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Trying to Get Back the Body I Never Had - Paramus, NJ

I was always chubby. I met my husband before...

I was always chubby. I met my husband before college and we became fat together. It wasn't without it's good times, but I made the decision three years ago to change things when I was at 290 and didn't want to see that 3. Lost 110 pounds, had two back to back pregnancies with c-sections, lost all that weight and then another twenty. I'm 5'8, hitting the 160 mark, know I'm not having any more kids, and looking to take that plunge. Went tonight for my first consultation for a tummy tuck and breast lift.

I'm still coming to terms with myself- I have never done anything quite so.... selfish? I don't know. I'm the kind of person who won't make a ten dollar purchase for herself without ample thinking beforehand. But I'm so miserable right now that I feel like I have to do this to enjoy the rest of my life. I'm 30, I can't feel like this forever. I think I looked better when I was fat! I can't enjoy anything intimate; I feel the need to stay covered up all the time. Truly depressing.

The doctor I saw actually thinks he can take more skin than I even knew. If I do the breast lift, I am going to have issues with a tattoo I got when I was 16 so that's a consideration. I'll try to upload pictures soon!

What I'm starting with

This is how I am now. I got my tattoo at 16 when things were... hmm, higher. I was actually heavier then versus now. At the height of my weight (and post pregnancy) I was an F cup, now I'm a D cup and just flat and floppy. Already thinking of possible coverup work for the tattoo but will need to wait and see how much I lose of it.

The good thing about my excess is it's just so empty and flat that it's easy to tuck in to my jeans. Still, I'm shocked at how much the doctor has said I'll be able to even remove in my upper abdomen!

So it's real now, right?

April 7th I will be having my tummy tuck, shaping lipo, and breast lift. 3/26 is my preop appointment.

Less than one month

Getting nervous but excited too. Last week I finally officially hit less than 160 pounds which was the goal I set for myself when I started with the weight loss over four years ago. I know that I would have been under due to losing skin from the surgery but still it feels more satisfying to have hit it on my own beforehand.

I'm definitely psyching myself out though. Last night I dreamt that I was there with two other women for surgery and they both had more "legitimate" reasons than me to be there and called me selfish. I'm obviously still not okay with doing this for myself.

Pre-op appointment complete!

Okay, now I'm getting nervous! Had my pre-op appointment this afternoon. Nothing surprising, all the information on what to expect and look for afterwards. It seems like I'm going to have my two breast drains and abdominal drain both in for one week so I only have to make the trip to north Jersey once; since I'll be recovering from the tummy tuck and not able to shower anyway it really won't bother me to have the breast ones in a little longer than necessary!

Anyone get the number of that truck?

Just kidding. All things considered it's no worse than I felt after 12 hours of labor leading into my first c-section. I'm definitely looking forward to getting my drains out next Monday because I'm kind of obsessed with being clean but I'll survive!

I haven't gotten a good look at it with all the bandages but the nurse said my tattoo is actually shifted but spared. Woo!

I am having the feeling of phantom floppy skin which is a little nuts. The whole ride home it felt as though my belly pouch was right there resting out front even though I could look down and see it was gone.

So today is the worst of it, right?

I know a lot of people say it so I hope it's true. I don't have much energy for anything. It's so amazing to me that skin pulling and stretching can hurt more than a cut into my organs did. I think that hurts worse than the abdominal stitches. Also, I lost too much butt padding in this whole weight loss process! There is just no good way to be on my butt most of the day and still be comfortable.

I'm sure it will help me feel better the first time I get to see myself unwrapped. For now I'll just pretend!

I'm pretty sure this is why you're supposed to convalesce in LA

Isn't plastic surgery glamorous? I kid. After being completely miserable and basically drugging myself to sleep last night, I'm feeling a lot better this morning. I was able to get up, give myself a wipe bath, stretch at least as little, and have some much needed coffee. I'm sitting up on a heading pad and pillow for my tush and just feel much more alive than I have. I slept at least a little better, though I did startle myself awake at some point and also myself on the stomach, who knows what I was dreaming about.

