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She Who Nose One Nose None.-Sydney, AU

So like everyone else who posts reveiws here,...

So like everyone else who posts reveiws here, after years of procrastinating I have finally decided to do this for myself. Until I was 13 years old I was a happy girl, outgoing and with many friends. And then puberty happened.
Whilst puberty does horrible things to everyone most people come out on the other end looking better than during the middle of it. I lucked out however. Not only did my nose outgrow me and form a bump on it, but after years of being excited about one day being able to wear pretty bras and strapless tops I never grew any breasts. Now I'm not talking about all these girls that call themselves flat because they wear a B cup. I don't even fill an A. Where I live, in Australia, it's impossible to find a size 8AA.

Although I feel as though I was cheated out of something during puberty I can live with being petite. I work in the rag trade and the majority of models I know are flat also. But for 5 years through high school I was bullied terribly for my nose. I mean I could not walk down a path between classes without having names called out at me. I spent half of my high school trying to be invisible so no one would notice me and call me names. It wasn't one kid, it was about 15 kids, impossible to avoid them all. I had terrible depression as a teen, I dreaded every day that I had to leave the house. What if I was out in public and one of my bullies saw me?

So 7 years post high school, although I now don't care what any of those kids think or say anymore, I still suffer anxiety in social situations. When I meet new people, how long will it take before they notice my nose? Will they find me unatractive because of that? And how long will it take for them to ask me if I have ever broken my nose? (They always do, and somehow it fells like if I had, that would make my nose acceptable)

I am sick of looking in the mirror, or at profile photographs of myself and having a constant reminder of how horrible that time of my life was. My sense of self worth was so low that I thought of killing myself almost everyday. I am sick of feeling anxious every time I start a new job, meet new friends, or when I am dating.

So after years of torturing myself with these obsurd anxieties I am doing something about it. Not for all the people who look at my nose, because I know that people pay far less attention to me than my vanity would like to think, I am doing it for myself so that I can finally be the confident person I want to be.

So, watch this space...

Just updating with some current pics. You can see...

Just updating with some current pics. You can see how my nose bends to the right due to my deviated septum. I had always thought that my nose was perfectly straight until I started to seriously look at fixing the bump. You can also see how the rest of my facial features are small by compassion. I have my first consult booked with my second surgeon in two weeks which I'm excited about! I've collected lots of reference pics and made a list of questions to ask :)

I had a consult with another surgeon over the...

I had a consult with another surgeon over the weekend.
I felt much more comfortable with Dr Lim than the last surgeon I saw. He answered all of my questions, explained what steps the procedure would involve and had a very realistic idea of my outcome. I did not feel as though he was trying to sell me a dream.
He sat with me as he photoshopped how my nose would most likely look.

I also humoured myself to ask about a BA whilst I was there because, well because I'm paying enough for a consult that I might as well! I tried on some different implant sizes. Wow, it feels so strange to have anything jiggly on my chest. Stuffing your bra really feels nothing like it!

I just want to book in and do it now, but I cannot take the time off work until the end of the year. It's going to be a long 9 months for me :(

It's been a while since I have updated. But I have...

It's been a while since I have updated. But I have not had anything to update about. Waiting is not very interesting.
I finally had the discussion with my Mum. I was soooo stressed out about doing it. I was worried that she would think I was crazy, or be offended by me wanting to change what I was born with. Boy was I wrong!
She was so supportive and understood exactly why I need to do this without me having to explain anything. She even offered to pay for it for me which I was not expecting AT ALL! I realise now that she has seen me struggle with this for as long as I have, and just wants me to be happy and move on.

I had completely forgotten but she told me that when I was in the depth of my depression I wrote her a note explaining why I was so sad and that I wanted to fix my nose. She said that she did not find the note for a few months and then did not know how to bring it up after that. How silly we both feel now!
I think she had been waiting for the past ten years for me to say something. At the same time I had been waiting for ten years, trying to pretend that I did not have a problem. Now I really wish I had done something about my nose a long time ago, instead of hiding all my insecurities.

