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Pre-Op Appointment

There was a mistake in my last entry- I erroneously stated that my pre-op appointment was on Thursday of this week, when it was, in fact, on Wednesday!

I wasn't sure what to expect. I was sent down for 'testing' prior to my appointment, which consisted of blood work, an ECG, and a pregnancy test (I had to pee in a cup).

I had no idea I was getting an ECG, and when the nurse asked me to remove my panty-hose I thought I was going to have to be subject to some sort of vaginal exam. When it became clear that I was not, in fact, going to have any sort of vaginal exam, things only became markedly less uncomfortable to me. On Tuesday night I had begun, but not finished, waxing my legs (my panty-hose were black and opaque, and thus laziness won the battle). So I was left with one waxed leg and one unwaxed leg. Anyone who reads this- you have been forewarned! Wax both legs! At least the nurse got a good laugh out of it.

The actual appointment with my surgeon went okay. She went over possible complications with me once more. I then went over the list of questions that I had prepared for the meeting:

1. What should I bring with me the day of the surgery? (Surgical bra, she also recommended bringing poise pads so that she could show me a cheap way to make dressings?)

2. Will I have drains? (No)

3. When will I be given a prescription for painkillers (The day of)

4. How long will the surgery take and when can I leave the hospital? (Around 2 1/2 hours and by 7pm the day of)

5. What medications should I avoid prior to and after surgery? (Aspirin, Vitamin E)

6. How often do I need to change the dressings?

7. How long after surgery do I have to wait before I can shower? (Within a couple of days)

She said that after surgery I would be around a D or DD as I am starting off rather large. I tried to stress to her that I wanted to be as small as possible, and she wrote this down, so I hope things will work out. I am very afraid that I will be a lot larger than expected. I don't entirely understand saying things like 'D' or 'DD', because they look different on different people according to band-size- a 30D is quite small and I would be fine with that, but I don't think '30D' is what most people imagine when they picture a 'D' cup. I regret not taking in photos with me to demonstrate the approximation of the size I hope to be post-surgery, but I am trying to remind myself at this point that any reduction in size is an improvement- I mean this can't leave me any bigger!

I'm trying very hard not to terrify myself now, as I found I've been ruminating on all the awful circumstances which could arise as a result of the surgery (it didn't help that while I was waiting for my surgeon in the examination room, there was a 'Code Blue' that was broadcast over the speakers). At this point I'm trying to stay focused on the fact that this is quite a routine surgery, and as someone who is young and with no major health problems that there will hopefully be no serious complications. It doesn't help that I have an anxiety disorder, so once I get stuck on one disturbing/frightening/horrific thought it's like my mind is a broken record and I just replay the imagery over and over and over until I can't sleep and it's all I think about during the day.

Apart from all that I have been looking up different reviews for post-surgery bras. I think I am going to purchase the Annette Post Surgery Seamless Bra S-129 as it seems to have very good reviews. My surgeon said that I could do with front-closing sports bras, but I've read about them rubbing against the stitches beneath the breasts and I don't want to chance anything just yet.

I'm going to have to meet with my family doctor to be deemed fit for surgery in the next couple of weeks, and I'll provide a substantial update then. In the meantime, expect more anxious ramblings shortly.

Surgery just under a month from now. It's being...

Surgery just under a month from now. It's being covered by OHIP, so thankfully I'm not paying out of pocket for it. Feeling a mixture of trepidation and excitement at the moment.

My experience is much similar to everyone's I've been reading about on here- I developed early and found myself in a D cup by the age of 13 (although now I suspect I would likely have needed an E as I was wearing a 34 band). I'm now a 30HH and rather at a wit's end about the entire thing. Exercise never helped in reducing my breast size, and the shoulder and back pain has only increased in the last few years. I was already considering a reduction by age twelve (as I was already then a C cup and hypothesized that I would end up a DD- how I wish that was true!), and it feels both strange and unreal to finally be going through with this.

As to the mixture of trepidation and excitement- trepidation because I am terrified of the idea of surgery, terrified of anesthetic, terrified of needles, terrified of hospitals, and terrified of doctors. I'm essentially a giant ball of anxiety and fear, and I am rather worried about what will happen once surgery day has rolled around. I am especially worried about the IV- I just want it all over and done with quickly so I don't have time to mull things over in my head (mulling is the source of many a catastrophisation).

I'm not sure that I need to cover the excitement, as I'm sure that any of you who are reading this must know exactly what I mean. I am excited about wearing button-up dresses, and not having to strain the front of my coats in winter to get them done up. I am excited about lovely summer clothes and having people look me in the eye, rather than the chest when they speak to me. I'm excited at the prospect of going jogging for the first time, and of exercising at my university's gym (something which I have avoided till now for fear of the stares it would accrue). I am excited at the idea of intimacy without the feelings of insecurity and discomfort about my own body, and the fear of what my partner will think of my breasts. I cannot wait for breasts to be a 'non-issue'

My pre-op appointment is this Thursday, and I hope I can adequately assert to my surgeon my hopes for a cup-size. I am rather frightened from reading reviews in which people end up bigger than they wish for. I'm not sure how much they'll be able to remove given that I am so large, but I would much rather be smaller than expected than larger. I have great difficulty speaking to people in positions of authority (hello social anxiety), so I feel a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of talking to my surgeon. I'm going to take in a list of questions with me to try and allay some fears (although, lest I awaken some new ones, I'm not particularly keen to know any gory details of how the surgery will play out).

Until then!

Provider Review

Dr. Marietta Zorn