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Growing into my best body. TT and BR

I am a 29 year old mom of 2 and I have spent all...

I am a 29 year old mom of 2 and I have spent all of my adult life at least 100 pounds over weight. So I decided that I was ready for a change, a big change. I committed to not only eating only the best foods for my body but I began a work out regime and got a personal trainer. After a year I am down 80 pounds, I am still continuing to lose and once I am post op I'll lose another 70 or so.

With a weight loss this dramatic there is flab and skin that must be removed. However my surgical journey got its start because my 34 HH boobs are killing my back when I stand I work (as a nurse). I decided that even though I am completely terrified of surgery I was gonna commit to a full breast reduction and tummy tuck.

So here I am about 2 week pre op, roaming the Internet late at night seeking the comforting words of strangers to help assure me of everything from was it worth it to how bad was the pain.

My big concerns are (the possibility of dying on the table) the pain afterward is a huge concern for me (so feel free to tell me the truth there). I am worries about a long recovery and I really want to be on my feet and ready to go by week 4.

How did you stay calm before surgery? Was the pain worse than natural childbirth?

I have a unique sort of double roll belly.... One roll above the belly button and then the usual hanging yuck below. If anyone had this kind of tummy, I'd love to see you after pics. Give me down hope and all.

I look forward to talking about this journey together.

So I went shopping at Victoria's Secret for the...

So I went shopping at Victoria's Secret for the first time in my LIFE... At age 29 I have never shopped for a bra in a "regular store". I have always had to do my shopping at specialty stores that carry small band sizes and HUGE cup sizes. I am a 34 HH and when I breastfed my kids I got upto a 38KKK. At one point I was scared I would have to start shopping at Honda for a car bra! So anyway I am in VS looking at all the tiny little pretty people bras and trying to imagine what my cup size will be in 2 weeks after my TT and BR. So I settled on a 34 D with the help of some bemused VS staff (obviously sizing up my more than ample cleavage and wondering why I wasn't shpping at Dominion lumber and Steel rather than in the pretty scanty panty boutique). I chose the cutest little underwire free polka dot number and suddenly some of my overwhelming fear about my surgery started to calm and turn to a lovely excitement about my soon to be fabulous body. I can suddenly imagine shopping for 2 piece bathing suits and perhaps not feeling like a freak when I go into a "normal" clothing store. I went from a size 24 (as a plus size model so I have always retained my curves) down to a current size 13 (pants). I walk past all the fun stores in the mall still, as I think the usual "there is nothing for me there" or "I wonder what the largest size they carry is". Losing 80 pounds has changed my body, but has it changed my mind? I wear the experienced skin of a person who has struggled with their weight, stretch marks, excess skin, rolls in places there should be no rolls. so my TT is 13 days away, and tonight I think I am starting to feel ready. my next step is to work up the courage to take some before photos and post them. I may need a glass of wine for that kinda nonsense.

T minus 24 hours to my surgery and my anxiety...

T minus 24 hours to my surgery and my anxiety level is rising to defcon 3. I am all packed for my 2-3 day hospital stay and I have shopped for groceries, made arrangements for my kids, and purchased all supplies I think I may need. I woke up many times last night with a racing heart and a feeling of panic. I keep reminding myself that I chose this surgery to improve my life. While I am fearful if the risks and postoperative pain and scars, I am hopeful that soon this will be one of the most positive changes I had made.

So what to do today to distract myself and prevent panic? Clean? Go out for the afternoon? TV?

I just wish there was a way to know exactly how I'll look and feel afterward. I need a bear hugs worth of reassurance right now.

I will post again soon, as much as I can in the new couple of days.

Holding my breath to be on the other side.

As I write this update from my hosptial bed 3 days...

