Fed Up with Being Fat and Ready to Get My Life Back! Sonoma, CA

The process has taken about a year and has been an incredibly long journey but has been totally worth it and an eye opening experience in regard to my relationship with food. I would definitely recommend everyone do research on the best procedure for you. I was originally sold on gastric bypass but after switching to a surgeon that only performs the sleeve, I am glad I have made this decision as the complications are much lower as well as the risks. I will also have the procedure done with 2 surgeons, so it will only take 45 minutes, an overnight stay in the hospital to recover and 1-2 weeks of down time. While it is not a Center of Excellence, I feel very confident with my surgeon and the hospital where it will be performed.

I. Am. A. Wreck. I am on edge about surgery coming up and making sure everything is prepared at home. Slightly irritated because the doctor's office forgot to ask for blood type and antibodies to be done (in case a transfusion is needed) with the 20 other tubes of blood they took. The nurse navigator is going to ask the lab to run the test with the blood they do have, otherwise they will do it the morning of the surgery and if any antibodies are present they have to cancel the surgery. Nothing about this has been easy whatsoever. Had my pre-op with the nurse navigator who is on top of it and took my history down so the nurses know how to take care of me post-op and took me through the whole process and timeline. So to calm my nerves, my husband purchased a spa day for me to ease some of this tension. Hunger is way down and I am sure it is due to being on the liquid diet and being all worked up over this surgery. Definitely chugging as much water as I can now since I won't be able to drink water like that anymore and I love my water. I'll update as I get closer to the day of surgery.

So it's about 10 hours before surgery and finding it hard to sleep. My husband went to the 49ers game without me because I couldn't get control of my anxiety the night before and knew I wouldn't enjoy myself. today My mom came down to stay with me tonight and spent some time with me today which helped a lot.

I went to mass this morning and had my priest anoint me with oil and bless me for surgery. The last 2 nights have been very hard, filling out the advanced directive with my husband on Friday night and then Saturday night just losing control of my emotions. Emotionally, this is the hardest thing I have been through and I am trying my best to cope with all of this.

I posted what I am doing on Facebook and received and outpouring of support. A few people even privately messaged me and offered their story with bariatric surgery and I had no idea they went through it themselves. It's been comforting to know other people have done so well that are closely acquainted.

My appetite has been obsolete the last few days, and I ate close to nothing today because I am all nerves. Normally, my eating behavior would have been to run for food, but with this liquid diet the past 2 weeks and then cleanse 4 weeks prior to that I am been very aware of that behavior and made a conscious effort to keep busy with other things or drink my water.

I am excited but my fear of the unknown is overshadowing all of that. I don't want to die, I am too young for that and I still have so much life to live. This might sound overdramatic to some but these are the thoughts that have been running through my head the past 72 hours and I am having trouble putting that out of my mind and staying positive.

I wish I had better prepared myself mentally and emotionally for this surgery. I have done everything else well, and now that I am at the 11th hour, looking back I wish I had spent more time on dealing with my fears and getting the tools to overcome my anxiety. If I could give anyone advice about this, I would strongly recommend seeking counseling or a support group pre-op. Everyone telling me "you'll be fine, everything is going to be ok" has not given me any sense of peace.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'll be updating hopefully sometime tomorrow post-op.

Love and peace to you all.