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Let's see... Where to start. My kiddos are 8, 4,...

Let's see... Where to start. My kiddos are 8, 4, and the twins are 20 mos. After the babies were born, I went to see my OBGYN who told me that I have a hernia that should be repaired, and if I wanted to have some plastic surgery, it could probably be taken care of at that time. I didn't really think much of it, because the babies were only 6 weeks and I planned to nurse for at least a year.

Fast forward to last October. I had just changed jobs, health insurance, and went back to the OBGYN for a yearly exam. He gave me a recommendation for a PS. I called the office and went to the consultation in November. I was thinking about when to schedule, based on things going on in our household, and settled on early February. After clearing the schedule with my work projects, I booked the surgery date.

I am less than two weeks away and a little freaked out. I know it will be worth it after everything is done, but I'm a little scared. Just trying to research the crap out of it and make sure I am prepared, but feeling a bit like I am flying into it...

On Day Five, So Far, So Good!

Things have been going well. Thursday I was pretty out of it. I rested a lot but felt good enough to get around on my own for the latter part of the day. Friday was by far the hardest day, due to swelling. Saturday, I coughed. It was terrifying but I survived. Yesterday I was able to make a BM, which had worried me. Each day things seem to get a little better. I am still sore and bruised but it is manageable.

The hardest thing is not being able to hold my youngest children. The older ones know that they have to be gentle with me and are doing such a good job. I can't wait until I can pick the babies up and not worry about the pain.

Besides that, the biggest annoyance is itchiness. I am up now because it kept me awake. I have been resting a lot so I am not too upset for the lack of sleep. But I am going to go out of my mind if I can't deal with the itchiness.

Continued Healing

Well, I was feeling pretty good about my recovery, then I noticed a huge blood blister in my belly button yesterday. So I had to take a trip to the PS office and he checked it out and reassured me that it was fine and normal. He also drained it and put ointment on it. Also had to renew my prescription for pain meds. I am cutting back on those and not in as much pain as before, but the tummy area is definitely the most tender!

So, today was a good day. I showered and went to put more ointment in the belly button and the blood blister is back. Gross, but I'm not too worried for now.

I was able to look at myself in the mirror for the first time today. It wasn't exactly what I expected, but I think my expectations were probably off. I have been the short girl with the large chest for ... um ... forever, I think! So now that my measurements are more in proportion up top, I am finding that I have to change the way I see myself. I don't think I said this before, but I was in a 34/36GG bra. The PS seems to think I will be around a C or D cup once the healing is all done. I am not even thinking about putting on a regular bra for quite some time, as I will be rocking the garments they gave me. But if that gives you an idea of the change in size, then it might be a little clearer when I say there are psychological issues involved.

I hated my breasts since at least high school. I talked about having a breast reduction all that time, knowing that once I was done having kids, this would be a goal. But I have to be honest, I had a different relationship with them once they were used to feed my babies. They looked worse afterwards, but I had grown to accept them. Still annoyed by them, but I had been buying clothing for all those years with the idea that I had to deal with them or compensate for them. My attitude pre-surgery was one of resignation, I would say.

Now that they are small (normal?), I definitely feel a sense of freedom and I think things will make more sense once the healing is complete. I think I will probably end up with those pieces of skin -- dog ears? But I am starting to think about what it will be like to wear cute bras and shirts and dresses.

Then we get to the tummy tuck. The area is getting better, but it was a little scary the first couple of days. After all those years of making clothing choices for my breasts, the fact that my tummy changed with pregnancy was a bummer. My clothing choices were becoming more and more narrow, and I hard a hard time finding anything to wear that I thought I looked OK in. I am not trying to be a Barbie. I don't need to be the hot mom. But I felt very down about my body. I had given up. Now it feels like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the rest of my body now, the areas that could use some attention. And when I say attention, I mean activity. Who knows if plastic surgery and I will cross paths in the future, but this experience has made me feel like I can work with what I have. I feel like I have a second chance to create a life that is full of all the things that are important to me.

I know, I have a long way to go. But today, things seem like they are moving in the right direction. I can't way to see what the next few days have in store. Stitches will be removed in a couple of days, and I'm excited about that!