As I write this update from my hosptial bed 3 days post op and still in agonizing pain I find it hard to see the current positives. While my breasts are smaller and my tummy flatter I can hardly enjoy that at the moment. Last night I suffered a major set back at the hands of lazy inappropriate nursing care. Now as a nurse myself I will be the first to protect my kind but what occurred last night needs no protection.
So I can been given a catheter in my surgery on Tuesday morning and it had been removed at 11 am on Wednesday. I was gifted with one of the old school style nurses that takes no mercy on anyone under 90. So se rushed me around all day pulling drains from my breasts and removing the catheter and my PCA pump without even asking me if I was ready for such a change. Treat em and street em was her game. So I had been up for the first time around 1:30 on Wednesday and has started making my efforts to pee on my own then, but to no avail. At around 4pm I was begging for mercy as the bladder on my body was filling so full that it was splitting my binder open. At this mooing the evening nurse called my surgeon after leaving me crying and suffering pain alone in my room for nearly 2 hours. The surgeon orders a new catheter put in as I obviously cannot void in some strange but apparently common post op complication. Well this nurse decided to tell me that shed rather not cathertize me and she feels that if I just walk around hunched over my iv pole that I'll somehow be able to urinate. She leaves me alone in my room again as I am clinging to the side of my bed and tells me she'll come back with a gown to cover my assets. Another 2 hours goes by with me hollering and calling and pleading for help, as the pain in my abdomen feels like it is tearing me apart. Finally an aid walks in and asks what I need. I beg for my nurse, the aid leaves and again no one returns for over an hour. The nurse finally pokes her head in ans tosses me more pain pills. she Says "this should help". And walks out again as i am pleasing for a catheter. So the time is now nearly 8pm and I have nowreached a pain level that can only be sectioned as life altering and worse than childbirth (trust me I had 2 without drugs). I am leaning back on my bed (after struggling to return to it myself). Panting, blowing, crying and screaming for mercy. I push futile call button again and this time a make aid enters. I scream at him "Jesus Christ get my nurse now!" ( I later apologized in true Canadian fashion), instantly a different nurse appears and notes the destress I'm in as I struggle though my tears and gutter la screams to inform her of the situation. She screams for my assigned nurse (how slowly saunters into the room and suggests that I calm down before they help me). To which tidiest nurse whom I can only regard as an angel states, go home (assigned nurse) can't you see this woman is in terrible pain. The angel nurse proceeds to insert a catheter is what can only be described as the greatest relief of my life. My bladder had reached such a capacity that it drained over 2 liters (half a gallon) in less than 20 mins. As my years calmed and the angel nurse took to looking after my wounds that had all began to bleed from the stress and trauma, I softly sobbed at the pain and humiliation I was made to endure. Senseless and lazy nursing care.
So it's 2 am my body weakened from pain and I hover by the dim light of my iPhone posting to you all in the only forum of support I have.
I had called my husband back to the hospital for my own comfort and to being me a tiny bit of much needed nurishment. He is pissed and diplomatically spent his evening calling hospital administrators.

It's hard to see the light tonight, I am full of regret for doing this to my body. I pray that the morning brings a new outcome.

Thanks for listening.

Post op day 3: what a difference a few days makes....

Post op day 3: what a difference a few days makes. So I'm at home now. I am able to get around with the walker we rented (thanks for that suggestions ladies it is a life saver). I saw my tummy for the first time today... I peeked as I was changing some dressings. I'm on the flat side! With normal sized boobies! I found that the pain meds were knocking me out so I am managing on naproxen tablets instead of Percocet. Pain manageable. Plus the naproxen helps the swelling.

I put on a sports bra for first time today (size medium from Walmart) instead of my 34 HH wonder wear from the specialty shoppe. I feel human fr the first time in a long time.

My scar is a tiny line and is barely visible already (my surgeon is obviously a magician). The scar is pretty low down too. I am bruised like I got boxed by a kangaroo but over all I am helping nicely. I can almost stand up straight (ish). I don't want to force it.
I am climbing stairs and being pretty Independant. All the prehab in the gym really helped.

I get my last 2 drains out on Monday... Which is good cuz they are doing nothing. Less than n ounce of drainage per day in total. My hubby has been amazing, although he looks pretty tired (cuz he says I sleep like a newborn, and wake him every 3 hours).

My hospital ordeal is over and I am focused on eating healthy, resting and getting ready for my best body.

Happy to be seeing the light again

So I got brave/curious last night and took a belly...

So I got brave/curious last night and took a belly pic. I haven't yet been brave enough to do a breast pic. I am thinking Monday probably. I am still bruised and swollen but there is progress for sure.

So I got super brave and posted new post op week 1...

So I got super brave and posted new post op week 1 pics. I am still really swollen but I am hoping I'll look less pregnant as the weeks go on.

I went from a 34 HH to a 34 D and my tummy hasn't been flat (nor have I seen my belly button since I was 13 years old.

Feeling pretty good and almost standing up totally straight.

:)

Day 8 in my recovery journey and I am worn out. I...

Day 8 in my recovery journey and I am worn out. I haven't been sleeping well and I long for life without a binder. I dream of sleeping on my side and waking happy and rested. I can lay on my side for a few mins but its to hard to sleep like that because my breast incisions feel like they are gonna break open. So I am confined to the surgical vampire look for sleep. I have been very active the past 2 days and now I am worn out and plan to spend most of my day in bed sleeping. Netflix and I shall have a date.

Still feeling very positive and excited, but just really tired.

Tomorrow I get a visit from my bestie and Friday is a spa day for Mother's Day.
Each new day brings new weirdness from my body. Last night while changing for bed I found my hand was bloody. I panicked briefly and called hubby to inspect my body. Turns out my breast just sprung a leek and some drainage fluid found a way out. No biggie, I just need to slow down and let my body focus on healing today.

No regrets.

