Can't believe it's almost been a year. [310 ccs sientra anatomic textured silicone (5'4'' 128 lbs, 28 yrs, no kids)]

I recently lost weight and the only thing I miss...

I recently lost weight and the only thing I miss about those 20 pounds is my boobs. Like so many women on here I started waiting for my breasts to come in at the age of 12...and kept waiting. When I was heavier I had cleavage if I tried, but now I have nothing.

I have done an intense amount of research and I have tentatively decided on Allergan Natrelle 410 "gummy bear" or "highly cohesive" implants. I am trying to figure out the right size but my main consideration is that they look natural and that they do as little damage as possible to my body long term. I am considering anywhere from 220ccs to 330ccs.

Some of my main worries are 1. being able to breastfeed later because I haven't had kids yet 2. being able to forget they are there and just feel like they are a part of me (has anyone on here had trouble with this even after they are fully healed? I'd love to hear it).

A couple other worries: I am afraid to tell my mom because I'm afraid she will judge me and disapprove of the money spent and what it "represents." It seems unfair that women who have great breasts (my mom has full, natural Cs that stayed perky after childbirth) should judge. Then again, maybe she would be understanding. My other fear is really wacky...because I know how much my boyfriend will like them, I sometimes worry that part of me finds that too persuasive. I have a lot of philosophical worries in that area. But when I think about it clearly I know that I'd be doing it for me...because I want to look sexy and look like my "best."

Anyways just wanted to go ahead and start telling my story. I'd LOVE to hear from other women who are getting or who already have Natrelle 410s.

I have a consultation set up in a few weeks. Will post more after that!

Have been looking at so many pictures of boobs...

Have been looking at so many pictures of boobs online...ahhh! My consultation is in two weeks, in LA. The doctor is known for being super conservative which is good because I don't want to look "big." I don't want anyone to be able to tell I've gotten them. I'm thinking 230ccs, max 330. I'm really excited to get the Natrelle 410s, cohesive anatomical implants. Apparently they have a lower rate of capsular contracture, they look more natural, and they're the most popular in Europe!

Post Consultation. Excitement + Anxiety Setting in...I made a surgery date

Arrived at the consultation to find a very discreet, almost hidden office. It was beautiful with a white rose flower arrangement and a nice selection of free beverages. Given the $100 consult fee, I took an iced coffee and a Fiji water! :)

Met the doctor--he was great. But I think I might have freaked him out a bit with all my questions and the fact that I've done as much research as possible...I'm a law student what can I say, I took it to the next level. By the time I dropped the words "fourth intercostal nerve" and asked him to give me medical detail about how he minimizes bleeding, I think he was like my god, this one is going to be a handful.

I was really disappointed that they didn't tell me that the 3d imaging wasn't available, and also they only had one sample implant of the two sizes for me to try--I would have liked to have two (I mean who can visualize with just one boob?). Also I wanted to see more variety in the sizes that I could try on.

The doctor took my measurements and without hesitation proclaimed that 320cc was his recommendation. I was shocked and taken aback, honestly, because I had in my mind that in no circumstance should I go over 300. Right now I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it and it's causing me a lot of anxiety. I feel like I need to know more about WHY he thinks I need that size. He said I have a wide ribcage and wide breasts (12mm I think). So maybe that's it. Bottom line I need to meet with him again before surgery (Set for Sept. 10!! omg!!).

He also said 280 would be ok...I'm just so uncertain. I want them to look full and beautiful, but I don't want to feel too heavy or chesty. I don't want to be bulky or obvious. But I do want cleavage. Ahhh it is such a hard decision. Also we had a debate about the merits of MM vs. FM. I really think FM (full height) is prettier from most of the pictures I've seen. But he initially recommended MM for me. But then I said I like FM and he immediately switched and said I should go FM and that I have the same "aesthetic" as him. Ummm ok. F*ck. Don't know what to do ladies!

Think I'm going to try to set up at least one more consultation, perhaps locally here in Utah or maybe in Colorado. It's just so hard to find doctors who are on my wavelength and understand that I want subtle and natural, not big and round.

xx

Thinking and Obsessing

Having been thinking about this obsessively since the consultation. I am now thinking that MM might be the way to go. Have been perusing "natural boobs" tumblrs to see what actual nice, natural boobs look like. Turns out they're usually pretty pointy and they don't usually hang high up on the chest. (go figure). I'm thinking Moderate height will give me that natural chest look but with the fullness and cleavage I'm missing.

posting a new "wish" pic

Natural looking 300 CCs, two more months to go + Changed My Mind Again

Continue to obsess and do copious amounts of research. I had read more medical articles than the last doctor I consulted with. I'm amazing that it is so hard to find surgeons in Utah who use modern techniques like direct vision, exclusive electrocautery pocket creation and minimal tissue trauma. I did find a surgeon who I love so I think I'm going to do it here instead of going all the way to Santa Monica! Plus I save $2000.

I've basically decided against the 410s at this point. I became convinced that they might be a tradeoff in terms of how they feel--they are very firm, and my concern is that they will never feel like a "part of me." Also I love to lie on my stomach and so I want a squishier implant to make that feel as normal as possible.

To that end I've now decided to get the Sientra anatomical classic base. I think the 310 size will be right for me but I'm concerned because it has a width of 11.5 whereas my bwd is 12.5. Yet the 350, which would match my bwd, just seemed too big and bulky when I held it and tried it on at the Doctor's office. I don't want to be carrying around 700 total CCs of silicone inside my for the rest of my life. 620 seems much more do-able. :) Certainly it's less heavy. The bwd thing is obsessively worrying me though. I do not understand why sientra has such a tiny range of size options. I mean, can't they just manufacture more options? Natrelle has SOO many. sigh.

