Trying to Get Back the Body I Never Had - Paramus, NJ

I was always chubby. I met my husband before college and we became fat together. It wasn't without it's good times, but I made the decision three years ago to change things when I was at 290 and didn't want to see that 3. Lost 110 pounds, had two back to back pregnancies with c-sections, lost all that weight and then another twenty. I'm 5'8, hitting the 160 mark, know I'm not having any more kids, and looking to take that plunge. Went tonight for my first consultation for a tummy tuck and breast lift.

I'm still coming to terms with myself- I have never done anything quite so.... selfish? I don't know. I'm the kind of person who won't make a ten dollar purchase for herself without ample thinking beforehand. But I'm so miserable right now that I feel like I have to do this to enjoy the rest of my life. I'm 30, I can't feel like this forever. I think I looked better when I was fat! I can't enjoy anything intimate; I feel the need to stay covered up all the time. Truly depressing.

The doctor I saw actually thinks he can take more skin than I even knew. If I do the breast lift, I am going to have issues with a tattoo I got when I was 16 so that's a consideration. I'll try to upload pictures soon!

This is how I am now. I got my tattoo at 16 when things were... hmm, higher. I was actually heavier then versus now. At the height of my weight (and post pregnancy) I was an F cup, now I'm a D cup and just flat and floppy. Already thinking of possible coverup work for the tattoo but will need to wait and see how much I lose of it.

The good thing about my excess is it's just so empty and flat that it's easy to tuck in to my jeans. Still, I'm shocked at how much the doctor has said I'll be able to even remove in my upper abdomen!

April 7th I will be having my tummy tuck, shaping lipo, and breast lift. 3/26 is my preop appointment.

Getting nervous but excited too. Last week I finally officially hit less than 160 pounds which was the goal I set for myself when I started with the weight loss over four years ago. I know that I would have been under due to losing skin from the surgery but still it feels more satisfying to have hit it on my own beforehand.

I'm definitely psyching myself out though. Last night I dreamt that I was there with two other women for surgery and they both had more "legitimate" reasons than me to be there and called me selfish. I'm obviously still not okay with doing this for myself.

Okay, now I'm getting nervous! Had my pre-op appointment this afternoon. Nothing surprising, all the information on what to expect and look for afterwards. It seems like I'm going to have my two breast drains and abdominal drain both in for one week so I only have to make the trip to north Jersey once; since I'll be recovering from the tummy tuck and not able to shower anyway it really won't bother me to have the breast ones in a little longer than necessary!

Just kidding. All things considered it's no worse than I felt after 12 hours of labor leading into my first c-section. I'm definitely looking forward to getting my drains out next Monday because I'm kind of obsessed with being clean but I'll survive!

I haven't gotten a good look at it with all the bandages but the nurse said my tattoo is actually shifted but spared. Woo!

I am having the feeling of phantom floppy skin which is a little nuts. The whole ride home it felt as though my belly pouch was right there resting out front even though I could look down and see it was gone.

I know a lot of people say it so I hope it's true. I don't have much energy for anything. It's so amazing to me that skin pulling and stretching can hurt more than a cut into my organs did. I think that hurts worse than the abdominal stitches. Also, I lost too much butt padding in this whole weight loss process! There is just no good way to be on my butt most of the day and still be comfortable.

I'm sure it will help me feel better the first time I get to see myself unwrapped. For now I'll just pretend!

Isn't plastic surgery glamorous? I kid. After being completely miserable and basically drugging myself to sleep last night, I'm feeling a lot better this morning. I was able to get up, give myself a wipe bath, stretch at least as little, and have some much needed coffee. I'm sitting up on a heading pad and pillow for my tush and just feel much more alive than I have. I slept at least a little better, though I did startle myself awake at some point and also myself on the stomach, who knows what I was dreaming about.

My drains are really reducing output. I've been able to sit up quite a bit so far today as well. The heading itch is beginning which I am not looking forward to but it's a step!

Yeah, I've behaved and not unwrapped myself fully enough to take pics. But man am I feeling better! Planning on venturing out this afternoon to get some groceries while my parents gave the kids. Even made cookies last night! I'm mostly upright, getting nothing from my drains. I can feel that things are settling into place, I keep tightening my binder and even with that and swelling I can see an hourglass shape.

Can't wait for my first appointment Monday! I just need to get into a real garment and not the binder that keeps bunching up on me.

Drains are out! Yay! In a real compression garment. Stitches and bandages will be off next Wednesday. So hard to say when you're still so swollen but I am cautiously optimistic. Doctor says he is very happy with the results so far. Looking forward to getting to see my nipples again next week but yes, my tattoo was spared!