Missing the Real Me. 47 Year Old, 4 Augmentations with 575cc Mentor Salines

First I need to thank this site and everyone who has posted. I've been obsessed with your reviews and pics.

I was young, had a child at 18 and had lost much of my breast tissue. I felt cheated that I had hardly had a chance to enjoy my young perky full breasts. I went from a 32B to a 32AA. Looking back they were perfect for my body type. I was 5'5" and weighed only 100 pounds. No curves at all. I had my first augmentation at 23 and they looked great at first (32C) until they started to bottom out. Then I went under the knife again a few years later and I bumped up my size to (32DD) silicone 450cc's, but then soon after I developed capsular contractions and switched my surgeon. She had to remove a lot of breast and scar tissue and I then was fitted with saline implants that were I believe 475cc's. I was then about a 34DD and weighed about 115 pounds. Then I had three daughters in five years. I tried to nurse, but was very unsuccessful. After my last daughter was born in 2002 I woke up 5 months after her birth to my right breast completely deflated. My implant didn't come with a guarantee, so I had to scatter to get the money for my fourth surgery. $8500 dollars to be exact. I was operated on within 2 days and woke up with 575cc's Mentor Salines. Huge, Clown Boobs. I weighed about 124 pounds with a 27 inch waist. Can you say cartoon character? My husband was in heaven. I looked like his fantasy [RS bleep] star. We eventually split up after 10 years.

I've been single since 2008 and I've done some serious reflecting. My daughters look to me as their mentor. They didn't know I had implants until they caught me obsessing over Real Self's images. I finally came clean and they were shocked. They thought of me as so natural. I'm a vegan, a hiker, a yoga person and hardly ever wear makeup and I don't color my hair. They were then upset at me for the lie I had been living. Here I had been preaching about how naturally beautiful they were and how they should love themselves unconditionally and here I was with big fake [RS bleep]. Well my friends it's time to walk the talk. Up until recently I thought my only option was to have a lift and a smaller implant put in. At least that's what several doctor's had told me. Thank goodness I can go all natural. I'm now about 134 pounds. I don't think I have a lot of real breast tissue remaining, but I hate always being aware of my fake chest. I dress to hide my breasts and they hurt pretty much always. I pour out of my 36DD bras and I feel like I'm engorged all the time. I literally sit on my couch holding them up for relief.

My youngest daughter has set aside one of her bras for me for after my surgery. She has only known me as chesty and keeps commenting on how weird it's going to be to see me with breasts as small as hers. She's a 34B. I hope my decision will help my girls to love themselves as they are. I'm nervous, but because of all your wonderful posts I'm more sure that everything will be ok.

My surgery date ended up being January 22nd. The week leading up to my surgery, I started freaking out. I began worrying that I'd be deformed. I thought to myself, "my breasts are soft and I have no issues, why am I doing this?" It all came down to who I am now and living my truth. The weight of my breasts were affecting my posture, I couldn't be as active as I wanted and they were just plain unnecessary. The weekend before my surgery, my 13 year old daughter decided to try on everything in my closet, to show me how I'd look in my clothes after my explant. She happens to be the same height and similar build as me except with 34A breasts. I realized how great my clothes hung on her frame. She asked me to try on the same outfit after her, and we realized that all we noticed were Boobs. We laughed a lot. It was such a fun day playing dress up with my daughter and I think she now appreciates her own natural frame much more.

Once the 22nd arrived and I was on my way to Dr. Chong's for my procedure, I knew I had made the right decision, no matter how my breasts end up looking, I am going to be bold and own it. My best friend of 44 years accompanied me and provided support. She remembered me as a skinny, shapeless girl growing up and was so proud to see me going back to my natural form. I googled flat chested images of women to imagine how I was going to look. I looked at hundreds of before and after photos and tried to imagine what my outcome would be. Good or bad, I attempted to make peace with my unknown results.

