I’m 47 years old, no kids and recently married. I have, up to this point, thoroughly enjoyed my life, traveled, successful career, etc.—BUT always, always, always struggling with my weight. I have faked confidence and gone through every diet known to humankind. I’ve tried medical weight loss where they throw pills at you and monitor your heart and blood pressure almost weekly and when the phentermine raised my blood pressure, they gave me drugs to lower it. I pray I have not damaged my body through the extreme measures I’ve taken over the years. I’m now at my heaviest weight of 250 lbs. I was 195 three years ago after popping diet pills and exercising almost daily and walking to work across town everyday (about 6 miles a day). Now I work at home half the week and am simply not as active (and a bit lazy with the excess weight). I came to the conclusion that the gastric sleeve is my last hope when I found out I have high blood pressure (this time, without taking diet pills). I know I cannot do it on my own (at almost 50, I am pretty aware about what I am & am NOT willing/able/want to do). So, with the high BP, I have the co-morbidity I need to qualify for insurance to cover the surgery!!! I was on Real Self researching tummy tuck and a breast lift and full body lipo. However, I realized that those would be a bandage on a wound that’s been troubling me my whole life. As I get older, losing that familiar 20-30 pounds is getting harder and harder. When I turned 30, I worked out 2 hours a day for months and got down to 175 pounds and I felt and looked amazing. I don’t have it in me to do it again without some serious help. I’m nervous about the surgery. I’m scared of complications. However, NOT having the surgery terrifies me more—I do not want to keep playing the obesity lottery and hoping/praying for the best. So now my journey begins. I see a mental health practitioner on Friday so I can complete the mental health assessment. I am working with the surgeon’s patient coordinator on the other required tests/documents. I am hoping to fast-track the process as much as possible. My hold up may be the required 90 days nutrition counseling. I had my PCP and Endocrinologist write letters stating they have been providing nutrition counseling for me since October 2017 but I skipped November, so not sure if Blue Cross will count it...! Updated on 9 Jan 2018: He was highly recommended by someone I hope is right—while this may sound dramatic, I feel like my life depends on this choice. I hope I’m right to go with my gut over the online reviews!!!!!!! Dr. Paul Lin had dozens of reviews and had been practicing for 30 years (I read he’s had 2 fatalities in this time). Dr. Vaziri has been practicing for about 15 years, with less than a dozen reviews. God be with me, PLEASE!!!! Updated on 9 Jan 2018: Updated on 12 Jan 2018: The therapist said she would submit her report in two weeks. She said that BCBS covers the Office visit but I must pay out of pocket for her report. She said she’d let me know the cost (I found it strange that she waited until AFTER the appointment was over and did not give a specific price). She says she writes up evaluations for bariatric surgery all the time. She said she found no reason why she would not support the surgery. Updated on 18 Jan 2018: Spoke with patient coordinator. She said she has many of my records and a lot of documents from my doctors. She is going to go through the paperwork and see what remaining documentation I will need for insurance to approve me. Hoping to get approval before the end of this month. Fingers crossed about the 90 day/4 visit requirement. If I have to start over, I won’t be able to have surgery until April!!!! Was really hoping for a February date.... .......God’s will be done...!!!! Updated on 31 Jan 2018: I am so. Nervous. I am getting final document jitters. Looking at my medical history, now I am realizing that for most of last year my BMI hovered around 32. Now I am at 37. The issue I have read is that some insurance companies expect you to be over BMI 35+ for more than two years!!!! And I think it is with a co-morbidity. One person said that because Blood pressure meds lowered her BP that her insurance no longer counted it because it was considered “under control.” My surgical documentation coordinator said not to worry because federal BCBS only looks at your most recent weight. I pray she is right. I’ll keep you posted (praying and fingers and toes crossed that I will be approved). I can’t even think about what I’ll do if I’m not approved. I don’t have it in me to lose 70+ pounds without major help. GOD HELP ME Updated on 7 Feb 2018: So, the Bariatric surgeon’s Office called to say that my most recent blood