I want to just do the surgery tomorrow but unfortunately I have to wait as my surgeon is getting surgery, and I have other committments in the meantime.

Posting two more pics, one before and one with rice sizers of 300cc.

Any thoughts on the anatomical Sientra implant greatly appreciated.

Found my Doctor! Now to Schedule the Surgery!

Found my doctor! And I"m going to save $1,000. He said he's doing "sedation" rather than general anesthesia. Does anyone know anything about that?

I decided on the classic base, 310 cc sientra anatomical implant. the 350 looked good too but I want to err on the side of too small rather than too big. My new doc totally understood and made me immediately love him by saying "yep, you can always make small breasts look bigger but you can't make large ones look smaller." We're on the same page! yay! I also LOVED the vectra imaging. I feel so much better about it, not scared that I'll come out looking like a porn star. I think I want to schedule the surgery for the end of this month because I'm so eager, even though a better time would probably be September. But I don't want to wait!

side view - vectra 3d

to any women who did vectra 3d beforehand-- was it accurate?

set my surgery date officially.

made my deposit - $250. wanted to do the surgery earlier but i have a wedding to go to and it would have only been 9 days post op so I decided not to risk it. September 10th. eek. I'm pretty nervous. I know I'm going to be glad I got them but honestly I am a really really anxious person and i'm not looking forward to the waiting and the surgery day. I'm going to freak out, I just know it. I've had my ups and downs these past 8 months as I researched the BA. Sometimes I wondered if it was the right choice. There are so many social pressures on us, and it's hard to sort through everything. At the end of the day, though, I know I have always wished for bigger breasts and I know I'm going to feel (even more) sexy and beautiful once I have them. I can't deny that I have a lot of insecurities but I'm in a more confident and self-assured place than I've ever been in, so I believe it's the right time. Ugh - I hope this process goes well!!!
xx

Surgery Date Debate

So I really need help from any of you who have entered boobieland. (ok i kind of hate that phrase but you know what I mean). I am a bridesmaid on September 7th and I really want to look like my 'new' self in the millions of wedding pics. My bridesmaid dress doesnt even fit in the chest right now, there's tons of extra room (story of my life). Anyways I need to know-- do you think i'll feel ok 9-12 days post op?? I am considering doing the surgery August 27th because they can get me in and I'd rather do it sooner. But obviously i'm going to want to dance and drink alcohol on day 12 so.... what do you think? I'd love to hear from other women who got 300cc and below, because I think the recovery is easier (less pain). Thanks soooooo much for any responses.

freaking out-- anxious-- what if I'm making a mistake?

Dear Ladies,

I've been kind of freaking out ever since I put down my $250 deposit to secure my surgery date of September 10th. I've been thinking about this seriously for 8 months. I know I've always been dissatisfied with my breasts, I know I hate their shape, so why am I suddenly so uncertain? I wake up at night just filled with uncertainty and dread... like what if I hate them? What if they feel weird and I never get used to them? Change is so scary. I mean, I've had these tiny boobs since I was 15 years old...they've always been good to me. Why do I want to make them different? I'm so afraid of people judging me, especially my family. I want to just forget about what 'other people think' and do what I WANT; but yet it's tormenting me to think that my family will disapprove of the new look, think i'm vain/superficial or think I wasted money. I'm also afraid that everyone will think my boyfriend pressured me to do it. I mean, I know he will like them a lot, but that's not WHY I'm doing it. Of course I want him to enjoy my appearance, but I know he loves me the way I am. Even if we break up one day after surgery I'll be happy I got them (won't I??).

I think it boils down to my greatest fear is 1. I won't like myself with bigger boobs, they will be annoying or uncomfortable and 2. people will judge me and look down on me.

:(

Feeling Better

So I'm not freaking out any more. I think I was just hard-core PMS-ing which makes me question literally everything in my life; I become an insecure mess. Honestly I'm so afraid to tell my mom. I'm not looking forward to her being disappointed in me or shocked or something. Ugh. I've decided to wait until after it's done, because I don't want to feel any more nervous about it before the surgery. All that anxiety aside, I'm really looking forward to the new breasts. I had a dream where I was loving them; I took it as a good sign.

My boyfriend is being so supportive. He makes sure I know that he doesn't care whether I get them or not. His eyes do have a certain excited glimmer in them when I talk about the new size though. I know he's going to like it a lot. That's not why I'm getting them, but I like thinking that it will be exciting for both of us.

Oh and he decided to buy me (us) a puppy today. :) I'm in a good mood! t-minus 22 days.

still very back and forth but I'm determined to go forward

I'm still going back and forth, mainly worrying about "what people will think."...over and over again, in my head i'm like "yay boobs...wait, what will people think?" It's ridiculous. I'm going to shut that voice down and just own this thing. If anyone stops loving me or talks shit...well they obviously have bigger problems than hating my boobs so who cares? I love that my surgeon is so sweet--whenever I send him a random email rambling about my size concerns he just calmly responds. I like him a lot, I just hope I can trust him to do a good surgery. Honestly ladies, I just graduated from law school, I'm about to be an attorney, and my mind is filled with everything that can go wrong. Doesn't help that I'm working in medical malpractice right now. lol.

I can't believe it's only 10 days away. We're going to california for a wedding and then the surgery is the day after we get back!! ahh!

pre op tomorrow; feeling such bad jitters and doubts

Please tell me ladies, for some reason this is obsessing me: will I be able to sleep on my stomach after I get the implants? I love lying on my stomach and it's just the way I've always slept. I'm getting freaked out thinking that I won't enjoy it after the implants. I visited the implant removal section of this site...wow, sobering. I was able to distinguish myself and my motives from a bunch of the reviews but it's definitely something to think about. I so admire those women for putting their stories out there (and all of you, too!).

