28 yr old Mom of Two, **Rediscovering herself**

SO...I have been on this site all day everyday for the past 3 weeks, I have been just lazy to post or didnt think anyone would care to read. I had my tummy tuck done on April 1st along with lip of the flanks and back. Prior to surgery I felt all the normal emotions guilty for spending so much money, selfish, unsure, although this is something I have considered since I was 19 after I had my oldest daughter. I was excited to go through with it but terrified it wouldn't turn out, still am to be honest. Day of surgery I was convinced I was going to die during the procedure, I looked at everything as if it were my last time. (you'll learn I'm a major wierdo and can be rather dramatic at times ;o) Anywho, after the procedure I regretted every moment I thought I needed this, the pain was unbearable and I have an extremely high pain tolerance. I couldn't pee so I went home with a catheter, I felt like a tree trunk, and would run out of breath every couple steps. My entire back, butt, and sides were black from brusing. My stomach heck I couldn't even look at it thats how squeamish I am. It wasn't until dpo2 that I looked. I began to wonder if he took off enough being I had minimal stretch marks beyond my belly button but I still have quite a few of them there. I will say he mentioned something about not being able to pull my skin as tight most, i believe because I didn't have enough or something I can't remember. However it feels like its too tight, but from what I read everyone feels that way lol. My belly button looks like a ball of stitches, overall I am terrified this isn't going to turn out how I imagined. I won't say I had high expectations, but rather realistic. I wanted a flat back, to keep my curves and to be able to see my belly button again, I've never been small I'm 5'9 and 180, very well proportioned. My doctor is wonderful, highly rated, one of RealSelf's top 100 actually, and highly accreditation and recommended. I'm not doubting his skill in anyway, I guess I have just hit that low point everyone hits in the recovery process where I get depressed and regret my decision...at this point I just can't imagine the finished product. I should have started this before sx maybe I wouldn't feel like I have released a flood of emotions on here. I currently on dpo 4 and have an appt tomorrow with my ps to see if the drains can come out. I wasn't able to see him at my first po appt so I think actually seeing him and hearing what he thinks will put my mind at ease. I really want these drains out, they are a pain, literally in my side, but at the same time I'm scared they may come out to early and I cld develop a seroma.
As far as the recovery process and support, my husband has been wonderful. He surprised me actually, we have three kids total two biological, he usually takes the hands off approach and leaves it to me but he has really stepped up. He also never really agreed with my decision, he is the reason I waited so long to do actually have sx. He never understood why I felt I had to have surgery in the first place, he seen my stomach all of 4 times in our 5 years of marriage, it was never really about him, but me and my confidence. Which I feel like is worse off now, after seeing my body in this state. After washing up today, I realized there is a pudge right at the belly button like before only now I can actually see my belly button. I'm so frustrated and sad, I just cant see this getting any better. I'm huge and still have skin that seems loose and saggy, does everybody have this after surgery??
It sucks not having anyone to talk to throughout this process. I don't have many friends here, and those I do have don't need PS so they just don't understand.
At day 4 I still feel tight, my back is still super swollen, I finalllllyyy had a bm after 3 dulcolax, and I sleep in a recliner that my hubs was kind enough to carry upstairs to the bedroom. I will say my rear looks rather deflated, (maybe its from all the sitting,) I was never a kim kardasian, but I liked what I had. Anybody notice differences in their butt after a tt, or back lipo? OH and does anyone else feel like they are just going to fall apart when they aren't wearing their binder??
I can't wait for the days where I look back at this part of the process and laugh, until then, I look forward to those days and trying to pinpoint any improvement I can to keep me going. Sorry for all the typos my meds kicked in lol.

I love my stretch marks...really no bull! Now before sx I pictured a smooth tummy no lines no wrinkles, I was told some stretch marks would remain and I was ok with that, a little bummed but okay. I hated my stomach before..despised it, I couldn't even look at myself and sure as heck wouldn't allow my husband to see. Now 7dpo I still have stretch marks quite a few all the way up to my belly button and surprisingly I'm ok with that. In fact as unbelievable as it sounds I'm sort of proud of them and would have no qualms about showing anyone my stomach. My issue was the wrinkles and loose skin. I just can't believe how much I really like my stretch marks...its crazy after all these years to be able to embrace yourself imperfectly. Anyway with that said don't strive for perfect, strive for a perfect YOU. Happy healing RS ladies and gents! =oD

I had posted another post before my real quick one, but I don't know what happened to it. The gist of that one was that I felt most of the depression associated with PS and recovery stems from the desire to see "quick" results or improvement, then pile on the fact that your body will look worse before it looks better and bammm can we say breakdown. It will swell to levels, and turn colors beyond comprehension. I swear that first night I was 50 different shades of purple and blue, and the lipo on my flanks, smh lets just say my husbands sweat pants still couldn't do me justice. Where I'm going with this is, that we get our hopes to high, we are shooting for the moon and stars without considering the journey to get there...well I did anyway. A let down is inevitable, with expectations like that. Which is what I really think my problem was the day after surgery..I expected to look all slim and trim (which btw I have never been) and instead I looked like the little girl in willy wonka's factory who ate the blueberry, but with wider hips =o).
Ok now that my catch-up is done, on to the present.
Tomorrow is the day I loose my last drain, truthfully, I'm a little sad to see it go. It gave me comfort knowing that with it I my probability for a seroma was less. I am a little nervous about getting it pulled though, the first one was just so uncomfortable, best described like a snake in your tummy. However, I am too excited to actually wear pants to my hips, my drains came out at the edges of my incision which was fairly high, so I couldn't wear pants as high as I like, about flank level to be honest. This also caused a problem since I couldn't wear my binder over my flanks either without covering and pushing my drain lines in a weird and uncomfortable direction. Now that I think about it, maybe I won't be as sad as I thought lol.