tests show my TSH levels appear unregulated and until they get back “under control” the surgeon will not clear my medical records to go to my insurance for approval. I am very bummed. I have a message for my Endocrinologist to call me ASAP so we can get this sorted out. I did not expect the thyroid levels to be a hold up. I am still committed to seeing this through. Updated on 20 Feb 2018: Wow! I can believe it...after what seems like 20 appointments, I finally think I am done getting stick with needles and paying $40 co-pays. My blood work came back perfect and I THINK the surgeon’s office now has everything they need to send my paperwork for insurance approval. I’ve decided if they say no, I will definitely be doing self pay in Boca Raton, Florida with Shillingford. I like him, too. I would love to not have to pay 10,500 and about another $1,500 for airfare and hotel.... I’ll keep you posted!!!! Fingers crossed for insurance approval. Updated on 18 Mar 2018: Fingers crossed I’ll be approved sometime this week......!!!!! Updated on 19 Mar 2018: Question to my Real Selfers: I have a VSG scheduled for mid to late APRIL. MARCH 23–Endoscopy/Colonoscopy (this is elective & not required by doc). TODAY, found out I must have a hysteroscopy—a 30-minute diagnostic procedure for heavy periods on APRIL 11!!!! What should I do? I really want to do the VSG in April!!! Is it too many anesthesia procedures too close together? I am healthy otherwise—no heart problems. Have any of you been through something like this? Updated on 29 Mar 2018: My surgical coordinator wrote to tell me that she dropped the ball on submitting my paperwork to my insurance company. She mistakenly told thought that she could submit the paperwork while I waited a final CT scan of my liver. Several years ago I had CT of my liver that showed a congenital birth defect that turned out to be fine — to be on the safe side the surgeon wants to re-examine my liver to make sure nothing else has changed over the past five years. Now waiting for the results of the CT scan to be added to my package for eventual submission to Blue Cross Blue Shield. This has been a long road... Updated on 8 Apr 2018: This is waaaay too long a process. Updated on 12 Apr 2018: My big day will be May 15. Here’s the schedule: I go for my pre-op consult and nutrition counseling on April 18 and begin a three week pre-op diet. On May 7, I do my pre-surgery tests and then the next week is the surgery. I’ll be in the hospital for two days and then a follow up two weeks after that on May 30. I’ll let you know how it goes with the pre-op diet!!!!! Updated on 23 Apr 2018: I know I’m supposed to radiate positivity at this point because the end of the first chapter is near with my sleeved life on the horizon. Yes, I am aware that the real work and a lifetime of committed resolve begins AFTER surgery. But OMG!!!!! I have never been successful on a 1,000 calorie a day diet for more than three days without cheating—-that’s unless I have medical help with diet pills!!! I so want to shrink my liver to get off on the right foot and begin the steps I will need to be successful post-surgery. They said the best patients lose 10% of their body weight leading up to surgery. Not me!!!! If that’s the case, I should have lost 25 pounds since I began this journey at 250. Welllllll.... today I reached a lifetime high of a 265. I feel nothing but shame.... but... I have just concluded a 45 day food extravaganza... eating some old favorites and finding new ones along the way. I have a real problem!!! My logic was to get food out of my system. I hope that did the trick. I just finished three scoops of ice cream and I did not fully enjoy it so maybe that’s a start Okay, back 2 reality...O.M.G. — I have so much work to do. I am praying that I can get back down to 250 by my surgery date on May 15. That would mean I need to lose 5 pounds a week. I THINK that could be possible on 1,000 calories a day... I hope I am not being unrealistic by beginning this thing with an unachievable goal. Anyhoo...that’s what I am shooting for. Heck, I might even exercise...! I know I will need to after, so might as well buckle down the next three weeks to start a habit. God help me!!!! I’ll provide updates along the way. Updated on 24 Apr 2018: Welll... made it through the first with no cheats. Even threw a going away party for an employee with cake and everything and managed to watch and smile the whole time. Wow...it was hard but doable. Tonight I ate a Marie Callender Delight dinner (frozen dinners will be a staple since I’m not good at portion control. It was delicious! In bed early to curb nighttime snacking. Nighty night!!!! Updated on 25 Apr 2018: Had a headache all