Excision of Acne Scars Followed By Laser Treatment

Well, looking back now I feel like I’ve been overly vain and critical of myself. We really are our own worst critics. Honestly, I should have never gone through with this unless I was able to follow up with the laser treatment as well. At the time, I thought I would be able to afford it. But that wasn’t the case. And for once, I can say, I’m ok with that. It is what it is, I am who I am, freckles, sun spots, scars and all. Lol. Maybe one day, if I can afford it without breaking the bank, I’ll reconsider. In the meantime, I’ve forced myself to stop focusing so much on all the little imperfections and flaws, and instead, learn to embrace them. I actually feel a bit foolish for convincing myself that these scars were so hideous and awful to the point of having them surgically removed. I’ve seen much, much worse. And I truly feel for anyone that suffers from acne scarring. It’s hard not to let it define you. I’m grateful this is all I have to deal with and l no longer worry as much what others may think of it. When my 11-year old daughter came to me and begged me not to go through with this, I think that’s when the light bulb when off in my head. What kind of example was I setting for her? What expectations does she think I’ll be placing on her? What am I teaching her by caring so much about my outward appearance and stressing over every little imperfection? When I returned to work with the stitches still in my face and people were asking me what happened, I had never felt so vain and shallow. And the reaction was the same from everyone - “What scars? I never even noticed.” I had made this so much worse than it ever was. I don’t even try to cover them up anymore. It’s sad, really, that we live in a world today that puts such an emphasis on beauty and perfection. When, in reality, everything is filtered, photoshopped, airbrushed and edited to deceive, hide and mask the natural beauty (aka flaws) that exists within us all.

Soooo, lol, anyway...here is just my last update over the past several months. It’s been a little over 5 months now. I haven’t updated because I stopped obsessing. I stopped comparing and I stopped scrutinizing. I’ve just been living life and enjoying it. But for anyone interested, these are my final results. I also wanted to post pics of the products I was using. I do highly recommend the Tretinoin for preventing acne breakouts, clearing complexions, even skin tone and diminishing fine lines and wrinkles. I did have to apply a moisturizer beforehand to prevent peeling and drying out. My skin eventually became used to the Tretinoin and the peeling did stop. But just to be safe, I would apply the moisturizer, wait about 20 minutes, then apply the Tretinoin. Worked like a charm! The Obagi Skin Bleaching Cream started leaving white spots all over my face, my forehead and around my eyes especially. I stopped using it since I don’t plan on having the laser procedure done anyway. But I def noticed a difference in the diminishing of fine lines and wrinkles. I’ve been out in the sun all summer so I have even MORE freckles and sun spots now. And I’m sure future wrinkles to come. Ugh. I never learn. Lol. I am not wearing ANY makeup in these pictures (other than some mascara and a little eye shadow). But no face makeup, no foundation, no powder coverup or anything.

Well, not much has changed. I’m still hating these new scars and wish I never went through with this. The only thing keeping me optimistic is following up with the laser, if I can ever find a way to afford it. I know the laser will improve things significantly. At least, I hope so. I added Mederma Advanced to my nightly routine and have seen a slight improvement. I’ve only been using it for about a month and hope it continues to improve the appearance of these scars. They’re still very red and deep, super “indented.” It’s just so humiliating and embarrassing. I feel so vain for caring so much about it all, and I know there are people who have to endure so much worse. I truly feel for those who suffer from severe acne and scarring. It’s just so unfair. Acne SUCKS!

I will say, on a much more positive note, the Tretinoin/Obagi regimen has been AMAZING!! I’ve had an occasional zit/cyst but nothing compared to before. It’s def helped keep my skin clear.

I truly hate my face right now. I can’t stand looking in the mirror. I cry every night. It looks so much worse. The scar on the bottom, especially, is now about 5 times the size it was before. Instead of having 3 tiny boxcar scars, I now look like I have a combination of deep rolling scars and ice pick scars. I really regret doing this to myself. These scars are def not the “lines” I was told they would be. They’re deeper, indented, MUCH more noticeable scars! I try covering up the redness, at least, with makeup but it doesn’t make much difference. I’m only happy with the one scar closest to the middle of my chin. It’s the only one that’s healed nicely. But now I’m worried I won’t be able to do the laser treatment because I don’t have the additional $2,900 for it and Care Credit has denied me 3 times already.

I’ve been following all directions and keeping up with the whole Retin A/Obagi routine every night. It has dried my face out something fierce! So I use a moisturizer beforehand and afterward use Mederma. But now I’m getting lovely cystic acne, I’m guessing from the Retin A. I have a huge cyst on the other side of my chin now, the “good” side. And I’m pretty sure that’s gonna leave yet another scar. Seems self-defeating at this point. Ugh. If only I could go back in time.