Hello Realself Sisters,
First I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences and personal journeys. I cannot begin to tell you how much you have meant to me these past few months. Your stories have helped me think through my options and more than anything, you have given me the courage to do what I have been wanting to do for 15 years but have been too insecure and afraid to do--remove my implants and NOT replace them :-)
In a nutshell:
--51 years old, active and healthy
--Breast fed one child
--Mastopexy (just cut around the nipple, nothing extensive) and saline implants 20 years ago
--Was around a B cup before implants, now I'm a 32 D
--Implants have always felt too big for my preferences
--They are heavy and they have always hurt and been uncomfortable
--They have ripples all over the edges and feel terrible
--I lost most of the sensation in my nipples after the BA
--I've been wearing minimizer bras ever since getting the implants! Lol! Kind of defeats the purpose :-)
I want them out because they are uncomfortable. I cannot go without a good support bra or I have pulling and stretching pain. I want to be rid of the chronic pain they cause. I think I have become acclimated to the pain and just live with it. I have a feeling that I will be surprised by how much pain I have been living with and didn't realize how much it was a part of my life. If I don't have that revelation, that's ok! I still want them out.
I have two appointments today--one with Dr. Matthew Carty and Brigham and Women's in Boston and one with Dr. Paul Costas in Concord, MA.
I've seen Dr. Carty once already (a few weeks ago) and was planning to have new and smaller implants put in. He said he would do an anchor lift and put in silicone (under the muscle, like my current ones are). Then I started reading your stories about removing them and not replacing them, and I knew that was what I wanted! The only reason I had hesitated with this option was because I was afraid of the outcome, and I didn't know what to expect or if this was a common thing. I truly thought I was the only one to want them out and never replace them. I hadn't even considered Googling the idea. What was I thinking?? Thank heavens for all of you! I know I am not alone. I now know that by doing this I am not giving up on myself, which is what I thought I was doing by wanting to get rid of them. I care about my body and want to be beautiful. Getting these removed isn't moving me away from being beautiful; it's bringing me closer to my real beauty and my real self -- Realself :-)
I am probably going to go with Dr. Carty because he is a brilliant surgeon, he was recommended by a good friend, and I trust him. I think Dr. Costas is probably also brilliant, but I don't know anyone who has been to him, and I already feel comfortable with Dr. Carty. I am simply getting another opinion because it's a good idea. I'm excited to hear what they both have to say.
I will write about my appointments later today or tomorrow, and I will post more pictures when I can.
Thank you all for being the beautiful women you are. xo
Updated on 7 Sep 2017:
Updated on 7 Sep 2017:
So I'm scheduled for implant removal and anchor breast lift on Tuesday (9/11)! I can't wait! I went to both surgeons today and they had vastly different approaches. I decided to go with Dr. Carty because he has extensive experience and expertise in breast reconstruction.
Dr. Costas was really wonderful and I think he is probably a good surgeon, but he said that I would likely not have any fullness above the nipple if I did not get new implants. He thought that I would be very unhappy with the result. He said that he would want to put an implant in to ensure that I wouldn't end up with a sloped breast. Dr. Carty offered a very different assessment.
Dr. Carty will be removing my old implants (can't wait!) and doing an anchor lift. I told him that I wasn't worried about having small breasts but was more concerned that they would not have any fullness above the nipple and would slope downward. He alleviated my concerns by saying that he would reconstruct the breasts so that there would be breast tissue nicely distributed and that I wouldn't have flatness above the nipple or sloping. He said that I would actually have more projection than I do now because they will be perkier :-)
He thinks that I will have a B cup (approx) and that I will have a very nice outcome. He seemed really pleased that I decided to simply have the implants removed without replacing them. Both he and Costas mentioned that I am fairly petite and that a B cup would be a good size for my figure. I actually don't mind if I end up with an A cup. I just want to get these implants out and have my own natural breast tissue again. I'm tired of the pain and heaviness. I'm also tired of having large breasts.
