Can't Wait to Explant and Rid Myself of These Artificials!

In 2007 I lost 120lbs and was left with empty...

In 2007 I lost 120lbs and was left with empty sacks as breasts. They were tiny and I was flat chested for the 1st time as I always had big breasts as a teenager to adult. But with the weightloss, I was running and flat chested loving my size XS tops and the feel of lightness. Fast forward 5 years about to get married - embarrassed of my ugly empty sacks, I had implants 6 weeks before the wedding/honeymoon.
I knew right away I hated these boobs. They were too large (doctor used his judgement to put in very large implants). They felt fake and unnatural -- even hard. I was uncomfortable and I had pain. I knew instantly they were too big and made this tiny proud weightloss girl feel "fat" again. I lost that super slim and petite proudness I had worked so hard to gain. I now felt fat in tops because I had to move from XS to Large. And with the huge boobs protruding out, it made me look less slim. I tried to hide them wearing minimizer bras and the works.
The only good part was how pretty they were when I was naked. Yes, naked, they were gorgeous -- which is what the newlywed needed and wanted. Fast forward another 5 years - I have lived with 5 years of minor pain in my left breast, great discomfort, and although I still workout a lot, have gained 20lbs of the 120 I lost. I lost ALL feeling in the left breast nimple and the right is at about 75% with pain when my husband "enjoys" it. If someone had told me I'd lose feeling, I would NOT have had them put in. I used to love having my breasts be a main form of foreplay. Now it's NOT an option.
So when I shared all this with my gynecologist, she suggested some insurance co's pay for explants if you have pain and scar tissue. So I got my consultation with Dr. Chan and the insurance improved my explant for Dec. 6th. As I sit here typing, I feel like I'm in a straight jacket because these boobs are so uncomfortable. And I feel that they've contributed to symptoms like hard to breath or shallow breathing, tired all the time and maybe even the weight gain and allergies. Just a hypothesis.
I am worried to have them out from the perspective of letting my husband down. I feel I already have let him down by putting on 20lbs. He married this cute little athletic petite thing and now I am feeling so down about myself. I hate to add deflated sacks for boobs to his new reality. But I know he does love me for me so I have to think if I am feeling better about life and myself, he can overlook the boobs some. I am also nervous about going under as I always am. You just never know. Okay that's me -- all I can think of right now. I cannot post pics for fear my son, who uses the computer, will see them. If I think of another way, I will later.

Pre-Op appt today

A bit nervous.. went in for my pre-op appointment today. That's when it becomes "real". Am posting before pics now

One day till surgery

Getting nervous. Knowing it's the right thing because they are so uncomfortable but worried it's the wrong thing for my self image, self acceptance and.my marriage.Always nervous about going under too
Dr. Jennifer Chan

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