I arrived at 11:45am for my noon appointment. I was brought into an examination room and I changed into a gown. I was given a valium and that chilled me out. I was able to relax and go with the flow. Numbing cream was applied under my breasts. Once Dr. Chong came into the room, I felt so safe. She was extremely thorough with her explanation. She felt that my incision should be under my breast because there was a risk of the nipple having a fold or dent during the healing process. She also felt the outcome would be pretty good because of my skin texture. She marked my incision site and then injected my local anesthesia into the area she had marked. I went into the surgery room, laid on the table and was draped with warm blankets. Massaging leg wraps were put on, zen yoga music was put on the ipod, and my breasts were prepped with a betadine wash. A screen was put up, so that I couldn't see the actual process. Dr. Chong walked me through every step, explaining what she was doing as she was operating. She assured me that my capsules were very soft as she cut into my incisions. It turned out that I didn't have high profile implants. They were standard Mentor 575cc saline implants filled to 600cc's. The water was clean and there was no issues with the implants other than the fact they were too large for my frame. Once I was stitched up and allowed to see my breasts, it looked like my breasts had been candles that melted onto my chests. They were empty puddles of skin laying on a petite rib cage. I didn't realize how tiny I was. My breasts had super sized my chest for so long that I had a distorted idea of my size.

Dr. Chong placed foam pieces to help compress my breasts to my chest, a compression bra was put on and I was wrapped with an ace bandage. The surgery itself took only about 45 minutes. I then went into the exam room again for recovery. I immediately started shaking uncontrollably. The doctor said it was normal. She said, I had been brave and stoic through it all and now my body had adrenaline coursing through me causing this reaction. It subsided within 10 minutes. She explained that I had to limit my activities, no lifting, no exercise and to not lift my arms above my head. I couldn't help but hug Dr. Chong. I felt so happy to be me again. She said to come back the next morning for a follow up and steri strips.

I picked up my kids as usual and they couldn't believe how flat I was. I'm am flatter than my 13 and 15 years old and I'm actually cool with it. I made us dinner, took a vicodin for my discomfort, and went to sleep. I woke up at 3am in a bit of pain, so I took a half of a vicodin and slept until I had to wake up to get my kids up for school. In the morning my car wouldn't start. It was just stressful. I had to find rides for my girls to get school, making my oldest late and now I had to find a way to my follow up appointment.

Luckily my best friend let me borrow her car and I drove 2 hrs to my appointment. My incisions were cleaned with saline and it felt so good. I saw my breasts which were pretty sad. My phone was dead, so I couldn't take any pics. They are completely formless, saggy, empty sacks of skin. But I look fabulous in clothes, lol. I know from all the pictures that my breasts are going to drastically change throughout the year. Dr. Chong kept saying how disproportionate my implants were to my body and seeing that I'm such a natural person, people will look at me as a whole and not just at my boobs. I wear ballet wrap sweaters and very french style clothing, so now I love my wardrobe. I've decided if my breasts stay like flat pancakes, then I'll just rock some men's suits, and work with what I have.

I'm still a bit tender, but it's bearable. My daughter's are helping around the house and I feel good about my decision. My neighbor told me how beautiful I look and how I actually look proportionate now. I would have never had the courage to follow through with my surgery without RealSelf and all the women who have bravely shared their stories. I promise to upload my photos no matter how distorted my breasts look, because I know how much the visuals help others to work through their own explantation process.

Here's my flapjacks. I will love them, and pet them, and name them squishy tee taws. I'm making fun because that's the best way for me to work through anything I find a bit challenging. I'm healthy and that's the most important thing. This is day two. The marks on my breast were to show me exactly where my pectoral muscle crosses my chest. I know my breasts will change. I'm a healthy eater and will nourish myself from the inside until I'm able to massage myself with oils. I'm single and haven't dated in years, and have no interest in dating still, so I don't have to think about anyone intimately seeing them. I will take this time to learn to love myself, just as I am and give myself time to heal. I'll keep posting the progress.