Paul D Smith

I have my first consult May 8th.
I'm still undecided. In my head I'm doing this, and I'm doing this tomorrow... But then I'm scared of so many things. I don't want pain, I don't want to be put under, what will I look like after, will my husband still find me attractive, will I feel better about myself, most importantly will my health improve.
I was 18 years old, I saved my own money and went and got my implants. I was certain this is what I wanted. My whole life up to that moment I was teased for being so skinny, I would hide myself in big baggy clothes, wished I looked like anyone else but myself. The people who would talk with me and be nice would ask "wow, do you diet? you are so skinny?" and honestly that hurt just as bad as people telling me I looked like a bag of sticks. I'm 5'7" and 105 lbs, I do not diet, I do not exercise. It is me and this is how I am. I thought for some reason if I had implants then maybe I would fit in.
The past 14 years I've gone through a number of unexplained pains, body aches. I am now married to my everything, he's been with me before I even had implants and says he loved me before them and will love me after they are gone. I have two beautiful girls and want to be a role model for them. As women we shouldn't need boobs to feel secure about ourselves. This site has really opened up my eyes. Reading everyone stories and seeing how beautiful we really are without fake plastic inside us. It really is inspiring.
I am hoping by writing I can do the same. Also it looks like I will be needing general support through this chapter in my life.

Updated on 7 May 2014:


Updated on 8 May 2014:
My husband is coming with me. I'm not sure if I can do this... And this is only to talk with the doctor!

Updated on 13 May 2014:
Hi girls. :)
I went for my consult last week and just been trying to figure it all out in my head. It went very well, I saw Dr. Paul Smith and he was so understanding. I felt he really cared about what I want. I loved he didn't even try to talk me into any decision (replacement) I was ready to defend why I wanted them out and instead he just sat there and talked with me. I am hopefully going to use him this fall!
And I say FALL :( as much as I want these out tomorrow. My husband and I worked so hard to get out of and stay out of debt. We don't have the cash to do the removal yet. I set myself a goal to save the $ by October. Also I figure while I recover it will not be bikini weather.

Updated on 28 May 2014:
I've told a few people that I have implants and want them removed. Oddly the two that didn't know I had them are shocked and said I look amazing and should keep them! Totally was not what I expected. I'm not keeping them! I want them out! Almost daily I imaging all the ways I can lay without bags in me... I can jog without holding my [RS bleep] in my arms! I can cuddle with my girls without feeling my fake bags between us!! I hate having these big [RS bleep]!

Updated on 5 Jun 2014:
I'm wondering how hard the recovery is. I was barley 18 when I got these things.. I know I was in so much pain for weeks, but at that time I had an infection and SOO many complications.
This time it's just a removal.. Under the muscle.. Please let me know any thoughts on this. I have a 14 month old at home and I know I can't ignore picking her up for to long.

Updated on 10 Jun 2014:


Updated on 16 Jun 2014:
My 14 year old implants

Updated on 18 Jun 2014:
So I posted a few pictures but keep getting cold feet and removing them. I'm embarrassed of my before pictures. I hate them. I keep telling myself this can help others but I hate them so much I don't want others to see... :(
I'm trying to get courage to post pictures and leave them.

Updated on 23 Jul 2014:
I'm still waiting but now I have a removal date!!! August 28th!! I have 5 days off to recover before going back to work. I can't really think about much else at night. Before bed I lay there and sometimes freak myself out. I will go on some of the girls pages about having them removed and it helps me sleep. I need to post pictures again and not delete them!

Updated on 25 Jul 2014:
So I posted then deleted this picture before. These are my dream ones!

Updated on 11 Aug 2014:
17 days left till my surgery!!! Here we go.. My count down starts, I can't even sleep anymore. I hate the idea of surgery and recovery. I get more and more pissed at myself for even getting these fake bags in me. I wasn't thinking!

Updated on 12 Aug 2014:
16 days to go! I'm finally ok with posting pictures. I know it only benitfits others.
Thank you ladies!

Updated on 27 Aug 2014:
Wow.... Tomorrow is my day of removal (8.28) I'm checking in at 9:00 am.. I'm so numb over this. I really don't know how to feel. I have no thoughts at all about what I will look like anymore. I just want the surgery and recovery to go smooth. All I'm worried about is how sore I will feel.

Updated on 28 Aug 2014:
Going home to sleep. It's done

Updated on 29 Aug 2014:
I'm not sure how to feel. I'm excited but I'm not looking down much.

Updated on 31 Aug 2014:
So I'm loving the way I feel without my implants in. I'm just not liking how I look. And I know it will get better but damn, I'm so mad I've done this to my body.

Updated on 1 Sep 2014:
No change but here's day 4 :)

Updated on 4 Sep 2014:
I went to my follow up. I'm told everything looks great. I never said anything about my surgery. It went very well, I was up and holding my 18 month old daughter two days after. No pain, no drains, no stitches, he didn't even have me wrapped in anything when I woke up. :)

Updated on 10 Sep 2014:
Almost been two weeks, I don't see any change but I feel so much better.

Updated on 3 Oct 2014:
Been a few weeks, my boobs are getting better looking. They don't wrinkle as much. But I swear they are still shrinking. I do not even fit a 32A.
Oh well.. At least I feel better and I'm healthy. :)

Updated on 3 Oct 2014:
Been a few weeks, my boobs are getting better looking. They don't wrinkle as much. But I swear they are still shrinking. I do not even fit a 32A.
Oh well.. At least I feel better and I'm healthy. :)

Updated on 3 Oct 2014:
Trying to add a photo but it's getting stuck. I'll try this one more time.

Updated on 3 Oct 2014:
Trying to add a photo but it's getting stuck. I'll try this one more time.

Updated on 9 Oct 2014:
Here's my first swim suit! I feel goodbut still nervous to wear it in front of people who don't know I had an explant. We have a big pool party this weekend and a bunch of my co worker (men) will be there.

Updated on 22 Oct 2014:
I don't see any change yet but here's a peak at my girls. :)

Updated on 11 Nov 2014:
I'm not even a full A cup.. Not much change.

Updated on 15 Jan 2015:
I went to VS and they sized me at a 32 B.. I bought two bras and loving life with my tiny tots.

Updated on 23 Jan 2015:
so I found it really odd... Last night before my shower, I noticed how dark my areolas were getting. I rubbed it hard and noticed thick skin coming off. I ended up spending about an hour peeling both sides. Now I wonder if it's happen to anyone else? It didn't hurt and now my nips are a pretty pinkish color... I also notice they don't look as wrinkled.