. Melmed in Dallas Texas. I have gotten to the point that I just really have to let go of the expense aspect of it and just get it done, this has been so negative on my life every single day for the past two years since I made this horrible decision. I don't want to waste anymore time living like this and being so uncomfortable physically and emotionally. If it costs me $10,000 to get it done right and not have to have any more surgeries and hopefully to be comfortable in the skin that I'm in and feel like myself again, it's $10,000 well spent and I will have to incur that debt right now.
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