I Hate my Implants! Montreal, QC

I've been reading many explant stories on this website. They have given me so much hope that I could look normal again without these ugly balls stucked on my chest. I'm 44 years old, and as long I remember, I never liked my breasts. As a teenager, I was a bit overweight and my breast became huge. At 23, I was a very saggy 36E, so I decided to get a reduction and lift. I asked for a B cup and got it. I've been happy wih my outcome for many years after...until I had my two daughters and breastfed them both, I had nothing left, I wasn't even filling out an A cup. So, in 2001, at age 31, I went back to the same PS who did my reduction and asked for small natural implants. Again, I got 275cc saline and I was very happy with the result. But then the problems began. I developped CC in my left breast only a month post op, and had 2 more surgeries to get it fixed in the following year. I also became very ill the first months post op, strange things were happening in my body and no doctors could find out what was going on....I had brain fog, chronic fatigue, pain everywhere in my body, swollen lymph nodes, low grade fever, chronic bladder infectionsdry and red eyes, throat problems, migraines....and many other weird symptoms.....I got to a point where I couldn't get up and take care of my 2 babies, thanks to my mom who have helped me so much during this period. This happened within the first year after I got my implants. After a while, it seems that my body has been able to fight the illness and over the next years, many symptoms dissappeared and I learned to live with the chronic fatigue, migraines and some other symptoms that I am still experiencing after all those years. I kept my first set of implants for 12 years and liked them until they started to bottom out. In 2013, I went to a new PS for a revision. He was very renowned and I had full confidence in his skills. He was going to put permanent internal stitches on the sides to prevent the implants to fall bak to the sides and he also suggested to replace my old implants with new ones, slightly bigger, to fill out the space in between my breast. He was going to choose the volume during the surgery....that's when the nightmare began again. I woke up with 450cc saline on my tiny frame, I am 5'3, 115 pounds, and these huge balloons made me look ridiculous. I kept them for only 5 months and got them exchanged for 275cc saline again, just like my first ones...but he filled them out to 300cc. At first I thought I would like them but I don't. I still feel too big and ridiculous with these hard balls on my chest. They are very high and feel hard as rocks. They feel like bullets stucked on my chest and I hate them. I have bad scars on each side because of the capsullorraphy (internal stitches to correct bottoming out). They will never look natural as my old implants did and I want them out. I will meet 2 different surgeons at the end of August. Until this week, I realise a small part of me was still considering replacing them with very small implants. But now my mind is made up and I am going to explant without replacement. I might be getting a lift if needed, but I am still undecided about it. I would prefer waiting a year and see how my body heals. Here are some pics.

I firgot to mention that I also have pain in my left breast. I saw my PS last month and he said it was not cc, he does?t think the pain is related to the implants. When I tried to talk to him about downsizing or removal he just laughed at me and said I would be left with empty bags of loose skin... So I'm not going back with this surgeon and will meet 2 others at the end of August. I just ca?t wait! If I could have them out today, I would! I went shopping testerday for a dress but ended up crying because every dress I tried on made me look ridiculous and top heavy. I want to thank all the ladies on Realself who have shared their explant stories, you are my inspiration and give me so much hope! I am so scared of the outcome...

Today I'm not feeling good... We are going camping and I've been trying on my bathing suits and none of them fits right :( I look top heavy and ridiculous in all of them. It seems that these things have grown since last year... I am so sad thay I have spent so much money for nothing and also for all I have done to my poor breasts. Ca?t stop crying this morning....