Scared of the outcome

I was always a petite person. Skinny as a rain and...

I was always a petite person. Skinny as a rain and size 32A breasts. I grew up in a household with a mother who had natural 36D and always felt odd being so small. I had my daughter at 19 and loved when my milk came in the sight of slightly larger breasts. I dreaded getting into a wedding dress and not looking like I filled out the top of a dress and that is what motivated me to get my breasts done. My now husband was againts it but supported my impulsive decision because I was set on getting them before we got married. I wanted to get very small implants but my doctor talked me into going larger. I wanted a full B but ended up with a large C small D. I recieved silicone gummie implants under the muscle 300CC but had to go back and get my left breast re-done to a 350 CC as they were very uneven this was at the tender age of barley 20 and now at 26 turning 27 I HATE THEM! I feel like boobs mcgee in low cut shirts and feel like people just stare at them :( My husband never seemed to really like them and seemed to still prefer smaller breasts which really bothered me (we have since gone to counseling and what not) he tells me now he loves me the way I am because I have had them in most of our relationship but I year to be small-flat again. I went to the doctor who put them in and he told me I would be deformed and hate the look of my breasts after a removal. I dont expect them to be perfect but I want to be small breasted again and be myself! I feel like my fake boobs define me and I hate it. I cant even wear sports bras because it makes me feel like i cant breathe :( I found a lady in my area that does breast implant removal and I am going to make an appointment with her and hope to find her support. This will have to be done after income tax time in the spring but wish I could do it tomorrow! I am scared however of how they will look after they are removed but am hopefully based on others pictures that have motivated me and helped me not be so scared. Another thing I wanted to mention is I was diagnosed with lupus soon after I got my implants. I am not sure if it is related or not however I do not see how having these in my body are helping my situation... I would prefer to get them removed without a lift and see how they look in a year to see how they fluff up and settle. I would love advice and input. Also I am 5'2 and 117lbs now but pre-augmentation was 100lbs I would like to lose 10lbs but feel like my huge boobs get in the way of me doing so and make me appear fat :(

So I am back! had two deaths in the family and...

So I am back! had two deaths in the family and while i've been reading everyone's updates and reviews I decided to take a seat... Anyway... I have been thinking of doing this for over a year now and while my original PS scared me from doing it (I would be deformed blah blah) after reading all of your stories it gave me strength to do what I think will make me healthier and feel better about myself. I am just so sick of being "fake" and hiding my boobs under big shirts. I tried to lay on top of my husband yesterday and it hurt so bad and they squished into my arm pits! just gross! While my boobs are soft for implants (silicone under the muscle) I want REAL SOFT BOOBS! lol! And I just want them to be small again! Oddly enough if I could be completely flat I would be happy! I think small boobs are so sexy and beautiful and I wish I didnt cave into what I thought others perceived as beautiful and sexy! I'm just ready to get this done with and even started talking to family members about wanting to do this.... my sister who is the same size I was said she wishes i could give them to her :'( it made me so sad! I told her small is beautiful and to never do what ive done to herself!!! I wish I could turn back time but I cant and just hope having them removed helps my health and feel better about myself... I am hoping because they are under the muscle and a crease incision I will have good results... I have been researching a PS nearby who has a lot of experience with reconstructive surgeries and even implant removal (listed on her site) I am planning on meeting with her in the next week or two. We are getting our tax return soon and will have the funds for the surgery however I am hoping it is no more than $3000? is that realistic? I am nervous as these stupid bags have been apart of me most of my adult life 19-27 but at the same time excited to be ME AGAIN! :)

Well I just got back from my appointment with a...

Well I just got back from my appointment with a lady I have been waiting to meet with that does a lot of reconstructive surgeries etc. It went okay. I really liked her honesty. She was surprised being as young as I am that I want to do this. She does them mostly on women in 50's but thinks my skin will retract well, my nipples will be a little lower but not much and that I may be concaved due to the ribs changing with implants but my ribs will go back maybe up to a year but it will go back... She says I have very little breast tissue still so evidently I am all implant and will be very flat which I am okay with but she thinks I may not be and wont even have anything to push up... She thinks I should have the capsule removed as it will give me better results however it has to be done in the hospital and is a very huge price difference and will have to save up for at least 2 months. In office with no capsule removal, numbing shots and a few valium will cost $2,000 but she said if I was her sister or daughter she would recommend capsule removal/cleaning the area which in the hospital with general will be $4,700... I currently have $3,400 saved up but limited income so again it will take me at least 6-8 weeks to save and I also have to be 6 weeks tobacco free. Unfortunately this meeting left my husband scared that I will hate my results and have more self-esteem issues with my breasts and possibly even want to re-implant. While I feel confident in my wanting to do this but my mom is even saying it will be hard for me to go from having pretty big boobs to basically nothing... that's what I want though? why is everyone acting like that is crazy? I want to be like I was and while I know my boobs wont be exactly like they were they will be mine and I wont feel so uncomfortable and insecure about having these fake balloons in me. I'm just feeling emotionally drained....

