BBL Part 2: Everytime I look in the mirror, I just get pissed
- updated 7 months ago
To first read part 1 of my BBL journey, please...
- 17 Apr 2013
To first read part 1 of my BBL journey, please click here.
Updated on 3 Apr 2013:
I woke up this morning in a haze, feeling completely drained and in pain. The pills just seemed to stop working. I was very quiet and tried not to talk to him but I wanted to see my baby so I went into the guest room. I was so angry from him not checking on me all night or bringing me a drink or anything to eat! I am pissed I had to crawl up the stairs but you know he never apologized for that! He just said "well you told me to leave you alone, so I did". OH RLY! I also asked him multiple times to please get me something to drink!! He just did not give one fuck about it.
He tried to act like nothing was wrong this morning, this is so typical of him. He will spend all night fighting with me until I completely break down and am so drained that I can't move, and then later on he will try and be affectionate like hug me or act like nothing is wrong!!! I do not work like that!!! How do you switch gears that quickly?? I am still mad from last night and he is trying to be all lovey dovey. He is a true Jeckyl and Hyde if I've ever seen one. I mainly just ignored him and gave him one word replies because I can't stand his ass. I still felt like shit and on top of it I've been crying all night so my face and eyes were puffy. I woke up almost every hour on the hour. Sometimes I don't even believe this is my life because it was pretty good before I met him. Now I wake up with dread in my heart and my heart is heavy most days. He is an emotional terrorist, and I can't handle it anymore. I have to walk on egg shells because I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in today.
I laid back down in bed and asked for him to bring the baby in to me so I could lay next to him and see his beautiful face. He tried to ask me if I wanted to watch a movie, I just said no. Then all of a sudden, he was all concerned with when I took my medicine and if I needed anything, this MF. Then he brings me a plate with a sandwich and fruit and a vitamin water. This is exactly the shit he does to me everytime! It makes me feel like a crazy person! I truly feel I will be so much happier and calmer without him in my life, I am so looking forward to him leaving. I just needed him to help me move back to the US and take care of the baby while I recover, I could not do it all alone.
Thank God for Clarice and Tiana!! They served as a sort of buffer so he couldn't act a fool while they were here. It was nice because I felt like I could relax and he couldn't hurt me or cause me any more stress while they were here. It was worth the money just for that. Of course he was a model husband and father while they were here. He is very good at making himself a martyr and making me look like a crazy monster. He is a master at playing the victim. So of course he was all nice and soft spoken and asking me if I need something from the store, and friendly to Clarice and Tiana. I just hate him sometimes. I hope he gets the worst karma in his next relationship and everyone finds out how he really is. I would have left him long ago had I not been stuck overseas in that awful shit hole country.
Anyway, Clarice came over for her last visit (i plan on getting drain tube out tomorrow at post op) and she helped me get my garment off. It was nice just to have a motherly sort of touch around me. It was nice to feel cared for even though I was paying her.
Then Tiana came over, can I just say I love this girl to death. I cannot recommend her any more than 5 stars! If anyone wants her info, here is here website http://thewellnesssanctuaryinc.com/?page_id=190
She is a tiny cute girl with a super sweet and gentle personality. She lugged her huge massage table all the way up the stairs to the master bedroom lol. The table was bigger than her! She is so sweet and very smart, and she will do exactly what you want and cares about your comfort. Her hands felt like magic on me, I have bought a package of 4 massages from her. It is WORTH IT. If you are thinking you don't need it, trust me, you do. At least do one massage and decide after that. Anyway it was nice having them both here with me. It kind of felt like I was hanging out with a cousin and a grandma lol. Clarice was talking Tiana's ear off, it was so funny. Tiana handled it well haha she is very diplomatic. Tiana could hardly get a word in edgewise because Clarice was on a roll! LOL
Tiana was giving me my massage in the bedroom while Clarice was camped out in an armchair in the corner. Then Tiana says check her out. She was pointing at Clarice, snoring away in the armchair, she fell asleep watching Judge joe Brown lol. It was damn funny. But something woke her up and it was like someone recharged her batteries, she was gabbing away 100 miles an hour lol.