So if anyone's awake and on the 'other side' -- can you tell me; what does it feel like to lie on your stomach with 300 cc silicone implants?

also i think i'm just overthinking everything; but has anyone else fretted about what we're going to do at the age of like, 65? I mean, will I just get them removed? Won't it be weird to be a super perky large busted grandma? My boyfriend just said, why the hell are you worrying about that? you have 35 years to figure that out. I guess so but what can I say, I like to consider all possibilities.

My pre-op is tomorrow, i have so much to ask Dr. Yates. Wish me luck.

OMFG I paid in full. It's happening in a week!

Decided on the sientra classic base anatomical implant, size 310cc (width 11.5). I had them order the round moderate plus silicone gel 275cc also, just in case I change my mind between now and then. But I think the sientra is going to be the best look for me. AHHHH I'm so excited. Somehow making the decision completely has made me feel so much calmer.

nightmares

so here I am at this wedding in California, knowing that i'm getting the surgery in only 4 days. I'm feeling so much calmer than I was, and I know this is the right thing for me. Also I'm just incredibly excited about it.

However, I did have some crazy boob nightmares last night. In one of them, the doctor had put two implants in each of my breasts. I was looking at them in the mirror, horrified...I could move them around and they were huge. (weird part; I liked the size even as I was freaked out and upset that there were four total...haha). Then suddenly one of the implants plunged down into my stomach area when I raised my arm...I was looking at it like what. the. hell. So weird!! I think my brain is trying to work out the idea that in 4 days I'm going to have a different looking body. It's actually really surreal when I think about it. If I think too much about it I can start to freak myself out again. So my current goal is to just relax, not think about everything, and just move forward toward my B-day (boob day).

It's tomorrow

I'm feeling very worried but so excited. Have not been sleeping well and have had lots of nightmares. Just had a mini freakout where I explained to my boyfriend all the reasons I might have picked the wrong surgeon. But rationally I know my surgeon is great. It's just the nerves talking. God I hope I picked the right size and that my recovery goes ok. I'm supposed to be there by 7:45 for an 830 surgery; nothing to eat after midnight. Will post an update after the surgery. Thanks everyone for your support.

It went well they said!

Bit loopy. Driving home, some pain. I looked down and ladies---I have freaking breasts!! I was freaking out before, and being on the operating table was so scary before they knocked me out. Then I woke up shivering. Longer story and pics to come!!

Well I'm in some pain but hopefully the percocet kicks in. It wasn't bad at first but it's been increasing

The pain feels like a charliehorse to the chest. I'd say i'm at a 5-6 right now, very manageable. I am able to raise my arms above my head and do rowing motions like they told me. They look pretty big to me right now but I love the shape already. I am kind of shocked to see myself with boobs. It's so crazy. By the way, this dumb site wouldn't let me change it for some reason but my doctor was actually Dr. York Yates in Salt Lake City. Everyone was AMAZING, from the nurses to the anesthetist to, of course, Dr. Yates. He has this amazing calm energy and quiet confidence that is so great. I thanked him afterwards. When I woke up I was so out of it. I started asking the nurse weird questions and being kind of saucy. Like she said "it went really really well." and I was like "do you say that to everyone?". Haha. I don't remember that but my boyfriend told me I said that. Then I randomly burst into tears for no reason at all. About 3 minutes later I just stopped crying. I felt a little dizzy but not nauseous at all.

Some basics:
1. I went with the SIENTRA Classic Base, shaped anatomical implant at 310ccs. This implant is 11.5 cm wide and 12.5 tall. It is textured.
2. I had IV sedation plus local numbing at the site. I do not remember a thing and it was nice being totally numbed when I woke up. Although it did kind of hurt my arm as the anesthesia was being put it, but no big deal at all.
3. The hardest part was when I was in the patient room waiting, before the valium kicked in. I'm so anxious and when I get like that I go into panic mode and I even started breathing heavy and tearing up. The other hardest part was going into the OR. It's so scary looking in there. I had to lie down and they were telling me everything they were doing and I was just so scared. They could tell I was scared and had to tell me to take deep breaths.
4. Now I am sitting upright in bed. The pain has steadily increased since I left the surgery facility. However honestly just this minute i started to feel better and my eyes are losing focus; I think the percocet is really kicking in.

That's all for now. here's some pics.

Cuddle buddy, extremely attentive boyfriend, and pain subsiding

Still feeling the ache in my upper chest muscles. My left breast is totally numb, my right breast and nipple have some feeling. my lower armpit area seems swollen and I think they are pretty swollen right now. Not totally loving my first view of the incision (what's with the dark red color and other blotches?). But I know it'll get better. They are so extremely firm right now, looking forward to the softening phase. All in all it couldn't have gone any better so far!

SUMMARY OF SURGERY EXPERIENCE (sorry if some is repetitive).
Drove 45 minutes to the the office, was worried we'd be late and miss the surgery. Felt kind of irritated at the boyfriend for no good reason, just angst and nerves. After we arrived I confirmed that I wanted the Sientra 310. went in to a patient room with the nurse. She talked to me, took my blood pressure, asked some questions about allergies and whether I'd eaten. I probably looked totally stricken cause she asked "are you nervous" and i just squeaked out "yes". Then she gave me a valium(5/325) and two anti nausea pills (zofran) when i started getting panicked. Then She went away and I waited with my BF in the exam room for a while, he was just patting my leg and squeezing my shoulders to calm me down. Then the anesthesiologist came in and i immediately thought he seemed great (ok so, being that i'm a JD and have seen some fucked up medical malpractice cases I was watching this guy like a hawk to see if he looked high, or like he's been sampling his own wares...but he was totally lucid.). He asked if I had any questions so I asked him how long he's been doing this type of anesthesia. He said 6 years and 2.5 years with my doctor, so that set me at ease. (Doubt he has a lot of patients come at him hard like that but what can I say, i wanted to know! haha).

