50 Year Old Woman Wanting This Surgery Badly. Arkansas, AR

I'm a 50 year old woman adopted from Korea &...

I'm a 50 year old woman adopted from Korea & raised in a small town pop/7000. I was the only person of a diff race. I was made fun of thru school & my parents added to my humiliation. I have wanted this surgery from the moment I heard of it. I don't have access to surgeons w experience. I'm still in AR.

Me today

I faked I needed glasses at 12,years old thinking it would help hide my eyes & in the pictures you will see it def helps. I wear my hair BIG & in layers to take away from my Asian look. I don't have the financial means to travel to the best cosmetic surgeons that I would love to go to. I'm on disability b/c of severe depression & PTSD. My ins approved me 12 years ago to have the excess skin removed but I couldn't even find anyone to do that. I look mad all the time when I'm not. B/c of my disability I rarely leave the house. LONG STORY....

Strongly leaning towards a decision

I just saw a review of an Asian blepharoplasty upper & lower. The after pictures scare me because of all the bruising, swelling, etc., but the end results look GREAT!!! It DEFINITELY made me want to pursue the surgery. As I stated before there aren't any skilled surgeons in my area. I'm in the heart of hillbilly world. That's why I grew up with no self esteem & thought being Asian was a bad thing. Nobody (including my adoptive parents) told me to be proud of my heritage. In fact, I at one point in my teenage years thought about trying contacts & my "mother" said to me "they might help you keep your eyes open farther" what kind of support is that? The person who's review I loved had it done in Dallas, that's about 350 miles away from where I live. I can't just hop in the car with every little concern I have! Then I think to myself, what's the point, you're 50 years old, you're married, that's just wasted money. I don't know....that goes back to the cycle I can't seem to get off of. You don't deserve anything good, you have no value, that would be a waste of money.....

Checking Out

This is not the website for me. This website is for outer beauty that makes people happy. My reasons for cosmetic surgery is caused by years & years of deep pain. Pain that gets worse with each passing day. This pain behind the reason for my desire to change my eyes is just a symptom of the deep rooted pain that has caused me 25 years of counseling & anti-depressants. Like I said before, I wear glasses & big hair to distract from my Asian look. I have to learn to accept myself & stop running /hiding from the pain I've suffered since the day the plane landed on U.S. soil in 1970 & I met my new "family" that were supposed to love me & be the family to me since my birth mother abandoned me. That's my real self....that's the real pain I deal with everyday. My pain didn't end with my biological mother's abandonment, that was just the beginning of this long, hard journey I've been battling for 45 years. I never bonded with my family & I know for a fact my adoptive mother never bonded with me. I know things are totally different now 45 years later & I know they would not be able to adopt in today's guidelines. Everyone tells me (counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists) if you had grown up in a bigger city it wouldn't have been so hard for you. I get SO tired of hearing that!! I DIDN'T grow up in a bigger city, I DIDN'T get the love I should've received so I have to learn to deal with it! My current psychiatrist finally got me! The 1st time she saw me she said, what I see there is not what's in here (she pointed to her computer) She said on the outside you're a beautiful, well put together woman but on the inside you're screaming for help & you're falling apart. I totally lost it. Finally, finally someone understood me!! She said that's why people don't take you seriously because surely someone as put together as you are can't have any mental problems. So, I'm signing out of this website, it's not "real self" for me. It's about people who already know who they are but are sharing their personal stories of cosmetic surgeries. I don't even know who I am. That's the website I need to find...how to find your real self. Good luck to all! I think this is a great website for support when women are seeking cosmetic surgery. Asking advice, getting feedback from others & following others all the way through their procedures! We are all beautiful women in all different stages of life. Some of us are just still lost as far as who we are & that was because of life's circumstances. I realize these are the cards I was dealt & when I turned 50 it really hit me hard! Reality hit me & made me realize I wasn't ever going to have my childhood dreams & that life never stops hurting. I'm never going to have that biological family that I dreamed of as a little girl, that's all I wanted, not too much to ask... but it's never going to happen for me. I wanted children, grandchildren....an extention of myself, people I could look at & say, you're a part of me. So my real self is not here, it's in bed 7 days a week, anti-depressants for the last 25 years & I don't know what all I take at night I've been taking them so long. That's my real self. Good luck to all! May each & every one of you find the happiness you are seeking in whatever comestic procedure you seek!! Take care & remember, we are all beautiful in God's eyes. (If I could only convince myself of that as well)
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