My drains are really reducing output. I've been able to sit up quite a bit so far today as well. The heading itch is beginning which I am not looking forward to but it's a step!

Still no pics bc I'm a goody two shoes but...

Yeah, I've behaved and not unwrapped myself fully enough to take pics. But man am I feeling better! Planning on venturing out this afternoon to get some groceries while my parents gave the kids. Even made cookies last night! I'm mostly upright, getting nothing from my drains. I can feel that things are settling into place, I keep tightening my binder and even with that and swelling I can see an hourglass shape.

Can't wait for my first appointment Monday! I just need to get into a real garment and not the binder that keeps bunching up on me.

Pardon my gauze

Drains are out! Yay! In a real compression garment. Stitches and bandages will be off next Wednesday. So hard to say when you're still so swollen but I am cautiously optimistic. Doctor says he is very happy with the results so far. Looking forward to getting to see my nipples again next week but yes, my tattoo was spared!
Michael Gartner

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Comments (17)

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Can't wait to see your pics! Congrats on everything.
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Congrats! Can't wait to see your after pics. How did tatto come out?
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I haven't been daring enough to fully unwrap the ladies yet, but from a peek in my nurses were telling the truth and he managed to spare it! It's a bit further south than it was but since the ladies are further north I think it balances out! Hoping to get pics up ASAP. When my hubby adjusted my binder last night he said my abdomen already looked great... I was in too much pain to care then but at least now I'm excited about it!
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Hello, I had mine yesterday around 2pm. I have pain ball and had very little pain. It's last 3 days. I wondering if my Dr even did anything lol. I can't wait until I take shower so I can see my new tummy.
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Lucky! My percocet keeps it at bay but I'm definitely feeling it. Though i tend to overdo things so maybe it's better I feel it! Good luck with recovery!
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Yes I have to watch what I do.
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I'm glad you're surgery went well. I hope you have a smooth, speedy recovery!
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Hello, I am also having a TT on the 7 th. I felt the same way about spending so much money on my self but my husband and I we're talking about it (think I will get over it ) lol. My husband said ; please have it done , you been talking about it for 10 years. Mothers give in so many ways , we should not feel shellfish or guilty. Good luck God Bless
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Thanks! I keep trying to tell myself that me not being obsessed with covering up will help balance things out... The kids and husband should be happier if I'm that much happier! Good luck!
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I thought about posting on YouTube also ,It's neat to see videos. Don't know if we can do it no this site but it is a great site. Ii will post pics as soon as I can.
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Contests on the weight loss. Ive lost 90 myself so I know how hard you worked. You are going to look awesome. I'm having the same procedures as you on Friday and I am super excited. I look forward to following your journey.
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*congrats! Damnable autocorrect.
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Okay, this is really exciting and you did an awesome job losing weight on your own. Wow! I hope you can make peace with this splurge. You truly deserve it. Please keep us updated throughout your journey. Will you be going on more consultations?
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Not sure yet! We're getting hammered with snow so we're kind of waiting for the formal writeup from this one and seeing where it falls. I was comfortable with the doctor and he already was able to offer me more than I was going was plausible, so I might move forward for the sake of not losing my courage if things line up.
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Hi there! It's normal to feel guilty to spend so much money on yourself. I felt the same way; however, we are worth it. Feeling good about yourself will make you a happier person, wife, mother and friend. We are willing to invest in cars and other material possessions...why not us? I look in the mirror everyday unhappy with the way I look. I too keep covered up, even around my husband, and I feel terrible for it. He deserves a wife who is confident in her body and feels sexy. I made my deposit today, and have scheduled my surgery for March 20th. When I feel guilty, I think about how happy I'm going to feel afterwards and how happy my husband will be when I'm confident to share my body with him. He loves me either way :)
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Seriously, my husband would like to occasionally have the lights on. I can't stand to see myself though, and then when things make inappropriate contact... ugh. Glad to know I'm not alone!
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lol you are not alone! Time to get our sexy back!
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