My husband has been so supportive. I had been a little worried about how he would react to my decision to go natural and much smaller, but he has been amazing. He thinks it's a great decision :-)
I'll post updates along the way. Wish me luck, ladies!
xo
Updated on 11 Sep 2017:
Tomorrow I my implants come out and I have an anchor lift. For the past 4 days I've been so anxious. Some of the anxiety is excitement but I'm also a bit scared of surgery in general and I'm a little worried about pain management. I get really sick on narcotics, and cannot tolerate them without zofran on-board. From what all of you who have been through this already are saying, the pain isn't a bad as the augmentation.
I had such a bad experience with my augmentation surgery that it's hard for me to keep things in perspective. When I had my BA, I came out of surgery vomiting and crying in pain. I had never felt pain like that before. It turned out that I was bleeding very badly on both sides. Apparently that sort of bleeding causes a lot of pain. They immediately took my back into surgery because I was losing so much blood that they had to find all of the leaks and stop the blood loss. It was terrible.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep my head on straight because worrying will only make things worse. I have a far far better surgeon this time, and he's requiring that I stay overnight in the hospital as a precaution since I bled badly last time. So I'm in good hands with the doctors and nurses at Brigham and Women's Hospital here in Boston.
I'm exhausted because I haven't been sleeping the past 4 nights, and I'm running around making sure that everything is set with work, my home is clean, kitchen is stocked with food, all the laundry is done, and my garden is cleaned up and in good shape to be left alone for another month. My husband will be able to help me but I've told him to go back to work on Thur. Unless something unusual comes up, I can't imagine that I won't be able to get through my days after post op day 2 or 3.
I thought that I would look at some bras to help cheer me up/reduce my anxiety, so I dropped by the mall today and I managed to buy one bra in size 32A. I have no idea what cup size I'll be, but I wanted to have something on hand to look forward to wearing. I also thought it might be less depressing or less of a shock if the bra is too small rather than buying a 32B and that being too large. I'm not sure what silly psychological games I'm playing with myself, but I think they're just a sign of my emotional state of mind. I really am excited to have small breasts. Really excited. And for all of the reasons all of you have said. They will be more elegant on my slender 5'7 123lb frame. They will feel so much better than my fake bags of saline. They will be all mine. They won't embarrass me like the fake ones do. I can always wear a padded bra for those few times when I might want more fullness. With my fake breasts, I've never been able to reduce them with minimizer bras (and I've tried!).
I don't know if I'll sleep tonight. I just know that I'll be glad to put this pre op anxiety behind me and face whatever pain and discomfort I might have.
Keeping all of you who are going in to surgery this week or currently recovering in my thoughts. And thanks to all of you who keep posting your experiences along the way. They are so so helpful. As I've said before, I could not have made this decision without all of you. xo
Updated on 14 Sep 2017:
I've been really wiped out since my surgery on Tuesday so I haven't been able to update. Everything went well with the surgery but in spite of all preparations to keep me from getting sick after anesthesia, I sill had issues with vomiting and nausea. Not terrible but I just don't do well with anesthesia. The oxycodone also made me really sick even though I had reglan and zofran. Bottom line: I'm exhausted and feeling pretty bad. Soooo glad they kept me in the hospital one night. It felt very reassuring to be cared for by professionals.
My doctor said that I'm approximately a full A to small B, which sounds perfect. I'll be happy with whatever cup size I have. I'll post pictures tomorrow when I'm feeling better. I took pics yesterday and today. I don't want to scare anyone away from doing this! I am soooo glad I am on the other side of this surgery and thrilled to have the implants out. My breasts are a lovely perky shape but they have months and months of healing before I know their final appearance. The incisions are scary looking but I know that's normal at this point.
I'll check in with pics tomorrow. I am thinking of all of you who have been posting and everyone who is on their journey. I am so thankful for all of you. Be well, friends. xo
Updated on 15 Sep 2017:
I decided that I would post some pics of my breasts. I've been reluctant because they look pretty scary, especially since my doctor did not use steri strips. He used dissolvable stitches on the inside and dermabond on the outside, so the incisions are pretty graphic.
