As if suffering through acne breakouts were embarrassing enough, the everlasting scars they can leave behind can be detrimental to your confidence and esteem. I always assumed acne was something I would eventually grow out of, but I was so wrong. Although my breakouts were less frequent the older I grew, they were more severe when they did occur. In my mid-20’s I started getting cystic acne. Fun. Had I known then the damage I was doing by popping these whiteheads on the cysts I never would have touched my face. Blackheads were leaving my pores larger as well. I had a really bad breakout several years back that left a few boxcar scars on my chin. Every time I look in the mirror it’s all I see. I feel like it’s all anyone else sees when they look at me, though I’m sure most people don’t even notice them. But it makes me so depressed when I look back at pictures of myself before I got these scars because I wish I could go back to before I had them.
I finally decided to start researching my options. From the acne scars to sun spots, freckles and wrinkles, I really wanted my youthful, glowing skin back. I’ll be 40 this summer, and my skin just isn’t the same as it once was. Darn you aging. Lol. So I found Dr. Ginsburg and his experience and credentials impressed me enough to take the plunge and go for it. I almost backed out when he told me his plan to surgically “cut out” the boxcar scars first before doing the laser treatment. Because the scars were so deep and large they most likely wouldn’t respond to the laser well enough. So by removing the boxcar scars and replacing them with much narrower, shallower “lines” of a scar they would respond much better. He said it would take about 6-8 weeks for the wounds to heal after having the stitches removed in a week. Surprisingly, the procedure was virtually painless, other than the local anesthesic needle. Even when the numbing began to wear off, there was very little pain. The area was pretty swollen though, and I did start to feel some stinging and soreness. I’ve been keeping the area clean and applying Bacitracin ointment to prevent infections. I’m so nervous the wounds are going to get infected. They’re pretty red right now and the bright blue stitches aren’t helping. Lol. I wish I could just go into hiding for a week until they come out but I actually went into work today. I was getting so tired of everyone asking “What happened?” and people staring at them. Ugh, I did this to myself willfully! Lol! It’s funny how when I explained what the stitches were all about and what I was doing to remove the scars everyone’s reaction was exactly the same - “Oh I never even noticed the scars before.” Ugh. Lol. Just goes to show how what we see in ourselves is not always what others see. We tend to pick ourselves apart and focus on our every imperfection while others never even take notice.
I keep telling myself it’s only for a few days and I’m trying to keep my eye on the end result. But I’m feeling a little worried that maybe I shouldn’t have gone through with this. I feel so vain at times for even wanting nice, smooth even skin when I tell other people about it. I absolutely HATED these scars on my face though!! I just hope the scars don’t look worse than before. It’s making me very anxious. I’ll be back to update next Tuesday after I have the stitches removed. Praying they don’t look too bad.
Updated on 30 Mar 2019:
I think I made an error. It wasn’t a subcision but an excision. The scars were surgically removed and sutured back together. I’m pretty sure there is a difference.
Anyway, I’m on Day 6 after the surgery and everything feels good. No pain, no infection, no problems. I’m still feeling pretty self-conscious about the stitches right now. And I’m worried I’m gonna regret doing all this when the stitches come out. I’m so nervous it’s gonna look so much worse than before. I’m trying to stay optimistic, though. I’m so tired of everyone asking what happened or why I would do this to myself. It’s really making me have regrets. And doubts. I can’t wait to have them removed in a few days!!
Updated on 1 Apr 2019:
Ok I’m feeling much better and more optimistic. These wounds are healing nicely now and I’m getting super excited!! I can’t wait to get these stitches out tomorrow!!! I’ve has enough of walking around with blue wires sticking out of my face. Lol. And everyone staring at them, but trying not to. I’ve had way too many people tell me I had something on my chin, from ashes to ink. Lol. I’m praying it doesn’t look too bad when they come out. But I know, with time, they’ll heal up nicely, and look way better than they did with the circles of holes left on my skin from acne.
Updated on 2 Apr 2019:
Amazing!!! I’m already SUPER excited and these still haven’t healed completely yet. It’s gonna look fantastic! It did hurt having the stitches removed, a lot of pinching and tugging. There was a little bit of blood but I rushed home, washed them off and tried to cover them up with makeup. You can still see the holes from the stitches and they’re still puffy and a bit swollen. But I can already see how much nicer it’s gonna look. Dr. Ginsburg is amazing! Can’t wait for the laser treatment! I had to buy some creams to use daily 4 weeks prior to the treatment due to all the dark, brown spots. There is a risk of them darkening from the laser and the creams should help with that.
Updated on 7 Apr 2019:
I’m crying as I look at my face right now. I wish I never even went through with this. It’s so depressing. The top two scars have been healing nicely but the bottom scar looks so much worse than it did before! It’s a giant
crater!!! It’s extremely noticeable, much more than it ever was before. And I honestly can’t see a laser fixing this. I don’t want to show my face at all, I wish I could just go back in time and NOT do this to myself. I regret it so much.
