I Finally Have my Surgery Date and NOW I'm Getting Nervous...shut the Front Door

I posted a couple of weeks ago, things are getting close and I'm just waiting for my date. Now I have it, I've read more than I care to mention, watched more videos than I can count and yet today I have a pre-op class and I'm nervous. I'm embarrassed to tell my family and friends I'm doing this because I was the one in control and helping everyone else keep it together. They've all noticed my increased weight gain and my lack of everything in the past year. Why does making this much needed decision somehow says I was defeated by my own lifestyle?

My ex-husband and I are still family, so he's my coach. A personal trainer and nutrition specialist, yet he's watched my struggle for years and is in complete support of something he would have otherwise denounced. I know this is the best thing for me and I understand my quality of life will improve drastically. For that I am excited, but the emotional BS is there today (what about sagging breast, pouch arms). Anyway, so glad I found this group.
Height 5'3"
SW - 230 (heaviest I've even been even pregnant)
Surgery Date -8/27/15

Today I realized I'm less than a week away. I've completely gone to water and a coffee alternative, more protein than I've ever had daily. After 2 weeks of nearly 80 ozs of water daily and walking daily today I have a meltdown. Isopure now gets on my nerves, I almost cried I wanted soda and lemon pepper wings so bad. I craved all things salty and sweet (cycle just ended,so no reason to crave). I drove to the McDonald's drive through then reversed out of the line before ordering and went home. In addition to all my healthy choices, today I ate fritos, M&Ms and a pop tart. It wasn't until I realized I had to actually leave the house to get anymore junk I almost cried. All of a sudden it hit me, I'm nervous again and although I don't think I've ever had an anxiety attack, I think today I was pretty close.

I want to go to the gym, I'm running up and down my stairs, I want to jog and physically almost none of these things are possible (effectively)right now because I'm so out of shape. Also, did I mention the same inner conversations of why did I let it get this far have started again? I'm not sure if this is normal, but I'm reaching out to the group to say HELP! I am a part of a Healthy Living group and all they do is post how they naturally became fit, their determination etc etc. Although their determination and drive is motivating, but it's also very intimidating. Can someone tell me why I'm feeling this way?

Okay, tomorrow is another kitchen sweep of all things not conducive to my health. I will continue my protein and water intake and trust this process. I'm just venting to people I think may understand what I'm going through.

Whew, thanks to my support I'm ok.