So today I wanted to own my success and I created...

So today I wanted to own my success and I created a side by side of before my weight loss and now post op day 8. I have lost 90 pounds and had my TT and Breast Reduction.

Woke upon this morning with almost no swelling...

Woke upon this morning with almost no swelling thanks to a day of rest and a CG adjustment. I am feeling tired (Cuz I can't seem to sleep), but I am standing up straight and am able to lay flat on my back in bed (an son my side for 30 mins or so).

The swelling in my breasts is coming down too. So I tired on my Bra and panties and took some pics.

I do feel hesitant about my incisions I worry that I am being held together with nothing but tape and prayer. I have a recurring fear that a boon or tummy stitch will just burst open and I'll have to call 911.

Pod day 10 and I am eager to be at pod month 6 so I can just be over this whole ordeal.

I need a nap.

So as the swelling dissipates, I find that my...

So as the swelling dissipates, I find that my binder that my plastic surgeon gave me originally is simply too large and not doing its job. I sent my hubby off to the plastic surgeons office today to pick up a smaller binder it makes a world of difference. I'm looking forward to seeing the results in the morning after a night of sleeping inbound compression.
I'm learning to take it easy although sometimes my energy level tells me I could do a lot I found that after overdoing it the other day I simply don't want to pay the price of two days in bed for every one day of being an idiot.

Tomorrow I get to go have a facial at the spa for Mother's Day, very excited about being pampered. I wish I could have a back massage I swear the back pain is the worst thing about this entire process.

Always in good spirits here and healing nicely.

So maybe I'm a perfectionist but since having my...

So maybe I'm a perfectionist but since having my surgery I have been so focused on the other parts of my body that I want to change. Lose the last of my weight all 60 pounds of it. Thin out my thighs which now seem so large compared to my flat tummy. Lose the last of the arm fat and dream of my bracioplasty to remove my wings. It seems the closer I get to my goal weight the more focused on perfection I become. It will remain a balance to maintain a healthy body image and lifestyle as I obsess over this. Right now all I want is to hit the gym and sweat like a man. After 18 months of 5-6 days a week in the gym, I feel like a sloth on pod13. This is the longest I've gone without a workout in almost 2 years and I'm jonesing. In other news I spent Mother's Day at the mall with my kids and shopped for bras and panties and bathing suits. As a former plus size (24) curvy diva, the mall was simply a place to meet a friend for coffee or buy a purse. But no more! I am currently in a size 12 after shedding 90 pounds. I feel like I am a brand new girl as I enter any shop I like and find clothes my size. The biggest victory for me yesterday was bikini and bathing suit shopping. I can't believe I am finally able to wear a sexy suit! Maybe it's my confidence level or maye it's just the weight loss but people treat me differently... I don't get strange looks from sales people anymore, look that's say "ummm nothing's gonna fit you here dear!"

I am truly growing into my best body here. My surgeries simply helped me start to really see the amazing work I've done.

I can't begin to express how much courage it takes to post pics of my new body, after I spent 20 years hiding it.

Proud of my flesh, because its mine.

So here I am on pod14. Feeling great, no pain...

So here I am on pod14. Feeling great, no pain meds at all for over 3 days. I'm sitting in the sunshine at the park watching my kids play after we went for a quick paced 30min walk. I am standing totally upright, no bruising and only a little bit of tightness and swelling in the tummy and breasts. I am fitting all my pants... I shrank out of most of them actually. All on all I am falling in love with the new version of my body. Body 2.0 I guess you could say.
I am so pleased to be able to do everything for myself right now, bathing, cooking, laundry, etc. seeing as I am absolutely not allowed in the gym for another month according to my doctor, I have decided to take my walking seriously. I'll cardio my little heart out the way I'm allowed.

I am happy I did this! No regrets. I am sorry I didn't do it sooner.

Mother Nature sent me her monthly gift and I'm still not down. Happy to be alive and growing to love my sexy 2.0. It's such a change from hating my body to embracing its beauty and strength.

I hope all of your journeys are as positive and hopeful on this beautiful day.

Can a get a hell ya for loving thy flesh!! Whoop whoop

New pics posted

Ms feathers

Swell hell, a lesson in sodium consumption

So we went out for dinner last night and I ate Spinach dip and barbecue ribs. I guess the BBQ sauce was high in sodium cuz this morning I was blown up like a balloon and up 4.5 pounds. At nearly 3 weeks post op I didn't realize that I'd be so sensitive to sodium. I don't usually eat any in my diet so I guess a little more than a little did me in.
My incisions are healing really nicely, I just wish the recovery process was done and over with already.

In other news I am now able to sleep on my side!!! Oh happy day! What an amazing relief.

On with healing and sodium detox, I'd post a photo but its to scary to look at myself so bloated. Lol
Manitoba Plastic Surgeon

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