tummy tuck, lipo, breast lift

I am 33 years old and i grew up in California, a breeding zone for image disorders and bikini summers. From a very young age i learned that a protruding belly was unlovable and my worth was contingent with my weight. I dieted, took diet pills, did speed and anything i could to "fit" the mold. Of course, this led into a decade or more of eating disorder behaviors and substance abuse. It has not been an easy road to recovery but i have come very far: sober 6 years, maintaining my weight for 5 years. I scheduled a tummy tuck for December in the sincere hope that it would mirror a very important step in my recovery. I know it seems ironic- even all out hypocritical - that in my search for self acceptance i am compelled to do this. When i look down or feel into my stomach there is anxiety and pain and trauma. I have never had children but my weight fluctuations have stretched my middle beyond self-repair. Will it actually help heal the deep wounds that i hold inside myself? No. Will violence and abuse (the nature of surgery) be what it takes to appease my sense of self, or feel less focused on my imperfections and less anxious with everyday life? No. Am i taking another short-cut? Maybe. You see there are so many questions unanswered and yet I am willing to proceed...and SUPER excited about it!! I have to quit smoking which is a benefit. More later...thanks for reading!

5'6: 160 lbs.
full tummy tuck with muscle repair and liposuction of the hips, flanks and back.