Crying... feeling so alone and confused. Husband...

Crying... feeling so alone and confused. Husband thinks I am doing this for the wrong reasons and does not understand. It boggles my brain because he has nothing to do with my fake boobs anyway and I know deep down he preferred my small breasts. He thinks I will spend more money on my boobs and just regret taking them out and be more insecure. I know what I want to do and I am beyond frustrated. Ultimately it is my decision but I feel he went from being supportive to being scared by the doctor. I don't know... this is torture.

Just saw a hooters commercial.... made me sad...

Just saw a hooters commercial.... made me sad...

After reading some stories on here I think it put...

After reading some stories on here I think it put my husband more at ease. He is just terrified I will have severe self-esteem issues afterwards and not like the result which I understand. He knows I rushed into getting them and is afraid I am rushing to get them out but he told me he is supportive and agrees maybe seeing a different PS would be a good idea... She said she would take good care of me but again she was very non-supportive and her price just seemed a bit high. I am waiting for Dr. V office to open up to schedule something. I also had nightmares all night that my husband left me for someone with small boobs crazy right? He would never do that he loves me this way but I know he will love me without the he is just scared of me re-implanting or hating my boobs even more than I do now *sigh* I just want out of this hell. Never should have gotten this done and I am ready to be implant free.

Gosh am I depressed today. Made an appointment...

Gosh am I depressed today. Made an appointment with a different doctor... See him in 2 weeks. Going to be a very long wait....

I hate living with regret. I simply do not believe...

I hate living with regret. I simply do not believe in regret but everyday that goes by I regret being young and dumb and doing this to my perfect small boobs. How stupid was I to do this? So vein... When I see other girls with fake boobs I pity them yet I am one of them! I just feel so horrible today. I am hopeful for my next consultation as I talked to someone that went to him and from what I keep hearing he is great and will not make me feel bad for wanting to do this and that's what I need. I want someone to respect my decision to remove them and be small again.

Last night for the first time in a long time I let...

Last night for the first time in a long time I let my hubby "play" with my boobs and did not hide them sorry if this is TMI he said he will miss using them as pillows but will love my smaller boobs. I think he finally is understanding and not as scared which feels great. He said if he ever misses them we can put them on our mantel lol! It feels good for him to be openly talking to me about it. I admit it will be weird going from being able to play with these jugs but I know I will look and feel better about myself and be setting a better example to my teenager sister and our daughter!

10 more days until my appointment with the PS who...

10 more days until my appointment with the PS who I am almost positive I will schedule with! I am so anxious! I am going to call Monday and see if there are any cancellations for this coming week but I doubt it. I feel more and more confident in my decision! All of your stories and pictures help me! I am a stalker of this site! LOL!

We are getting a big snow storm tomorrow so I am...

We are getting a big snow storm tomorrow so I am crossing my fingers and toes someone cancels so I can get out there for my consult a week early! They have me down to call so I am really hoping! I am do eager to see him and get something set up! If I had it my way I would see him tomorrow and get my surgery date this month! Heck if it was in a week or two I would be ecstatic! I just want to be on the other side so bad and every day I have these in is killing me :( I want to be in the itty bitty club again and be team natural! I am trying to enjoy them while I have them though... I have a party Friday and am going to get a low cut shirt to wear which normally I do not do because they make me insecure but what the hell they are coming out anyway! Also how many of you needed to take the pain medicine? I am hoping to stay away from narcotics but also don't want to be in a ton of pain due to my lupus... One more question after surgery how long were you there? Do they give you IV pain meds afterwards? I will be having the capsule taken out as well and worry about the initial pain of that...

So my big appointment is tomorrow... Normally I...

