Regretting my Boobs - Atlanta, GA

In September 2010, I underwent breast augmentation surgery and went from a 34 a to a 34 dd. In hindsight I guess that was too big, but that was what my PS suggested. I think I have 350cc in one and 375cc in the other. I have decided to remove my breast implants after a little over three years. I developed capsular contracture in my left breast about a month an a half after my original surgery. Six months later I went in for revision surgery only to have it happen again.

It has gotten worse where it feels tight all the time. I am beyond self conscious about it and often feel like I can't go out in public because I feel like people can tell. I read this in another post, I feel more self conscious now than when I didn't have any breasts.

My big fear is how disfigured I'm going to look. I'm about to go through a divorce and am going to start dating again, I hope. My hope is that they won't look THAT bad. My original incisions were made around the nipple. I don't want to add MORE scars to the breast since I feel like they are already going to look messed up. Is it possible to go through the same scar?

I'm so scared to do this! But at the same time, having my breast with CC is not comfortable and has taken a toll on my self esteem. I'm scared to go back to flat as a pancake and have everyone comment on that.

Just looking for a little moral support to let me know everything is going to be ok.

I went to two PS this week to talk about my explantation. The first doctor made me feel very comfortable with my removal. She talked to me about having a lift because of the deflation after having implants. I'm starting to think that that is going to be the option I end up with. At first I thought just the removal would be ok because my implants haven't been in that long, I'm relatively young, etc.

Today I found out that my implants were not 350cc as I remembered them to be, but rather 450cc. The doctor I went to today I saw about a year and a half ago about revision surgery. Today I told him I just wanted them out. I walked out of his office feeling completely devastated. I understand the risks of the surgery I will probably undergo. He knew that I was getting a divorce and pretty much told me that I would have dented breasts that were pruney considering the size of my implant. He said if I were his wife, he would just tell me to leave them in. That they look better now than what they will look like if I get them removed. That I would feel self conscious if I were to date after having them removed.

Then he told me I should get a small saline implant above the muscle. I will say that what he had to say had a lot of validity but his delivery was horrendous. If he was trying to convince me to get a replacement with him, he failed.

I am so terribly sad right now as I don't know what to do anymore. Why did I ever do this to myself?

I started this post two years ago with the thought I would have my breast implants removed at that time. I was in a vey bad place in my life, going through a divorce, trying to figure out how I was going to move on with my life and battling my decision to get my breast implants removed.

I ended up keeping them because the emotional journey I was on due to my divorce didn't leave me room to grieve or think about much else. All I can say is that I am a firm believer that things happen when they are meant to happen.

I moved to New York and have finally moved on from the pain of my divorce. Which leads me to now focus on the one other thing that is no longer making me happy: my breast implants. I have capsular contracture on my left side, which I attribute to trauma to my breast not even a month after I got them. Last month, someone elbowed me in my "good" breast and now it feels "loose"
if that makes any sense. I became increasingly obsessed over how they look and feel. I spend all my free time thinking about it. I take pictures to see just how bad they are. I haven't shopped in a long time because I can't stand to see how they look. I am convinced everyone stares at them because they are uneven. My breasts make me fear dating.

Since about October I started a yoga practice online that talks about mindfulness and feeling good in your skin. This has changed my way of thinking. My big fear was how I would look after. But now I don't care. I want to feel like myself again.

After spending countless hours on realself, I found a doctor in New York that I felt I could trust for my removal. Last week, I had my initial consultation and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders during the visit.

Dr Tracy Pfiefer and her staff are AMAZING. I had at least a five, if not ten minute conversation with Maureen, her scheduler/receptionist, the first time I called. She was caring and listened to all my concerns. She was at office the day of my consultation and was very warm and welcoming. Denise, her assistant, was equally kind and caring. She already knew so much about my case when we talked in the doctor's office based on the detailed information Maureen had taken over the phone! Dr Pfiefer was very professional and seemed to genuinely care about my concerns. I was so impressed I booked my surgery at once. Both Denise and Dr Pfiefer made me feel so supported in my decision I knew it was time!

I have been talking about a removal since I got my implants and have the inner peace to go through with it now. I know no matter what, how I look is not going to change who I am. In looking at my pictures from the past I realize now that I was fine just the way I was. Sometimes we have to take a very long path to get where we need to be, only to realize it is exactly where we started from.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared of how I will look. I saw some pictures at Dr Pfiefer's office which eased my worries but I will have to wait until that moment happens to see how I really feel.

I was a 34A before my surgery and am now a 34DD, 450cc Mentor silicone inserted through the nipple. My initial surgery was done September 2010 with a revision on my left breast March 2011. I am a bit concerned how I will look, particularly because of the scar.

My surgery is scheduled for May 26! I will add pictures and keep you all posted once the surgery is done.

You ladies have been an incredibly source of support and strength and I wouldn't have found Dr Pfiefer had it not been for this amazing community!