I'm excited about the possibility of being able to have my surgery in the next month or two instead of waiting till the end of the year, but at the same time I'm wondering if I will feel better if Its something I pay for myself. I feel so much better already, not feeling like I have this big secret weighing on me. Although I still have to tell my co-workers...

Booked!

Wow, so this week it's all been happening! It turns out that the best time for me to take off from work is in the next two months, not the end of the year as I thought it would be. I'm booked in for my surgery on the 9th of July. It's so soon I feel overwhelmed and unprepared mentally. But at the same time I cannot wait! The next seven weeks will go too slowly as well as not slow enough! I've waited ten years for this and now it feels so unreal. Is it really going to happen? Ahhh I'm so excited! I'm anxious about telling the girls I work with though. What if they judge me as being vain and conceited?

12 days and counting

So I am 12 days out from my surgery. For the last 6 weeks I have been violently flinging myself from guild and uncertainty to excitement and anticipation. It might help some of you to learn how I made my decision about whether this was the right choice for me or not. I looked at it from a business perspective using something called the 10/10/10 rule. I imagined how this would effect me ten days from the surgery (I would be a bit sore), ten months from the surgery (hopefully I will still be feeling good about myself and no longer self conscious) and then ten years from now (I will not even be thinking about it anymore). This really helped me to see the bigger picture of my desicion and it does not seem like a huge unreasonable thing anymore.
The wait has been hard. I have been thinking up all sorts of ways to countdown till my surgery. How many pedicures I would give myself, and how many times I would have to take the garbage out. How many phone bills I would have to pay...

My pre-op is three days away and I am feeling good and excited about everything :)

Three days and counting!

Title says it all.
I'm nervous but just ready for it to be over with :s

Ouch!

Ok firstly anyone who says that they went about their life as normal the day after a rhino is a liar liar, pants on fire! Anyone who is thinking of having this done do not base your decision on a 'just because I can' attitude. This HURTS!
I am five days post op and I still need to stay on top of my pain meds. The swelling has gone down by about 70%. Most of the swelling is just under my eyes and on the bridge of my nose. My tip hs not swollen very much at all as I don't think my doc really did too much to it which I'm happy about. Nobody has mentioned this but my teeth hurt. It's a similar pain to having braces (which I used to). My upper lip is quite stiff and I cannot feel the underside of my nose besides the occasional nerve pain near the stitches.
All that aside I LOVE how it looks already! It's exactly what I wanted and Im So glad that I trusted my doc! It looks as though it was always meant to look this way and my partner said he already cannot remember how my old one looked. I am so glad that I did this for myself, I only wish I had done it years ago! I'm adding some very unflattering pics of the swelling on day 1 post op and the swelling today so you can see how quickly it will swell and subside.

I will post again when my cast comes off in two days!

No pain killers today!

So far so good with no pain killers today. My boyfriend thinks I look hilarious when I smile now because my top lip does not move haha. Almost all of my bruising is gone now.

Cast off!

Four weeks post op

I can't even remember how my old nose looked now! I do wish I could blow my nose though. There's a constant feeling of stuffiness and a 'heavy' feeling on my nose. I'm struggling to get to work in the mornings as I have to drive into the glare of the sun but otherwise I'm doing fine! There's some tenderness around the incisions near the bridge still and I can feel the swelling is still hard there.

I was so nervous when the splints were taken out! The first one hurt so badly as it was stuck in there, but then the second one did not hurt at all! To anyone who is recovering or about to have this done, make sure you use your prescribed nose spray regularly as it will help keep the splints clean and free to take out.

I have not posted in a while as I am back at work and super busy!

All in all I would say that this has been a positive experience for me.
Psychologically I am still self conscious about my nose but I think this is just habit and will pass with time. I can't believe I waited so long to do this for myself!

Photo update 5 weeks post op

Just a brief update. My nose is still stuffy and I have a head cold which is making it a bit worse. My nose is STILL peeling like crazy! And I have blackheads galore! But enough complaining! I love how it looks :) there's barely any swelling now and the scar is hardly visible. My mum did not even notice that it was there!
:) worth it!
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