Then when he left we waited a while longer (15 mins?) and the doctor came in. He seemed so calm and confident as usual; love that guy. He started marking me with a sharpie and explained how he was going to slightly fix this area of asymmetry in my lower left breast. Note: I was feeling pretty good by this point as the valium had kicked in. While waiting with my boyfriend I even started laughing and joking around.

Valium or not though, when they walked me into the OR I started to freak out. I laid down on the table (lights were shining down on me and i could see all the machines and instruments). I closed my eyes and was just breathing really heavy. As per my usual I think I freaked the doctors out a bit; they're like "are you ok" and i'm muttering "yes" and desperately trying to calm my breathing. Then he put in the IV; it kinda started to hurt up my arm.

The next thing I knew I was lying in another room with my boyfriend beside me. I felt really weird and shaky. See the above post for details. Apparently it took almost exactly 45 minutes from passing out to waking up.

So that was it! Now I'm lying here still, about to take a second valium cause for some reason I haven't slept much.

Here's some new pics without the surgical bra, and also a picture of my lovely cat who purred beside me to make me feel better. :)

side views-- left one looks and feels better

I think the left is dropping and feeling better faster because I'm right handed. THe right one is hurting like a bitch right now and it looks higher. Here's the pics so you can see what i mean.

Morning boob

More like omfg my boons hurt so bad and I just woke up. Boob from hell is a better phrase

Today was so hard

I woke up with the morning boob which was surprising to me, I mean, it was really freaking sore. But after an hour it faded. For some reason I got it into my head that I should get off the percocet as soon as I could, so this morning I took only 800 mg iburprofen and then started doing random shit around the house, including picking vegetables in my garden and (i'm ashamed to admit, even using a shovel to lightly scrape at some dirt in the garden). I also did some vigorous arm circles and other stretches. At about 9:45 am we headed to my post-op appointment. The breasts were looking good, not high or tight, in fact they looked just like the last two "side view" pics I posted yesterday.

Then all hell broke loose. Literally as we were getting back from the appointment (a 45 minute drive from my house); they started hurting really really bad. Especially the left one. We went to walmart and I was going to grab some bras but i started to just get exhausted and just grabbed what i saw and got the f___ out of there. But not before having terrible diahrrea in the bathroom. Which was weird, too, because I thought most girls get constipated after surgery. Bottom line I was feeling really off. So I got home and looked at my breasts and the left one (which had previously been the softer, lower, normal looking one, again see the pics I posted yesterday) suddenly had swollen to a HUGE size. LIke it was SO high and tight, it grew double the size. And it was extremely close to my collarbone, like spongebob squareboob big time. This all happened in the course of about 40 minutes because it looked perfect at my appointment. So naturally I started to freak the F* * * out. I showed my BF and he agreed that it looked much, much different and he was scared too. It didn't make sense to either of us that it would go from normal to massive/high in that amount of time. SO I called the office and they said "text the pics to your doctor". So I did. No immediate response. In total panic mode I demanded that we make the 45minute trip back up to the office. As we're leaving, about to get on the freeway I decide to call the office again. The receptionist nurse is like "oh yeah the doctor said just to watch it and call him if it gets worse." I was not in the state to deal with that. I was just totally getting hysterical and I told her this is NOT NORMAL, it hurts, I'm scared, I feel like something is wrong. Then I started crying and couldn't talk, so I handed the phone to my BF and he basically told them we're coming in. (side note he then later got mad at me for freaking out like that and lectured me that I need to stay calmer which turned into a bit of a fight between us but we resolved it soon enough). But I digress.

So the doctor saw me immediately and agreed that the left breast looked way different and not good. He didn't think it was hematoma but suggested maybe a muscle spasm. He was very calming and sweet so that helped me a lot. I also appreciated that he took me seriously and saw me immediately. He sent me home with instructions to monitor it closely and he even put me on the surgery schedule for tomorrow in case its a hematoma or something drastic. Whew.

So it's been like 7 hours since then and while the left one is still higher and more swollen than it had been initially, i think it's getting better. I feel optimistic that it's going to be ok.

God I know I'm a basket case sometimes but this was such a weird thing...like I was ready to have a high tight breast, but I wasn't expecting it to go from normal looking to high and tight and huge in the space of like 30 minutes. I seriously convinced myself that my breast was about to explode. lol/ugh. But it didn't. Moral of the story--stay calm. don't freak out like I did. I think it's going to be ok but HOLY CRAP today was a hard day.

As soon as I got back from that ordeal I took two percocet, some advil, and passed out. No more avoiding medicine for me--F* * * * the natural method...i'm using these narcotics until I feel better, end of story!!

here's some pics to show you how freaky it got

nerve pain?

did anyone else have shooting pain up the sides and on the bottom of your breasts? It feels like my boob is on fire. I don't want to scare anyone away but i'm at a low point, I did not realize that this experience would hurt so much.

oh yeah, the swollen left breast seems to have resolved

My doctor seems not to be worried about the random swelling that happened of my left breast yesterday. However it is still swollen and bigger but it's hopefully going to resolved soon.