day. Drank three protein drinks and ate same kind of frozen dinner as yesterday with mashed cauliflower (which by the way tasted as good as mashed potatoes)—delish! Heading to bed before I slip up (I’m a late night eater) Good night! Updated on 25 Apr 2018: I read a blog yesterday on the topic of changing your mindset to lose weight and the writer offered some interesting advice. She said using the words “ I can’t eat that” as a negative connotation of deprivation. However, if you say “I DON’T eat that” you are taking control of what you do and you’re making a conscious decision not to eat something versus saying you “can’t” as though something else or someone else is holding you back. Taking control is all about you... all about me...! Okay, I’m truly heading to bed now. Updated on 26 Apr 2018: The pre surgery diet is not as bad as I thought it would be. Also, the sheer size I am has me determined. Looking forward to May 15–the big day! Updated on 27 Apr 2018: I can’t believe it’s right around the corner. Watched My 600 Pound Life today. I realized that I could not bring myself to watch the portion of the show that showed the actual VSG being done. I guess TMI! Updated on 29 Apr 2018: I went outta town this weekend for a girls trip. Powered my way through lunch with my Aunt eating a fish sandwich and fries and then later wine, cheese, and cracker. But damn, damn, damn...! I bought a bag of Skinny Pop popcorn to take with me to the movie. I ate the entire 6 serving bag! I realize that I will need to avoid the movies for a while—I do not like watch a movie without popcorn and I literally eat it the ENTIRE time the movie is on. Old habit that rough to break. And today, at my Gram’s house I ate about a 1/2 cup of cashew—nuts are a big temptation. Well...I’m back home and back in the saddle on my pre-surgery diet which is: * protein drink for breakfast/lunch/snack *approx. 300 calorie dinner with no sugar and low carbs I WILL NOT ALLOW A COUPLE SLIPS DETER FROM GETTING BACK ON TRACK! Updated on 29 Apr 2018: This morning after eating a boatload of popcorn yesterday, my feet & ankle started aching again when I took my first steps for the day (calmed down after about an hour). I had noticed on Friday after five days on the diet, my feet were not hurting nearly as bad as they had been. Not sure what is the correlation, but I noticed a difference... Updated on 30 Apr 2018: I’ve gotten re-familiar with what hunger feels like. It seems like it’s been years. I weighed in at 251 today and hoping to get down to 240 by surgery day on the 15th. Wish me luck!!!! I’ll keep you posted. Updated on 5 May 2018: Sorry to report that is went back to minor binge eating this weekend. Baskin Robbins two day in a row. Burger King yesterday and Chipotle today. All I can do is recommit tomorrow. It’s my final visit with the surgeon on Monday. Hope I’m not in trouble!!!! Only 10 days before surgery!!!! I am really back on track tomorrow...!!!! Updated on 10 May 2018: I’ve been mediocre at sticking to my diet. So far, I have lost a total of 9 pounds—from a high of I think 262 to now at 253 as of this morning. I was hoping to be in the 240s by the big day but that is likely not going to happen. What I pray for most is an uneventful, smooth and successful surgery. Must admit I’m getting a couple jitters that the day is almost HERE!!!!! Updated on 12 May 2018: For the past couple of days I have really been focusing on maintaining the diet and lost several pounds. But today I ate a huge vegetarian salad (split for lunch and with dinner) and a TV dinner and nuts along with two or three protein drinks (I can’t remember). Thinking my weight will be up again tomorrow morning. I have not cheated with any alcoholic drinks or sodas. Purchased some more protein drinks, broth and sugar free jello for when I arrive home from the hospital on Wednesday night! Whew!!! It is finally here—Tuesday is the day!!!!! Updated on 14 May 2018: Nervous, excited and ready to get it behind me. Updated on 20 May 2018: Well... a quick recap as the thoughts come to me. Pain since my discharge from the hospital has been very minimal. In fact, I’ve only taken two of the Oxy’s they prescribed and instead have been using Tylenol Liquid medication (due free). They also gave me an antacid and a laxative, which I have been taking religiously. To my absolute shock and dismay, when I arrived home from the hospital I weighed a pound MORE than I went in (from 249 to 250). Today I weighed in at 247...it seems the weigh is creeping off me—I just knew after a week of not eating I would have lost 10 pounds!!!!! Oh well, I will remain patient and follow the doctor’s orders for my diet. Since he said there is no restrictions on how