So my big appointment is tomorrow... Normally I would be super excited but I came down with some sort of virus yesterday... My throat is on fire and i'm pretty miserable. I also had some doubts this weekend of wondering if I will miss my cleavage/perkiness in clothes and not having to wear a bra but from what i've read this is pretty normal. I know this is what I want to do but it is scary as crap. I can deal with small cute boobs but I worry they will look sad and bad... not youthful... I'll see what the doctor says tomorrow :-/

Hi! I am back from my appointment! I loved him and...

Hi! I am back from my appointment! I loved him and his staff! He was caring and understanding did not try and tell me not to do it like the other two did and was very encouraging of my results based on my "pretty good skin elasticity" nipple placement, perkiness of my breasts now and that I do have some breast tissue (not a lot but some) The only bummer is I didn't realize the incision would have to be made slightly longer and the price is the exact as the last person $4,700 :( which means I have to save up $1300 (I have $3,300 saved) which will take me about 2 months putting me at the very beginning of summer. My dilemma now is do I really want to do this in May-June? or wait until after summer? I cant imagine me waiting until September though. I was just hoping it was only going to be $4,000 and get it done in the next 4 weeks and have a bit of time to heal before swimsuit season:-/ I am very confident with him however and believe the price will be worth it and hey it gives me some more time in the gym to tone up. I am going to discuss funds and what not with my husband and hopefully set a concrete date and my deposit in the next week or two. So while I am bummed of the price I am excited I found a doctor who was so caring, understanding and skilled to finally do my explant! I just cant wait to be on the other side and will continue to update my feelings and any updates until the big day! Thanks everyone you all are the best!

I have a question for you all. Would it be tacky...

I have a question for you all. Would it be tacky or not normal for me to call and see if they could lower the price by $700? Explain my situation of paying in all cash and that if not I am going to have to wait until end of summer/fall to have my explant? They are super nice so I am not worried about them being rude by any means I just don't want to be out of line... They already gave me a real self discount for mentioning that I found him on the site which I didnt even ask for but even with that $500 discount the surgery is $4,700 and that's in their surgery unit... it's his surgeon fee that is killing me $2,800 opposed to the last lady who's fee was $2,000... Worst is they can say no and I have to wait but I just wanted to get your opinions on going about this or not... Thanks so much!

Hello! I just wanted to give an update. I went on...

Hello! I just wanted to give an update. I went on vacation and stopped checking the site for a few weeks to clear my head. Even doing all that I couldnt help but think about it and be jealous of other girls on the beach with small natural breasts... I felt fake and wondering if anyone was wondering the same while seeing me in a bikini... So I made an appointment to meet with the PS I liked actually for tomorrow because luckily someone cancelled either that or i was going to have to wait 6 weeks! Basically I want to discuss leaving my capsule in and just cleaning it and doing this with local + IV sedation. I have several reasons for these requests... First I am scared of how invasion the capsule removal is and based on what I have read your body will break it down over time and it will ultimately go away... As long as the pocket is cleaned I am okay with leaving it in and just waiting for my body to do it's thing... I have also read women with little to no breast tissue removing it can cause things to look deformed? And again just the thought of a simple removal turning into a 3.5 hour surgery, risks of bleeding etc. I also am scared of full on anesthesia if I could have the type of sedation they do for wisdom teeth, colonoscopies I would be okay with that. And while this is not in the least making me want to go about it this way but I cant help but realize it will dramatically decrease the cost of this... I want it done simply but properly and have faith in his abilities and am hoping by going tomorrow we can come to some sort of compromise as i want to keep it as simple as possible with the least trauma on my body as I already have lupus. Have any of you done it this way? any tips? advice? If all goes well and he agrees to this I may just be getting it done this summer opposed to waiting until the fall... We shall see! wish me luck!

Hi! So I just got back from my appointment and...

Hi! So I just got back from my appointment and doctor is reccomending capsule removal because of the risk of seroma and full anesthesia which i understand... I trust his judgment he also thinks I will be an A cup (I have very little breast tissue).

I am planning on having it done in September and will schedule the date in June. Husband is worried because he thinks I am perfect the way I am and is scared (although reassures he will love me either way) he is just scared that I will be unhappy with the results if I am the rare ones with a complication or undesirable result... Something I am taking into consideration however I am very confident in doing this. It is a lot of money to risk being unhappy but I am unhappy now so I dont know.... scary indeed.
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I had mine removed a year ago and it was the best thing I ever did :) it took me a year to decide to do it but I finally did :) I didn't like the fullness on top, bottom or sides lol :) I went through some ups and downs in the healing process but in the end it was great :D I'm much more confident :D
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Hi there, just wondering if you were able to schedule your surgery date yet?