Muscles feeling better, slept a lot today

I realize now I had unrealistic expectations about recovery. It's not just like the boob fairy waves a wand and you wake up with the squishy comfortable tuts of your dreams. Rude awakening aside though I am very happy. The muscles feel good. Right now I'm having these intense fiery singers going up the side of righty. And I maintain a vague fear that something went wrong with lefty after the bizarre swelling yesterday. But the neutral interpretation is, it's early, my nerves are reconnecting, and my body is trying to heal and accommodate these silicone chunks. Can't wait to show then off in some new bras and shirts.

Ps Valium is a lifesaver. I highly recommend demanding it for your post op!!

New pics, end of day 2

Hoping the worst is over. Lots of fiery nerve pain but the muscles are feeling a lot better. Didn't take any Percocet today! Just valium and ibuprofen and some Tylenol. Left is still swollen and higher

no more percocet

I've completely gone off the percocet and I feel like a million (swollen, sore) bucks! That stuff was really making me feel like a zombie. The breasts still feel very hard, and there's swelling near my armpits and even in the sternum area. I massaged the boobs with a bunch of this arnica salve I got at a street fair from a hippie woman who harvested the arnica flowers herself, sustainably, in the rocky mountains. I think it might be helping with the nerve pain. For the past 24 hours the nerve pain has been the worst. It's like that fiery, omigod I cannot move feeling when your leg falls asleep (and not just a little asleep but when it's so asleep it's numb completely until the fiery pain starts). The only other thing I can compare it to is when you've skiied a long day in sub freezing temperatures and you get your toes out of your boots and then your toes are literally on fire with pain as the blood and warmth comes back into them. (any skiers out there know what i mean?).

Some positive news: I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. They look great. I'm not going to be at all sad if they go down a bit in size, but even if they stay this big it'll be ok. Here's a picture.

one more pic

this is actually from yesterday (end of day two). Will post day three pics later today.

New "after" pics

Here's day 3 post op- after pics in the same gap Bralette from before

One more

Another pic, plus shots of the incisions

In an old bra day 4

Trying on an old bra even though I'm not supposed to use underwire...a few seconds can't hurt, right?

Today I felt pretty good. Walked to a street fair. Ran into a work colleague, I swear her eyes darted to my chest a couple times.
Oh well!!!

My main issue is intense shooting pain from my nerves, especially I'm the right breast. It's the worst when I stand up after lying down. It's so bad but I've developed some ways of lessening it- basically I try to slowly stretch that whole side before getting up. It doesn't always work. Right now I'm icing. Oh and I sort of fit into my old 34B bra! Yay! I was so scared of being too big. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up a 34C

New pics

New pics end of day 4

Lesson learned

Do not wake up at 7am and take 800 mg ibuprofen, 500 mg tylenol, and an antibiotic on an empty stomach .

I feel awful, nauseous and belly pain

post op blues?

Dear Women,

I am suddenly just feeling so down. Everyone is going to watch the broncos game and I just don't want to go, i don't want to do anything. I think I thought the pain would be over by now, I guess that was really unrealistic. I just have this aching stabbing pain in both breasts and I can't ignore it. I feel so alone, I

Feeling better

Well my huge ibuprofen on an empty stomach mistake made my whole day hell yesterday- my stomach hurt like crazy, I had acid reflux, nausea, and diahhrea! So glad that's over. My leftie has slowly developed more bruising but my doc says it's ok, that it didn't happen during surgery but after. I think that's reassuring because I was really concerned about finding a surgeon who prioritized a bloodless pocket (it's correlated with lower CC rates). Last night I cried again thinking what have I done?? Not because of how they look- I love the look, but just because I'm a huge baby and I can't stand being in pain.???? I know it's going to get better and today was already an improvement. I've stopped the one uprisen after yesterday's massive error in judgement. Can't say they seem much softer but the nerve zingers are not as bad, ????or I'm more used to them I guess. Went to a half day of work today. Was gonna drive but I went around the block and realized it was not a good idea (I drive a stick shift). Luckily my boyfriend drove me. As I sat through a deposition that was all about nerve pain (weird right), I realized hey I actually have it pretty good. As my best friend said, whenever you feel pain just go look in the mirror cause they look fantastic! Awww thanks! And thanks to all of you who have been supporting me, it's helped me more than you know.

One uprisen?

That was supposed to say "ibuprofen" - autocorrect smh

One week!

Wow can't believe it's been a week. This week was no walk in the park that's for sure. But the morning boob is getting better and there's less pain in general. I'm still taking Tylenol. Only 3 more antibiotic pills to get through (thank god because they're really upsetting my stomach). Here's a pic

Time for the ladies to meet the world!!

No more big t-shirts. Going out on some errands in this. Will report back to let you (pre-op) gals know what it's like.

New pics

Softening some

One more - side boob shot

The bf took this one! I'm loving them, especially now that the pain is mostly gone.

How Do you tell people?

The one remaining dark cloud over me right now is the issue of telling people. I just cannot think of how to do it. How did you ladies tell the friends and family in your life about it? I mean, I don't want to just let them 'notice' and have suspicions and talk amongst themselves. But I also don't want to like, send a mass email "dear friends and family, you may have noticed my boobs are bigger."

Any insight? I haven't told soooo many key people including my entire family, my best friends from childhood, my boyfriend's parents don't know...umm a lot of my current work and school friends. What to do??

Improvements (less pain, softening) + challenges (having a cold, aunt flow)

I am feeling fully functional. Two nights ago I was able to lay on my side for a little while (a big accomplishment because my cuddling abilities have been seriously hampered by always having to be on my back). I've been trying to refrain from picking up things over 10 pounds but I have to admit, I've been doing it a lot (nothing truly heavy but definitely 10-15 pound items i have carried a bunch now). Another thing I'm doing that's probably bad is I haven't been wearing the ace wrap for the top of my chest nor have I been in a bra 24-7 (I sleep without a bra). This is contrary to my surgeon's instructions. However he did admit to me that he is not sure the strap does anything. I've been going bra-less primarily because my nerves on the right side are super sensitive, so it feels better not to have something pressing into that area.