I felt great once Tiana was done, but I know I need to continue doing these massages. I still cannot do much of anything, but my arms feel better. Dr. J must have been really aggressive with my sides and lower back area because it is extremely painful and numb in lots of areas. Very tender.
Anyhow, I am trying to avoid the H in any arguments and just remain neutral so no fighting happens. I did have some friends offer for me to stay with them in the DC area for free (they are very nice and have a house) but H didn't like that.
I've been through so much since my last update, I...
- 19 Apr 2013
All I kept telling myself while I was waiting in the station is "don't worry, once we get on the train it will be ok. You can lay down with the baby and relax. It will be ok." Finally the train arrives, early even! Yay! I walked down the track to my sleeper car. I paid $700 for a sleeper car room so I can lay down with the baby and have some privacy---it is a 14 hour ride up to DC. I give my ticket and the guys just look at me and say "oh nobody told you?" I was confused and like "what?" They tried to explain something to me but everything went in slow motion as I stand there on the track, completely exhausted and sweaty, with the baby in the stroller. Apparently there had been a fire in MY sleeper car only and I would NOT be getting a room. I wanted to die!!!! I held back my tears but I felt like collapsing. I HAD TO SIT AND RIDE COACH WITH MY LITTLE BABY FOR 14 HOURS!!!
The conductors and the train employees were cold and unhelpful; I got shown to my seat. This was way worse than a 2 hour plane ride, wtf was I going to do?? I laid the baby across the two seat and kneeled down on the floor beside him and just wept and wept. I cried for several hours that night. I could not control myself. The ride was horrible, the train freezing. I did not eat or drink anything because I did not want to have to go to the bathroom. Who would watch my baby?? I was starving and thirsty and feeling as low as I possibly could get. Kneeling on the floor for hours caused my knees to blow up like balloons and my legs got stiff. I tried to sit on the boppy pillow and it was excruciating!! That made me cry even more and all I could think about was how many fat cells I was killing and how I paid for this surgery for nothing now. The entire ride went like this. Kneeling, laying across the seat on my stomach, crumpled up like a bent tree branch, standing up, trying to lay on my back on the boppy or on my side on the boppy but having to move because the pain and discomfort was unbearable. My innocent sweet little baby was an angel, he must have known. He lay sleeping on the seat all night and only woke for a diaper change or some milk. He was a blessing for me, my darling love. I was in agony and swore I would never forget the discomfort and torture I endured for 14 hours of not being able to rest and being completely exhausted. I slept on my knees in 5-10 minute increments. It was god awful and I thought I would not make it through.
We finally arrived in VA and the cab to take us to the hotel was late. We wait and wait and wait. Once we arrive to the hotel they tell me we cannot check in for 2 or 3 hours!!!!!!!! I wanted to pass out right there and just shook my head because that is just my luck. Once we got to the room, I immediately stripped me and the baby down and scrubbed ourselves in the shower. I laid him down with me in bed and we rest. Finally. The room is spinning and I cannot sleep. I feel like I am still on the train. I am hating my life.
I feel like I ruined any fat I had in my ass and hips from that one train ride. I have been pretty good about not sitting or sleeping on my back but this shit is getting really really really old. I have not had a good night's sleep since before the surgery. I am a side and back sleeper and you can do neither of these things after this surgery.
My ass has gone down about 85%. I am disgusted with this whole process. I am still wearing the garment but I have modified it by cutting holes out for the hips and cutting it to the knees. I need to breathe! Since I was in a hotel in the city for about a week, I did a lot of walking around with the baby, sometimes for hours. I read that this can also be detrimental to the fat cells (I did not know this) but I was tired of doing nothing. What pissed me off and angered me the most was all of the restaurants I could not partake in, movies I cannot go watch, cars I cannot drive, and breaks I cannot take. I felt like the walking dead, destined to roam the earth with no rest at all, never stopping. This surgery is bullshit I do not know how some girls are managing to avoid all sitting and normalcy for 6 weeks!! Lunacy!!