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Hey how are you! Still planning to remove in September? I got implants only 5 weeks ago and I'm removing next month. Not for me. I've always wanted larger breasts, but implants are not the answer. I'd much prefer to grow them naturally but since that's impossible id rather go back to me! Feel you on the hooters commercial.
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Ps also i also asked if the fee could be revaluated from £3200 down to £2800 and my PS accepted so if you don't ask you don't recieve. xxx
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Bless you just read your story.My husband loved my "Fake" boobs and couldn't understand it either he wanted to pay for me to go bigger!!! but he loves me and for that and accepted my desicion not that he had much choice but he has supported me.I've gone from a E cup to an A cup and i wouldn't change it for the world.i feel so much more confident and my husband is getting use to them although i do catch him looking at me as if to say why? Every day i feel so grateful and blessed and i realise in life there is no point in wishing you hadn't done something as you can't go back.Life is a learning curve and without making those choices we wouldn't appreciate and know what we know now.My scars will be a little reminder to me to love and appreciate myself the way i am just like each stretch mark i have from my children are a part of becoming a mother.You learn to love the imperfections as they with out always knowing it will be your strengths :-)
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Hey, I hope you're getting on ok at your appointment. I'm just having my implants removed and my ps is cleaning/washing the capsule all being well. I'm pleased about it because I feel I really would have nothing left if the capsule was taken out and my ps said, in some cases, there's really no need to remove. I explant 1st July. Best of luck. Let us know how you get on hun x
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I had mine removed 6 days ago (best decision ever) and it was a simple procedure. The dr originally was just going to do it under local but decided at the last min to put me under just in case he got in there and thought the capsule needed to come out. The whole thing took 30 min as the implants came out clean and easy and he left the capsules in.. I had my second occurence of CC in the same breast less than 5 months after capsulectomy and replacement. Do what your PS thinks your body needs not what is the most affordable. Hopefully they get in there and see that the capsules can stay in.
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Thank you for your story! I can understand your emotions right now. I wish I would have gotten rid of these things a long time ago. 9 years of these pain in the ass things. If only I had found this site or heard about it sooner. Oh well at least I'm doing it now. Looking forward to your continued story.
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I dontbelive there is anything wrong with asking about a reduced fee. The worst thing they can do is say no and then you will just have to wait a little longer. They may also say yes. I would ask
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Really happy for you, sounds like you have got a good PS and thats what important in years to come you prob wont think of the money youll just be glad youve rid yourself of them!X
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Hey, that's great news. Its such a relief to find a really nice and supportive PS. Its wonderful news he's given you some positives too. 3 May will be here in no time. I managed to book mine last week for 1 June. Can't come quick enough! Very best wishes to you. I look forward to following your journey x
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Sounds like you found the right PS and very encouraging news....so happy for you. I know what you mean about having to wait...once you decide you just want to get them out. I still have a month before my surgery and it can't get here soon enough. I scheduled in February....time does pass quickly though and before you know it you will be on the other side. Best to you!
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Thank you! I am sure the time will pass quickly too! Best to you as well!
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Hi, just thought I'd say hello since we're about the same age and size. I haven't had any children but I think if you look at my photos and read my story you might have an idea of what kind of result you'll have :-)
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You look fabulous! I hope I have results like yours!!!!
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Sorry you are feeling under the weather....but excited for your appointment with the PS tomorrow. Keep us posted....get better soon!
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Hi, hope tomorrow goes well for you tomo. I have everything crossed for you. I think you've prob been feeling run down with all the worry and anxiety at the moment. When I am, my throat hurts too and then I get a cold. Once you've seen the Dr you will feel a lot better when you've discussed things with him. I sometimes worry a bit about how I'm going to feel post explant. I will be relieved definately, I've wanted them out for so long. But the only thing I will really miss is the size and that's all. I think what your feeling is all natural. We've all got similar worries and what's positive is how all the Ladies who have explanted feel sooo much better and much happier. And most importantly they all look beautiful without implants too. Good luck for tomo. Let us know how you get on x
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Thank you for your story.

It definitely sounds like you have your mind made up and I totally get and admire your resolve.

I hope you're able to get in to see the surgeon sooner rather than later!