I've been fighting off a cold, which means for the past five days I've been coughing. Coughing and sneezing hurt when your whole chest is sore. But it's really not that bad anymore (The pain...not the coughing...i'm still coughing a lot, boo).

I had my first drink last night, i've been avoiding drinking to detox, heal, and because i've been taking a lot of tylenol and ibuprofen. I kept it to 1.5 drinks last night so hopefully I didn't mess up my liver too badly.

I've been taking lots of probiotics, the pineapple enzyme supplement from Trader Joes, and I finally found a natural supplement store and got some oral Arnica, which I took all day yesterday. It's helping. What isn't helping is that I started my period yesterday, which means my breasts got even more swollen. It felt like a step backwards but I reminded myself my breasts pre-op would get tender and firm before and during my period, too.

New pics

Day 11 pics

Can't Believe It's Been Two Weeks!

I get to exercise in just one week! woo hoo! Things have been great. Just got back from a road trip and I have a full range of motion. I slept on my side, I can cuddle again, I can easily sit up and lie down without the shooting pains. There is still pain though. My right breast still feels ultra tender from the nerve pain, and the incisions still feel sore on both. My left breast dropped a lot and now it's the right one that is higher.

I still haven't tried lying on my stomach. Things are great!

Oh I did have one kind of disappointed moment last night when I put on my old 34B bra and my left boob seemed to fit it perfectly. I feel ridiculous for saying this because I was convinced I'd never wish I went bigger....but I hope I'm not just a B. I really had my heart set on C. Oh well, they obviously look much bigger, and my BF reminds me that I said I wanted "big B to small C". So I think I got what I wanted! I guess many women have that little voice that says "wow these look great but wouldn't they have looked great just a little bit bigger? I mean you paid all that money, maybe you should have gone with the 350!" sigh. Silencing that voice now. I'm so happy with them, leave it to me to find something to be picky about. And they aren't done settling. ON the plus side I think they will be very easy to hide if I want to.

pics not working...hold on

Two weeks post op Pictures

Pics

Day 16

I am feeling good this morning. A little morning boob on the right side but compared to what it was, so much better. I have started sleeping on my side for brief periods- it doesn't hurt, I love being able to do it again. The only problem is my arm falls asleep so I have to turn back to the back. I'm a stomach sleeper. Yesterday I laid on my stomach for the first time. It didn't hurt but it did feel weird. Basically I could feel the implants pressing back against my ribs. It was a new sensation. I did it on a memory foam mattress so that probably helped. I think I'll get used to it and be back to stomach sleeping soon-ish.

So what else is new? I showed them to my roommate & 3 close girlfriends last night. Everyone seemed pleasantly surprised at how natural they look. One girl admitted that AG had been worried about me doing it but she said she was glad I was happy and that they looked good.

I'm still getting twinges of pain on the right side towards the base. I did a fast mile and a half walk last night- it felt good to be outside. I miss running so much. I hope I can start again after the 3 week mark.

I felt really low yesterday because sometimes the pain & discomfort wear on me. 2 weeks seems like a long time to be feeling pain and have restricted activity. But I know it will pass, and each day it gets better.

I have really weird dreams on my back and wake up more often so I can't wait to sleep on my tummy again.

I really want to go get measured for my bra size- I wonder if it's too soon. (Too soon to get an accurate size, I know I'm not supposed to wear underwire yet).

16 days post op- pics

new pics

a few more pics

more

Not feeling great

I woke up feeling kind of down and depressed. The morning boob is bumming me out, I just want it to feel normal again! I tried lying on my side/tummy with a pillow wedged there but it just felt too weird to be lying on the implant. It's the only time I've really felt like there's something foreign "in there". Most of the time they just seem like my boobs only bigger and more sore. Also I had a terrible day yesterday. Went to the doc to get an IUD and it was a disaster. One I wasn't psyched about the mandatory breast exam. Probably in my head but I thought the doc was judging me. They couldn't get the IUD in and after serious pain and misery for me they finally gave up saying I was "too small." Ugh

I sometimes have been getting this different type of pain in righty, like a twisting achy spasm feeling towards the bottom. Not sure if its nerves or what. I've been driving stick w my right hand for the past four days so maybe that's aggravating it. Also I'm not sleeping well on my back so maybe that's messing up my mood.

3 week post op on Monday. Looking forward to being more active.

Few pics for comparison with before shots

Pics in my "before" shirt

Feeling so good

I've been sleeping on my side and I almost feel totally back to normal, apart from no running :( I went out to octoberfest last night, here's a pic. Also it might be my imagination but guys seem suddenly more helpful. Lol like I was about to pick up my jacket and this guy was like oh! Do you need help with that?? And the gas station guy gave me free coffee. Lol oh the perks of perky big boobs.

3 weeks post op appointment! And no more steri strips

Dr Yates said they're looking great! He took the strips off and my scars are pretty good, a bit red still. Overall I'm soo happy.

Oh and I stopped at athleta to get a sports bra (I've been cleared to do "light jogging" whatever that is). And I'm a 34c there! Just the size I wanted! And I could help get a new shirt too. :) pics to come later tonight

34C !!

Tried on this 34c Betsy Johnson at Nordstrom rack today. Plus fit this nightie! Bf approved.

Negative things

So in the interest of full disclosure I'm going to list the things that suck about this experience.

1. nerve pain and morning boob-- just ow.