Now I am finally in my apartment with the baby (this was another nightmare I will not tell you about simply because I am tired of typing), I just got internet hooked up today. It has been horrible being alone here with no phone or way to contact anyone. Very lonely. This was husband's fault because he did not sign the lease when the realtor asked him to so she canceled my cable installation. This snowballed into me waiting 2 days after that to have internet and cable and a phone. I am beyond angry. I almost ran out of wipes for the baby, got my period and had nothing for it, and I had no food in the house. Things are ok now, thank God. I do not know how I am managing any of this, I feel like I am outside of my own body looking down and watching this madness that is my life .
I know you all want to see photos of my butt. I will post some soon. Dr. J did great lipo around my waist and back area, and he took care of my bra rolls pretty well. My inner thighs and arms I am unhappy with. I felt he could have done much more and it didn't make much difference. I am still full of scar tissue and very tight. This surgery is a serious commitment and requires you to have no life whatsoever for about a month and a half. Who can honestly do this?
Feeling ok today. The swelling is going down, I...
- 22 Apr 2013
Overall when I look at my old pics, I do like my body more now than I did before. However, my hips keep shrinking and so does my ass. But I no longer have that Spongebob Squarepants shape--I'm not square anymore! So for that, I am thankful. I still am sleeping on my stomach and not sitting down after all the damage I caused during the move and the train incident. Damn, that sucked.
I really miss sitting down and being able to relax. I cannot get a good night's sleep and the baby hogs the bed so I'm even more uncomfortable lol. But that's ok I love him and he's allowed to do that! I miss sleeping on my back and side. I am currently 24 days out. I read a lot of girls complaining that their butts are hard and tight. My butt is softening up and if I move too fast or step into the shower, I can feel it bounce, so I am not having any issues there thank God. It is coming along nicely in that respect, no necrosis as far as I can detect.
I stopped eating healthy in Georgia. Since I've been back in the DC area, I've been eating out and eating whenever I can. Some very good friends of mine came by and brought me stuff for the baby and groceries, but none of the food included salad lol. Mostly pasta, cereal, hot dogs, cold cuts, lots of bread, crackers, cheese, etc. They did get me fruit lol. It is really nice to eat American food again! I am enjoying it soooo much! Everything tastes so damn delicious! I have been eating whatever and I am just too stressed and too much to worry about to concern myself with this right now. However, once things settle down (knock on wood) I will resume a healthy diet and be more mindful of my eating habits.
I am sick of looking at these steri-strips, but Dr. J says DO NOT remove them and let them fall off on their own. This is important for keeping the scar as minimal as possible and letting your body heal naturally. One fell of yesterday and it was so black and dirty and old I thought it was a bug on the floor lol.
I cannot fit into any of my damn pants except for sweats and one pair of jeggings that I own. The brown pants in the photo do not pull up all the way over my ass and I cannot zip them. I'm ok with that though. Sorry I do not have more sexy photos of me in dresses and lingerie but I had to only pack the essentials during this horrible move, and nothing pretty or sexy was included. :(
I will continue to post and update. Please feel free to continue contacting me and asking me any questions you have.
I want to send a special THANK YOU to all the ladies out there that have contacted me to give me comfort, support and kind words. It was and is very touching. This has been a very hard road and being alone here with the baby and adjusting to all of this change and stress has been extremely difficult. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it all the way here from across the world. I must have a guardian angel because it's a miracle I didn't end up in the hospital or injure myself. Someone must love and care for my baby to keep me safe so I can keep him safe and protect him.
I have been desperate to find someone in this area...
- 23 Apr 2013
After tossing and turning all night last night,...
- 24 Apr 2013
I'm just exhausted. I stayed up until 2 am this morning working on my final exam. I'm living off of coffee, otherwise I cannot make it through the day. I have another long paper to write tonight and then this is the last day of class before I start a new class tomorrow. Ugh.