much I walk (can’t lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk), I have been walking everyday. Today was our first sunny day after a week of rain...so I walked this scenic bridge between Maryland and Virginia with a view of DC. It was a beautiful day filled with gratitude and amazement that I could walk THREE miles less than a week after my surgery!!!!! So far today, I have had 24 ounces of pure water (sipped on 8 ounce bottles) and 24 ounces of low sodium chicken/ beef broth and two 16 ounces Costco Premier Protein shakes. I am actually not super hungry but I have to tell the old me to “quiet down” cuz she says it’s time for a burger!!!! The hardest thing is smelling the fabulous food my husband is cooking for himself (I told him I would not be cooking until July and I’m sticking to it). Yesterday he came with a box of KFC and I secretly smelled the biscuit when. He left the room—I mean I held it up to my nose and smelled each side like a hound dog!!! It smelled divine but I had no temptation to eat it (plus, that would possibly kill me anyway, for REAL). Actually, above all, the fear of damaging my sleeve is what is truly policing everything I do and eat. As I get closer to re-entering food in my diet in the coming months, I pray that I will maintain the strict resolve. All the bet to my sisters & brothers of the journey—time to sleep now!!!! Good night Updated on 22 May 2018: Today I’m 246. Have not had a bowel movement in 2-3 days. Maybe I’m not losing because I am full of sh*t!!!!!? Really though, I typically lose this much weight (or more) with regular dieting. Maybe I will shift into high gear at some point... I see my surgeon for my first post-op appointment. I will mention my concerns...I have no doubt he’ll tell me to be patient and continue following the process and I will have much success. I was hoping for “WOW” after the surgery...right now, I’m like just “oh...okay...” Maybe slow steady loss is the best thing for me...if I continue losing a pound a day, that’s 30 in a month—that would not be bad at all!! ;-) Updated on 23 May 2018: I’m down to 242.9!!! I am scared to breathe to avoid gaining it back. ????But for real, As my journey sisters advised, I am thinking drinking more water/liquids is helping. I’m just not sure how much I should be striving to drink each day. My post surgery instructions said to take in “64 ounces of fluid a day.” My interpretation is that this includes, water, decaf coffee, broth, protein drinks, popsicles and any other thing that is a liquid. Should this be 64 ounces of PURE water??! I go for my post- op with the surgeon this afternoon—I have a ton of questions. I’ll keep u posted. Updated on 27 May 2018: I was shocked, sad and almost tearful. Yes, I CAN GAIN WEIGHT with this sleeve. The reality of this knowledge was admittedly a let down. As of yesterday morning I was down to 237.2. I went to a 70’s party and actually ate food for the first time. Over the course of the evening, I had about 2 tablespoons of potato salad, 2 tablespoons of pasta salad, and 2 tablespoons of baked beans & 12 ounces of a sugary party punch. I stepped on the scale this morning and BAM!!!!! I was pulled back into the reality of knowing that the sleeve is NOT a magic shield from calories and bad choices!! The other thing I did different yesterday was not exercising. So....today I have been drinking tons of water along with two protein drinks and about 1/2 cup of mashed cauliflower. Hope cutting calories will not end up further hurting me...I plan to eat/ drink about 500 calories today. ***My gut tells me this is not wise*** I’ll let you know what the scales say tomorrow—I do not think I’ll be getting rid of my scale no matter what it tells me in the months/weeks to come. The truth hurts sometimes, but it is only through knowing my truth that I can become the best ME possible. Peace and love, folks! Updated on 28 May 2018: Yesterday I ended up consuming about 800 calories, which seemed low to me. My best guess for weight stagnation is because I, again, did not exercise (second day in a row not exercising). Today, I will either do 30 mins on the elliptical or incline on the treadmill. Last week during my first post-op check up, my surgeon said walking is no longer enough and I must now do low impact cardio. My lesson: No exercise = weight gain/stagnation Updated on 1 Jun 2018: Exercised every day this week (except yesterday). Ate about 700 calories a day, with 60 gram of protein, 40 ounces of pure water and about 20 ounces of other drinks (decaf, protein drinks). Down to 236. Feeling very tired by the end of the day but in great spirits. Updated on 7 Jun 2018: I have been here all week. Oh well, will keep doing what I’m doing. Gotta