2. adjusting to looking different, some moments when I look in the mirror and wonder if they look too wide, or putting on a shirt that doesn't fit anymore, or looking at the asymmetry they have which is not fixable by implants, wondering if they're too pointy

3. they feel weirdly hard on the bottom. I don't like feeling the implant. The top feels squishy but when I touch the base I can feel the firmness of an object in there and it kind of gives me a little bit of the heebie jeebies.

4. Just got into a huge fight with a girl I thought was my best friend here. She and her boyfriend took the liberty of informing a group of people that I'd had the operation. The people they told are friendly with me but not close; also they let someone know who has a huge mouth and I believe many people in, if not the whole professional community (which is small and close-knit) might now find out. I'm more angry about her betrayal than anything else, but I'm also upset because I don't feel like the status of my breasts should be known to those I"m trying to WORK with. Call me crazy but I'd rather not walk into court with an opposing counsel, a judge, and a client, who are all aware of and possibly eyeing my (albeit amazing) rack. Or even who are simply judging me about doing cosmetic surgery. This situation has really caused me a lot of sadness and trauma in the past 24 hours. It's made me feel depressed cause I suddenly remembered that a lot of people out there are judgmental assholes who will fuck you over and talk shit about you with absolutely no remorse. There are so many negative attitudes about cosmetic surgery out there, it's really frustrating and sad when you think about it.

Positive things

These are the positives

1. I love the way they look. They're the breasts I always dreamed of having. They're the perfect size - 34C. They look great in clothing. They look great naked. They have a great shape that isn't too round.

2. I feel more confident, like a sexy, powerful woman.

3. My boyfriend LOVES them

4. They fit my figure well and balance my body shape out.

5. The pain has largely gone away--I feel no pain in the left, so hopefully the right will catch up soon and then I'll feel perfect.

Oh sorry, three more negative things: 1. the right one feel pretty weird when I tried jogging today; 2. I'm still not sure how to tell my parents or how they are going to react; 3. $6300 is a lot of money, and I have a LOT of debt now with this on top of it. Yes it was worth it but hey, it's a lot of money that I don't have.

some more pictures day 23

pics. still having pain in the righty but leftie feels amazing. I'll post scar pictures soon but they're looking pretty good. I also posted my before picture from the day of surgery. It was so good for me to look at because I had started to forget that my nipples were asymmetrical before. And my crease was lower down on the left breast before. I had started over-scrutinizing my breasts yesterday and asking my BF, does this one look lower? doesn't this nipple look weirdly high? But then I looked at the before and realized...they were like that already!

That's my day 23 piece of advice. Please keep looking at your before pictures to remind yourself how far you've come, and remind yourself that little flaws you had before (like two different sized nipples, etc) will not go away with implants.

Feeling back to normal

I ran 3 miles yesterday and though the right one was slightly sore, I powered through it and it ended up fading after about a mile and not being a big deal (you know when you focus on something it hurts more, so I forced myself to think "oh it's just a little soreness" and to stop worrying, then suddenly I felt better and kept running).

I don't have morning boob or really any pain any more. The right one has a more sensitive nipple and the lateral skin is a bit more sensitive. Very mild at this point, though. They are very squishy and can be pushed together and squeezed.

Sleeping is easy now, I still don't lie right on my stomach like I used to but I doubt many women even with natural boobs sleep straight on their chest like us size-A ladies can/could. I sleep on my side a lot with the body pillow I've always used, sometimes I put more weight on one of the boobs, and it feels fine.

I feel totally back to normal now. I'm loving life with my new breasts.

Will post some photo updates later tonight.

xxoo

PS My doctor was York Yates, in Layton, Utah. He was fantastic and I highly recommend him. For some reason the site won't let me change my doctor officially.

5 weeks

Ran 5.5 miles. Boobs feel fine! They look small in pictures but in real life they're plenty big. Here's the promised photo update

Can't believe I forgot to mention...

I told my mom! I was so nervous but she was totally sweet about it. I even cried a little but it was all ok. Best part? No one in my home town could tell! Granted I wore a pretty billowy shirt but still.

got sized at Victoria's Secret....Big surprise!

They sized me at 34DD or 32 DDD. I must say the DDD fit better. I was in shock when she said "DD." After trying on that Betsey Johnson 34C I felt sure I was a C. It just goes to show that you cannot trust bra sizes. Now I see why doctors are reluctant to guarantee or aim for a certain cup size.

I started researching online and it turns out most charts would put me at a DD or E (aka DDD). My rib cage measures 30inches while my bust is now at 36inches.

It's weird...I don't feel like a double D. I am still surprised by that. I think augmented breasts just size bigger because they have so much projection compared with natural breasts of the same cup size.

I'm not going to worry about sizing. I've been most comfortable wearing super simple bralettes anyways (size medium).

attaching picture of the 34DD...

10 weeks later, feeling fantastic.

Well Realself emailed me asking me to update so here it is. Sorry I've been missing, life just took over and I stopped posting. My breasts look great and they feel good. I still have not returned to full sensation particularly underneath the nipple. Also, my nipples just aren't as sensitive and don't feel as amazing during sex as they used to. That said they feel alright, especially the left one. For background, before my BA I had the most wonderfully sensitive nipples, they always got me going during sex. They're not back to 100% but the left one does feel good and I still do get turned on from it.

My right breast has been the more painful one since about week two. Sometimes I still get little aches and twinges but it's barely noticable at this point. I can run easily, lay on my stomach, and pushups are doable but I don't really enjoy them.

They have dropped substantially and the skin softened up (for about 4-6 weeks they were still pretty tight but they are now very squishy). The only part that's slightly firm is the base--I think because a lot of my volume is concentrated down there as I got textured anatomicals.

