Finally starting to feel better! New pic from 6 mos po in Hawaii- Loving the new me!

Well, after months of reading about everyone else''s experience I am now on my own countdown... 2 weeks from today. Holy cr*p. For years I have wanted a tummy tuck- came close to getting it... twice! but panicked and pulled out both times. Now, after reading about all the other ladies' experiences I have the guts to follow through on my own dreams. I have 2 kids who took a toll on my body. I love them dearly but can do without the stretchmarks and separated stomach muscles.

I have always maintained a low weight- I am 5'8" and weigh 123, though I did gain 50 lbs in each of my pregnancies, I worked hard to take it off after and have been able to maintain my weight within 5 or 6 lbs. I workout whenever I can, which is never as much as I'd like but I try to get to the gym once or twice a week and generally it frustrates me. The more fit I get, the worse my stomach looks- the tighter my abs, the more wrinkly my stretchmarks appear. I'm done with this belly once and for all. I do dread the scar, but have tried to come to terms with it and think my PS will do a good job of keeping it low.

A couple of weeks after my initial consult for the TT I began contemplating a BA- something I'd not thought about before. I wouldn't have considered it except that since I'm going under the knife anyway and will (hopefully) come out with a great tummy I think I will wish that I had great boobs to match. The thing is that since this is a recent decision I have not had the same few years to adjust to the idea and the boob job is now giving me major anxiety. I've got my preop tomorrow for both which means sizing the implants and paying in full. The point of no return. I am truly freaking out. My husband supports whatever I decide but thinks my anxiety over the BA is silly. I am mortified about people finding out- old friends, and new. I don't want a major upsize - really just from a small B cup to a full B, but figure eventually people will find out and I am having a hard time accepting that. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but it still affects me. Oh My God. Must decided by tomorrow. Freaking Out!!!!!!!!!!

Oh- and both procedures will be performed under tumescent anesthesia- NOT general. Is that crazy? I mean, I like the idea of not being under general but then again there are still all the risks of going under local with all the narcotics and cocktail of meds they use to ensure you don't wake up or feel anything. My PS says this is how they do 95% of their procedures and that it is perfectly safe and effective- and far cheaper than going under general- it still all scares me. HELP! I don't know if I can get through this!

The days are getting closer and I can't seem to get a grip on my nerves. I don't think I will ever just be calm about it until it is over with and I can just move forward with recovering. I am 38 years old and consider myself to be healthy- especially now that I've quit smoking. But I still worry about the risks of going under the knife. Gees, I worry about a lot- will it all look good? Will it be worth it? Will I look like Frankenfreak until the scars heal? I keep trying to keep my eye on the prize- the end result- but it is hard not to think about all that it will take to get there.


Am still second-guessing my decision to do the BA- should I pay more attention to my indecision and consider it a sign that I'm not ready or is it just nerves and totally natural and expected and I should just take the plunge b/c I'll most likely be happy later that I did...? Hmmm.... the days are passing and August 2nd is so close now. Am excited... but panicking.

Well, less than a week now- crazy nervous still but thought I'd post b/c am also starting to get really excited. Thought I'd be losing my mind with fear and anxiety but kind of surprised myself in that I'm really just getting super excited to have this done and start my recovery. Am even feeling excited about the BA at this point but want to make sure my PS keeps my chest in the full B cup realm I'm looking for (I'd also settle for a small C but truly don't want anything more.)

I am still concerned about the dangers of surgery and have to remind myself not to look at the book of potential risks my dr's office gave me b/c it just freaks me out and I know it's just worst case scenario stuff they have to put down for liability sake.







Want to get in some quality time with my boys this weekend before they head off for a week with grandma. They are 6 and 8 and don't know what mommy's about to do but I'll address that with them later. Hopefully by the time they come back I won't be in too terrible shape. My hubby's gonna do his best to take care of me- he's blocked out his work schedule, I just hope he can handle the icky medical stuff (he's got a weak stomach when it comes to wounds and such. Oh my.)







Again, just want to say how thankful I am for this site as it has given me the proverbial balls to take this leap and do something for myself I otherwise wouldn't have had the guts to go through with.







BTW- been taking multi-vitamin, B-complex and Zinc on my dr's recommendation for better healing and they truly make me want to barf. They need the nausea patch for people taking these. Ugh.







That's all for now. Am going to bed now to bask in the feeling of being excited- I've spent so much time being scared and nervous and may feel that way again tomorrow so for now am just going to enjoy the excitement! Hope all my other mommy makeover girls for august are feeling the same!