I sit on the toilet but I lean forward on my thighs to alleviate any pressure on my butt. My butt does touch the toilet seat but it's barely any pressure at all. I am still in the same damn tore up garment that Dr. J gave me and I have been wearing for almost a month straight now! I ordered a squeem waist cincher that should be coming soon and I will wear that alone by itself. I am tired of this thong riding up my ass and the straps on this garment digging into my shoulders. Also I am SICK SICK SICK of walking around and not sitting down! I wander around my apartment all day like a damn zombie, just moving and moving, like a shark, but never resting. I do not understand you ladies out there that are looking to do round 2!!! WTF!? I do not see how this is possible ladies! You are loca!
I do not know how much longer I can do this. I keep trying to hold out from sitting and laying on my butt because I have no excuse to sit. I am not working right now so it's just a question of sheer willpower to not sit! I will admit it does not feel good to sit or lay on my back or sides. It feels uncomfortable and kind of hurts. Everyone's reviews I read seem like they are sailing through this recovery and it's not that bad. I feel like some sort of weirdo because I am SO miserable!
Another steri-strip came off today. I found another bug lol. I am glad they are slowly coming off but I don't like what I am finding underneath. I look so beat up, so many marks and scars now. The drain hole is so deep, the scab is still there from when the drain was removed. I am afraid to see how bad the scar will be once the scab falls off. Geez ladies you'd think they could make this surgery quicker, easier, and less traumatizing.
I also ordered a few garments from classicshapewear.com, and I will post pics of these once they arrive. Ladies if you have not seen this website, check it out, they have a really great selection, I'm not kidding.
If anyone has any tips or tricks to help get through this recovery or manage scars, etc. please let me know. I'm open to every suggestion!
I just got the Squeem "Perfect Waist" in the...
- 25 Apr 2013
I can finally bend down to tie my shoes and shave...
- 27 Apr 2013
The photos have pics of me wearing the Squeem in a size Medium, on the second row of hooks. I thought I could do the 2nd row already and I was right. I might be needing a small next month (that's if I don't eat like a pig with all this great American food!).
Anyway, I posted some new photos of myself, I tried to be as experimental as possible but ladies I didn't bring a suitcase full of lingerie when I came back to the states, it's just my undies, nothing fancy. I am on day 29 post op.
Things are sad with the husband. He is back in the Middle East and we barely communicate. I was hoping he'd show me some outpouring of love and affection and write me a letter to tell me he's sorry and how much he wants me in his life, but no. Nothing.
We had a phone conversation last week and he made me so angry I hung up on him and then sent him a nasty message on facebook telling him I am glad we are not in the Middle East anymore with him and I think he is the worst person I know. I also begged him for a divorce and told him I hated him!!!! I was so upset because he says on the phone "what do I need to change?" LIKE WHHHHHAAAAT????! So I guess it's ALL ME, then? I'm the crazy one and you are perfect??! I just couldn't handle it, I saw red and he never even tried to clear up any confusion about it!
I have Skyped with him once just so I could put the baby on and he could see the baby. When he tried to make small talk I told him I wasn't interested. He barely communicates with me. I will send him an email and he might not respond for days. I feel he doesn't love me and is probably sticking his dick in everything he can. Meanwhile, I'm not fooling around with anyone. I AM lonely though and wish things were different. I wish he would change! I want to have my family and keep it together but how can I with a person who doesn't feel remorse for anything and blames me for all our problems? :(( I feel very alone and lonely being here with the baby and no car or job (yet). It kind of sucks. I keep hoping and wishing for husband to change or show me somehow he cares but not really. He doesn't even want to make the effort because I am leaving him, so in his eyes what is the point?
P.S. Forgot to mention that tonight is my first...
- 27 Apr 2013
So the girl shows up and she does a bang-up job....
- 27 Apr 2013
ALSO, some people aren't bothering to read through my whole review and I am being asked the same questions.
