PIPs Coming out and Not Being Replaced, but Worried About Asymmetry and Uplift :-( - United Kingdom, GB

Hi everyone

This site has been a godsend! I've stuck by head in the sand since discovering I had PIPs at the beginning of the year, but am slowly gaining the awareness and courage to think about explantation without replacement.

Since puberty I've had quite significantly lopsided breasts, and felt horribly self-conscious and ashamed. However, growing up I was desperate to have breasts, and was delighted when I went from flat-as-a-pancake to having nice sized breasts at around 16-17 (finally!). However, they never caught up with each other, and remained lopsided by a cup size difference.

Unfortunately, two cycles of weight gain and loss (around 1.5 to 2 stone (10kgs) each time) seemed to make the problem even more magnified, and by the ripe old age of 25 I had breasts that looked as though they'd fed a village. I'd seen some surgeons for consultation but was very reluctant to get a lollipop or anchor uplift because of the scars. Treating the problem with a combination of implant to balance out the asymmetry and periareolar mastopexy (only cutting in around the nipples) to address the drooping seemed like a dream solution.

I had my first surgery in spring of 2007, and a revision in August because I was very unhappy with the size of my nipples (they becae hugely expanded and I had wide scars around them) but the revision didn't fix them. Since then, I've felt even more self conscious, rather than less, and hated my breasts. Yes they are more balanced size-wise, but they are so ugly, just in a different way! Previously I could always disguise it through bras and even tape - my issue had been how I felt about my breasts when I was naked (and as for bending over, golf balls in socks was how they were then - I was very embarrassed, particularly as in clothes they could look so full).

I had PIP implants over the muscle, 290cc on one side (larger droopier side) and 390cc on the smaller side to fill out the skin. I'm very tall (6feet) so it's not as massive on my frame as it might sound. I appreciate the fullness they've given me at the top of my breast again, but hate how they feel, especially in the bath! - because there's quite a lot of breast tissue around them the implants float and move differently - feels very odd and alien.

I want them out, but am very worried about the next steps. Firstly, I'm terrified of the anaesthetic, which is one of the reasons for delaying doing anything about the PIPs. I have a silly notion in my head that because I attempted to fix something out of vanity, I deserve all the punishment I get, and am terrified of something going wrong in the surgery.

Secondly, I am hoping to start a family within the next year. I initially thought that if I got them out then I should bite the bullet and go for the whole mastopexy, but I'm now worried about pregnancy affecting the scar healing and outcome from that. Should I have them out and then wait a couple of years for pregnancy etc to be done with and then get the uplift? The thought of having another general anaesthetic looming over me terrifies me, especially when I'll (hopefully) be a mum. Part of me would just like it all to be done in one swoop, but I understand there are increased risks with that. I'm wondering if they could at least address the nipple size in the first place, and do the lift later? I'm so sad about the feeling of having my former, lopsided empty breasts, but now even worse with gigantic ugly nipples! :-(

I've also read that a capsulectomy is the best way to guard against any future silicone-related problems, but this of course is more invasive and I think will leave me with less breast tissue, too. Formerly I had quite a good amount of breast tissue inspite of the unevenness (I'd say my smaller side was a D, though I am very very tall so it probably looked more like a B) but now in order to address the asymmetry I'll need the bigger breast reducing to match the smaller one AND the smaller one will now be even smaller after a capsulectomy.

I've been back to my PS who did the original surgery and the hospital is ok to remove and/or replace the PIPs free of charge, but I'm not feeling very confident in my PS now. I asked about capsulectomy and he said that would only be done if there was inflammation or something wrong with the capsule. I will pay for the extra surgery required to do what I need to do, but I'm losing confidence in him - he hurried me out the last time I saw him and I feel like I'm being a pain. I'm also not convinced that he is experienced in capsulectomies en bloc - I remember when I saw him nearly a year ago he spoke about the more challenging scenarios of operating on women with ruptured implants. When I shared my concern this week he replied that he has done 300 removals since then so he knows what he's doing, but I don't think that is 300 capsulectomies since he's subsequently said that they'll only perform these in specific scenarios.

I asked for another scan (I had an ultrasound in January) as I'm having pains in my breasts (though these might be psychosomatic because I'm thinking about them so much?!) and he asked why I wanted to bother if I was having the implants out anyway. I guess I'd just like to know before I go in for surgery what I can expect to happen. I'm also thinking to pay privately for an MRI to be sure. I don't know, I just generally feel not well cared for by this PS - he thinks the best and easiest thing to do is just replace the implants, but I don't want to do that.

A PS in London I made a telephone enquiry with advised me to seek a reconstructive surgeon rather than plastic surgeon, and I have made initial enquiries with a couple of these to try and arrange consultations. I live in Scotland, so trying to fit this in between now and Christmas and then trying to have surgery booked for next month (I have a big window off work and just want these out asap) which seems a bit difficult. I'm still trying to research to find a good surgeon though.

Wow - what a download! Thank you so much for reading.

x