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I so know that feeling! Like you are ready to rip them out! :) Just be patient! I had capsules removed and I took Norco for maybe five days, but I took it only sporadically and only half doses. I used Tylenol after that. I didn't get any pain medication through my IV after surgery, just a pill, which I honestly didn't need- I told them my pain was only a 2 out of 10. I know that lots of PSs use local anesthesia in the breasts so that they stay numbish for a day or so. My PS did this and I think it helped. I stayed only until I ate some crackers, drank some juice and got my aftercare orders, really only 45 minutes after I woke up. The pain really wasn't bad. My incisions hurt more than anything else, and that was just "stinging pain," not deep pain. Mostly you feel this incredible release of pressure from your chest- pretty amazing! I had your same procedure, and would be happy to answer any questions you have!
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Hang in there girl! As far as your husband... Your implants are already 7 years old? Even intact silicone implants can have gel 'bleed' through the shell. If you don't remove them now, what will you do? Keep them in another 5 years? 10 years? Wait until one ruptures, leaks or encapsulates? Will you pay for repeat MRIs every couple years ($2000-$3000 a pop) as suggested by the implant manufacturers and FDA to make sure they aren't ruptured? Or will you skip the MRIs and just hope for the best? Will you be prepared financially and emotionally for a more invasive and sudden emergency surgery if/when something goes wrong? YOU are the one walking around with these things in your body. To an outsider, maybe it seems like if there is nothing 'wrong' with the implants that it is better to leave them in. Well, as with any prosthetic implants do not last forever. Keeping them in until they fail (which is inevitable given enough years) is like walking around with ticking time bombs in your chest. If you are also unhappy and not enjoying the aesthetic and experience of big fake boobs in the meantime, then you are just being tortured by it. Your husband needs to understand the reality that these implants are NOT a lifetime device. Even if you keep them for now, you are so young and have so many years of life span that a revision surgery (or 2 or 3) is inevitable... And you are SUPPOSED to be getting continuous MRIs too in the meantime. Explant without replacement is actually a bargain compared to the maintenance and replacement costs of implants - plus an explant could very well be the last surgery you ever have. Every implant surgery is implying another surgery in your future.
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Hello :) Thank you for your input my husband does knows about the health aspect and financial part of this how much we will have to spend over my lifetime (how much we have already spent haunts him lol) and is concerned about how this is affecting my lupus... he's just worried about the surgery and possible worsening of my self-esteem involving my breasts but is supportive of my decision he's just scared
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Hi luvrealbobbies All I can say is wow! Thanks for writing that;-) I feel better about my surgery come may 22. I'm scared about having my 500.00 for GA. I only have 275.00 dollars left but have two more paychecks coming. Praying for no car problems or extra expense.
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Hi wanttobesmallagain I really feel for you. However wanted to say its what you think and your feelings that count. I hope your next consultation goes better, a refferal from someone you know is a good sign. I can really relate to your comments in your last update on the 27th. I thought for years I wanted bigger boobs, I looked on and off for years at doing it. I took the plunge in january and its was the worst mistake of my life. I regretted it straight away. I think years of commenst from others about my small chest had made me feel inadequate, and media etc, when I was fine the way I was. There was nothing wrong with my small boobs I actually feel ashamed and really stupid for doing it. I too want to be small again, a dainty girl. There is nothing wrong with small boobs and wanting to go back to natural. you do what will make YOU happy! I am hoping to have mine removed in a couple of months. You will get there.
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Hi, I ended up seeing three different people. I found a great doctor who was honest and caring. He also told me that he mostly removed implants from women in thier 50's, and I am only 36. But you know, I am petite also, only 5 feet and 100 pounds and removing my 34C implants was the best thing I have ever done. I felt so embarrassed walking around with those huge boobs. Now I feel more comfortable. My husband was wary at first, but came around. Good luck to you.
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Thank you for writing me. My husband is scared but not because he thinks he won't like them he is just scared I will be even more self-conscious... I don't like it when he touches them and haven't for awhile because it makes me feel gross... He said just like when I got them in it took time to get used to but he will get used to them out. I know realistically it's how I feel about myself and them but I just have that fear of what if they do look awful? And he liked me better with them in i know he loves me for me but i do get insecure... I'm just so confused and scared of what if but deep down I know this is what I want even sitting here they get in the way and hurt my back... I have very bad posture because I feel stupid standing up straight and sticking them out... Sorry I am rambling I just can't believe how emotional and hard this is...
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