exercise again (have not for two days). Having a motivation issue for some reason. My stomach is feeling full after only a few bites. I have not had a bowel movement in about 2-3 days. So tempted to take a laxative but trying to allow my body to finally kick in—I feel full of it!!! Updated on 11 Jun 2018: Updated on 12 Jun 2018: This ain’t easy, but I have not lost 20 pounds in month since I was 29 years old — that’s 18 years ago!!! I am a slave to exercise. Without exercise I simply do NOT loose weight. I am still not drinking enough water. I find myself putting off drinking so I can eat! Then after I eat, I forget to begin sipping after 30 minutes. The cycle I’m in has me drinking about 32-40 ounces a day!!!!! I know this is really bad. I will have to figure out a way to eat AND drink enough.... Updated on 12 Jun 2018: I am feeling better, off blood pressure meds (thank GOD!). Now gotta start working on toning up in addition to cardio. I once heard a fitness expert say “cardio will make you look with clothes on & weights will make you look good with your clothes off!” I am doing my best to work out 4-5 times a week, which is a heck of a lot more than what I was doing before surgery! Updated on 20 Jun 2018: Weight is coming off dang slow, but when I stop to think about it .... the day after surgery I was 250. Then I went through my 240s then my 230s and now I am in my 220s. I’m 229!!! I haven’t lost but 21 pounds if I consider it that way it seems like a lot. Yesterday morning I ate Chick-fil-A for the first time since my surgery. A chicken biscuit and hash browns — when I came home I walked on the treadmill for two hours and burned almost 800 cal to make up for it. Now...I’m too sore today to work out again right now!! I’ll have to wait until tomorrow... As they said on gone with the wind, “tomorrow is another day!” Updated on 25 Jun 2018: I have been watching what I eat, still only drinking about 40 ounces of water a day. Exercising about 4 times a week for 45 minutes or so. I have fallen off tracking everything I eat in my Baritastic app, but I keep an honest tally in my head. I’m going to resume officially tracking soon. For some reason it seems the app works best with foods that have a barcode. When I prep my own food, it is much harder to measure the protein and calories per serving, etc... This afternoon I weighed 229.2–this means that by tomorrow..:I MAY hit 228. I have been weighing myself at LEAST twice a day everyday. Maybe it’s wrong, but I’m a bit addicted. Updated on 1 Jul 2018: Walking 5 miles three times a week. Elliptical and treadmill about once a week. Gotta start with weights—I’ve been putting it off. Finally purchased a set of 3, 5 and 8 pound dumbbells—just need to figure out what to do with them!!! Updated on 17 Jul 2018: More of the same—still walking about 6-7 miles three times a week. For some reason, I am bored doing the elliptical right now. I have not begun the dumbbells...but I signed up for a 4-week kettle bell class. I hope that will jumpstart me to understand and use weights properly. My goal is to make it to 200 by the time I go on a Mediterranean cruise on September 12!!! Is that too aggressive??!?!!?! Updated on 26 Jul 2018: Made it to my first major goal—218 by my birthday!!!! Updated on 29 Jul 2018: Hit 216.5 today. Must have danced a couple pounds off at the Bey & Jay concert last night!!! Updated on 31 Jul 2018: Gained three pounds during my birthday festivities this past weekend. Weighed 219 this morning. Oh well.......Back in the saddle tomorrow. Yesterday , I tried to get on the elliptical and my knee was hurting in a weird way. Not sure what to do now... Must think of a good alternative to help me keep shedding weight slow and kinda steady...maybe Bikram... Updated on 17 Aug 2018: I have reset my goal for my upcoming Europe trip to 210. I have not put in the work and that is okay. I did not begin the kettle bell training as planned (it was simply too early in the morning and I’m not an early riser— unless it’s for work). I have reduced the amount of walking I do because my knees were getting sore. SO..... what I HAVE done is enter a 30-day hot yoga challenge at my local Bikram studio. I’m happy I did. After one week I can feel a noticeable improvement in my flexibility and a greater sense of calm and inner peace. After such a long time, I am beginning to feel Happy with myself. Above all, I am thankful. Updated on 27 Aug 2018: Been hitting the Bikram studio for hot yoga about 5 times a week. Signed up for a 30- day challenge... doing my best to go as often as possible. The challenge ends on Sept. 6... wish me strength!!! Ciao for now!!! Updated on 27 Aug 2018: Can’t believe I’m not even wearing a girdle with a white dress (wanted to but it was in the laundry)!!! Soooo...this is me au naturale! Updated on 13 Sep 2018: Happy to share that I reached my revised goal of getting to 210 by the time I went my my Mediterranean trip! It was originally to get to 200–that was too ambitious for me and the pace I’m on. So, next goal: 190 by New Years! 