I did post all this info in my review, but here it is again:
875 cc's in each cheek
300 cc's in each hip
4900 cc's out
I got inner thigh, bra roll, and arms lipoed. I do not recommend inner thigh and arms because I feel ripped off. He only lipoed just my tricep area ( I thought I was getting the whole upper arm) and on the inside of my thighs, he only went down about 2 or 3 inches from my crotch (again, thought I was getting the entire inner thigh). BUT, I have to say, the swelling between my thighs is starting to go down and I am getting that sexy little "diamond" between my coochie and my thighs--you ladies know what I'm talking about? If I bent over you could shine a flashlight between my thighs, and only a diamond shaped light would come out the other side. Me likey...:)
I slept on my sides for the first time last night....
- 1 May 2013
Sleeping with the baby is even harder, because he is flipping over, going upside down and sliding and crawling all over the bed. I am constantly having to keep track of him and I still get no sleep. He was having gas pains last night so I didn't start writing my paper for school until after midnight. *sigh* Writing a paper for 4 hours on my stomach is so painful, I curse this damn recovery. Damn it to hell!
I tried sitting yesterday and today and the outcome is the same--it hurts and it is damn uncomfortable. My ass feels like it's made of bubble wrap and any pressure will explode it or it will burst open and fat will go flying everywhere! I'm pissed. Everyday I'm just pissed. And my ass seems smaller and my hips are disappearing. The dent in my left hip (see my before pics) is reappearing and I am not liking it! I am starting to panic because it will probably come back in full swing unless I gain like 20 pounds of fat just to keep myself plump. NOT WORTH $14K!!!! Maybe the prices that Yily is charging is fair for this surgery, but Jimerson is highway robbery!! This surgery is a joke, it's all a crap shoot, it's a gamble! You might win and you might lose--who knows! If you are going to pay $14K, it better be a guarantee, but it's not, so GTFOH!
I put my finger in my drain hole last night while I was in the shower. Let me rephrase that: I touched my drain hole last night, and to my horror, there is a palpable dent there! Like a divot on a golf ball that will never go away! There is still a scab there but once it falls off, the crater will surely stay. Goddammit. I did not notice that before and maybe it's not a big deal but it is to me. All of these scars and hardly nothing to show for it! That's like going through pregnancy for the whole 9 months--getting fat, stretch marks, etc. and then no baby at the end! Lunacy!
Anyway I'm just pissed everytime I look in the mirror. My results are ok but NOT what I paid for and not what I wanted. I asked for drastic results, not barely noticeable results. I feel like this surgery is a joke. And now I'm out 14k for a slightly curvier body and butt. Dammit, I'm just so disappointed.
If you are considering arm or thigh lipo from Dr. Jimerson I really wouldn't recommend it unless you have money to burn. He does a VERY SMALL portion of your thighs and arms, so it's barely noticeable. My thighs are more obvious than my arms because they are still swollen but I have that diamond between my upper thighs which is sexy, but still, a total disappointment. Just needed to vent.
A good friend of mine invited me out this weekend to go to brunch. They will be picking me and the baby up in their car and driving about 25 minutes to a nice restaurant. This will be my first time sitting down in a car and first time sitting down to eat. I will be 5 weeks and 2 days post op. Do you ladies think this is OK???
I'm pretty depressed. I starting sleeping on my...
- 3 May 2013
I managed a deal with the lypossage therapist. $100/session for 6 weeks. She will be coming once a week for the next 6 weeks. I wish I could afford to have her 2x a week because I feel absolutely incredible once she's finished. It actually makes a difference. First massage in the package is tomorrow night. Counting down the hours.
I am going out to dinner tonight for the first time. I am scared I won't be able to make it through due to pain and discomfort but I am SICK SICK SICK of not being able to sit down or do anything!! WHY do I still feel uncomfortable after 5 weeks? My ass feels full and does not really give when I try to sit. It feels too full (but it doesn't look it!!). I really want to have dinner and sit down and relax. I regret this surgery, when does the fucking recovery period end already!!? This is ridiculous!
Once again, you ladies going for round 2 are CA-RAZY!
Yeah, I was originally set on going down to FL but then I saw Jimerson's work on Realself and he is freaking awesome! I want a big bubble butt and what better than a young black man (instead of a crusty old white man that doesn't know what a booty is supposed to look like) to do it! :)