I know that they'll heal, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will not encounter any complications. I've been really careful about keeping my hands clean, using antibacterial soap, changing my dressings, and not overdoing it with activity.
The low grade fever I had for the first two days is gone and my pain is moderate and well-controlled with Tylenol.
I haven't experienced any emotional crashes (yet!). I feel really good about my decision and my body already feels lighter. My neck and back don't hurt at all, and they used to bother me constantly. My doctor thinks that I'll be a full A cup once everything has fallen into place, and I'm perfectly happy with this. I'm going to take full advantage of having small boobs! I can't wait to wear light colored tees and sports bras. I'm excited to see how it feels to do PIlates and to run without implants. I wish I had this done years ago.
I know the pictures look scary, but I feel great. I'll keep posting my progress because I think I'm going to heal really well and it might be encouraging to others if they see how you can go from where I am today to hopefully a really nice outcome. xoxo
Updated on 15 Sep 2017:
I'm adding a few more views. My breasts have always been far apart so they are in their natural place on my chest. I would love to have closer set breasts but I'm happy with what I have :-)
I have months and months of healing ahead so I'm trying to see past the gory incisions and imagine them healed and happy. xo
Updated on 18 Sep 2017:
I've continued to improve everyday. I have virtually no pain in my breasts and don't even need Tylenol. My energy levels are pretty low and I'm not sure why I haven't bounced back a little more than this. I just feel like sleeping all the time. Not sure if this is normal, but I'm not overthinking it.
Posting a few pics that I managed to take today. They look so much better than just a few days ago :-)
xo
Updated on 22 Sep 2017:
I thought I would update today since I'm feeling so much better than the last update. I had been really run down since the surgery, but I turned the corner yesterday and I feel like a new person. I have my energy back, and I'm feeling as good or better than before my surgery.
I went from a 32D to what is probably a 32A, and I cannot believe how much I love having small breasts again. I hated them when I was younger, and like many of you who have told your stories on here, growing up I was teased by boys at school about my "flat" chest. It was so traumatic, and I internalized this really distorted view of my body for years. Ultimately, that led to me getting implants. I hated them almost as soon as I awoke from surgery. They always hurt (even twenty years later), they looked fake, they felt terrible and had ripples all over them, and they destroyed nearly all of my nipple sensation. Why I endured them for over twenty years is a question I'll have to tackle another time. What I know is this: I am so grateful to be rid of those heavy, uncomfortable bags. I am so grateful that, at least at this point, I have healthy breast tissue and I was able to get rid of those implants and have enough breast tissue left to have lovely little perky breasts that are all my own. I have so many friends and family members who have breast cancer and who do not have this choice. For them, implants are their only option if they want to have breasts at all. And I've seen some of their reconstruction and it's beautiful, so thank heavens for implants and reconstruction, but I'm just so glad that I could get rid of mine.
I've posted a few pics from today that show my slow but steady improvement. The incision lines look bad but that's just the dermabond glue, some dried blood, some pen markings from the surgeon.
Updated on 9 Oct 2017:
Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks since my explant and breast lift. I cannot believe how much better I feel. I expected to "return to myself" as I recovered from the surgery and anesthesia. What I didn't expect was the release from chronic breast, neck, and back pain that I had been enduring for several years.
I don't know how to explain it, but I don't have the constant awareness of my breasts. Because they are no longer in pain, I don't sense them and feel them. They are just there like any other part of my body. It's incredibly liberating. Even my ribs used to hurt when I would lie on my back at night. That pain is gone. And keep in mind, my implants were large, but not excessively. They were 300cc.
Mentally, I feel sharper. My energy levels have exceeded what they've been for the past five or six years.
I have suffered from chronic sinusitis for the past few years, and I don't expect that to go away, but who knows. My immune system is bound to be at least somewhat improved given that I am sleeping better and am mentally and emotionally healthier.
I posted some updated pics. My body looks like my own again. I think the best way to sum up my feelings is that I feel at peace.