Updated on 15 Apr 2019:
I truly hate my face right now. I can’t stand looking in the mirror. I cry every night. It looks so much worse. The scar on the bottom, especially, is now about 5 times the size it was before. Instead of having 3 tiny boxcar scars, I now look like I have a combination of deep rolling scars and ice pick scars. I really regret doing this to myself. These scars are def not the “lines” I was told they would be. They’re deeper, indented, MUCH more noticeable scars! I try covering up the redness, at least, with makeup but it doesn’t make much difference. I’m only happy with the one scar closest to the middle of my chin. It’s the only one that’s healed nicely. But now I’m worried I won’t be able to do the laser treatment because I don’t have the additional $2,900 for it and Care Credit has denied me 3 times already.
I’ve been following all directions and keeping up with the whole Retin A/Obagi routine every night. It has dried my face out something fierce! So I use a moisturizer beforehand and afterward use Mederma. But now I’m getting lovely cystic acne, I’m guessing from the Retin A. I have a huge cyst on the other side of my chin now, the “good” side. And I’m pretty sure that’s gonna leave yet another scar. Seems self-defeating at this point. Ugh. If only I could go back in time.
Updated on 19 May 2019:
Well, not much has changed. I’m still hating these new scars and wish I never went through with this. The only thing keeping me optimistic is following up with the laser, if I can ever find a way to afford it. I know the laser will improve things significantly. At least, I hope so. I added Mederma Advanced to my nightly routine and have seen a slight improvement. I’ve only been using it for about a month and hope it continues to improve the appearance of these scars. They’re still very red and deep, super “indented.” It’s just so humiliating and embarrassing. I feel so vain for caring so much about it all, and I know there are people who have to endure so much worse. I truly feel for those who suffer from severe acne and scarring. It’s just so unfair. Acne SUCKS!
I will say, on a much more positive note, the Tretinoin/Obagi regimen has been AMAZING!! I’ve had an occasional zit/cyst but nothing compared to before. It’s def helped keep my skin clear.
Updated on 7 Sep 2019:
Well, looking back now I feel like I’ve been overly vain and critical of myself. We really are our own worst critics. Honestly, I should have never gone through with this unless I was able to follow up with the laser treatment as well. At the time, I thought I would be able to afford it. But that wasn’t the case. And for once, I can say, I’m ok with that. It is what it is, I am who I am, freckles, sun spots, scars and all. Lol. Maybe one day, if I can afford it without breaking the bank, I’ll reconsider. In the meantime, I’ve forced myself to stop focusing so much on all the little imperfections and flaws, and instead, learn to embrace them. I actually feel a bit foolish for convincing myself that these scars were so hideous and awful to the point of having them surgically removed. I’ve seen much, much worse. And I truly feel for anyone that suffers from acne scarring. It’s hard not to let it define you. I’m grateful this is all I have to deal with and l no longer worry as much what others may think of it. When my 11-year old daughter came to me and begged me not to go through with this, I think that’s when the light bulb when off in my head. What kind of example was I setting for her? What expectations does she think I’ll be placing on her? What am I teaching her by caring so much about my outward appearance and stressing over every little imperfection? When I returned to work with the stitches still in my face and people were asking me what happened, I had never felt so vain and shallow. And the reaction was the same from everyone - “What scars? I never even noticed.” I had made this so much worse than it ever was. I don’t even try to cover them up anymore. It’s sad, really, that we live in a world today that puts such an emphasis on beauty and perfection. When, in reality, everything is filtered, photoshopped, airbrushed and edited to deceive, hide and mask the natural beauty (aka flaws) that exists within us all.
Soooo, lol, anyway...here is just my last update over the past several months. It’s been a little over 5 months now. I haven’t updated because I stopped obsessing. I stopped comparing and I stopped scrutinizing. I’ve just been living life and enjoying it. But for anyone interested, these are my final results. I also wanted to post pics of the products I was using. I do highly recommend the Tretinoin for preventing acne breakouts, clearing complexions, even skin tone and diminishing fine lines and wrinkles. I did have to apply a moisturizer beforehand to prevent peeling and drying out. My skin eventually became used to the Tretinoin and the peeling did stop. But just to be safe, I would apply the moisturizer, wait about 20 minutes, then apply the Tretinoin. Worked like a charm! The Obagi Skin Bleaching Cream started leaving white spots all over my face, my forehead and around my eyes especially. I stopped using it since I don’t plan on having the laser procedure done anyway. But I def noticed a difference in the diminishing of fine lines and wrinkles. I’ve been out in the sun all summer so I have even MORE freckles and sun spots now. And I’m sure future wrinkles to come. Ugh. I never learn. Lol. I am not wearing ANY makeup in these pictures (other than some mascara and a little eye shadow). But no face makeup, no foundation, no powder coverup or anything.