Anyways I'll post some pictures soon. Good luck to anyone who is just starting their journey, and to all of you recovering. xxoo

10 Weeks Picture Update

I feel like I've always had them now. They just feel normal and I often forget they're bigger. I think I got the perfect size...yes sometimes you'll think wow what if I just had those incredibly large ones that look so sensual at all times. But, I think a 34D is pretty darn big and any bigger I think it'd start to get more annoying than fun. Anyways here is a full picture update. They haven't changed THAT much in appearance since about week 6, they have changed in sensation and in their softness since then. However I think they've reached their final resting place, although I do anticipate the areas of numbness will continue to improve. Also I'm not exactly thrilled with how red my scars are but I knew with my skin that I'd have redness. I'm sure it will go away eventually. (and the only person who sees it is my boyfriend and he doesn't care one bit...he's too excited about the boobs in general :)

more pics - 10 weeks

and still more pics - 10 weeks- making up for the many weeks I was absent :)

It's my 3 month boobiversary

bad news first. my right breast has been really hurting me. I'm afraid! it's an achy feeling on the lateral side and into the base. Also my incisions have been itching.

Also, does anyone else get really creeped out touching the numb parts? I completely hate doing it. It's like I've been avoiding touching or thinking about that section of my breast for weeks. (for the record it's just a strip of skin about an inch wide extending down from my nipple in the 6 o'clock position if my head is 12 o'clock).

Another thing that worries me is that when I put my hand at the base of righty and push it up, it's this super weird feeling kind of like air bubbles are in there (?) or like the implant is nubbly and rubbing against my ribs ? It also makes me squeamish. My righty hurts when I lie forward with my forearms against the ground (as in a plank). Why would this be? after 3 months? Ahhh I'm worried but I'm known to worry too much.

The good news is I love the way they look! And the left one feels fine, no problems at all apart from some itching in the incision.

I wonder if these weird sensations have to do with my nerves in the more traumatized areas reconnecting and waking up?

Had my 3 month followup

Dr. Yates made me feel so much better. He said that the pain i've been feeling is normal, and my nurse confirmed that she'd had similar achey pain and pain in the scars. I was very happy when he said they looked really good! They took "after" pictures for the website...I don't like them though. The nurse didn't zoom out to get more of my whole body so it just seems to highlight my plump arms (no matter how much weight I lose my arms always stay round...curse of my family). Oh well, I'll show it to you ladies anyway...

They recommended silicone scar sheeting for my scar, which is red and a little bit lumpy. What do you all think about silicone scar treatment sheets? Do they work?

I have to say I'm feeling SOOOOOO much better about everything, I was getting myself depressed and anxious fixating on the minor pain in my righty. Oh and I went to a formal christmas party the other day...wore a plunging neckline and got so many compliments. I feel like that night alone made the surgery worth it :)

Pain mostly gone; scars improving slowly

It's been 4 months. I feel like they are a part of me. the one thing I hate the most is that my right side boob sometimes feels weird and uncomfortable when my boyfriend squeezes it in a certain way, namely when he presses hard on it and moves it around against my ribcage. It feels nubbly and rough in there, like i can feel the implant. That sensation is rare though, usually cause I stop him before it starts. Other than that, they feel totally normal. I can swim, run, lie on my stomach (for relatively short periods or with a body pillow wedged under me, obviously it's not quite as comfortable as when I had soft "A"s, that should be a given).

I've been wearing biodermis scar sheets for the past month. I haven't seen crazy results but they are definitely making the scars softer and not as raised. The scars are still pretty red though, I don't think any product can really change that, only time.

Here are some pictures.

I can't believe it's almost been a year

It's hard to imagine it's almost been a year. I am still extremely happy with my decision. They don't feel "weird" anymore, and they feel great to be grabbed any which way, including very firmly and roughly. I have full sensation in my nipples and all over the breast (sensation which took many months to fully return, I'd say it's been fully back since about month 7 or 8). Wishing all of you ladies who visit my page good luck with your decision! I have absolutely no regrets. BUT, if I ever have to replace them, I might consider going up 50ccs or more. :)

Final bra size update:
32 DD at VS
34D in Chantelle and Natori
Size Medium in VS bralettes
Dress size increased from 2 to 4 at BCBG (simply to accommodate boobies and depending on the dress's material...ie structured dresses I definitely have to size up).

Activity level: high/unchanged. I swim, bike, and run regularly. Lifting weights does still feel a little strange and the implants move and change when you use your pectoral muscles.

Will post pictures separately.

11 months -- Picture Update

Here are some pictures to document 11 months. They haven't changed much except they don't hurt anymore! Oh and my scars are pretty red and one of them is raised. Not including pics of those--but I always scar badly. I think it's mostly a genetic thing. Anyway, here they are!
Salt Lake City Plastic Surgeon

Dr. Yates is fantastic. He is extremely intelligent and answered all my questions. Nothing I could say would throw him off (which was great for me because I did a lot of my own medical research, which I never hesitated to bring up). He has a very calming presence. You can tell that he takes great pride in achieving beautiful results. I am very happy with the appearance of my breasts. Dr. Yates does a sedation method which I'm so glad I trusted him on it--it made my recovery easier and I like knowing that I wasn't under harsh general anesthetics. Also I think it's a bit cheaper for the patient. I had a minor complication after surgery but I think it was due to my own actions, and it resolved quickly--and during that time of stress Dr. Yates saw me immediately and his office went above and beyond to make sure I was ok. I'm trying to think if I have any complaints. I don't! This is a fantastic office and a fantastic doctor. His price is extremely reasonable, too.

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
5 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
4 out of 5 stars After care follow-up
5 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
5 out of 5 stars Phone or email responsiveness
5 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
5 out of 5 stars Payment process
4 out of 5 stars Wait times
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