175 by May (final goal weight by my one year anniversary). That would be a total weight loss of 85 pounds. One day at a time and steady progress. ??????????? Updated on 30 Oct 2018: I must admit that although I actually LOST a pound on vacation, which is quite a miracle, I have made no progress in the two weeks I’ve been back home. Being on a cruise ship for part of my started me on bad habit of eating and snacking anytime of day or night. Fortunately we walked about 5 miles a day on our port excursions. Now that I’m back home and sweet things every day. I have not been needing to find the key to court but even the small quantity of bad things have stagnated my weight loss. I have not gotten back into the schedule I’m going to hot yoga or going for my super long walks. In fact as I write this update I have my gym clothes on and I’m trying to decide do I go on a walk or do I go to breakfast!!!!! Updated on 31 Mar 2019: I’m down to 204 (my lowest weight in five years). For me, it’s been a struggle...NOT!!! Up to two weeks ago, I was not watching what I eat— of course I was eating in small portions. And for that reason I have hovered between 208 and 212 since mid October!!!!! With my ONE YEAR anniversary looming in the near horizon m, I decided to kick it into high gear and do KETO. In two weeks, I am down from 212 to 204. Given my true and deep and lifelong love for carbs it has been surprisingly easy so far. Last month, I had a trainer ,which seem to help a little bit but weight was not coming off without a change in my diet. My goal was to be under 200 by April 1 but that’s not going to happen ...however, if I could make it to 175 by May 15 I would have reached my ultimate goal. I’m 5’8” with big bones. Right now, I wear anywhere a size 12 top and size 14 bottom and no bigger than a Large (sometimes medium tops). I would love to be a solid 10/12, which should be the case at 175. I KNOW keto is a fad diet which comes with its own with health risks but I hope my body can do this one last hoorah by May 15!!! Please GOD do not let my arteries clog up with the excess fats!!!! I promised myself after I get to 175 I will go back to normal HEALTHIER eating with more exercise and activity to keep my weight between 175 and 185. Now that I have kicked my sugar and carb ADDICTION to the curb for now, when I do start eating them again, it will be in moderation. I have soooo much to share about the psychological part of journey but I do not wanna bore ya. So, that’s it for now!!! Go in peace, health and happiness my sisters (and brothers)!!!! Xoxo Updated on 18 Apr 2019: My blood work showed a spike in the bad cholesterol and my total cholesterol went up to 253 (I think). My cardiologist said stop it immediately. So...I am back to eating normal again and will be doing blood work again tomorrow to see if the spike in my cholesterol was a fluke or it is staying high. If so, I will probably be put back cholesterol meds (which stopped the day of surgery)... Anyhoo...in terms of weight, I got down to 204 and when I stopped the diet, I shot up to 210. I GAINED SIX POUNDS. IN. ONE. WEEK. Thank God this week I have been holding at 206. Not sure what happened, but happy leveled off and I did not keep gaining. My revised goal is to make it to 199 by my one year anniversary. I done big things ahead between now and then....... Next week, I am doing a breast lift/augmentation to lift the tired girlzzzz. I will be starting a new post...maybe...I am really a little scared to share my pix in case my breasts don’t turn out pretty. I am so sensitive about the appearance of my boobs. I am embarrassed to say it at this point, but I am ashamed of my upper arms and my boobs. I hope God will continue to see me through on the journey of mine. I am comfortable with WHO I am and WHERE I am. However, if options are out there and I am healthy enough to take them, I don’t see why not. My surgery is on Tuesday, April 23. Please keep me in prayer or positive thoughts, folks. Updated on 18 Apr 2019: Not super clear pix, but I hope you get the gist ???? Updated on 30 Apr 2019: My boobs were my biggest casualty. So I took the leap to perk them up. I had BL/BA last week and had no family support because everyone thought it was pure vanity. WHATEVER!!!! So far so good. Here are a before and after. I started a new review for anyone interested. Updated on 6 Jul 2019:
