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Does anyone have issues with feeling SELFISH?

  • MommaTimesTwo
  • CA
  • 10 months ago

I am new to this site. I am a mother of two beautiful children. Ever since they were born I have nothing for myself. I haven't even gotten a haircut since my daughter was born (3 years). My boobs are basically non-existent (barely AA cup). I feel ugly and unattractive. My husband does not look at me the same way anymore. He won't even look in my direction when I undress and has even said that he wants to "buy me some new boobs." I feel quite depressed about my appearance. I don't wear most of the tops that I own because they don't look right on me. I have just recently started playing with the idea of a BA. I don't want to go big, by any means I just want to have boobs again. Heck, I started out with A cup so I would be happy with just that again. I think the boost in self confidence would help me all around. Anyhow, I would feel VERY selfish if I were to get it done. It is so expensive. Has anyone else gone through this feeling of selfishness? Guilt? Any words of encouragement or advice? One more thing, I have yet to talk to my hubby about it. How can I get the conversation started? TIA

Comments (10)

I didn't think about it that way, until it was brought up to me. I've had mixed feelings since ranging from revision to go smaller to considering having them removed. I'm 8mos post. My mom still is not supportiv which causes a strain in out relationship
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I really appreciate all the advice and positive words. I finally got up the nerve to talk to my husband about. I actually got emotional when I was explaining to him why I want this done, which I DID NOT expect, lol. So he knows how much this means to me and is supportive of my decision, thank goodness. Now I have another dilemma... what to tell my family. I'm not just going to go tell everyone, but I know they'll find out anyway. I don't want them to think I'm just doing it out of vanity or that I am self-centered or anything like that. I am so glad I found this website. Once again, thank you.
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I would just tell those you wish and tell the truth. I told my my by asking her how does she feel about plastic surgery especially about having BA and before she said anything I said I just hate them mom, they look awful I can't stand looking at myself, it's really starting to depress my, then she was okay. My mom really doesn't understand but because she knows how badly I feel and how much good this will do she's supportive. I'm not telling anyone else. I'm glad your husband is supportive. Good luck!
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I, also have two daughters. They are 4 and 2 and I always put them, and hubs, first. Well recently ( around January this year) I decided it was time for me! I've had my hair cut twice since jan and I was like you going 2-3 years in between. I've bought clothes, and shoes and tons of nail polish so I can do my own nails. I feel TONS better about my self. I've realized that I'm not really being selfish buying myself stuff. I'm a lo less depressed and sad. I feel like I am a better mother because I feel good about my self ( well bett anyway). I've always wanted a BA, and hubs has always said he doesn't need me to change but when ever I was ready we could go get me one! I finally decided it is time. Feeling happy, confident and not being depressed, in my opinion, makes me a better mother and am a confident roll model to my girls. I have mommy guilt about it, I've almost cancelled twice! My hubs will not let m though ( unless I really!! did not want to do it for other reasons besides mommy guilt). Mommy guilt is hard but just remember you are a person too and your happiness and needs are just as important as everyone else in your family. As for bringing it up, just be honest, Hubs I've been thinking about wanting to have a BA. I've done a lot of research, etc etc i really want to feel good in my skin and want my body back. What do you think? As soon as my hubs said yes, I have 3 consults scheduled ( I had already picked out my drs lol) we went to one and scheduled that day. I feel it's important for my hubs to be a part of this. Anyway, good luck. Hope all goes well.
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I am 39 and a mother of 4 kids. My children range from 21 to 11 years old. I am 2 weeks post op and am so glad I finally did it. I had been thinking about doing it for 3 long years but kept putting it off because I also felt it would be selfish of me to spend that much money on myself, but then I realized I have every right to do something for myself, I have always put my children and husband first and they have everything they need and want and I work hard so it was time to treat myself to something I wanted and will make me feel better about me. I am so pleased with the results already and my family has been amazing and so supportive. As for talking to your husband just be open and honest. I just went to my husband and said "Honey, I think I want to have a breast augmentation. What do you think?" Then when I started doing the research I asked him for his help. Hope that helps. Good luck!
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I am also a mother of two children and I certainly went through many of those feelings you are saying you have right now. The feelings of being unattractive and feeling, it feeling like its unnecessary to take money away from my family to get something to make myself look better. I had my BA 6 days ago and these things can be better. Your children always come first but if you are financially stable enough to know you can afford it then go for it! I financed mine and though I do worry about taking the money from my family I know that my fairly low monthly payments shouldn't be that bad for us financially. Your husband will see the new you and you will too! Good luck and best of wishes! Oh question of my own does anyone have older children? My daughter just turned 7 and I am finding it difficult to tell her I had a boob job and then explain to her the reasons why I did without feeling very selfish and vain. I certainly don't need a 7 year old with vanity issues. Help!
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My children were 2, 5 and 6 when I had my augmentation. The two older children are boys. Funny thing, they don't remember a thing about my surgery that was 8 years ago! My main advice is to reassure your children that you are not sick and you're going to be ok....just a little repair work on your breasts. ;)

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Thanks so much Beth! My older child is a girl and she already asks me questions about boobs and what not....we seem to be at the inquisitive age. And since she's a girl I don't want her to ever feel self conscious because of me. I am obviously older than her and I have had children but kids don't understand explanations in that depth. I don't know I honestly would feel much better explaining it to my son rather than my daughter I told them the doctor had to fix muscles by my arms.....seems to be believable for now! Thanks again!
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Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am still trying to get up the nerve to discuss it with my husband. I'm not sure how he would react. I was also worried about what to tell my daughter. I know she would notice (she's 3).
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You could start by joking... Day I'd love to have boobs like her! That's it I want a pair, maybe I should get some? I would really love a BA, to have nice boobs again. What do you think? As for your daughter noticing, I've been really scared about that because I don't want her to think its necessary for her to have big boobs to be happy, or accepted , ( i was happy with my small just after breastfeeding and pregnancy they are horrid) so I've been wearing my plus 2 cups( always have) bra and rice sizers under Cami tops when I'm home. I'll explain to them mommy had a surgery ( they both just had one so they understand, the older one more ) but ill be better soon. I really don't plan on telling thema what in doing until they are much much older.
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